ღღ•*´¨`*•.¸ღ✿ Ten ways to achieve lasting love ✿ღ¸.•*´¨`*•ღღ (OP)
ღღ•*´¨`*•.¸ღ✿ Ten ways to achieve lasting love ✿ღ¸.•*´¨`*•ღღ
Husbands and wives should do the following:
❤1. They have to get in the habit of saying things that are positive, like offering compliments and like making little prayers for each other.
A husband could say to his wife: “If I were sent back to the days of my youth, I would not choose for a wife anyone besides you.” Of course, the wife can easily say something similar to her husband.
Affectionate words have an effect, especially on women. They have, indeed, often been the weapons used by unscrupulous men to gain access to what is not theirs.
Sweet words arouse a woman’s heart. A husband should take care to say them to his wife before someone else does.
❤2. Husbands and wives have to get into the habit of doing those little things that mean so much.
If a man comes home to find his wife asleep, he can cover her and tuck her into bed.
A husband can give his wife a call from work just to say hello and to let her know that he is thinking about her.
If a wife finds that her husband has fallen asleep, she can give him a little kiss on the forehead, even if she thinks that he will not be aware of it. Indeed, on some level his senses are working even though he is asleep and he may very well be aware of it.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) emphasized the value of these little things, “…even the morsel of food that you place in your wife’s mouth…” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]
It may very well be that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was alluding to the expenditure of a man for his wife’s needs. Nonetheless, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) chose to express it in the way he did for a reason. Most importantly, this is the way the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) conducted himself with his family.
This type of behavior is governed by the tastes of the people involved. It may take some getting used to, but it really does not take a lot of effort.
A person who is not accustomed to such things may feel embarrassed just hearing about them and may prefer to leave matters the way they are rather than try to change his behavior and do things that he might see as ridiculous.
Still, we must be willing introduce new habits into our lives if we do not want our problems to go on forever.
❤3. The husband and wife must set aside time to talk to each other.
They should talk about the past; reminisce about the good times. Talking about them keeps them fresh in our minds as if they had happened only yesterday. They should talk about the future and share their hopes and their plans. They should also talk about the present, both the good and bad of it, and discuss different ways to solve their problems.
❤4. Keeping close physical contact is good for the relationship.
This is not just for times of intimacy, but at all times, like when sitting in the lounge or walking down the street. This is regardless of the fact that there are still men in our society who are ashamed to have people see them walking in public with their wives at their sides.
❤5. Emotional support should be guaranteed whenever it is required.
When the wife is pregnant or on her monthly period, she may need her husband to lend her a little moral support. He should take her mental state into consideration. Medical experts attest to the fact that when women go through pregnancy, menstruation, or postpartum bleeding, they suffer from psychological stress that can aversely affect their behavior. It is at times like these that a woman needs her husband’s support. She needs him to let her know how much she means to him and how much he needs her in his life.
Likewise, the husband might fall ill or come under a lot of difficulties. The wife must take these things into consideration. If people want their relationship to last, they must let each other feel that support.
❤6. There has to be some material expressions of love.
Gifts should be given, sometimes without there being any occasion for it, since a pleasant surprise is always welcome. A good gift is one that expresses feelings of affection. It does not have to be expensive, but it has to be appropriate for the other’s tastes and personality; something that will be cherished.
❤7. The husband and wife have to learn how to be more tolerant of each other and overlook one another’s shortcomings.
It should become a habit to forget about the little mistakes of daily life and not even bring them up. Silence in these trivialities is a sign of noble character.
A woman said to `آ’ishah: “When my husband comes home, he becomes like a cat. When he goes out, he becomes like a lion. He does not ask about what might have happened.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]
Ibn Hajar explains her words as follows:
They might mean that he is very generous and tolerant. He does not make a big fuss about what goes missing of his wealth. If he brings something for the house, he does not enquire about it later on. He does not make an issue of the shortcomings that he might see at home but instead is clement and tolerant.
It is wrong to go overboard in considering the faults of others but when it comes to ourselves, keep a running account of all our good qualities.
There is a tradition that goes: “One of you sees the dust in his brother’s eyes and forgets about the dirt in his own.”
❤8. A husband and wife must come to an understanding when it comes to matters of mutual concern, like the raising of children, work, travel, expenses, and problems that might pose a threat to the marital relationship.
❤9. Husbands and wives need to do things to liven up their relationship.
