I will. Thank you all. I'll just take time out. Inshallah I will have an appointment soon to see student support. Right now though all I want to focus on is islamic studies. I think it's mostly university that's freaking me out. Whenever I get weak like that my imagination runs wild, and I start getting clingy... Then other things frustrate me.
Sorry for all this. I have no excuse for lack of self control though.
I sense that you're a very self-aware person, and because of it you probably don't feel the need to have friends since you don't need much feedback on how you are, at the same time all humans need that human interaction which is what you're longing for. You probably do talk to people, but maybe it's difficult for you to open up to others? And I mean real people not internet people
If you don't get enough accomplished in your day, things that you would deem worth accomplishing and things that are worth accomplishing, you're going to feel like everything you're doing is pointless. When it comes down to feeling "spiritual" that's something no one can really tell you how to feel, especially if you've never felt it before. Some muslims have what is informally called an iman rush where they are just so in love with the religion and Allah and feel closeness to Him. Other people may not experience this yet for whatever reason, there could many reasons. For you, I honestly believe it's just the fact that you're thinking about it so much in terms of "Why am I not feeling this as well?" and also because you're thinking about everything else it's kind of difficult to just concentrate on prayer if it feels like the only reason you're doing it is because you have to or because it's all you have left, and at the same time maybe you're thinking "if it's all I have left then I should be able to feel this closeness everyone speaks of".
Maybe you like to appear as a strong person so that you don't need to make any attachments but in the end you're still attaching yourself to something because you feel the need to?
Sorry if I'm over analyzing you, but hopefully things get better for you. And as czgibson has said, exercising really helps depression. Don't think so negatively about your mental state. I believe if you're self aware of a problem, especially a psychological/mental problem, then you're pretty healthy or can bring yourself to feeling healthy, it's just a matter of how that may be a little difficult.
When you pray, think of the things that brought you to Islam in the first place; think of your sins, even the smallest ones; think of what you are grateful for that you currently have in your life, even the blessings we take for granted such as our 5 senses; think of those whom you love who are having difficulties in their life that you cannot help them with, or those who are oppressed in this world; think of Allah's justice and mercy. Pray your heart out. Cry if you need to. If you think you can open up to a person who has no idea what you are feeling exactly, then think of how it is to open up to Allah who knows exactly what you're feeling and all of the thoughts going on in your head. Instead of praying with your head, pray with your heart and know that all of the things you cannot control are in the hands of Allah...if you feel the least bit of comfort, that's Allah replying to you. It shouldn't just be about school, or your worries...it's about you innerself and your weaknesses and telling Allah you recognize all the blessings He's already granted you and sometimes that's all we need to feel better; and it's about feeling bad about the sins we have committed but knowing Allah's mercy is greater and just having that hope should us feel a little better; And it's about knowing that whatever burdens we're going through, it's only so that Allah strengthen our back before removing the burden, and having that strength makes us feel amazing inshallah.
When you make du'a, begin by calling on Him by His glorious names, and sending blessings to the prophet peace be upon him, and ask all that you need to ask, nag Him! He created You and loves when you nag...subhanallah if you nagged a person they would get irritated, but not Allah.
Sometimes just walking alone in the park where there's so much nature makes me realize how Allah created this world with such incomparable beauty and makes me thankful that with the same will He created me too just to worship Him and enjoy His other creations.
I want to worship like a normal human being does. Why does Allah give me sicky horrible feelings when I turn to Him?
sis what "horrible" feelings do you get when you think of your creator? That sounds quite impossible to me.
format_quote Originally Posted by Amoeba
When I utter Allah's name out aloud, I feel sick and horrible inside. Why?
Do you mean literally sick? as in physically puking?
format_quote Originally Posted by Amoeba
Or even just if I attempt to pray...
Know what I just don't have the energy for this. I'm exhausted, I'm sick, and I'm fed up. I don't know what to do. Hear that? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! DON'T GIVE ME THE CRAP ABOUT BEING SINCERE OR "JUST TRY MORE"! I'M SICK OF IT! I DO THESE THINGS AND IT'S JUST NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I DON'T KNOW!
