Preparing for marriage

PREPARING FOR MARRIAGE

Allah has placed sexual urge in mankind as it is the means by which the procreation and continuity of humanity is ensured. Allah (SWT) says:

• "And Allah has given you wives of your own kind, and has given you, from your wives, sons and grandsons…" (An-Nahl 16:72)

Sex is indeed a strong driving force in the human being which demands fulfillment. Islam recognizes this urge and never denies it, but regulates it through the institution of marriage. Just as Islam strictly forbids sex outside marriage, and all means leading to it, it also prohibits celibacy. The Prophet (SAW) said:

• "Young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at women and preserves your chastity." (Related by Al-Bukhari)

Any man who is physically and financially capable to marry should be encouraged to do so as early as possible. The wali a woman who is ready for marriage should let her marry as soon as an acceptable man proposes to her.

• Just as they have been warned about the dangers of fornication, the Muslim should know the many benefits of marriage. Besides being a lawful way of satisfying one’s sexual urge, marriage is considered a form of worship, and the sexual act itself a good deed for which the Muslim can be rewarded. The Prophet (SAW) said:
  
• "And in the sexual act (with your spouses) there is a charity (you will be rewarded for)." He was then asked: "A man satisfies his urge and gets reward for it?" He (SAW) said: "Do you see if he satisfied it in an unlawful way, would he not get a punishment?" They said: "Yes," and then he said: "Similarly if he did it in a lawful way, he would be rewarded for it!" (Related by Muslim).

Through marriage, men and women find tranquillity and peace with each other. Allah (SWT) says:

"And among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put between you affection and mercy." (Al-Rum 30:21)
Marriage ensures the growth and spread of the Muslim Ummah. It splits the responsibilities of raising the child between the parents, and tightens the bond between the generations.

When a Muslim becomes aware of the many benefits of marriage, they will no doubt look forward to it. For the woman, choosing a spouse lies more on the shoulders of the wali, who should know about the Islamic way of choosing a spouse for a woman and also should inform the woman about the etiquettes of betrothal.

The next responsibility is to inform the would-be-bride (and groom) about what is lawful and unlawful, liked and disliked for them to do on their wedding night and beyond.