Its sin or not?

First, is the other girl you love a Muslim?, if yes, then tell your wife if she will allow you to marry another woman (as Muslims are allowed 4 wives) if she agrees then you can marry the other woman as long as you can treat both wives equally

If wife does not agree and you see there will be big problems for her (first wife) and you, then forget the idea and you have to make sacrifice by ditching the other girl and cutting off all connection to her no matter if she cries you a river!

Any connection with this girl is a sin, but due to circumstances, if wife agrees, then arrange marraige with her, but keep it halal, I. E, no touching and being alone with her before marraige

format_quote Originally Posted by toobashah

I'm married person but i didn't love my wife but i like her couple of years back the girl i loved most she cheated on me that's why i married with my wife now then after years I realized that me and my wife are totally different person but she's very sweet and we have one baby also that's why i thought that i have to compromise on all of this things but suddenly i start to like other girls i don't know why but I feel attracted to them well i know I'm man and this happened with lots of men's .. well after that i met a girl she was really cute and attractive i liked her alot I feel very connected to her mentally or physically both but i told her that we wouldn't get married because I'm already married and i tried alot to stay away from her but it's not possible to me so now i loved her alot and she loved me too she's crying all the time and telling men that she wlll never love anyone she only love me so I don't understand what's should i have to do?

you have to suck it up and act like a man. You have done multiple things which are not only wrong according to Islaam but also morally.
you married someone because some other girl cheated on you? what kind of act is that. Did you do that out of revenge? what were you thinking?
play stupid games, win stupid prizes...so congratulations with messing up your life yourself...sad part is, you are also ruining the lives of others.

now you are saying you and your wife are totally different? yeah of course, that is what you get if you do not use your head. marriage is not a game. its a lifetime commitment.

your wife loves you and is very sweet, you even have a child....

you are a bad person. you do not deserve them. If I were a close one to you, I would beat the hell out of you.

So here is what you should do:
first you are going to stay away from other women. you will act like a man and tell that lover of yours, she must find her happiness elsewhere, not with you.
second, you are going to act like a loving husband and father.

format_quote Originally Posted by Ahmed.

First, is the other girl you love a Muslim?, if yes, then tell your wife if she will allow you to marry another woman (as Muslims are allowed 4 wives) if she agrees then you can marry the other woman as long as you can treat both wives equally

If wife does not agree and you see there will be big problems for her (first wife) and you, then forget the idea and you have to make sacrifice by ditching the other girl and cutting off all connection to her no matter if she cries you a river!

Any connection with this girl is a sin, but due to circumstances, if wife agrees, then arrange marraige with her, but keep it halal, I. E, no touching and being alone with her before marraige

I do not think that would work brother. it is clear from his story that he cannot treat both wifes equally. he clearly prefers one over the other. this will make things even worse in time.

format_quote Originally Posted by Ümit

I do not think that would work brother. it is clear from his story that he cannot treat both wifes equally. he clearly prefers one over the other. this will make things even worse in time.

Inequality in matter of love is OK brother as love is something of the heart and it cannot be helped. The Prophet (saw) used to spend more time in Ayesha's (ra) House, but with the permission of his other wives

The equality that Allah wants is providing both wives the same quality food, living standards etc but if the heart inclines in love more towards one than another that's ok as that's something that a man is powerless to change, so he can spend more time with the one he loves most with the permission of the other wife/wives

format_quote Originally Posted by Ahmed.

Inequality in matter of love is OK brother as love is something of the heart and it cannot be helped. The Prophet (saw) used to spend more time in Ayesha's (ra) House, but with the permission of his other wives

The equality that Allah wants is providing both wives the same quality food, living standards etc but if the heart inclines in love more towards one than another that's ok as that's something that a man is powerless to change, so he can spend more time with the one he loves most with the permission of the other wife/wives

You are right. Thanks for clearing that up for me.

The thing you are also right about is that although this person has done some terrible things, I should just give Islamic advise and leave the judging to Allah. I got my anger get in the way...But I did wanted to let him know how bad he messed up.

May Allah help us all from such situations

format_quote Originally Posted by Ümit

You are right. Thanks for clearing that up for me.

The thing you are also right about is that although this person has done some terrible things, I should just give Islamic advise and leave the judging to Allah. I got my anger get in the way...But I did wanted to let him know how bad he messed up.

May Allah help us all from such situations

Yeah don't worry brother anger towards evil is a good sign of faith. The Prophet (saw) at times got angry towards people who done terrible things.

