This thread is about Abuse, It is a very sensitive topic and many victims of this practice do not usually speak up about it , it is rather kept in private. From my knowledge I know that there are many types of Abuse
There is Physical , Verbal, Sexual, Domestic..etc
What are your views on this? Why are we suffering from this? What are the factors? How can we help those who are being abused and who do we also help those which are practicing abuse against others?
Any thoughts? I would be interested in knowing you points of view?
I hope we can learn something beneficial and learn how to make a difference Insha'Allah
become too worried about political correctness and hurting people's feelings, and this is the result.
Salaam Brother, I don't understand:/
What is wrong with political correctness and hurting people's feelings.
I think that it mostly has to do with the indiviual and how they were raised or even not what they were taught as right and wrong..Even though there is a vast population of Muslim who pray and fast there is still abuse , It is very obvious and can not be denied some of them even do it in the name of Allah I think it is when someone understands Quran the wrong way.
" Its sometimes better people don't get to know you..
Cuz the more they know you, the less they understand & accept you..
Alone is better, what say " - SRK
On a side note, I used to act like a jerk because I thought that would attract girls. It didn't work for me because I wasn't being true to myself and they knew it.
haha many of us have been through this phase, then you realise it's only the young immature girls who prefer this. Grown women prefer quite the opposite.
“Who said that guidance requires there to be someone accompanying you"
I thought Abuse was an important topic and I thought as Muslims we are supposed to do our best in changing the negative things that are happening but No problem, this thread might as well just be closed.
haha many of us have been through this phase, then you realise it's only the young immature girls who prefer this. Grown women prefer quite the opposite.
format_quote Originally Posted by Just_A_Girl13
Smart girls like nice boys
Well there must not be any smart girls around here then, because I have no luck with women at all.
At least I didn't before I became a Muslim. Now I just don't care anymore. I've pretty much given up on a relationship at this point. I have more important things to worry about now.
At least I didn't before I became a Muslim. Now I just don't care anymore. I've pretty much given up on a relationship at this point. I have more important things to worry about now.
Consider this:
Marrying is a sunnah of the Holy Prophet s.a.w. and the Holy Prophet said that he who does not practice my sunnah is not with me. Just food for thought.
Salaam sis
Yes, may be you are right, but Violence and Abuse in the Islamic world is not any less, you can say it is ignorance but unfortunately many who are considered as religious people tend to commit these types of attitudes againsttheir Mothers, Sisiters,Wives and daughters.. this is why there is rapid growing rate of females escaping from home , esp. in Saudi Arabia
I think it is humanitarian problem, It also depend on indiviuals as well.
Salaam
walaikum salam sister,
Violence in islamic countries? For that sister you have to look at the state of affairs of a muslim country at this point. This is one of the main confusion new converts come across when they look at a muslim society and are disappointed to find some contrasts there, I myself too am disappointed, but I understand the reasons for it as I am living in a ,apparently muslim country, but there is nothing islamic going on here, as islamic law is not being practised since it is not implemented anywhere, except few clauses of it in Saudi arabia and some states which has greatly prevented those countries from a high crime rate.
You must understand that the spirit of islam ,and the practise of it, is something people have to make an effort to learn because your parents wont teach you, the schools wont teach you, there is nothing on the media about it, if you look closely, most people in muslim countries live just the western lifestyle, there is nothing different, the eat the same junk food, they listen to the same music, they go watch the same movies, the youth has pre/ extra marital relationships just like non -muslims, where is Islam in this? And the reason this is happening is the you cant be a good muslim just because you're born in a muslim country to muslim parents, unless your parents are learned and practising, you would know as little about Quran as non-muslims do.
And this time period was predicted in the hadith when the Prophet Saww told his companions that " There will be a time when you will be great in numbers, but yet faith-less and powerless" .
So one cannot judge the quality of eeman by looking at the billion plus population, people who are true in their faith are always less in numbers but valuable in the eyes of Allah swt, and more so at this time, because non practising muslims have become hypocrites and munafiqs, those people who profess to be muslim, but do nothing like them. They are blinded by the glitter of this world, consume haram with fearlessness ( people take interest and give it and it is so haram, if you eat haram, you cannot purify your soul, and hence you cannot control your actions, you literally sell your soul to the devil and he takes it and ruins you completely)
The whole world is running on the interest banking system and businesses at this moment, people wonder where are the blessings of Allah swt, how can we see and absorb them when we have legalized interest, and Allah swt has clearly said in the Quran something like, that
"After What I have said to you regarding interest, if you still fall into it, consider yourself at WAR with Allah swt and the Prophet saww."
Who can withstand a war with Allah swt and his beloved prophet saww?? And yet we boldly not even engage it, we support it, throwing our hands in helplessness saying 'but we are not doing it, thats how the system of the world is what can we do? we cannot de-escalate our lifestyles, we have to take loans with interest for studies, buying a house and etc etc'
And as you may know that Allah swt says that hypocrites will burn in the most lowest level of hell, even dis believers (kaffirs) will be above them, for hypocrites are liars and think that they could lie to Allah swt, excailm their helplessness and go scot free.
