Do Most Men Desire Multiple Wives?

I cant speak for all men. If you look at societies running on wild desires of nafs, such as the West, you do see that men are eager to spread their seed in as many places as they can, not because they care for the future progeny, but just because of the base desires of momentary satisfaction.

As for Islamic men, in an ideal world, it does seem they'd want multiple wives. But since dunya is not ideal, they stick to one, and hope for getting some hoors in afterlife.

It does not mean I subscribe to above views, I stated what I see among my friends and colleagues and society in general.

I think reality speaks for itself. There are more muslim men who are monogamists than polygonist. To have two or more wives comes with HUGE responsibility. I cannot speak for all men, but I would say that one wife is enough. At least for me.

format_quote Originally Posted by Allah<3

I think reality speaks for itself. There are more muslim men who are monogamists than polygonist. To have two or more wives comes with HUGE responsibility. I cannot speak for all of men, but I would say that one wife is enough. At least for me.

yup that is true, but as I've mentioned that is because dunya is not ideal, ppl have problems, financial, lack of time and what not, so they remain monogamous. It does not mean they dont wish for "multiple." I've seen brothers in masjid actually talking about their detailed plans of second marriage. And these were some very well off brothers. Perhaps they can afford 4 wives.

Social dynamics are changing, even monogamy seems "useless" and expensive today. more and more kaafir men are delaying or totally avoiding getting married. More and more women are also accepting it. More and more ppl are living as common law partners. Monogamy from that perspective seems useless in Western societies since you can get all benefits without marrying and avoid the additional cost of financial loss if you had to go through a divorce.

JazakAllah for the above comments.


My general impression is that the majority of men who are seeking 2/3/4 wives are doing so to fulfill lustful desires......rather than having a charitable intention of wanting to assist a widow/ divorcee with kids.

I have been told that the sexual desires of (most?) men are much greater than that of women - and hence the reason that polygamy is permitted in Islam.

I am battling to accept/ understand this......

If this were to be true, then:

- why did Allah (subhanawataála) create only Hawa as a partner for Adam (alaihi salam)? (and not multiple women)

- Muhammed (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) remained in a monogous marriage for over 20 years. And when he did marry many women, it stemmed from noble reasons such as - caring for older divorcees/ widows, strengthening ties between rival groups.....and to teach his ummah different lessons from each marriage.

- Why did the prophet (sallahu alaihi wasalam) deny Ali (ra) permission to marry again (whilst in marriage to his daughter Fathimah (ra))?
We know that he feared that Fathimah (ra) may be hurt by this......and this was reason enough to request that Ali (ra) remain monogomous.


However, many polygamous marriages of today seem to stem from an unquenched physical desire......with the reasoning that 'man has been created this way'.

Has he really been created this way.....or is this a modern day reason for polygamy?

I think it is a biological thing according to atheist studies anyway men aren't monogamists by virtue of their genetics. I think in fact the Islamic rule on the matter may eliminate the problem of lust in that it comes with financial responsibility amongst other things.
If you look at the life of someone like Micheal Gambon who has had two illegitimate children with his mistress with his wife's approval and knowledge it (western style affairs) unfortunately are very hypocritical. He neither gives identity to his children in a legal manner, the laws of inheritance are left to whimsey and it is disrespectful to both women. They get to have their cake and eat it too but then what's the point of having a cake without eating it sorry about that digression

Anyhow I see the wisdom in Islamic style polygamy, I don't think it is for everyone though and I think many Muslim men forget that it is a privilege not an injunction. I don't see myself accepting that arrangement under any circumstance but I accept the divine rule of it and I think it is a good solution for many people.. It is better to have things out in the open than live under pretenses, sowing a few wild oats and not taking responsibility for any of it before God or any of the involved parties..

Ok, let's not get in denial now.

Yes, men have desires and in the sexual department, it's alot stronger than the female desire. The reason most men today are in Monog marraiges is due to finance, responsibility and the fear of not being able to treat wives equally. In the western world, it may be something looked down upon, due to the whole feminist thing, and so that may also have an effect.

Otherwise if we're talking strictly desire here, then I am pretty sure (regardless of who tries to deny it) that men would be happy to marry more than 1 woman if it didn't come with so many strings attached.

I'm just being honest. Even the men who marry in polygamy, say a poor or infertile woman as a good means of seeking reward, still likely have a desire.

Also, studies time and time again have proven men have a stronger sexual desire -

Birds do it, bees do it, and men do it any old time. But women will only do it if the candles are scented just right -- and their partner has done the dishes first. A stereotype, sure, but is it true? Do men really have stronger sex drives than women?
Well, yes, they do. Study after study illustrates that men's sex drives are not only stronger than women's, but much more straightforward. The sources of women's libidos, by contrast, are much more difficult to pin down.
It's common wisdom that women place more value on emotional connection as a spark of sexual desire. But women also appear to be heavily influenced by social and cultural factors as well.
"Sexual desire in women is extremely sensitive to environment and context," says Edward O. Laumann, PhD, a professor of sociology at the University of Chicago and lead author of a major survey of sexual practices, The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States.
Here are seven patterns of men's and women's sex drives that researchers have found. Bear in mind that individuals may vary from these norms.
13 Common Sex Drive Killers


1. Men think more about sex.

The majority of adult men under 60 think about sex at least once a day, reports Laumann. Only about one-quarter of women report this level of frequency. As men and women age, each fantasize less, but men still fantasize about twice as often.
In a comprehensive survey of studies comparing male and female sex drives, Roy Baumeister, a social psychologist at Florida State University, found that men reported more spontaneous sexual arousal and had more frequent and varied fantasies.
2. Men seek sex more avidly.

