I'm curious. What are your views on women who are raped? I mean, do you think it's their fault?
Before anyone jumps to conclusions, I have yet to give my opinion on this matter. The reason why I created this topic is because I have met many people saying that it is the victim's fault for being raped, usually the women.
Also, how would you feel if one of your relatives was raped? Would you still be willing to apportion the blame her?
So share your views.
Hope I did not offend anyone.
Last edited by GuestFellow; 04-21-2012 at 10:26 PM.
I was looking at myself talking to myself and I realized this conversation...I was having with myself looking at myself was a conversation with myself that I needed to have with myself.
Ha? You're looking at a fraction of the problem. Rape is not restricted to areas that has high gang related crimes, so what is the point of pointing out those areas over other areas where a woman/man could equally get raped.
There are plenty of areas that are supposedly "well-known" to be safe, and women still get raped, regardless of the location. The point is that everyone should be careful regardless of where they are.
I think possibly due to the way I worded my post, you missed the point that was being made and got side tracked and hung onto the example.
I'll try to explain it better..
OP's question: Should women be blamed?
When I read this, I thought it was obvious what the OP was getting at here: The people out there who blame women for rape must think that a woman must have done something to invite it. So I thought to myself, what could they think are the possible scenarios where a woman could invite it? I came up with: if a woman were to go out into a dangerous place without taking adequate safety measures. This point of mine, was later corroborated by the OP, too. In that this is the reason people usually think a woman should be blamed. * [Please see the note below]
Hence my response of (not literal but this is what I meant): No. (EVEN IF) A woman were to be in a (HYPOTHETICAL) dangerous area (where it were to be likely that rape would occur), we can't say she is to be blamed.
Now, this dangerous area could be anywhere. I don't need to pin-point any area and I shouldn't have to as it was just an example. You could use your imagination. E.g. some dark alleyway where known rapists hang out at night and your parents tell you not to go in that place. OR a young lady at night were to have two different options, i. go through the openly lit safe main road or some dark narrow alley where pimps walk around. Option two is obviously unsafe.
In this sense, due to the very nature of the question, there was no point me coming along and saying anything about other places and circumstances where rape occur. E.g. in the home, where the rapist is known to the person etc and so forth as in that kind of scenario, it makes no sense for a woman to be blamed for it. E.g. let's say a woman is at home and someone were to break in and rape her or she had a 'best friend' who was male and he were to rape her without her doing anything to invite it (obviously relationships like that are wrong in Islam but, again, no need for anyone to get sidetracked over this, it's just an example), in those circumstances, people don't USUALLY come out and say the woman is to blame (anyone that does, is obviously mad).
No. For the thought of blaming a woman to occur, it is usually the case that people (and more specifically, Muslim men) think of women not taking adequate precautions (e.g. they go out by themselves in dangerous areas or don't cover themselves appropriate or any example under the sun where they haven't taken proper precaution), hence the example I used.
*[NOTE: In case this paragraph of mine is misunderstood: here I am not talking about what I believe but what others possibly believe and the reasons for them]
If my point isn't understood from what I've just said here, then I will just have to put it down to a communication problem as I've really minutely broken down what I meant.
This topic has been discussed already. I see no benefits in discussing it again. And it always bunch ignorant that no experience discussing such matters. Who are we to decide where our sympathy should go to? If it helps no human being "ask" to be raped whether they are muslim, non muslim, hijab/nigab or none.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one.." [Bukhaari].
Alpha Dude, I completely understood your previous posts, however I was amazed at how the examples you stated are always present in almost every topic pertaining to rape. Ever wondered why the dark alley scenario is so popular. Do not take my statement personally. As you have contemplated about the inner-thoughts of men who blame rape victims, I too, am trying to de-construct the reasoning behind the dark alley and mini-skirt scenarios.
People who feel the need to understand the matter from the perspective of the rapist commonly state the examples you have brought worth, because in today’s society it fits well in the conventional wisdom of sexuality. I think most people have at one point in their life encountered people who entertain the thought that a woman could actually “invite”/ “ask for” to be raped.
I think it’s reasonable to suggest that as humans when present with two options, we will probably choose the one that appears more safe at that particular moment. There are exceptions, where someone might take a dark alley (shortcut) to get home faster for any particular reason. But I assure you that if any person (Man/woman) even considered the possibility that taking a particular route will result in getting raped, robbed, and/or killed, that they will likely change their route, unless the alternative route is not practical or worse than the current route they are taking.