Each one of them can read a book or listen to a cassette that might give them some ideas on how they can revitalize their marital life and bring more meaning to it. They can vary their habits when it comes to relaxing together, dining, taking refreshments, decorating their home, and in relating to each other both openly and intimately. These are the things that keep up the excitement and interest in a relationship.
❤10. The relationship must be protected from negative influences that can harm it.
One of the worst of these is the habit of comparing one’s spouse to others. Many men tend to compare their wives to those of other men. Some even compare them with the faces they see in magazines and on television. Women also compare their husbands with other women’s husbands in things like wealth, looks, and how many times he takes her out. All of this makes people feel bad and insufficient and it can ruin the marital relationship.
If we must compare ourselves to others, we should do so with those who have less going for them than ourselves. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Look towards those who are beneath you and do not look towards those who are above you. This is better so that you do not belittle Allah’s blessings.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]
We must accustom ourselves to living in the real world and to finding contentment in what Allah has decreed for us. We should not look longingly at what others have been given. Whatever little that we have will be a lot if we utilize it well.
Allah made everyone different thats what makes them special,so no matter what ppl say just remember you're SPECIAL!! "You are with the one you love"
Nem0
Re: ღღ•*´¨`*•.¸ღ✿ Ten ways to achieve lasting love ✿ღ¸.•*´¨`*•ღღ
^ lol
Allah made everyone different thats what makes them special,so no matter what ppl say just remember you're SPECIAL!! "You are with the one you love"
Nem0
Re: ღღ•*´¨`*•.¸ღ✿ Ten ways to achieve lasting love ✿ღ¸.•*´¨`*•ღღ
i wil keep it in mind, insha-Allah.
@Paprika: such things should be enjoyable, not tiresome. it's true that marriage is no piece of cake and there will be times when you can't give and would be rather left alone, but those times should be less and at those times you must try harder to improve the relationship and not let shaytan get a chance to brew problems. being alone might not be the best way to deal with the situation as shaytan can get it's way and fill up the mind with ill thoughts about the spouse. at such an occasion, one should try to pray, do zikr and say duas seeking Allah's help to sort out the problems.
married ppl might want to comment (and I'd like to hear their views and ideas) as I am not married so can't really know if i'm right or not.
Re: ღღ•*´¨`*•.¸ღ✿ Ten ways to achieve lasting love ✿ღ¸.•*´¨`*•ღღ
Assalamu-alaikum brothers and sisters,
In the following article, a wife describes some of the lessons that she has learnt during her 30 years of marriage. MashaAllah.
Just wanted to share it with everyone, and insha Allah, it would be of benefit to those who are already married/ those who are embarking on this journey.
********
Unlike the movies, making a life with another person is rarely a happily ever after.
There are stormy seasons and safe comforting shores by turn. In our life together, there have been times that my husband Yusuf and I could have given up because those comforting shores were nowhere to be seen.
But, this week marks three decades together as wife and husband.
In making it this far together, I’ve discovered four hard-learned truths in the creative process that is marriage:
Finding Fault:
It is easy to find fault with others, but much harder to really look at yourself and acknowledge your imperfections. For a long time I wanted my husband to be more like me. Now, I realize what a mess that would have been. With age, my own flaws have presented themselves more clearly, and that has made me more forgiving of others.
Count Your Blessings:
I have always wanted poetry; my husband is not the poetic type. I’ve come to see that all of the years he has worked so hard for his family are the best kind of poetry. It is love manifested– the doing of what needs to be done, day after day, year after year. When I think of that I say a prayer for him, count my blessings, and feel small in comparison.
Patience and Trust:
Throughout my life I’ve seen a recurring theme with others and in myself. We want what we want, but we don’t always know what we need. Some of the biggest blessings in my life have been the things that I wanted and prayed for, but did not receive. I’ve learned to be patient and trust – unanswered prayers make room for what I actually need.
Growth and Change:
People, like all living things, need room to grow. If you are with someone long enough, you are both going to evolve repeatedly. Sometimes it can be scary because we don’t always grow at the same time or rate, but change is as necessary as air for our survival.
Our development as individuals comes from our relationships with others; it is a never-ending journey. After 30 years, I feel indescribable gratitude to the man who is like a tree, solid and anchored, the opposite of my mercurial self, my perfect complement.
I am grateful for our life together and for the ebbs and flows along the way; it is all part of my life and story, our life and story.
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