Advice Need:Co-Wife

I was wondering, do you live in a Muslim country?

Anyways, if she's open to the idea in general, then just ask her lol. Personally, would think its better to ask her and if she approved she can ask the husband.

Just as long as she's understanding and your friendship doesn't break up because of this or anything.

format_quote Originally Posted by May Ayob

Salaam sis,


Honestly, Are you Serious?!!?
How on earth can she be your friend and you want to steal her husband. No offense Sis but i wouldnt take anyone who agrees with co-wife isssue as a friend at all , the family should be and only must be The Man, The Woman, and the Children , and that's final


Leave her husband , and God will give you a better man, please i'm begging you it isnt fair that you do this to someone you call a friend


Again Please leave her husband alone this is the worst thing you can do to someone you take as a friend would you actually like another woman or girl sharing your husband i don't think so , and definately not for me


So my request is please move on and look for another man , there are plenty of them in this wonderfull plenty they are good muslims and devoted husbands.





p/s i know this might be somewhat of a mean reply that is unexpected but pardon me and please forgive because i personally oppose to such issue


i hope i helped

whats that non-sense? (in bolded part)

If the first wife is cool with it (ask her straight up), and the husband is cool with it, and the OP is cool with it, what's your problem? .

format_quote Originally Posted by May Ayob

Salaam sis,


Honestly, Are you Serious?!!?
How on earth can she be your friend and you want to steal her husband. No offense Sis but i wouldnt take anyone who agrees with co-wife isssue as a friend at all , the family should be and only must be The Man, The Woman, and the Children , and that's final


Leave her husband , and God will give you a better man, please i'm begging you it isnt fair that you do this to someone you call a friend


Again Please leave her husband alone this is the worst thing you can do to someone you take as a friend would you actually like another woman or girl sharing your husband i don't think so , and definately not for me


So my request is please move on and look for another man , there are plenty of them in this wonderfull plenty they are good muslims and devoted husbands.





p/s i know this might be somewhat of a mean reply that is unexpected but pardon me and please forgive because i personally oppose to such issue


i hope i helped

Sister you're speaking as if the OP suggested doing something haraam when in actual fact we know polygamy is allowed in Islam and is a sunnah of the prophet (saw) as well as many of the companions of the prophet (saw). And if her friend has no problem with it and she has no problem with it then what's the problem. I find your statement that you would not take anyone who agree's with the co wife thing as a friend a little disturbing, because it implies that you would shun many great women of Islam if they were alive today such as the sahabiyat.

format_quote Originally Posted by AishaRayann

As salam(u) alaikum,

Im at the age that its essential that I get married. I want to marry.It's so hard to find someone.
My sister in Islam Aisha...is my bestest friend in the whole world..shes family to me.She thinks same as me.Well I've been wanting to ask her if her husband would be interested in a 2nd wife.I'm not sure if he find me attractive or not..hes only seen me once when he dropped her off at my house one time.Me and Aisha have talked about co-wives in general..we both are not opposed to it in general. I think her husband is very attractive,..he seem nice...and she is always happy..so he must treat her well...but I don't know how to go about asking? Should I ask her to ask him...or speak to them both in same room.

I think firstly you should speak to his wife about it, ask her would she mind if her husband married another women, and if she is open to the idea and says stuff like she'd encourage it, then you could put your idea forward to her and see what she says. If she says "that would be my worst nightmare having a co wife" then don't mention it

Salam

ask her dont assume she wont mind. If she doesnt mind, ask her to ask her husband.

format_quote Originally Posted by al yunan

Walaikum Assalam sister Aisha,

From the answers you can tell you have the male vote myself included.
If she is your best friend and agrees, then, there is a marriage made in heaven.
Be careful though how you handle it, don't loose your friend over it.
Best wishes

May Allah S.W.T grant you what's best for you.
Masalam

Male or not though, don't think it's anyone's business to "forbid" her from it. Understandable that a woman would naturally feel it undesirable to share her man, I mean the Prophet's wives(pbut) did become jelous of each other, naturally.