Let’s even suppose that a woman has to walk down a dark alley to get home, again, I think it’s reasonable to suggest that she will likely walk fast to reach her destination, be alert, and take the necessary steps to remain as safe as humanly possible.
We can also presume that a woman has to walk down a road that is half way lit and half way dark. In such situations it's nature to remain alert. A woman could walk down a dark street, alley, road, sidewalk etc, multiple times and get home safely. And if it’s her neighborhood, then she’ll probably feel safe enough to walk home without constantly contemplating the possibility that she might get raped or killed.
After looking at few conditions that might cause a woman to walk down a dark alley we still blame women partially for walking down dark alleys. Sadly, some women will inevitably be faced with the possibility that they have to walk down a dark alley for any particular reason, but it's not in dark alley's where the majority of women get raped, or even a good portion for that matter ( Women do generally avoid dark alleys). Nevertheless, people still entertain the idea that a woman might be “inviting/asking for” rape and use the dark alley scenario as an example. What is even more shocking is the fact that adequate information has been released, which confirms that the majority of women are raped by a known assailant in their personal space, so how is it that people continue to emphasis the “dark alley” scenario when it comes to discussing rape? Why does the question “should women be blamed/held accountable (partially) for rape” being asked at this time and age?
I have yet to see questions such as those being posed to victims who are robbed, or those who were killed in dark alleys. Jeez, maybe if that guy did not walk down that alley with his wallet and that nice wristwatch, then he won’t have been robbed. Or maybe if his wallet wasn’t peeking from his back pocket, then the robber would not have followed him…..etc…
There is a good reason why these questions are continuous posed to women victims of rape, and it has to do with the mentality that women are somehow responsible for being raped. And hence the reason why the dark alley and mini-skirt scenarios are endlessly stated –exceptions are made to appear as the norm. This mentality has spread through the Muslim community like a wildfire, you mention rape and countless possibilities of how the woman could have “invited” her rapist are dished-out. Short skirts, dark alleys….etc. Anything to rationalize the sexual assault. This examples and explanations are not necessarily defending the rapists, but demonstrating the social narrative of sexuality. A woman is not guarding herself enough, if she is raped. The failure of the victim is highlighted, hence, why scenarios such as the dark alley and the mini-skirt are socially used to pose questions such as “Should Women Be Blamed?” The dark alley scenario is mentioned to enforce the notion that it’s “strangers that rape careless women in dangerous places”, and that image defines how we perceive rape in today’s society –and that is far from the truth.
I will remind you again not to take my statements as a personal attack. It’s merely a personal observation of society’s mindset towards rape.
Last edited by TrueStranger; 04-22-2012 at 09:23 AM.
The people who blame women for going into "dangerous" areas during the night just reveal how little of a clue they have, I suspect most people who do so live in a comfortable middle-class bubble. The "dangerous" areas are almost invariably neglected low-income areas. Some women actually LIVE in those areas, due to being unable to afford to live anywhere else.
I think it is supposed to be as people you see on a daily basis, and come into close proximity with, not people you are just close to. Classmates, colleagues, etc who are not close to you still pose a danger because women don't suspect them, and then get attacked, sometimes because the guy thinks she wanted it because she smiled at him once and was playing hard-to-get.
No, if you look at what they mean by people close to them, they mean families and close friends of family. Frankly, classmate are not close to us. And these reports often says in their homes which rules out your theory of close proximity. If you don't believe you can look it up for yourself what they mean by "those close to them".
Anyway, whilst we sit figuring out whether victims deceive blame, just know that most victims (male and female) will most likely never get justice around the world. Funny how the blame is most frequent discussion of rape.
Last edited by Rhubarb Tart; 04-22-2012 at 10:06 AM.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one.." [Bukhaari].
This topic has been discussed already. I see no benefits in discussing it again. And it always bunch ignorant that no experience discussing such matters. Who are we to decide where our sympathy should go to? If it helps no human being "ask" to be raped whether they are muslim, non muslim, hijab/nigab or none.
Salaam,
I would like to see this topic continue. I want to know people's attitudes towards rape and the victim. I have already learnt something that I did not know before. When I ask questions, I'm not trying to prove them wrong or engage in some sort of debate, just want members to clarify what they have said.
^ Also, there are women, who are victims of rape, that blame themselves. How do members respond to this article?