So there are many many glaring reasons for the fall of muslim Ummah, I don't mean for anybody to be depressed, but it is high time we at least rose to the truth and consider it atleast bad in our hearts what has been called absolutely haram in the Quran. You cannot be too nice if you eat haram, even though you'd be going to the masjid, keeping rozas ( asom, fasts )giving huge charity, going to hajj and umrah and what not, but yet you are missing quite a few important fundamentals of Islam, and eating haram, which will make you ill at ease.
(I knew this banker family who used to pray and all but were quite miserly ( and were in favor of taking interest) the family was quite rich , but their problems were never ending, had an abnormal only son, the grandsons were born abnormal, with diseases, Astaghfirullah all this is a part of trials but if our trials fail to make us realize that we need to get to close to the creator, they become our reasons of un-happiness and distress. The poor banker was shot by some people who had a bad eye on his wealth. May Allah bless his soul and forgive him, but his wealth and power was of no use to him at any time of his life.)
May Allah swt bless us all and keep us far away from haram and fitnah.
And all our this discussion is tied to the fitna-e dajjal, because it is the agenda of the dajjalic army to oppress the muslims, kill them and make them shun Islam, and at the end of this rope is satan who is at the peak of his enmity with the Oneness of Allah swt.
There are restrictions on Muslim scholars on speaking up about these topics, such scholars are not given space to hold lectures , go to universities who would teach something that is ISlamic, but is against the system of the world. Such scholars are even killed if they manage to hold such gatherings for informing people, because our whole education system prepares us to serve this non-Islamic system, and we accept it whole heartedly not knowing what is really at the end of it. So most scholar just stick to the basic teachings , because even the basic teachings give you a lot of knowledge with the help of Allah swt. Not saying that all education is bad, but an education which is not taught with the principles of Islam, or with any islam at all, it can never bring us peace or happiness, and that un-happiness is transmitted through bad behaviors and actions in the society.
You must understand that the spirit of islam ,and the practise of it, is something people have to make an effort to learn because your parents wont teach you, the schools wont teach you, there is nothing on the media about it, if you look closely, most people in muslim countries live just the western lifestyle, there is nothing different, the eat the same junk food, they listen to the same music, they go watch the same movies, the youth has pre/ extra marital relationships just like non -muslims, where is Islam in this? And the reason this is happening is the you cant be a good muslim just because you're born in a muslim country to muslim parents, unless your parents are learned and practising, you would know as little about Quran as non-muslims do.
Salaam
I understand what you are trying to say, The Muslim world is not any better or different, this I agree, And I also agree that Islam can not be taught by whom you listed, this I also agree. But Abuse is a Humanitarian subject, I mean wasn't the Purpose of Jihad in first place to remove oppression and tyranny from people, so I was just wondering what is there to do Rather should we just live our lives and not care about what is happening? Aren't we witnesses to God of what is happening in this planet? Will we not be asked about what we could have done about it?
These are my questions ....
format_quote Originally Posted by SFatima
There are restrictions on Muslim scholars on speaking up about these topics, such scholars are not given space to hold lectures , go to universities who would teach something that is ISlamic, but is against the system of the world. Such scholars are even killed if they manage to hold such gatherings for informing people, because our whole education system prepares us to serve this non-Islamic system, and we accept it whole heartedly not knowing what is really at the end of it. So most scholar just stick to the basic teachings , because even the basic teachings give you a lot of knowledge with the help of Allah swt. Not saying that all education is bad, but an education which is not taught with the principles of Islam, or with any islam at all, it can never bring us peace or happiness, and that un-happiness is transmitted through bad behaviors and actions in the society.
How come? and Why? Why is it that we need a Muslim scholar to tell us what is Moraly or Ethically acceptable or not? Shouldn't we have realized what is wrong and what is right from our hearts? I am not saying let's make this "revolution" against the Society I am just asking for ways to help others who are in this painful situation, That's all.
In my childhood since I was 7 until 10 I lived in a small city with my family and my unmarried auntie. We were living in a big house with large backyard. Behind my house there were rice fields, and stuck on my backyard wall there were few bamboo cabins were rice farm workers lived there. They were poor people.
In an afternoon I saw my auntie stood on backyard. I approached her, but she gave me a sign to silence and listen. I listened what was my auntie listens. There were voices from a bamboo cabin, very bad, I heard an angry man and a crying woman. I heard that woman was so scared, she begged for mercy, but no mercy for her. I heard that man slapped that woman very hard, again and again. Then I ran, back to the house. I can't say that was abuse case, no, that's torture.
format_quote Originally Posted by May Ayob
Also ,another question is which has a deeper affect? Verbal or Physical abuse?
