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  1. #1
    Studentofdeed's Avatar
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    Would like advice

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    I know people do not like it when I come for advice but I do not know who else to ask...my family cannot give me islamic advice.

    I started hating muslims. I used to love them and think everyone who was muslim was good but because in the mosque I have had bad experiences, I now hate the mosque and muslims. Does this make me a hypocrite?

    I also been getting depressive alot. Episodes where I cannot move and am crippled. I cannot fast and feel like far away from Allah and he does not care that I am alive or suffering. Why do I feel like he hates me? I have done charity here and there but it does not feel good and rather I feel like it was rejected. The first act I did, was not thanked properly and rather the people still look down on me. I feel like it was rejected. Another charity I did, but I feel it was not accepted either because it was easy to do and in my convenience. What am I doing wrong?

    Because I was so upset and depressed, I started complaining to my mother about the people of the mosque to my mother. Those people take me granted and in confidence I told the imam of wish to get married. He now took this as a joke and in front of everyone including strangers humiliates me. He takes me as a babysitter for his kids, who do not even respect me but make fun of me. The other day after months, to be a good muslim, I called him and asked how he was doing. He reception was luke warm and not that warm or friendly. I used to respect him so much but I was only hurt. I did so much for him and the community, only for them to humiliate and make fun of me. I now feel that since I complained, all my deeds are gone because I spoke how angry I was at the imam. Are my deeds fruitless now because I got angry?

    Also last thing, is that I have no more hope in Allah. Everytime I make dua, I feel like it will not come true. I feel like it gets rejected anyway. I just feel worthless. Because I forgiven everyone, I still feel resentment and pain from their actions. I make dua FOR them not against them but I feel like Allah did not accept it. Does this mean I did not forgive them?

    Please give me good advice without judging. Understand I do not like anymore to ask it since people get annoyed

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    Hamza Asadullah's Avatar
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    Re: Would like advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed View Post
    I know people do not like it when I come for advice but I do not know who else to ask...my family cannot give me islamic advice.

    I started hating muslims. I used to love them and think everyone who was muslim was good but because in the mosque I have had bad experiences, I now hate the mosque and muslims. Does this make me a hypocrite?

    I also been getting depressive alot. Episodes where I cannot move and am crippled. I cannot fast and feel like far away from Allah and he does not care that I am alive or suffering. Why do I feel like he hates me? I have done charity here and there but it does not feel good and rather I feel like it was rejected. The first act I did, was not thanked properly and rather the people still look down on me. I feel like it was rejected. Another charity I did, but I feel it was not accepted either because it was easy to do and in my convenience. What am I doing wrong?

    Because I was so upset and depressed, I started complaining to my mother about the people of the mosque to my mother. Those people take me granted and in confidence I told the imam of wish to get married. He now took this as a joke and in front of everyone including strangers humiliates me. He takes me as a babysitter for his kids, who do not even respect me but make fun of me. The other day after months, to be a good muslim, I called him and asked how he was doing. He reception was luke warm and not that warm or friendly. I used to respect him so much but I was only hurt. I did so much for him and the community, only for them to humiliate and make fun of me. I now feel that since I complained, all my deeds are gone because I spoke how angry I was at the imam. Are my deeds fruitless now because I got angry?

    Also last thing, is that I have no more hope in Allah. Everytime I make dua, I feel like it will not come true. I feel like it gets rejected anyway. I just feel worthless. Because I forgiven everyone, I still feel resentment and pain from their actions. I make dua FOR them not against them but I feel like Allah did not accept it. Does this mean I did not forgive them?

    Please give me good advice without judging. Understand I do not like anymore to ask it since people get annoyed
    Assalamu Alaikum,

    My brother firstly you should not assume that we do not like to give advice or hear about other Muslims problems. We all have problems, some more than others but know that is Deen is about giving humble Naseeha (advice) and being there for one another in hard and difficult times and in being a comfort to one another as the believers should be towards one another.