But, if the man is capable and is happy, and the first wife, 2nd wife all the way upto the 4th are all happy with the arrangement, then no one should try to judge or anything like that.

format_quote Originally Posted by May Ayob

i just wanted to explain a few things based on what i said, i think we muslims should understand each other more, firstly i didn't think it was very nice saying that what i'm saying is non-sense because that's my opinion and i hope you respect it just as i would want to respect yours,


what i said about polygamy wasn't out of ignorant statements as you guys are trying to say , but i think before you accuse me of shunning the Female Sahabas please understand that i said what i said on the basis of this:

A man has one heart and it will belong only to one female , this is what the Quran has confirmed and i think it's pretty clear from the Prophet's Seerah that his heart PBUH was only inclined towards Aisha May God be pleased with her

the Holy Quran also states that IF the man cannot be just and impartial, which the Holy Quran its self has confirmed that Men will never be just towards equality in polygamy , and if you fear (i.e) the men ) that you will not be Just them Marry ONE or What is under your Gaurdian ship ____ CAn anyone here claim that the Quran didn't say this???
i dont think so these verses are Clearly stated in the Chapter of Women, (Correct me if i am wrong)

The other thing is that these verses were in first place revealed regarding orphans, this is one point , and what many muslims fail to understand is that God almighty did not permit Polygamy as a some type of fun or Worldly lust , Polygamy only started occuring in the days or the Sahaba after the Ghazawat ( the Islamic Battles) because more and more female companions were widows and they needed men to care for them as we know at that society there wasn't many options for women to go to , especially the muhajerat.

Another thing about Polygamy is that one has to understand the way God has created Women , read all the prophetic traditions about LAsy Aisha and you will see that even though she was blessed with the prophets love , she was still very jealous of her Co-wifes who werent at the same level with.

Secondly the muslims of today are not the muslims of the Prophet PBUH time , and i don't think anyone can argue with me about that , the time has changed , the peoples mentality has changed, and many people from our global humanitarian community will not understand the issue of polygamy

they will come up with questions like --Do you all sleep in one bed..etc which is very sad because it seem from their point of view that islam is this Arabian,Lustfull , Women surpressing religion which God knows is not true and it is verily the responsibility of all muslims to clarify to their fellow human siblings that this is not what God has created us for..we have a much bigger purpose than to discuss such issues.


One last thing i would like to comment on , some of you muslim women think that you are the female sahabis sisters and that you are the second or third khadija or Aisha this is wrong because you isolate yourselves from other people especially women ar girls who are not at the same religous level as you are and it really shows that you atek islam for granted and you are supporting it is us verses them and belive you are not doing yourself or Your religion any benfit know well that there was a jewsih prostitute who found a thirsty dog and she quenched his thirst by filling her own shoes God Almighty has forgiven her and has granted her paradise, and know as well that there was devoutdly worshipping women who used pray and fast regularly but she used to hurt people with her tongue and God had destined her to Hell fire , and finally i would like you to know an important thing know very well that it is not your good deeds or your externally piety that will take you to Jannah it is Only God's Mercy and Prophet Muhammed Pbuh himself with all his greatness is not excluded from this.



I know i took very long to reply , but i wanted to explain my point of view very further , and honestly Life isn't Worth living if you are going to hurt a human being internally and emotionally




With all respect, Salam Peace be upon you.

there are other hadith which show that Prophet's (pbuh) heart was into Khadijha (as). He used to miss her, even when Ayesha (as) was present. So I am not too sure of the evidence you gave.


As they say in Urdu, jab mian biwi raazi tau kya karay ga qaazi. (when both husband and wife are ready/agreed, what can the Qazi do). I dont need to respect your opinion, nor do you need to respect mine. facts and truthful statements speak for themselves without demanding "respect."

and wsalam.


to OP:

Salahudeen has given good advice. First indirectly ask your friend innocently if she ever has thought about what if her husband were to marry a second wife. See her response. And then take it from there.

format_quote Originally Posted by May Ayob

In the End it is your choice but all i would like to say is that you might want something but it turns out to be bad for you
Just because she is your friend and she generally agrees with Co-wife issues that doesn't mean you can take advantage of her kindness and marry her husband , all of the people in the thread here are making it like it's a piece of cake , well no it's not not for the wife and definatley not for the children, why are you returning her good with something that might be evil.