In grade 8 I always used to hear people repeating this statement :" "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" Do you agree? or disagree?
Totally disagree. Victim of verbal abuse usually becomes a low confidence person who always blame himself/herself.
Totally disagree. Victim of verbal abuse usually becomes a low confidence person who always blame himself/herself.
Exactly! That's what makes sense!
I honestly don't understand how someone can claim that people who are being abused are more inclined towards aggression , never made any sense , and never will make any.
Exactly! That's what makes sense!
I honestly don't understand how someone can claim that people who are being abused are more inclined towards aggression , never made any sense , and never will make any.
Salaam
Salaam
When I was young I knew some thugs who use violence as their 'daily language'. But I found a fact, not all of them had abusive parents.
Exactly! That's what makes sense!
I honestly don't understand how someone can claim that people who are being abused are more inclined towards aggression , never made any sense , and never will make any.
Salaam
Maybe you haven't come across them but that doesn't mean there are no such cases. I frequently see people who become abusive later in life, while they have been brought up by either of the abusive parent. There are no generalizations in this. That doesn't mean that all kids will be abusive, or all kids will be shy and non-abusive.
When I was young I knew some thugs who use violence as their 'daily language'. But I found a fact, not all of them had abusive parents.
Yes, I think that it has NOTHING to do with being abused, Most "Thugs" do it because they think it's cool and fun to scare people,
We should have sympathy for people who are being abused.
Salaam
Maybe you haven't come across them but that doesn't mean there are no such cases. I frequently see people who become abusive later in life, while they have been brought up by either of the abusive parent. There are no generalizations in this. That doesn't mean that all kids will be abusive, or all kids will be shy and non-abusive.
Salaam
Yes, True also though, It still wouldn't be a fair judgement,because there was a story I read sometime ago It is an Islamic tradition:
It says that there was a wise man teaching the son of a king Morals and Manners..etc So one day the teacher beat the child severly and caused him serious injuries but the child couldn't speak up because he knew his father(the King) wouldn't belive him so he waited until his father passed away and he became the king so he called upon the old teacher he had and he told him " Now that my father has passed away and I am the king I am free to do what I want for what you have done to me in my childhood without the knowledge of my father"
He asked him to explain why he did this to him when he was young
The Wise man said:"I wanted you to know what it feels like to be opressed and feel it deep within your heart, because I knew one day you were going to become a king and I did not want you to become a tyrant one"
See from this story we learn that maybe we face uncomfortable things in life to know what it feels like to be in a certain situation and we make the right judgements and actions according to it.
Some of these abused people are really lucky they probably don't know what is hidden for them in the future of Good Fortune Insha'Allah
Salaam
I am really thankful to allah subhanahu wa ta'ala I never got abused by anybody.Only once my college teacher told me something by which my self confidence got lowered at that time .
I got Admission in a very reputed college.And I was from Non English medium(URDU).It was very Difficult time of my life I was not able to understand what teacher is touting.During writing journal I had written every thing wrong(spelling mistakes).She asked me you came from where, from Which school?(I told her about my school.Obviously she was aware of that I am a Muslim.In the class of 138 students only 5-6 muslim students were there and me and one of my friend were from non English medium.)
Then she told me go back to your school's college.Why you came here.I was feeling very depress at that moment.I decided I will leave this college after my 11th and join some other college.But my friends were very supportive towards me.They told me don't pay attention to her.She is telling these things because she is scared of college's reputation.They Do not want a bad result for their reputed college.But friend you will make bad result for these people.
But I work really hard I scored above my Expectation.
Last edited by Pure Purple; 07-12-2011 at 03:36 PM.
Marrying is a sunnah of the Holy Prophet s.a.w. and the Holy Prophet said that he who does not practice my sunnah is not with me. Just food for thought.
I understand that. I know about marriage being half the deen and all that. But my life is too complicated right now, and I can't ask a sister to share that burden. It's not fair to her.
Salaam
Yes, True also though, It still wouldn't be a fair judgement,because there was a story I read sometime ago It is an Islamic tradition:
It says that there was a wise man teaching the son of a king Morals and Manners..etc So one day the teacher beat the child severly and caused him serious injuries but the child couldn't speak up because he knew his father(the King) wouldn't belive him so he waited until his father passed away and he became the king so he called upon the old teacher he had and he told him " Now that my father has passed away and I am the king I am free to do what I want for what you have done to me in my childhood without the knowledge of my father"
He asked him to explain why he did this to him when he was young
The Wise man said:"I wanted you to know what it feels like to be opressed and feel it deep within your heart, because I knew one day you were going to become a king and I did not want you to become a tyrant one"
See from this story we learn that maybe we face uncomfortable things in life to know what it feels like to be in a certain situation and we make the right judgements and actions according to it.
Some of these abused people are really lucky they probably don't know what is hidden for them in the future of Good Fortune Insha'Allah
Salaam
Thats a very nice story thanks for sharing jazakAllah khair
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