This brother did mess up bad and my advise was based on, what will be the best way forward as he and the other girl are madly in love...

First honestly ask yourself...do you want your father to cheat on your mother because of every pretty girl he sees? Do you want a man to mess with your mom, sister, aunt, daughter? Then dont mess with other women. We all have desires but you have a wive so channel towards her. Some brothers I know are single and women are throwing them at them, yet even they can resist the temptation and be true to islam. Surely you can do it yourself. Cut off contact with that girl and apologize sincerely. You need to stop messing with girls because if one them makes dua against you...your done

Just want to share a hadith:

A man who has two wives and who is completely inclined to one and who ignores the other emerges with one side of his body paralyzed in the Day of Judgment. [ Ibn Majah, Nikah, 47; Mishqatl’l-masabih, 2/196]

Personally, I will not take any risk to get into such a trial. Dealing with one wife is already difficult, talking about two is calling for unnecessary trouble in your life. You have not been just with your only wife because you never truly loved her based on your post, even though in return you always found her loving you. You also have a kid now, so I would advise to cut off any relationship with other girl. Fear Allah and focus on your wife and kid.

Following our desires will lead us to destruction. If you marry this girl, what's the guarantee that you will not find another woman better than your supposedly two wives?

By no means I am suggesting that it is haram for you to have two wives at a time, but I think it probably is best for you to stick with one who has proven to be a faithful and loving wife. The girl has an affair with you knowing that you are married? That's a big red flag.

Today you are blind in her love but tomorrow you will tell her that she did not had a good character because she had an affair with you while you were married. And of course, you will always think you did not do anything wrong; neither to your first wife and not to this girl.

Fear Allah my brother and start practicing Islam. Fulfill rights of your first wife before you start thinking you can be fair to both....

I see you're not even familiar with what is Salafi or not

That's what I mean brother, you're only 17 and hardly know anything so the 'key' is to LEARN rather than make your mind up on anything other than the basics...

That site you've been learning from (Islam Q&A) is a Salafi site: surprise surprise )

I'd love to carry on and really teach you the pros and cons of 'sects' but we already had enough of that in last few weeks to the extent where Mods have been closing down threads so let's not get into all of that again. Just read up on debates I've been Having with Habib lately

Salam

@taha_
Arguing (if you honoustly think you are right) is a healthy part of your learning process. Therefore, do not avoid arguing as an initial reaction. If something is not clear to you, then ask.
Ask Ahmed for links to threads where this subject is being discussed, so that you may read and learn. Ask him to elaborate.

I am sure Ahmed's intention is not to intimidate you.

initially you are right of course about hadeeths and their references but you have to find that happy medium of course.
healthy discussions are usually a mix of trust and cooperation. you initially trust the other person for providing correct information. (or at least, information he THINKS is correct).
sometimes he can provide the reference, sometimes you can search the reference yourself if you need it. if you cannot find it, then you can ask to elaborate or at least help you with where to look.

If you expect a reference for every detail from the other, then first you will take the fun out of it, and second, you will learn less because you do not put effort anymore in your own search for information.

So again, do not always expect all information from the other.

about our prophet (SAS) getting angry:
Our beloved Prophet was a very tolerant and modest person. He never got angry for personal things. he would always control himself, showing no sign of overreaction. Indeed, he kept his cool in all situations. However, if some violation of the limits God has ordered to be observed, the Prophet (peace be upon him) could be very angry, and his anger showed in his face.

you will find various hadeeths about our Profet SAS getting angry.

like this one:
Hadith No: 20
Narrated/Authority of Aisha
Listed in: Belief
Whenever Allah's Apostle ordered the Muslims to do something, he used to order them deeds which were easy for them to do, (according to their strength endurance). They said, "O Allah's Apostle! We are not like you. Allah has forgiven your past and future sins." So Allah's Apostle became angry and it was apparent on his face. He said, "I am the most Allah fearing, and know Allah better than all of you do."

or this one:
Zayd ibn Thabit reports: “The Prophet (peace be upon him) chose a place where he went out at night to pray. Some men saw him doing that and they prayed with him. They came every night to do that. One night, the Prophet did not come out to join them. They started to make some noises, like little coughs, and then they raised their voices, and even threw pebbles at his door. He came out to them angry and said: “Look you people! You continued doing what you did until I thought it might be made obligatory for you. Pray in your own home, because the best prayer a person can offer is that he offers at home, except for obligatory prayers.” (Related by Al-Bukhari, Abu Dawood and Al-Nassaie).