I'M OUT OF HERE I HATE THIS PLACE!
Sister being sincere is never referred to as "crap", you can never call being sincere crap. If your not sincere then you are not faithful. when you are sincere you have the love to worship, be pleased with what you get and be pleased when you think about the blessings of Allaah the most high. I understand totally and im sorry to hear about this, my advice is only that you tell Allaah this, and be sincere, cry out to him and have patience. Call out to him and have trust in him, you need to be "sincere" to have trust, and sometimes we need discipline in our lives to hold our selves down weather we like it or not but only if its good for us. i hope i make sense
Leme give u an example, if you are really ill you have to take medicane, but the medicane is really bitter but you have to take it at the end, or to lose weight one may not like the hard effort you have to put in to lose that weight, but you have to do it if you want to stay fit and healthy and because its also good for you.
And if you are reading this sis I hope that i helped a bit inshaAllaah and i will keep you in my duas and dont give up a believer never gives up.
May Allaah ease your hardships and grant you happiness in this life and the hereafter Ameen
Wa`Alaaykum Salaam
"Allah! La ilaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), Al-Hayyul-Qayyum (the Ever Living, the One Who sustains and protects all that exists).".."[Al Qur'aan 3:2]
sure it can feel like that. we arent christians that we'll convince ourselves that god has answered our prayers / sends spirits to help us.
if its merely comfort you seek, then Allah has left for you believers and your family who can be a source of comfort. also if we are following the teachings of islam correctly and to our knowledge we are in the good with Allah swt then who really cares about any sadness or trial that we come across.
also maybe you arent asking Allah swt in the right way. if you are patient then Allah swt guarentees he is with the patient. perhaps soon you will make dua in such a powerful way that Allah swt will accpet it. but this must come from your heart when you are fully dependant on Allah and trust completely in him.
I want to worship like a normal human being does. Why does Allah give me sicky horrible feelings when I turn to Him?
It is not Allah who gives you these feelings. I belive that you need to seek protection from shaytaan it seems like he is trying to twist you into believing that Allah is giving you this bad feeling and that praying is making you sick so dont do it.
Dont fall for it call upon Allah and believe in Him, He will ALWAYS listen to you do NOT turn your back towards Him and have faith in Him because he is the only one that can undeniable care for you at any time and place.
format_quote Originally Posted by Amoeba
When I turn to Allah when I'm in need, I feel nothing except loneliness and coldness. Tell me why this is.
If you think that Allah is being cold towards you then that is what you get as bro Bedioun has already pointed out Allah is as his servent thinks he is. I can somewhat understand the loneliness part bc I sometimes feel that when I pray Allah will not listen to me because I dont deserve to be listened to. Be he does listen I have to remind myself this and remind yourself of this also.
Allah created this world and many other worlds we dont know of and all its inhabitants. He is letting your heart beat and has blessed you with sight and hearing while others He has not given this previlege. You should look towards Him with gladness and love instead of associating Him with coldness and sickness for He has blessed you has he not? And listening to your prayers ought to be sooo simple for Him who created this world and the hereafter ( and all of its inhabitants). Keep praying if your prayers are not getting answered remember Allah is capable of every and anything do not give up and just please have faith sis and ask Allah to bless you with happiness and remove these negative feelings from your heart.
"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it 'The Present'."
A good cure for depression that often works is regular exercise
i guess ur right, i started exercising recently and it does help a little bit, OP please try that
format_quote Originally Posted by distressed
I know people that pray, but there not really...they just go through the motions,
yeah it happens with me sometimes when there is a lot of things on my mind, i think we can never get 100% khushu in every salah, but atleast praying without khushu is better than abandoning it completely
Umar RA used to say i just want allah azzawajal to accept just two raka'a from me
subhan allah
Last edited by Insecured soul; 10-28-2010 at 02:41 AM.
Oh lord make my best deeds the last deeds
Oh lord make my best day the last day (aakhirah)
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