Having Guests - What are the Islamic ettiquettes? what can I or can I not do?

Walaikum asalaam

format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity

And shaking hands with the opposite gender, I know this is haram. We have this tradition where we shake the hands of our guests (the bad thing about this is we also shake the hands of the oppo gender)

How can I refuse to shake hands?

please provide me with some Islamic guidance, In shaa' Allah.

Allahu alam.

I went through this when I was a teen. Just simply let people in your household know that you don't shake hands with the opposite gender. Eventually everyone will know and make excuses for you

Moms friend: Assalamu Alaikum! *sticks hand out*
You: Wailaikum asalaam *puts your hand on your chest apologetically and lowers gaze *
Mom: Oh he doesn't shake hands with woman anymore.
Mom's friend: ohhh.. but I'm like your auntie!
You: My auntie comes bearing gifts..where's yours?
Mom's friend: well..I didn't--
Mom: oh ignore him
You: *glares at mom's friend, in a raspy voice: You're not my real aunt*
Mom's friend:

Over exaggerated scenario but you get the idea Usually they get it and move on..it's not as big of a deal as we make it seem in our heads. When I was starting out, I was selective in the males I shook hands with until I eventually just stopped completely. Actually I stopped completely when I had a very awkward thing happen to me. An "auntie's" family came over, and out of "respect" I thought to just shake everyone's hands equally since they were all sitting next to each other anyways. What happened when I tried to shake one of the male's hands was that he stuck out his hand but it was bent inwards like a deformity. So, I grabbed his entire hand weirdly and shook it. My real aunt was there so I comment to her that poor guy's hand is abnormal...and she laughs and says oh no he just doesn't shake hands with females. -__- SO WHY STICK OUT YOUR HAND AT ALL? AND THEN BEND IT AND MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR YOU? ..so yeah just don't do that. Gives mixed signals.

But ideally women should be sitting separate from the men. Like they move into the kitchen and chitchat over a cup of coffee (if there aren't two separate living rooms in your house), and men talk about..whatever men talk about in a separate living room. Maybe it's a discussion to be had with your family.

format_quote Originally Posted by talibilm

here are some hadith on it and taking care of guest carries great virtue and a duty for us

Bukhari :: Book 8 :: Volume 73 :: Hadith 156

Narrated Abu Shuraih Al-Ka'bi:
Allah's Apostle said, Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, should serve his guest generously. The guest's reward is: To provide him with a superior type of food for a night and a day and a guest is to be entertained with food for three days, and whatever is offered beyond that, is regarded as something given in charity. And it is not lawful for a guest to stay with his host for such a long period so as to put him in a critical position."

Sub'han'Allah, i have had the question in my mind for some time now. For sure Allah(swt) will provide the answer to our questions if we are honest seekers. Somehow, it feels like i have read this hadith earlier, but maybe within the first half year that i became Muslim or so. That might be the reason that i didn't remembered it anymore as i was hoarding huge amount of knowledge at that time.

So what was the issue? My family stayed with other family for longer period than 3 days and they felt kind of "insulted" when staying there ( i wasn't with them) with some friction regarding food or so. Deep in me i was thinking exactly like my fitrah which was sub'han'Allah according to that hadith that you "put him in critical position". I was thinking like if you stayed for longer periods of time with somebody, then at least you should give money as their guest as you are doing them harm by "leeching" , because they are paying for your food, for your heating, for your water, for your electricity. But yeah..you know culture..and culture demands people to sell their soul to provide their guest with 5 star restaurant food everyday and entertaining them day in and day out without complaining.

Jazakallahu khairan for the reminder.

By the Way a tip in general. When i visit family i always bring a present with me. Often it is just food like some pineapples as those are always sweet no disappointments like a watermelon that didn't turn out to be sweet. When i visit other family back in my home country, when i leave to come back home i give them money because i have stayed more than 3 days. Even if they refuse to take your money tell them to give it to the poor as they are more in need then.

That is also a good time to work on the 1/3 food, 1/3 water 1/3 air in your stomach. That way you use less food and less water. You then don't have to go to the bathroom often and also don't have to renew your wudu often. Which is you use less of their water, less of their food, less of their electricity (using the bathroom). A cheap guest...who doesn't want one like that .

format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*

Walaikum asalaam



I went through this when I was a teen. Just simply let people in your household know that you don't shake hands with the opposite gender. Eventually everyone will know and make excuses for you

Moms friend: Assalamu Alaikum! *sticks hand out*
You: Wailaikum asalaam *puts your hand on your chest apologetically and lowers gaze *
Mom: Oh he doesn't shake hands with woman anymore.
Mom's friend: ohhh.. but I'm like your auntie!
You: My auntie comes bearing gifts..where's yours?
Mom's friend: well..I didn't--
Mom: oh ignore him
You: *glares at mom's friend, in a raspy voice: You're not my real aunt*
Mom's friend:

Over exaggerated scenario but you get the idea Usually they get it and move on..it's not as big of a deal as we make it seem in our heads. When I was starting out, I was selective in the males I shook hands with until I eventually just stopped completely. Actually I stopped completely when I had a very awkward thing happen to me. An "auntie's" family came over, and out of "respect" I thought to just shake everyone's hands equally since they were all sitting next to each other anyways. What happened when I tried to shake one of the male's hands was that he stuck out his hand but it was bent inwards like a deformity. So, I grabbed his entire hand weirdly and shook it. My real aunt was there so I comment to her that poor guy's hand is abnormal...and she laughs and says oh no he just doesn't shake hands with females. -__- SO WHY STICK OUT YOUR HAND AT ALL? AND THEN BEND IT AND MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR YOU? ..so yeah just don't do that. Gives mixed signals.

But ideally women should be sitting separate from the men. Like they move into the kitchen and chitchat over a cup of coffee (if there aren't two separate living rooms in your house), and men talk about..whatever men talk about in a separate living room. Maybe it's a discussion to be had with your family.

Men and women are separate, the only thing is the shaking hands part. Well, for seperation, both talk in the same room, but men talk to men, and women to women.

I guess I just have to do it.

You can politely say that Islam doesn't allow shaking hands with opposite gender

In our society, our elders put their hand on our head and say dua

I never stay at a house for more than 1-2 days max. And 2 days if I sleep there that is. Which I never do.

And Allah knows best.