Would you let your husband take another wife(s)? (OP)
Before I got married, my friends used to keep saying that I should have the polygyny questions done as soon as possible. Most of the times, it was brought up as a joke between us friends, but when I actually got married, I gave it a thought and asked my wife about it last Ramadaan. She instantly said no. I didn't insist anything, but I added that she shouldn't give the answer away as an impulse as what I'm asking is not something haraam, but something which Allah has permitted. She thought about it for a while, and then she said that she WOULD LET me take a second wife if I want to in the future. Although she also mentioned a couple of conditions which I found to be completely fair (but mighty expensive).
I don't want to take a second wife, but I wanted to know what my wife thought about it. Alhamdulillah, the discussion I had with her over it educated me so much more about what kind of polygyny is allowed in Islam. One of the conditions include that I should build her a house. That condition itself taught me that it is best that only the affluent class goes for multiple wives as they have the resources to maintain more than one household.
Along with that my wife added that she agreed to it because she feels that as Allah has allowed it then inshaAllah He will also provide her with the patience for dealing with it. MashaAllah I was very pleased to hear such pious words from my wife. In fact, after a few days I came to know about a hadeeth which says that when women are exposed to situations that make them jealous, and they hold fast to patience in such situations then those women are rewarded like the martyrs. I'm not sure about the authenticity of it, although I've read somewhere that it is da'eef.
As I have the green signal from my wife, I actually considered another wife, only to realize that another wife meant maintaining another household. That was enough to shoo me away as maintaining one household itself is pretty difficult in today's economy.
Sometimes, I also think that my wife would worry if I start making more money, because then I'll be able to afford another wife.
There are also situations when a fellow Muslim sister is in need, and there's no one to take care of her. Helping a helpless Muslimah opens a door of rewards, and that's another motivation behind my wife's consent. Here and there, my wife has told me that if I take a second wife, I should use that opportunity to support someone in need.
So dear sisters, would you allow your husband to take another wife?
If Allah helps you, none can overcome you; and if He forsakes you, who is there after Him that can help you? And in Allah (Alone) let believers put their trust.
Surah Ale Imran : 160
It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) climbed up Uhud, accompanied by Abu Bakr, ‘Umar and ‘Uthmaan, and the mountain shook with them. He struck it with his foot and said: “Stand firm, O Uhud, for there is no one on you but a Prophet or a Siddeeq or two martyrs.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3483)
Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala) does not inspire seeking forgiveness in a slave whom he wishes to punish.
Shown you? It is more apparent that you've soaked it up and not taken the high road- & it is unfortunate indeed since I have to concede that you came to this world through a woman- yet your misogynistic, & demeaning comments toward women would have us peg you for a test tube product.
I don't say this with the topic in mind I generally couldn't careless it is a matter to be decided by the couple involved given that it is an allowance not an injunction- rather I am commenting given your general outlook on things.
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
^^ I dont see being misogynistic as being a sinner in Islam (There is no verse saying "dont be misogynistic." It's a personal worldview). One can be a totally good Muslim while be a "misogynist," at least the way in which you or others interpret misogyny as in the feminist 21st century. By your definition of misogyny, all the giants of Islam are misogynist for defining and limiting roles of women in public (such as intermingling with men at work, which definitely creates opportunities of zina of gaze, so on and so forth).
I am trying to take the "high road" but it is quite challenging when you hate all the attendings on ctu ward (most of whom happen to be women).
Last edited by CosmicPathos; 01-24-2013 at 05:47 PM.
Help me to escape from this existence
I yearn for an answer... can you help me?
I'm drowning in a sea of abused visions and shattered dreams
In somnolent illusion... I'm paralyzed
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
@ Cosmicpathos
One thing that always make me say "Alhamdulillah" is I grew up and live with women who love me. Love in various meaning. Like few grandmas who very close to me when I was teens. They were really kind to me.
Bro, if you were growing up and living with love from women, I'm sure, you will understand the women better and never want to hurt their hearts.
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by CosmicPathos
^^ I dont see being misogynistic as being a sinner in Islam (There is no verse saying "dont be misogynistic."
You don't need a verse for what should be common sense and can in fact be inferred from the prophet's behavior toward his womenfolk. He actually loved women!
It doesn't aggrieve me the path you choose for yourself.. I wish you happiness in it and good luck!