    The Prophet (Sallalahu alaihi Wasallam) said: “Whoever relieves a believer’s distress of the distressful aspects of this world, Allah will rescue him from a difficulty of the difficulties of the Hereafter. Whoever alleviates [the situation of] one in dire straits who cannot repay his debt, Allah will alleviate his lot in both this world and in the Hereafter. Whoever conceals [the faults of] a Muslim, Allah will conceal [his faults] in this life and the Hereafter." (Muslim)

    Regarding your first question then there is nothing wrong with disliking other people's bad characteristics. But know that Muslims are human beings and humans have good in them and bad. This is the same anywhere whether it is at School, College, University or at work. However that does not in anyway justify some people's bad characteristics in the Masjid as it is the house of Allah and people therein should be far better behaved than in most other places. However I or anyone else cannot judge between you and them as we have not observed both of your behaviours in order to take sides or to say who was right or wrong but what we can say is that firstly you should approach those whom you feel are not acting in a just manner towards you and open up about how you feel hurt and upset by their actions. They will no doubt realise their mistakes and apologise to you.

    Some people do tend to take liberties with others at times and get carried away but you should make them realise that you find their treatment of you unjust. You should also forgive them. You should never hate anyone especially a believer. Hate is a strong emotion. It leads to enmity and Allah forbade us to have enmity between one another particularly the believers. If they still persist after that then you should just keep away from them and do your prayers, give Salaam to the people and talk to those whom you have no issues or problems with. Also make Dua that Allah straitens their characters.

    With your issues with depression and feeling crippled then is this related to a mental health condition that has been diagnosed? Or a Jinn related issue with which you have seen a Raqi? If not you should approach the relevant avenue's to look into the underlying issues as to why you are feeling this way as is it not normal.

    Regarding giving charity or fundraising etc then my brother we must always have in our minds that every act we do particularly if it is an open good deed then we are only doing so to please Allah which means we expect no thanks or appreciation from anyone else:

    Allah says:

    "Saying): We feed you, for the sake of Allah only. We wish for no reward nor thanks from you;" (Quran76;9)

    This is also part of a test of whether or not we are sincere in our good actions. So we must correct our intentions and align our sincerity to that of solely seeking Allah's pleasure and appreciation. For we seek reward a d pleasure only from him not from the people. Whether they thank us or not it matters not as we expect no reward from them. So please try to change your perspective on this.

    Also we should not lose hope that none of our deeds will be accepted. Do we have divine insight that this is true? Or do we guess about Allah's decision on these matters? Surely we should leave the acceptance of our deeds to Allah and have hope that he will accept it from us. We can ask of him in our Dua's that he accept our deeds and forgive us for any discrepancies therein.

    We all get angry and upset at times so just ask them to forgive you and repent but it maybe that you are taking things to heart when they may have just meant to jest with you. Shaythan's aim is to create discird, hatred and enmity in the hearts of the believers towards one another and he does this by making us assume that the other person is ridiculing us or making fun of us or not taking us seriously etc. Again you should open up to the relevant people of how you feel hurt and upset by their treatment towards you and you will find that they will get shocked as they never meant to make you feel in such a way.

    My brother a Muslim must never lose hope in the mercy of Allah nor should he think that is Dua has not been accepted. These thoughts are Instigated by none other that our sworn enemy shaythan who wants to make us lose hope in the mercy of Allah and he wants us to falsely thi k that no e if our deeds or Duai are going to be accepted so what is the point of doing good deeds or making Dua? Can you not see his deception? That he is trying to push us away from Allah whereas Allah wants to bring us closer to him.

    Sufyan ibn 'Uyaynah (Ra) said "Let none of you think that his Du'aa will go unanswered because of the sins that he knows of himself.

    Indeed, Allah responded to the Du'aa of the worst amongst His creation; Iblees (Shaitan, the cursed one), when he said; 'O My Lord! Give me respite until the Day of Judgement!' He (Allah SWT) replied, 'Then you are of those who have been reprieved.' (Surah al-Hijr 36-37).


    So my brother never give into the tricks of shaythan. He is trying to make you hate going to the Masjid as it is the house of Allah and the favourite places of Allah than anywhere else on the Earth. He is trying to put enmity in your heart against those who attend the Masjid so you totally disconnect from the house if Allah and start feeling hate for the believers. He is trying to make you lose hope in gaining firvii and in any of your deeds and Dua's being accepted so that you stop bothering altogether and then you go into the wrong oath when Allah wants you on the right path. Can you not see his tricks and his evil deceptive ways?

