unhappy marriage.

ive even lost the desire to give into his sexual need after all that this man has put me through. im 50/50 whether i should stay or work things out

Wsalam
Am gutted to hear this sister, am really sorry.
Was he always like this ?How was his deen before you married him?

superficially he seems like every girls dream. he has never laid a finger on me before we got married. the moment i got pregnant, things began to spiral down. we had our happy moments too.

format_quote Originally Posted by nona123

superficially he seems like every girls dream. he has never laid a finger on me before we got married. the moment i got pregnant, things began to spiral down. we had our happy moments too.

so he wasnt like this before ?
My advice would be to involve your elders or respected people in the community. The last option should be divorce . I am not telling to stay or anything sister but divorce is a horrible thing and i can never advice someone divorce.

I have no problem with advising divorce (all other avenues explored first, of course). I was in a rotten marriage for ten years and I divorced my husband, who was very abusive. I only wish I had done it sooner.

has already involved the elders/respected people due to him laying his fingers on me, and it turned out nasty. my dad and him had exchanged punches and they dont meet eye to eye anymore. it also involves the police. my mother believes in chances, so she doesnt want to see us split. but i cannot go on feeling like my gut instincts is always right about him. i know he has been very secretive. and he says im kafirun and he asked me to burn in hell for defying him. is it my fault to confront him about issues of my insecurities and the thing he has done that itself is haram?

How does he treat your daughter?

what can i do to relieve my thoughts from affecting me since syaitan plays a part in manipulating my thoughts and feelings besides turning to Allah SWT? is there any surah i can read to allay my insecurities and help me overcome this marriage?

he treats her well enough. but at the times, needed to prompt him to help me out because he's too busy with his own things.

Sister go ummah forum becasue there are lots of active people and post what you posted here . This forum is wonderful but its a little bit quiet.

may i know how do i go to ummah forum?

which part?

This forum is fairly active, it just tends to be active at a later time. Many of the posters here are from the UK and Europe and those time zones, and it is getting a bit late for them. During their early daylight hours you see many more people here.

Divorce him to save your daughter's future.

(In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

(Peace be upon you)

Welcome to IB, sis!

First and foremost, I'm very sorry to hear of your troubled marriage. No one deserves to live in an abusive marriage. I also don't think there is any blame on you if you file for divorce as it seems you've tried everything for your marriage to work including involving elders; please let me reassure you that the abuse is never your fault. Never. You're a precious human being and in Islam you're treated as a precious soul. I also think that continued infidelity is a symptom of a person lacking taqwa (God-consciousness) and therefore you also need to consider that your husband engaging in these haram (forbidden) actions means that you have to realize that this marriage in its current bad state and he might not necessarily be the best role model for your daughter.

I do think you need to get a plan in order before you file for divorce, and therefore I highly recommend that you talk to a divorce attorney.

Try to plan before you take the step to file for divorce, especially for things which are basic considerations: 1) What living arrangements can you procure - is living back at your parents' home an option? 2) How soon can you obtain a job and become financially independent?

Please know that depending on your financial situation, you might even be able to get an attorney even willing to litigate your case pro bono which essentially means that you'll not be faced with any financial fees or costs for the the case.

Keep your chin up, sis; you'll get through this bad phase of life.

Sis, never be scared, especially of the unknown in terms of the future, because please remember that Allah is with you and He knows your burdens. Whenever you feel low, remember the story of this beautiful lady who had been similarly tested as you and how she came out with more trust and faith in Allah than ever which I'm highlighting in green font:

Source

Few years ago when I got divorced the world around me seemed dark and unfriendly. I felt like there is nothing to look forward to. I always felt like crying, and sometimes the tears were hard to stop. I was experiencing unusual aches and pains, had persistent negative thoughts, had difficulty concentrating and I was sensing guilt and worthlessness and had become very pessimistic and my future looked blank.

My marriage to my ex husband was a big mistake. Even though I was warned by my family members, I wanted to go ahead with it. Most of them had doubts about him but I wanted to marry him at any cost. Maybe this is what is called “love is blind;” I had come to UK for higher studies, originally being from Pakistan. I met my ex when he was in UK on a business visit. After my marriage to him there was not a single day in my life when I did not cry. We got married in Pakistan and he accompanied me to UK as my dependent. We hardly lived together for six months and he wanted to proceed to USA as he did not like this country. He was always at home, sitting and chatting with girls on computer. I still did not complain. I always thought that everything would be alright one day. Then one day he said to me that he has got a Job in USA and he is leaving and would be in touch with me on phone and net and once he got a house there he would call me. He left for USA and his attitude towards me started changing day by day. He was ignoring my calls and was behaving very rudely and also mentioned that he made a mistake by marrying me. I asked him for reason and he gave all lame excuses like there is no understanding between us etc., etc.

