Sense of Gheerah (protectiveness or jealousy) (OP)
Reviving Our Sense of Gheerah Fatima Barkatulla
We live in societies in which most men and women have lost their sense of modesty, women are obsessed with their appearances and wear clothes to be seen by others and to attract the attention of other men even if they are married! They have lost their sense of shame. Marriage is often looked upon as old-fashioned and short term affairs and frivolous relationships are the norm, everyone waiting to attract a better partner and feeling totally justified to dump one partner for another at the drop of a hat. Feminism too has reached its peak and men and women are told to suppress their natural emotions. Men are not even embarrassed when their wives are dressed up and attract the attention of other men, they don't mind if another man sees, chats, laughs and even dances with their womenfolk and if they do mind, they are told not to be so possessive!
In Islam we have a concept of Gheerah. Gheerah is an Arabic word which means protectiveness or jealousy. It is a good type of jealousy, like when a man feels jealous or protective over his wife or sisters and other-womenfolk and doesn't like other men to look at them. It is a natural inbuilt feeling Allah has given men and women. The Prophet (SAW) had the most Gheerah for his wives and all of the companions were known for their Gheerah. All Muslim men should have a collective sense of protectiveness for Muslim women as Allah says in the Qur'an: "The Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…" (Surah An-Nisaa, Ayah 34). Men who do not care about how their women behave and appear in front of other men and don't enforce hijaab upon their wives or women-folk are called Dayyooth. Being a Dayyooth is a major sin and a detailed discription of this evil characteristic can be found in adh-Dhahabee's book of Major Sins (Kitaab ul-Kabaa'ir).
A story of Gheerah
To further understand the quality of Gheerah, we can look at an incident that Asmaa' (RA) the daughter of Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq (RA) and sister of Aisha (RA), relates about herself. Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant and he married his daughter Asmaa' to the great companion Az-Zubayr ibn al-'Awwam (RA) who was a very poor man but a man of great piety and one of the companions who were promised Paradise. Asmaa' relates: "When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor slave…", so Asmaa' had to work very hard kneading dough, going far off to get water. "And I used to carry on my head," she continues, "the date stones from the land of az-Zubair which Allah's Messenger (SAW) had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as I was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allah's Messenger (SAW), along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered az-Zubair and his Gheerah and he was a man having the most Gheerah. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubair and said: "The Messenger of Allah (SAW) met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel to kneel so that I could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your Gheerah." So Asmaa' declined the offer made by the Prophet (SAW). Upon this az-Zubair said: "By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him." (related in Saheeh Bukhari)
Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of Asmaa'! See how she felt shy in front of men? See how careful she was about her husband's feelings? She knew that her husband had a lot of Gheerah so she didn't want to upset him by accepting the Prophet's (SAW) help even though the Prophet was the purest of men and even though it meant bringing hardship on herself! And look at az-Zubair (RA), even though he had a lot of Gheerah, he didn't want to inconvenience his wife. What a beautiful relationship they had!
Nurturing our sense of Gheerah
Sometimes Muslim women don't understand if their menfolk want them to cover their faces or if they ask them to change something about the way they dress or speak in public, thinking that the men are being over-protective. But my dear sisters! If your husband asks you not to wear a certain colour of khimaar because it brings out the beauty of your eyes, or if he wants you to cover your face - by Allah, be thankful! Be proud of the fact that your husband has a sense of Gheerah for you and that he values you and cares for your hereafter. He knows what men can be like more than you do and so never try and suppress his Gheerah in these types of matters. And his concern for you should incite your own sense of honour! Why should any man be able to see your beauty and think indecent thoughts about you? We must nurture our own and our menfolk's sense of Gheerah by behaving and dressing modestly ourselves and paying attention to their valid opinions. We expect certain behaviour from them and they expect it of us. And besides, if our husband asks us to do something that it not Haraam, we must do it.
Subhan Allah! Look at the difference between how Islam values and protects women and how cheaply women are treated outside of Islam! As Muslims we have to be careful that our Hayaa' (sense of modesty and shame) and Gheerah doesn't wear out in a society in which people have lost their Hayaa' and Gheerah.
gheerah should be to the extent where the woman feels protected and not scared, like the woman should know you will feel jealous and stuff, and she should know that she will be protected and you care for her!
but the best sayin i believe in, is if someone looks once/twice when a female relative is with you, HAH GOOD keep lookin and get jealous but if you look too much then pow wow
Jaa-Ro-Nee-Mo!!!