    So my brother repel his evil by doing the exact opposite. Sort your issues out with your brother's, remain connected to the Masjid more than ever before, never think that Allah won't forgive when his mercy is so vast that it overcomes his anger, never lose hope in him accepting your deeds or your Dua's because Allah knows best what is best for us in accordance with our Dua's. If he doesn't accept it in the way we except then he can accept it in ways we can never imagine by opening other doors for us or testing how patient we will be. Or will we be those who loses patience and so loses hope altogether.
    Last edited by Hamza Asadullah; 1 Week Ago at 05:48 AM.
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    Would like advice

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    Studentofdeed's Avatar
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    Re: Would like advice

    Jazkallah khayran brother. I apologize. I'm genuinely am trying but just don't feel like a good Muslim. May Allah reward you with the best of both worlds

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    Eric H's Avatar
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    Re: Would like advice

    Greetings and peace be with you Hamza Asadullah; and thanks for sharing;

    Allah says:

    "Saying): We feed you, for the sake of Allah only. We wish for no reward nor thanks from you;" (Quran76;9)
    We spent a lot of time helping a homeless girl a few years ago, we also gave her money and food. We said we don't want anything back for ourselves, but if you help someone in the future that will mean more to us. She moved away and has since gone through open university and is helping people with drug and mental health issues. She still keeps in touch. People who have suffered themselves understand what suffering is and are often the best people to help others.

    Blessings,
    Eric
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    2rahmah's Avatar
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    Re: Would like advice

    I used to hate myself for being a muslim, my family, my surrounding..
    I thought that If i give something. i would receive the same way, it should be "take" and "give" in this life. however, it doesn't turn out that way. I was the one who always giving while people just received it without return it back. And since i give so much, people start to think that i am kindest that they think i would forgive them if they do mistreat me.
    however, i hated it. I started to ignore them and avoid them. Somehow may be its same like your feeling, brother.

    Allah was being so far from me since that moment for some years. I get myself to another community who can accept my flaws and respect me more (so i thought)
    But it takes many moment where I get problem, and no one can help me.
    accept Allah.
    If I didn't remember Him, probably i took suicide long ago.

    He never said this dunya is Fair place, instead a playground. Not everyone will treat us equal.
    I think that He will probably angry with me that I left him many times, and He will not forgive me.
    but if He is really angry, I should've died long ago.. that He might be not providing air for me anymore.
    He is arRahman, He is al-Ghoffur, al Ghaffar.

    So brother.. I suggest to let go whatever people do bad to you. like you do right now, seek more Hidayah, more knowledge.
    instead of make dua FOR them to change, Ask Allah to give you strengh to let go and change yourself.
    Ask Allah al Mujib to make your heart strong with acceptance, that you could ask them why they do unjust, and ask forgiveness might be you were doing unjust too before.
    We have many things that made us suffer, but we have way more things to be thankful for.
    Allah loves us, whenever whatever, He is still let us alive to give chances to make ourselves better.
    Ask forgiveness to Him, for being suudzon to Him, and Ask Him to give you unswayed heart to be better muslim.
    No one can guarantee that we are real moeslim, good moeslim or not, only Allah know. And He is the only one who can guide us to be the one.

    I am not good moeslim myself. In this world where it is getting crazier.. Islam and Moeslim's value is being invaded.
    We have to be better everyday as ourselves and to others. Learn more and remember Him more.
    sometimes, in this world, we become more aware to what people say and think than what Allah will say,,
    so, brother,, lets protect ourselves and ask Allah to protect us from any negative feelings that make us apart from where we should be.
    Be thankful, seek forgiveness, seek knowledge, be good to people, be aware of Allah watching us too (not only people)..
    Lets show the world that Islam is great, and we are unify to bring peace.

    lastly,... read this du'a on your sujood.. may Allah give us His Guidance and protection.
    يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِي عَلَى دِينِكَ" ‏”
    ‘O Changer of the hearts, make my heart firm upon Your religion.’