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
Oh please don't turn this thread into a battleground. One of the mods already messaged me that the thread is turning into a debate, and he will close it.
We have a good opportunity to discuss this fragment of our great religion. MashaAllah, the replies so far on this thread have been very informative. You get to know what women actually think about this scenario. That is quite a division with some being for it, some not so much, and some just plain undecided. I even noticed someone hiding under the excuse of parents. Of course I mean you, Sister Periwinkle.
I wanted to see what people would say about the predicaments that the man faces by taking more wives, but so far only Sister Zaria has addressed it in someway. On the outside, it would seem cool to have more women to get physical with, but that's what the problem is with our perverted heads. There is so so much more to marriage then just intimacy. As a matter of fact, even if we take intimacy as THE only factor in marriages then a guy with 4 wives will have a tough life anyway, because he will always have a pregnant companion among the four he chose. By the time, all four would have delivered in succession (a total of 36 months = 3 years), the first one will be ready for another baby, and the cycle will continue. Just imagine, a life or a chunk of life dedicated to satiating cravings. :scared: Man!!!! It's tough to be a husband to more than one.
If Allah helps you, none can overcome you; and if He forsakes you, who is there after Him that can help you? And in Allah (Alone) let believers put their trust.
Surah Ale Imran : 160
It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) climbed up Uhud, accompanied by Abu Bakr, ‘Umar and ‘Uthmaan, and the mountain shook with them. He struck it with his foot and said: “Stand firm, O Uhud, for there is no one on you but a Prophet or a Siddeeq or two martyrs.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3483)
Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala) does not inspire seeking forgiveness in a slave whom he wishes to punish.
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by Ali_008
I even noticed someone hiding under the excuse of parents. Of course I mean you, Sister Periwinkle.
Buh its true , it's a big No, No. The community's gng to talk so much the poor guy's gng b like I'm okay with one
Pathans mite allow it buh the punjabi community I belong to wont.They wont even let u marry someone who's already married. :s crazy ppl srsly.
Allah made everyone different thats what makes them special,so no matter what ppl say just remember you're SPECIAL!! "You are with the one you love"
Nem0
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
As-salamu alaykum,
With regards to the sisters objecting to the idea of a man marrying more than one wife, I find it rather offensive because this is a right given to the man by Allah (s.w.t.). I do not mean this gives the man the right to abuse this right, but we have to take into consideration that a man must only marry more than one according to the terms of Allah (s.w.t.), which means the man must do justice to his wives. If I were to give my opinion, I would only consider marrying another wife if I had the financial means and I would only marry someone who is in need of a husband. Likewise, if Allah (s.w.t.) gave me money I would also like to look after an orphan. These are the duties of those that Allah (s.w.t.) has given provision because what will happen to those women living in lands where there are more women than men?
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by Indian Bro
this is a right given to the man by Allah
It is a privilege & not an injunction.. You're most certainly welcome to find a sister who will not object.
I know many sisters who are actually supporting their husbands if we're to go by that particular definition of do-good!
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
The only ones who should be encouraged to contribute in this thread are married men and women whose input will serve as guidance and advice for those who are not married. It is thus far unsurprising that it has been largely married brothers and sisters who have contributed with good advice.
As I've mentioned many times before, I strongly discourage all marriage discussions between brothers and sisters because I can't see it bringing any good. Both genders need to instead thoroughly educate themselves in the fiqh of marriage and divorce, with each gender focusing on the obligations that he or she will have while married.
For brothers and sisters to discuss any marriage topic with each other will bring much argument because of the diversity of culture, preference and acceptance of certain matters. Each individual will therefore have his or her own views on a particular topic and the level of knowledge, ignorance and tolerance level will dictate much of the discussion.
I approved this thread with much hesitation and reluctance and I'm on the verge of closing it because I've not seen any reason to keep it open. But nevertheless, as always, I'll let the next few posts dictate the future of this thread.
And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.” [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by شَادِنُ
You don't need a verse for what should be common sense and can in fact be inferred from the prophet's behavior toward his womenfolk. He actually loved women!
It doesn't aggrieve me the path you choose for yourself.. I wish you happiness in it and good luck!
Prophet pbuh did not live in times when feminist ideology existed. Prophet pbuh did not live in times when manhood was in danger. Prophet pbuh did not live in times when men were slave to women. Prophet pbuh did not live in times when men's source of livelihood and work was under attack by women/feminist dajjal who were taking over their jobs. Prophet pbuh did not live in times when men's numbers were dwindling.