I was looking at myself talking to myself and I realized this conversation...I was having with myself looking at myself was a conversation with myself that I needed to have with myself.
all i can say is tht my Allah protect everyone Ameen n tht wen we should read our morning n evening duas and should read the dua wen we step out of our houses.... and i would not blame the victim
Allah made everyone different thats what makes them special,so no matter what ppl say just remember you're SPECIAL!! "You are with the one you love"
Nem0
Zimbabwe women accused of raping men 'for rituals'
The women are accused of collecting the semen in condoms
Zimbabwean police believe there is a nationwide syndicate of women raping men, possibly to use their semen for use in rituals that claim to make people wealthy.
It has taken more than a year for any arrests to be made, and on Monday three women are to go on trial in the capital, Harare, over the allegations which have shocked the country.
One alleged victim, who wished to remain anonymous, gave an account on national television in July of his experience which happened after he was offered a lift by a group of three women in Harare.
Continue reading the main story
“Start Quote
The urge to have sex was still there”
Alleged male rape victim
"One of the women threw water in my face and they injected me with something that gave me a strong sexual desire," he said.
"They stopped the car and made me have sex with each of them several times, using condoms.
"When they had finished they left me in the bush totally naked.
"Some people gathering grass helped me by calling the police, who took me to hospital to deal with the effects of this drug that I had been given, as the urge to have sex was still there."
The women due in court have been charged on 17 counts of aggravated indecent assault - as Zimbabwean law does not recognise the act of a woman raping a man.
They were detained earlier this month in the central town of Gweru, 275km (170 miles) south-west of Harare, after officers found 31 used condoms in the car that they were travelling in.
Threatening crowds
The women deny the charges, saying they are prostitutes and were too busy at the time to dispose of the condoms.
People standing by mini bus taxis in Harare, Zimbabwe Since the reports of male rapes, some men say they no longer hitch hike and prefer to use buses
After being released on bail last month, they were confronted and threatened by a crowd. They say they have been forced to remain at home since then, to avoid unwanted attention.
Police spokesperson Superintendent Andrew Phiri told the BBC that they believe that there is a syndicate operating nationwide.
"We have received reports from around the country from different towns and provinces, it's been happening on the highways," he said.
"We are yet to find out the real reason why this is happening. We have heard speculation that it's linked to rituals."
He appealed for witnesses to come forward.
"We need to hear from people who are prepared to tell," the superintendent said.
The semen is believed to be used in rituals to bring success in business, and there are suggestions that the semen is being taken outside the country for sale.
But cultural expert and sociology lecturer Claude Mararikei told the BBC that it was not clear how the semen would be used.
"It's in the area of rituals and magic, which border on secret societies," he said.
"Even researchers don't want to go into that area because you may not come out alive to publish whatever you find out."
'Wife left me'
While the first accounts of men alleging that they had been raped by women were generally met with incredulity, men who spoke to the BBC say that they are now taking the issue very seriously.
Continue reading the main story
“Start Quote
I think there has been a lot of under-reporting because the victims will feel not man enough to talk about such issues and that will hinder them from speaking out”
Nakai Nengomasha Counsellor
"When I travel I only use buses where people are travelling in numbers now, I won't get a lift in private cars, especially if there are women inside," said a man called Witness.
"You must exercise caution, women are raping men, it's happening."
Some women in Harare, like Sibongile, worry it is giving their gender a bad image.
"I wish that people could be encouraged to work for their money in a good way. It's evil that's gone into women's heads to cause them to be that greedy, that they want easy money," she told the BBC in the city centre.
The police have not given a figure for the number of cases reported.
Nakai Nengomasha, a counsellor who is working with three men who say that they are victims of female rapists, believes that there could be more cases who have not come forward.
"I think there has been a lot of under-reporting because the victims will feel not man enough to talk about such issues and that will hinder them from speaking out," he said.
"They need to deal with denial which comes from a deeply rooted mistaken belief that men are immune to being victimised and that they should be able to fight back if they are truly a real man.
"Some have to deal with the issue of seeing the assault as a loss of manhood and feel disgusted with themselves."
That is how the man who spoke about his alleged ordeal on television feels, saying he even contemplated suicide.
"I feel violated and disappointed, because when I told my wife what happened, she left me, together with one of our three children. I'm hoping that she will come back."
We all think we know how a victim looks like and how a rapist looks like. But we dont. The blame game doesnt help anyone.
All Muslims should take self defence classes and not be afraid of anyone but Allah (swt).
^^^I want to meet this woman LOL!
Wow, lol
Allah made everyone different thats what makes them special,so no matter what ppl say just remember you're SPECIAL!! "You are with the one you love"
Nem0
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