During this time I also came to learn that he was already married to a lady in Pakistan and that he is used to gambling. I still did not want to leave him or take divorce from him. I was very much scared of this word “divorce.”

I prayed to Allah that he should stop this divorce and make my ex come back to me. Everyone one was telling me to get rid of him but I did not have to courage to do so. I was already in my early thirties and with the label of “divorcee” I was sure that nobody would accept me and would be left all alone. I remember that it was month of Ramzan, I fasted, prayed all night and when I got up in the morning I received a phone call from my mom that my ex has sent divorce notice by post. I was completely shattered. I kept on thinking that why did Allah not listen to my prayers. My mother kept telling me that there must be something good in it. Everything happens because of a reason and Allah knows better. I kept crying and was very upset the whole day.

As I could not sleep that night I was getting up again and again and was very disturbed. I was raising my hands and asking Allah for help and was calling Allah Allah all the time. Then all of a sudden I remembered that my mother had gifted me Qur'an with translation and explanation a year ago and asked me to read it regularly so that I can find some comfort in it. Then I just got up from bed performed wadhu and simply picked up the Quran and opened a page. And in front of me was these ayahs from Surah Talaq the translation of which is as follows:

[Talaq 65:3] And will provide him sustenance from a place he had never expected; and whoever relies on Allah – then Allah is Sufficient for him; indeed Allah will accomplish His command; indeed Allah has set a proper measure for all things.

[Talaq 65:5] This is Allah’s command that He has sent down towards you; and whoever fears Allah – Allah will relieve his sins and bestow upon him a great reward.

After reading this I understood that whatever happened was God’s will and all this happened because he could no more see me leading a suffocated life with my ex.

In past I spent most of my time pursuing my studies to build my career. I felt I never had time to read Quran and always felt very lazy to offer namaz too. But after that day onwards I started praying regularly and also started reciting Quran everyday. I recited following:

Surah Baqrah

Surah yasin

Namaz-e-Salatul Tazbi

Surah Kahf

Ya allah Ya rahman Ya rahim- 1200 times daily Durood-e-Shareef before and after

Ya allah hu ya salaamu – 1000 times everyday. 11 times Durood-e-shareef before and after.

Ya musabab ul asbab - 100 times daily

Durood-e-shareef – All day and night whenever possible

Listened to Tafseer of Quran by Dr Ghulam Malik Murtaza on YouTube

Almost six months passed by and I was happy, satisfied and content with my life. I started making progress and was forgetting my past gradually. I knew that no matter what allah is always with me and besides allah I do not need anyone. Then one day a friend of my brother came to visit us and mentioned to my brother about a proposal for me. My brother discussed with me and invited the family over to our house. I was not sure weather this would finalise. I thought they would refuse after learning that I am a divorcee but by the grace of allah everything worked out well I met my future husband and after two months I got married again. Allah had put everything in place.

Today after almost five years I can’t believe I am the same person. I got all the happiness I wanted and everything I wished for came true. I am now living a very happy married life with three beautiful children and a loving and caring husband. All this happened only due to dua’s and blessings of Allah. I am very much certain now that everything that happens in this world to us is only for our own good and only god knows better what lies ahead in future. All the hardships I had gone through was nothing but a blessing in disguise. I never felt so close to Allah as I now feel. I was always doubtful weather dua could change one’s destiny or not but now I am know for sure that by offering namaz, reciting quran, making dua and placing trust in Allah, Allah can definitely change your life.

May Allah bless us all and give guidance to follow the right path. Ameen!

(And peace be upon you)

format_quote Originally Posted by nona123

salam. ive been married for close to 2 years and im unhappy with my marriage. i got pregnant last year january and Alhamdulillah my little girl is almost a yr old. along my pregnancy my husband cheated on me with countless women over social networks and wallahualam what pictures has he sent to them. ive been beaten kicked and punched , slapped and it did not happen once twice but more than that. and up til today, he has never lowered his gaze and continues to search women on social networks and gaze at women with modesty uncovered yet he ask me to cover up and has preached numerous things but he has never tell the truth. and he also keeps searching on his female cousin, the same person on all social platforms. but has denied it many times. i feel worthless as a woman and not a high status of a wife. i am unhappy im bored i lost trust in the person i used to love and what can i do besides turning to Allah SWT.