There is a life lesson i think we need to under stand , correct me if iam wrong but just two years in Kwuait there was this same story going on a man decided to marry his wife's friends, sure they were best friends and everything but guess what on the wedding party , frmer wife took a big barrel or sumthing that's filled with gasoline and lit fire over the whole wedding many people died that day , why and what was this destruction was all for , just to please yourself for a couple of years, honestly the women was senteced to death penalty , is this what you wish for your friend , i don't think and i'm hoping not think over , life isn't a game of desire where you marry one, 2 , or up to the 4rth and they all live happily ever after , yeah right who are you kidding stop deceiving yourself , this is not a wise action please if you actaully cared about your friend leave her husband for her theres no need to make a turmoil there are many muslim bachelors that would love to marry a person like you whos seems very nice.





As i said before this is my opinion , it's all up to you but in the bottom line you have to take responsibilty of your actions



Salaam Peace to all.

Yes, and that evil wife in Kuwait who killed innocents attending a joyous event needs to be executed! So you are putting the blame of that murderous first wife on the new wife the husband was marrying? subhanAllah.

salam

format_quote Originally Posted by May Ayob

A man has one heart and it will belong only to one female , this is what the Quran has confirmed and i think it's pretty clear from the Prophet's Seerah that his heart PBUH was only inclined towards Aisha May God be pleased with her

I'm interested to see where the Qur'an says that a man's heart can only belong to one female, can you show me please. Thank you. We know from the seerah that he loved Ayesha the most after Khadija, but that doesn't mean he did not love his other wifes. Kind of like a mother, she loves all of her children, but there is one that she adores the most out of all of them. That doesn't mean she see's her other children in a lesser way, or would be incapable of being just to all her children. Would you tell a woman she can only have 1 child incase she doesn't love them all equally? or incase her heart is particularly inclined to one child?

the Holy Quran also states that IF the man cannot be just and impartial, which the Holy Quran its self has confirmed that Men will never be just towards equality in polygamy , and if you fear (i.e) the men ) that you will not be Just them Marry ONE or What is under your Gaurdian ship ____ CAn anyone here claim that the Quran didn't say this???
i dont think so these verses are Clearly stated in the Chapter of Women, (Correct me if i am wrong)

You are correct, the Qur'an does address men saying, “And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice” [al-Nisa’ 4:3]

However where does it confirm that men will never be just in equality? When it talks about a man being just, it is with regards to, his time, and his wealth. So he must divide his time and wealth justly between the two wifes, I.E he must give them both the same number of days, he can't stay with one for 2 days and another for 3 days. He must stay with them both for the same duration of time, it also applies to his wealth, if he buys one a car, he also has to buy the other one a car. And this is the man being just with them. However if he fears he will not be able to do this then he should only marry one. Where does it say he will never be able to deal justly? maybe I'm not reading it correctly.

The other thing is that these verses were in first place revealed regarding orphans, this is one point , and what many muslims fail to understand is that God almighty did not permit Polygamy as a some type of fun or Worldly lust , Polygamy only started occuring in the days or the Sahaba after the Ghazawat ( the Islamic Battles) because more and more female companions were widows and they needed men to care for them as we know at that society there wasn't many options for women to go to , especially the muhajerat.

You are right, but Islamic Law is not bound by time, the rulings of Islamic Law do not change because of time periods, what was Islam 1400 years ago, is Islam today. To say polygamy was only appropriate for that time because of wars can lead one to say this about everything in Islam, whatever we don't agree with, we can disregard it and make up a reason as to why it's no longer viable in todays world. At the end of the day, it is halal, and we should not look at anyone who wishes to indulge in it, as doing something wrong.

Another thing about Polygamy is that one has to understand the way God has created Women , read all the prophetic traditions about LAsy Aisha and you will see that even though she was blessed with the prophets love , she was still very jealous of her Co-wifes who werent at the same level with.

So a woman may get jealous of her co wife, what is your point? that doesn't change the fact it's perfectly fine for a man or woman to do it in Islam. If a woman feels she can not handle a co wife then I'm sure her husband will oblige to her wish, however if she's happy with a co wife I don't see any problem.

Secondly the muslims of today are not the muslims of the Prophet PBUH time , and i don't think anyone can argue with me about that , the time has changed , the peoples mentality has changed, and many people from our global humanitarian community will not understand the issue of polygamy

they will come up with questions like --Do you all sleep in one bed..etc which is very sad because it seem from their point of view that islam is this Arabian,Lustfull , Women surpressing religion which God knows is not true and it is verily the responsibility of all muslims to clarify to their fellow human siblings that this is not what God has created us for..we have a much bigger purpose than to discuss such issues.