He even had a feature, a vein, on his forehead, between his eyebrows that became prominent when he got angry:
https://www.withprophet.com/en/the-d...ce-be-upon-him

@taha_
Yup let's not argue, but I said that first lol

Always wanting the last word, even by 'hijacking' the others comments again is a sign of ego brother. Hope you don't mind my pointing out of serious faults (as hadith says atom of pride takes to hell) but I want the best for you!

And I add a lot of humour to my posts so don't mistake that for arguing

format_quote Originally Posted by taha_

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu brother.

Thank you for the hadith. But as for arguement, it can create hatred and emility toward muslims.

“I guarantee a house in Paradise for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a house in the middle of Paradise for one who abandons lying even when joking for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of the Paradise for the one who had good manners”[4] (Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith No. 4500)

Narrated Abu Umamah:
that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: "No people go astray after having been guided, but they resort to arguing." Then the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) recited this Ayah: '...They quoted not the above example except for argument. Nay! But they are quarrelsome people... (43:58)'


حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ بْنُ حُمَيْدٍ، حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ بِشْرٍ، وَيَعْلَى بْنُ عُبَيْدٍ، عَنْ حَجَّاجِ بْنِ دِينَارٍ، عَنْ أَبِي غَالِبٍ، عَنْ أَبِي أُمَامَةَ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏"‏ مَا ضَلَّ قَوْمٌ بَعْدَ هُدًى كَانُوا عَلَيْهِ إِلاَّ أُوتُوا الْجَدَلَ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ ثُمَّ تَلاَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم هَذِهِ الآيَةَ ‏:‏ ‏(‏ما ضَرَبُوهُ لَكَ إِلاَّ جَدَلاً بَلْ هُمْ قَوْمٌ خَصِمُونَ ‏)‏ ‏.‏ قَالَ أَبُو عِيسَى هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ صَحِيحٌ إِنَّمَا نَعْرِفُهُ مِنْ حَدِيثِ حَجَّاجِ بْنِ دِينَارٍ ‏.‏ وَحَجَّاجٌ ثِقَةٌ مُقَارِبُ الْحَدِيثِ وَأَبُو غَالِبٍ اسْمُهُ حَزَوَّرُ ‏.‏

Grade

: Hasan (Darussalam)

English reference	: Vol. 5, Book 44, Hadith 3253
Arabic reference	: Book 47, Hadith 3562

I do not like arguing very much. We muslims should have good character, love each other for sake of Allah. Religion disagreement is forbidden and cursed by Allah.

Our opinions can never be 100% right. sometime it is right, sometime it is wrong. Only Allah knows best what is good and what is bad, and He will judge us according to what we do.

Anger is negative emotion and needs control. Sometime if we get so much angry, we might end up being aggressive and lose our control, causing damage. Gentleness is loved by Allah. who is Most Gentle.

JazakAllah khair

No, you are wrong about this hadith brother.

I mean, this hadith is saheeh...no doubt about that...but it doesn't forbid you to argue. This speaks about people who have the nasty habit of arguing for the sake of arguing. people who try to defend their opinion at all costs...people who see arguing as a contest...winning or losing. That should not be the purpose of arguing. The purpose is to enlighten each other without losing your respect....to correct each other without offending. That can never be a bad thing if done correctly.

What do you think is worse:
1 seeing another Muslim doing some ridiculous supersticious ritual because he thinks that is how it is done and not correct him just because you are not supposed to argue?
or
2 arguing with that person in a respectful way to find out why he is doing that and try to correct him?

And for the case this person is short tempered and feels offended just because a 17 year old tried to correct him, then that is his loss...you had the best intentions and will be rewarded for it.

To give you an example:
I saw my father in law praying in the wrong direction in his home once. at that time I recently married to his daughter. he was at least 45 degrees off. When I spoke him about it, he got offended and got mad about it. He did that for years, and who did I think I was correcting him about his Qibla direction in his own home?

I was sure of my case because the Turkisch satellite dishes in Germany always point towards Mecca.

After he got mad, I ofcourse quickly ended the arguing because I didn't intent to frustrate anyone...but what was I supposed to do? letting him pray in the wrong direction for the rest of his life? No way.

Again, it is all about finding that middle ground.