"A wife who make the husband happy when he look at her, and make the husband feel comfortable with her"
Now the non-ideal Muslim wife.
A wife who doesn't care with her appearance and it make her look bad. A wife who has bad behavior that make the husband feel uncomfortable. In example, envy. When the neighbor buy new furniture she envy and urge her husband to buy furniture too.
Wow! If you look for ideal, you will be disappointed. No one is ideal and people change over time. What we should be looking at is 'compatibility'.
What makes it hard to find a compatible partner is if we ourselves are uncertain of who we are in the first place (like a shallow person or indecisive) then someone ideal one day may be not so ideal the next.
Some 25 years ago, I made a list for the "qualities' I would like to have in my partner. Better if pleasing to the eyes. Must be a muslim. Trustworthy. Carries herself well. Has a sense of humour and share of a common interest with me. Then these qualities must be cherished and maintained. Any other qualities will be a bonus!
Looks (as per Imam Ahmad rahimahullaah's recommendation)
Family (as per the recommendation of many ulama)
Religion (As the most important aspect)
Wealth (to me not very important but has been outlined in some cases for many reasons - mainly islamic benefits)
If none of the above are present except Religion then that will suffice.
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My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
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Strive to choose a righteous man even if he has a past and do not reject him. Reject everyone who is known to have a bad past and has not given it up, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told men: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, or her religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466).
Wow! If you look for ideal, you will be disappointed. No one is ideal and people change over time. What we
should be looking at is 'compatibility'.
The criteria of ideal wife I've written above is refer to my wife. Yes, she was a wife like that. But actually I chose her because I felt matched with her.
I did not look for "The Ideal" I was just looking for a woman who I feel matched with her.
What makes it hard to find a compatible partner is if we ourselves are uncertain of who we are in the first place (like a shallow person or indecisive) then someone ideal one day may be not so ideal the next.
What you mean with "compatible"?
Some 25 years ago, I made a list for the "qualities' I would like to have in my partner. Better if pleasing to the eyes. Must be a muslim. Trustworthy. Carries herself well. Has a sense of humour and share of a common interest with me. Then these qualities must be cherished and maintained. Any other qualities will be a bonus!
Peace
More than 20 years ago my criteria expected life-partner was simple
#1. She is willing to accept me.
#2. I feel matched with her.
Some 25 years ago, I made a list for the "qualities' I would like to have in my partner. Better if pleasing to the eyes. Must be a muslim. Trustworthy. Carries herself well. Has a sense of humour and share of a common interest with me. Then these qualities must be cherished and maintained. Any other qualities will be a bonus!
Peace
Did you find a partner who matched those expectations.
Did you find a partner who matched those expectations.
Good question, because actually I ever had specific characteristic of expected life-partner too. But then I married a woman with different characteristic.
some qualities of wives from Quran: ...So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard... (4:34)
...who submit (their wills to Allah), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel (for Faith) and fast... (66:5)
I guess, your meaning to 'match' is the same as what I call 'compatible' without 'splitting hairs' . I have been in relationships that was good when we were with peers but was not 'right' during functions as an example. People who can be fun but really do not have much of a serious side, etc. I need both. I definitely need humour in my life. A person who naturally feels good about herself makes me feel good. If she is constantly needing assurances from me can get a bit tiring, not that I do not give compliments. Requiring assurances is a different thing altogether.
You are also absolutely right in not wanting to be rejected. I did not want rejection either. But I had to risk being rejected to pursue her. She did reject me to begin with (but I did not know). The rest is history.
Glo.
6.5 out of 7 (as there was another item I did not list down) which was preferable if she came from my home town area. This was specifically for Eid. I have seen my uncles, and aunts who married from too far away and alternating Eids between the two sides often missed the get togethers as they are away this year and the when they are around the following year others are away. Lucky, for me my wife's family lived 40 minutes from my hometown. Every year we get to see everybody (and my children speak the same dialect).
On the half point, I love sports, but she is totally not into sports. But we still share some other common interests. She loves dancing which I am quite hopeless at.
In many ways, she has become more than a match of my expectations (as she has grown more beautiful now in her early 40s than she was in her early 20's) and has become more refined and astute that I have fallen behind!
I still trust her whole heartedly and we still laugh together often.
The 'Ideal Spouse' (applicable to both wife and husband)
- The person who is living his/ her life for Allah (subhanawata'ala) and has made the Aakhirah their GOAL.
In other words, he has made similar (/more) sacrifices in life to achieve this/ distanced himself from the ways of the world, only for the sake of Allah.
- The one who will be the means of helping me to increase my imaan and love for Allah and His Nabi (sallalahu alaihi wasalam)
- The one who will wake me up for fajr and tahajjud everyday : )
- The one who desires to increase his/ her knowledge in Islam on a daily basis.
- The one who is looking for a simple, non-extravagant life - e.g. it doesnt matter if we dont have the latest/ most flashy car.....but being grateful that we have a car at all, and rather making using of our wealth for more worthy causes.
- Someone who dreams of living in Madhinah/ Makkah
- Someone who is compatible - i.e. in terms of goals in life, easy to speak to, etc.
- Good sense of humour/ can be childesh at times : )
- Faithful/ loyal (this should actually be no. 1/2 on this list)
(is able to lower his/ her gaze, for the pleasure of Allah, and for the love of his/ her spouse)
- Calm personality/ does not like arguments/ likes to discuss things over
- A deep thinker
- Romantic - poems, candle-lit dinners, and all other mushy stuff is also important :P
- Who will love for the sake of Allah, and are also the 'truly, madly, deeply' type of personality (if that makes any sense)
For the ideal wife, to add:
- Obeys her husband (unless it goes against the commands of Allah).
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sister herb liked this post
. I have been in relationships that was good when we were with peers but was not 'right' during functions as an example. People who can be fun but really do not have much of a serious side, etc. I need both. I definitely need humour in my life. A person who naturally feels good about herself makes me feel good. If she is constantly needing assurances from me can get a bit tiring, not that I do not give compliments. Requiring assurances is a different thing altogether.
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