I agree the Muslims today are not as amazing as the Muslims of the past, however this doesn't change the fact that polygamy is allowed in Islam for any man or woman who wishes to indulge in it. Who cares if some non Muslims have perverted thoughts, do we change our religion to please other people? What are you suggesting that we should say Islam doesn't allow polygamy, in order to improve the image of it for non Muslims? If they think of such questions then they are simply displaying their own pevertedness are they not?

One last thing i would like to comment on , some of you muslim women think that you are the female sahabis sisters and that you are the second or third khadija or Aisha this is wrong because you isolate yourselves from other people especially women ar girls who are not at the same religous level as you are and it really shows that you atek islam for granted and you are supporting it is us verses them and belive you are not doing yourself or Your religion any benfit know well that there was a jewsih prostitute who found a thirsty dog and she quenched his thirst by filling her own shoes God Almighty has forgiven her and has granted her paradise, and know as well that there was devoutdly worshipping women who used pray and fast regularly but she used to hurt people with her tongue and God had destined her to Hell fire , and finally i would like you to know an important thing know very well that it is not your good deeds or your externally piety that will take you to Jannah it is Only God's Mercy and Prophet Muhammed Pbuh himself with all his greatness is not excluded from this.

Have you ever heard a sister say that she thinks she's the sister of a female sahabi? this is indeed worrying, you should take her to a doctor if she believes she is khadija or ayesha who has come back to life in the 21st century.

format_quote Originally Posted by May Ayob

In the End it is your choice but all i would like to say is that you might want something but it turns out to be bad for you
Just because she is your friend and she generally agrees with Co-wife issues that doesn't mean you can take advantage of her kindness and marry her husband , all of the people in the thread here are making it like it's a piece of cake , well no it's not not for the wife and definatley not for the children, why are you returning her good with something that might be evil.

No one knows the unseen, what might turn out to be evil in your opinion, may also turn out to be abundant good, if her friend agree's with it, how is this taking advantage? rather it would be taking advantage if her friend didn't agree with it and she proceeded. How do you know it's not a piece of cake for her friend? have you had a personal conversation with the OP's friend and heard her views on polygamy that you are able to say it wont be a piece of cake for her? She may even like the idea of her best friend being her co wife.

There is a life lesson i think we need to under stand , correct me if iam wrong but just two years in Kwuait there was this same story going on a man decided to marry his wife's friends, sure they were best friends and everything but guess what on the wedding party , frmer wife took a big barrel or sumthing that's filled with gasoline and lit fire over the whole wedding many people died that day , why and what was this destruction was all for , just to please yourself for a couple of years, honestly the women was senteced to death penalty , is this what you wish for your friend , i don't think and i'm hoping not think over , life isn't a game of desire where you marry one, 2 , or up to the 4rth and they all live happily ever after , yeah right who are you kidding stop deceiving yourself , this is not a wise action please if you actaully cared about your friend leave her husband for her theres no need to make a turmoil there are many muslim bachelors that would love to marry a person like you whos seems very nice.

You've gave an example of a situation where it went wrong, but you fail to realise that does not proof anything except the faults of the individuals in the case you mentioned. I can provide you with stories of women who are happy co wifes and would recommend it to other people. You gave one bad example, but there is plenty of good examples out there also.

format_quote Originally Posted by AishaRayann

As salam(u) alaikum,

I'd like to further discuss why I'm thinking about this...First of all, my best friend and I are very close..I feel like she is my blood family..her and her children I love..and I don't ..mean in a homosexual way...I would take a bullet for her and her children anyday. Her family brings the best joy into my life. I couldn't be jealous of her in any way regardless.even in that situation. I highly respect her. She is of character, a good and knowledgeable Muslim,...I'm not lusting for her husband. I've only seen him once while he dropped her off at my house...I want this because I share bond that goes beyond friendship..but family..and id like to offically be a part of it...i don't know much about him..only that he is friendly and greets me Islamically over the phone when she isnt home and i leave a msg...she is a revert to Islam...for 8 years now I think. Very wise...She must have learned alot from him...hes intelligent from which she tells me he knows all about computers and phones electronics. Qualities I admire..They have a happy home...With the strong feelings i have I thought I could make it even happier

That all good, sister. Now what you have described is what you feel and want. Next job is to find out how she feels and whether she want you marrying her husband.
And you also need to think about what lowlife said. Simply ask her and then you would have your answer.