"Men want sex more often than women at the start of a relationship, in the middle of it, and after many years of it," Baumeister concludes after reviewing several surveys of men and women. This isn't just true of heterosexuals, he reports: gay men also have higher frequency of sex than lesbians at all stages of the relationship. Men also say they want more sex partners in their lifetime, and are more interested in casual sex.
Men are more likely to seek sex even when it is frowned upon or even outlawed:

• About two-thirds say they masturbate, even though about half also say they feel guilty about it, Laumann says. By contrast, about 40% of women say they masturbate, and the frequency of masturbation is smaller among women.
• Prostitution is still mostly a phenomenon of men seeking sex with women, rather than the other way around.
• Nuns do a better job of fulfilling their vows of chastity than priests. Baumeister cites a survey of several hundred clergy by Sheila Murphy in which 62% of priests admitted to sexual activity, compared to 49% of nuns. The men reported more partners on average than the women.

http://www.webmd.com/sex/features/se...-women-compare

Why Polygamy is allowed in Islam is something only Allah knows. The wisdom could be many, for example; times in history when there are more women than men, sexual desire, and so on.

Though it's important to say that there are many strings attached in Islam when it comes to getting into polygamy, so it's not like it's necassarily encouraged. The Qur'an also says it's better to marry 1, though if you can do justice, you can marry upto 4.

I think a good experiment would be if you were able to live as a man for just one day, on a hot summers day, in the middle of the city centre.

The above is the only remedy for your skepticism.

Check this out

In a world without pornography, where a man's wife is the only woman he would typically see in sexual situations, this process of conditioning would probably serve to make him more turned on by her particular features and habits, thus strengthening his attraction to her even as her body changes with age. In our highly sexualized western culture where a man sees many sexualized images of other women, sexual cues are created that have little or nothing to do with a man's wife, and are more likely to detract from the marriage relationship.

It maybe that, those who want to have a second wife aren't really conditioning themselves to be aroused by their wife...there's a poor psychological bond and some men apply the wrong treatment. i.e going for another wife, thinking that it will provide respite from the bombardment on their brain, when the solution lies in going back to the wife and conditioning the brain to be aroused by her features and personality.

Q. Why was hawa enough for adam?

A. The place was deserted....so his bond with her was very strong



What do i prefer? i prefer to focus on keeping my mind pure and then after that...just one wife is enough insha'Allah

format_quote Originally Posted by ~Zaria~

JazakAllah for the above comments.


My general impression is that the majority of men who are seeking 2/3/4 wives are doing so to fulfill lustful desires......rather than having a charitable intention of wanting to assist a widow/ divorcee with kids.

I have been told that the sexual desires of (most?) men are much greater than that of women - and hence the reason that polygamy is permitted in Islam.

I am battling to accept/ understand this......

If this were to be true, then:

- why did Allah (subhanawataála) create only Hawa as a partner for Adam (alaihi salam)? (and not multiple women)

- Muhammed (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) remained in a monogous marriage for over 20 years. And when he did marry many women, it stemmed from noble reasons such as - caring for older divorcees/ widows, strengthening ties between rival groups.....and to teach his ummah different lessons from each marriage.

- Why did the prophet (sallahu alaihi wasalam) deny Ali (ra) permission to marry again (whilst in marriage to his daughter Fathimah (ra))?
We know that he feared that Fathimah (ra) may be hurt by this......and this was reason enough to request that Ali (ra) remain monogomous.


However, many polygamous marriages of today seem to stem from an unquenched physical desire......with the reasoning that 'man has been created this way'.

Has he really been created this way.....or is this a modern day reason for polygamy?

Is not that the point of the first marriage as well? Who marries first spouse as charity to the "widows or divorcee with kids"? Prophet pbuh hadith is clear on this "marry young women." It is proven by biology as well. Allah swt says in Quran that one of the dearest things to humans is theri progeny and their wealth. How do you reckon men can have a large progeny if they married older women? Fatima (ra) and Ali (ra) example is an exception. On the very other hand Umar (ra)h ad a number of wives. Umar (ra) was also the second caliph, while Ali (ra) the 4th. So it probably has more to do than "hurting" Fatima (ra). Someone with more knowledge on this can shed more light.

But it is also commendable and a good deed if someone wants to have a divorcee with kids as his first wife. I know that I do not. Different strokes for different blokes.

And sorry if I came across as angry in this post, I just got a traffic ticket for not wearing seat belt just right outside my parking lot.

A marriage based solely on lust will not work.

If certain men want to marry other women simultaneously and will treat them equally as is their wives' rights, and if the first wife is happy with it, go for it.

Trouble is, it's difficult enough to provide for one wife, let alone three more plus the army of offspring sure to result.

Choose your battles, chaps.

And to answer the question, I personally do not wish to have more than one wife simultaneously. Just, no.

The War of the Genders is more deadly than The War of the Worlds.

format_quote Originally Posted by 'Abd Al-Maajid

I desire multiple wives. May Allah make this small wish of mine come true. Everyone say Aameen.

awww.

AMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

.. when you get married to first one, do let us know

format_quote Originally Posted by 'Abd Al-Maajid

I desire multiple wives. May Allah make this small wish of mine come true. Everyone say Aameen.

Salaam,

Small? How is that a small wish?

Ameen!