I have never said "be abusive to your womenfolk." I love womenfolk in family. I am only talking about things outside of family.
Last edited by CosmicPathos; 01-24-2013 at 07:05 PM.
Help me to escape from this existence
I yearn for an answer... can you help me?
I'm drowning in a sea of abused visions and shattered dreams
In somnolent illusion... I'm paralyzed
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by شَادِنُ
It is a privilege & not an injunction.. You're most certainly welcome to find a sister who will not object.
I know many sisters who are actually supporting their husbands if we're to go by that particular definition of do-good!
As-salamu alaykum,
I meant to say it is something that Allah (s.w.t.) permits a man to do so but only if he can do justice to the wives. And with regards to women objecting to polygamy, I've observed it in the thread as well as real-life. I know many women who will approve of it, but I was speaking specifically about the ones who do not.
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by Futuwwa
It seems like polygamy is a burden for the righteous man and a lot of fun and games for the sinful man
As-salamu alaykum,
Brother, from what knowledge I have, if a man has the provision to support another wife then he should act upon it because there are many women in this world who do not get the chance to marry. If a man has the provision but does not feel he can do justice to his wives, then he should support an orphan. Basically, if Allah (s.w.t.) has given you provision, you must use it effectively and not spend it on worldly things or leave it lying for no reason. Biggest example is I see many of these Arab sheikhs spending millions of pounds buying football clubs when that money could go on something I mentioned above. People who are given lots of provision in this dunya indeed have a larger "burden" than a person given lesser provision.
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by Indian Bro
And with regards to women objecting to polygamy, I've observed it in the thread as well as real-life.
Why take offense over someone else's psychology then? I thought it was an odd choice of words over something as is widely known a privilege and not an injunction and we've seen cases during the time of the prophet where some didn't want to be married to former slaves or others demanding a divorce and others demanding that another wife not be taken.
It does work for some people and none of us are objecting to what made lawful .. it is a personal choice and preference and that's where it needs to remain.
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by شَادِنُ
Why take offense over someone else's psychology then? I thought it was an odd choice of words over something as is widely known a privilege and not an injunction and we've seen cases during the time of the prophet where some didn't want to be married to former slaves or others demanding a divorce and others demanding that another wife not be taken.
It does work for some people and none of us are objecting to what made lawful .. it is a personal choice and preference and that's where it needs to remain.
As-salamu alaykum,
I must have misunderstood this thread. I thought the OP was asking if the women would allow their husbands to marry another wife, and I read a few responses saying "No". I felt offended by this because this is something which Allah (s.w.t.) allowed the men to do so how can someone disallow it? I am not denying that women might not feel comfortable around the idea but that doesn't mean they should disallow their husband to do something which is halal. The most important thing is that a woman must firstly marry the right person, and if she does I don't think she'll ever have a problem with her husband marrying more wives because she knows his intentions. I stress again that I do not approve of men marrying more than one wife if they do not do justice to all their wives. Either be sure that you can do justice to all or adopt an orphan. Please correct me if I have gone wrong somewhere.
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
Let's just agree that it is a matter of preference. Most men don't take multiple wives, that is their preference. Most women don't want their husbands to have more partners, that is their preference. Islam does justice to both men and women.
If Allah helps you, none can overcome you; and if He forsakes you, who is there after Him that can help you? And in Allah (Alone) let believers put their trust.
Surah Ale Imran : 160
It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) climbed up Uhud, accompanied by Abu Bakr, ‘Umar and ‘Uthmaan, and the mountain shook with them. He struck it with his foot and said: “Stand firm, O Uhud, for there is no one on you but a Prophet or a Siddeeq or two martyrs.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3483)
Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala) does not inspire seeking forgiveness in a slave whom he wishes to punish.
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by Ali_008
Let's just agree that it is a matter of preference. Most men don't take multiple wives, that is their preference. Most women don't want their husbands to have more partners, that is their preference. Islam does justice to both men and women.
But isn't your question; Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
What if the husband wants to but the wife says no... That is what we are giving our opinions are about.
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behavior toward his womenfolk. He actually loved women!
made lawful .. it is a personal choice and preference and that's where it needs to remain.
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