"they ask you when will the help of Allah (swt) come! Certainly Allah (Swt) help is always near"
Which crazy guy is gonna say that?? ''(don't want anyone hearing ur voice)''. .>>>>> what are u supposed to use sign language?? or something.
Umm...there are brothers out there who do say such stuff and get mad over seemingly little things.
Too much gheerah is harmful and smothers the person as well as makes them insecure about every move they make. That's not how Sayyidina Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) was. If you really love the person, you protect them from slipping down the path of evil, but you also do it in a wise way.
Btw, I disagree with the part of not wearing kohl being under too much gheerah. In my humble lil opinion, that would be a good thing if a man encourages his wife to not wear kohl cuz she shouldn't wear make up outside unless the wife's a niqaabi.
"...You are my Walî in this world and in the Hereafter. Cause me to die as a Muslim, and join me with the righteous." [Surah Yusuf 101]
A woman gheerah......its funny, ive never heard someone mention that before, its always about the mans jealousy....In my opinion a womans Gheerah is completely disregarded....im sad to say....in Islam, simply because polygamy is allowed.
Do not open the floodgates of a discussion about why men cant control themselves and need 4 women. please! lol.
My heart, so precious,
I won't trade for a hundred thousand souls.
Your one smile takes it for free.Rumi
I for one have alot of gheerah...........................
format_quote Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
A woman gheerah......its funny, ive never heard someone mention that before, its always about the mans jealousy....In my opinion a womans Gheerah is completely disregarded....im sad to say....in Islam, simply because polygamy is allowed.
Do not open the floodgates of a discussion about why men cant control themselves and need 4 women. please! lol.
I've always heard of a woman's gheerah. About as equally as I hear of a men's gheerah. I don't think it's right to say a woman's gheerah is disregarded in Islam. It may be more disregarded by society, but not by Islam.
"...You are my Walî in this world and in the Hereafter. Cause me to die as a Muslim, and join me with the righteous." [Surah Yusuf 101]
A brother once said that he'd need 5 houses, one for each of his wives and the other for himself when they all chuck him out
WassalamuAlaykum
That's classic!
format_quote Originally Posted by Jawharah
Too much gheerah is harmful and smothers the person as well as makes them insecure about every move they make. That's not how Sayyidina Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) was. If you really love the person, you protect them from slipping down the path of evil, but you also do it in a wise way.
I agree. I'm interested in your perspective as a sister: what would you say is a balanced level of gheerah?
“Do not argue with your Lord on behalf of your soul, rather argue with your soul on behalf of your Lord.” - Dhul-Nun
"It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness." - Victor Frankl
I'm pretty much okay with putting up with anything my father and brothers expect of us since it's based on the Shariah. I'm for a girl not wearing make up outside her home unless she's a niqaabi, or not watching TV shows / being with friends that affect her imaan, etc.
However, it's how it's introduced to the person that matters. If a girl does something her brothers / husband dislikes, then there is no need to make her feel inadequate about herself, but rather talk it out and explain what they expects from her is really what Allah expects of her and that's why he wants it for her, for her own good. That why she'll appreciate his gheerah towards her and she'll love him more for it. Women tend to be emotional and want their family's, especially their husband's, love, so explaining it in a manner that shows you're doing because you love her will soften her heart.
For example, with the phone calls things, rather than not letting her answer the phone since she may not get some of her friends calls, just simply reach a compromise of getting caller ID and an answering machine. (I presume people should have that anyway tho, so I don't get why a husband would do that.) I think it's excessive though when husbands prevent their wives from maintaining friendships they had from before marriage. If there is a valid reason, like those friends are harmful to her imaan, I support it. But in any case, give that reason and explain it to her rather than coming off as dogmatic by just cutting the friendship and not sharing the bed or using the "a wife should be obedient to her husband" line.
Using threats doesn't really build an intrinsic fear of Allah, it just creates fear of the brother / husband which naturally is pointless and sorta makes the person begin to hide stuff so they're told off again. There is a place for that too naturally, but to resort to it in the beginning is harmful. If she doesn't listen, then yeah, I fully agree with a tougher stance. But don't start off with tough love, that can just hurt. Basically the balance is in to create love within her for whatever it is that the matter is, treating her like a human being, and explaining the reasoning behind whatever he wants.
Oh and, my brothers and father have a lot of gheerah, and I guess that's why I'm also okay with what some girls may perceive as "strictness", but mainly cuz they've been cool about the way they've done things for the most part. And I don't think I could handle a person without gheerah, it comes off as a bit uncaring...
Sorry for the long post and if I repeated stuff.
"...You are my Walî in this world and in the Hereafter. Cause me to die as a Muslim, and join me with the righteous." [Surah Yusuf 101]
Men are not even embarrassed when their wives are dressed up and attract the attention of other men, they don't mind if another man sees, chats, laughs and even dances with their womenfolk and if they do mind, they are told not to be so possessive!
You can say that again :s
format_quote Originally Posted by Yanoorah
Obsessive ones. Don't wear kohl, don't answer the fone (don't want anyone hearing ur voice). Creepy stuff that is.
Lol I don’t think that’s obsessive at all lol…not the kohl one anyway, I think that one is totally legit…but maybe with answering the phone I think its legit only if he thinks wifeys got a soft voice or something along those lines lol…
format_quote Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
did u just look at that guy? do want me to give u a backhander!
that kind of thing...ruins a marriage.
I still think she should lower her gaze though…I dno, what if she does find the other dude attractive
And the fact that shes married, is even more reason why she should keep her gaze lowered…I mean if shes got a hubbi, why does she need to look at other guys…
Ad yh, if it’s something accidental, or even if its something intentional then I agree his reaction is a little much…
Husbands need to get it into their head that women will always be looked at, but a true wife will only have eyes for her own love, her husband.
But if a dude sees his wife/sister, etc being eyed out by some sleazy weirdo, he shouldn’t just take it sitting down...he should beat up the guy , and encourage his wife to wear more modest clothing (is she isn’t already)
format_quote Originally Posted by Amatul Wadud
Here ya are
I love this thread, lol masha'Allah!
shes got a one wicked set of canines *growl*
format_quote Originally Posted by Jawharah
Umm...there are brothers out there who do say such stuff and get mad over seemingly little things.
Too much gheerah is harmful and smothers the person as well as makes them insecure about every move they make. That's not how Sayyidina Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) was. If you really love the person, you protect them from slipping down the path of evil, but you also do it in a wise way.
agreed! i think "too much" gheerah would be to the point where he begins to spy on her and weirdo stuff like that :S
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
Ramlah sis can i ask a question..........women should lower their gaze just in case they find the dude they are glancing at attractive and if they got a hubby why do they need to look at other men????? So why do the men feel the need to look at other women when they have a wife sat right next to them.....................
Ahem!! I mean i have often caught my other half glancing through the rear view mirror to have a goooooooooood look, when i am right next to him!!!!!
Ramlah sis can i ask a question..........women should lower their gaze just in case they find the dude they are glancing at attractive and if they got a hubby why do they need to look at other men????? So why do the men feel the need to look at other women when they have a wife sat right next to them.....................
Ahem!! I mean i have often caught my other half glancing through the rear view mirror to have a goooooooooood look, when i am right next to him!!!!!
Ramlah sis can i ask a question..........women should lower their gaze just in case they find the dude they are glancing at attractive and if they got a hubby why do they need to look at other men????? So why do the men feel the need to look at other women when they have a wife sat right next to them.....................
Ahem!! I mean i have often caught my other half glancing through the rear view mirror to have a goooooooooood look, when i am right next to him!!!!!
yeah of course lol... he shouldn't be looking whether he was married or not...i was just replying in context of sis Sahabiyaat post
this
did u just look at that guy? do want me to give u a backhander!
and this
i hope that makes sense
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
i wish my hubby has that kind of jealousy or perhaps he is hiding it...hhmmm
it is true...sometimes men tend disregard women jealousy.
Last edited by syilla; 12-10-2008 at 08:09 AM.
25:36 And the true servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk the earth with humility and when the ignorant address them, they respond with words of peace.
LOL!!! Tried that so many times he just continues and laughs thinks he is funny!!!! Maybe i should carry a knife............. No that was a bit drastic maybe i should stop sitting next to him that way he can carry on sinning and i will stop because he is not being sensitive!!!!??????????????
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but if you look too much then pow wow
Jaa-Ro-Nee-Mo!!!
LOL I LIKE THAT SHOULD BE A PICTURE OF A GREAT BIG LIONESS BUT THE small sweet pussycat is good!!!!!
Thankyou..............................
*growl* 
:*
,
because he is not being sensitive!!!!??????????????
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