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    Studentofdeed's Avatar
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    Re: Would like advice

    Jazkakallah khayran sister. I will apply your advice
    May Allah reward you with the best of all worlds

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    Eric H's Avatar
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    Re: Would like advice

    Greetings and peace be with you Studentofdeed;

    I know people do not like it when I come for advice but I do not know who else to ask
    Sadly we are living in a broken world, in the Uk it is said about a quarter of the population have suffered mental health problems in their lives, much of it started during childhood. A man in our town who has been suicidal and lived with mental health issues most of his life, started up a group for men with mental health problems. Within a fairly short time there were thirty plus in the group they meet weekly and also keep in contact with each other. their motto is -

    Ask if you suffer from mental health.
    Listen if you are not.
    Help if you can.

    It takes one person to set up such a group, they don't have to lead it or have any qualifications, they just need a caring and kind nature. During this period of lockdown; the problems seem to have escalated; the men formed a whatsap group and keep in touch.

    I thought Hamza's post was helpful.

    May Allah bless you on your journey.

    Eric
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    Eric H's Avatar
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    Re: Would like advice

    Greetings and peace be with you Hamza Asadullah;

    I wonder if Islamic board might consider starting a 'Mental health support group - forum'.

    It seems many people are unable to access professional help for any number of reasons. I have felt encouraged by the way people offer to support each other; on this forum. I think caring, listening and just being there for each other is a real lifeline for people who are struggling.

    Thanks for everything IB does and thank you mods for keeping a respectful forum.

    Blessings
    Eric
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    Would like advice

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    bint e aisha's Avatar
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    Re: Would like advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Eric H View Post
    Greetings and peace be with you Hamza Asadullah;

    I wonder if Islamic board might consider starting a 'Mental health support group - forum'.

    It seems many people are unable to access professional help for any number of reasons. I have felt encouraged by the way people offer to support each other; on this forum. I think caring, listening and just being there for each other is a real lifeline for people who are struggling.

    Thanks for everything IB does and thank you mods for keeping a respectful forum.

    Blessings
    Eric
    Great idea!

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    Eric H's Avatar
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    Re: Would like advice

    Greetings and peace be with you 2rahmah;
    I thought that If i give something. i would receive the same way, it should be "take" and "give" in this life. however, it doesn't turn out that way. I was the one who always giving while people just received it without return it back.
    An old monk was out walking and saw a scorpion on a stick; floating down the river towards a waterfall. The monk reached out to pick the scorpion up and save it, but the scorpion stung the monk and he withdrew his hand. The monk reached out towards the scorpion again, but the young man with him said you are a fool.

    The old monk said, it is in my nature to try and save, and it is in the scorpion's nature to sting, why should either of us go against our nature?

    It seems rahmah; that it is in your nature to be kind and caring, and you have been stung a few times. Allah created us to be kind and caring, and when we go against our caring nature it can leave us with feelings of resentment and cause us distress.

    I have learnt in my old age that we should not give things to people in the hope we will get paid back, like you I have experienced disappointment and anger. Only give something as a gift that you can afford to give away and never see again. Do it in the hope that it might help that person, and as Hamza quoted -

    Quote Originally Posted by Hamza Asadullah View Post
    Allah says:

    "Saying): We feed you, for the sake of Allah only. We wish for no reward nor thanks from you;" (Quran76;9)
    I spent several months with a homeless heroin addict, we were able to help him find accommodation, but he needed money for the first weeks rent. I offered him the money and he said he would pay me back through his benefits. I said for him to take it as a gift, but it would mean more to me if he helped someone else in the future. I knew that if I asked him to pay me back, I would end up disappointed. I have no way of knowing if he will help anyone else, but I would be happy even if he passed on a small amount to a stranger.

    May Allah bless you on your journey,
    Eric
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    user123name's Avatar
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    Re: Would like advice

    Assalamualaikum
    The other day I was reading a thread. There was some input which I found really interesting. It was actually your input brother.
    Let me paste it here.

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    user123name's Avatar
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    Re: Would like advice

    "I would honestly focus on pleasing Allah alone. Because when everything bad happens, all those loved ones disappear. People you complain to get annoyed. Allah never gets annoyed. When I was abandoned by everyone and alone, I truly then realized that all along Allah is all I ever needed and he never left me. When the all world was against me, only Allah SWT listened to my tears. This is why I'm always scared to lose his love and trust. Focus on Allah and you will never lose. Focusing on Allah has helped me overcome loss of so many things. As long as Allah is happy with me, then I truly do not care what I lose. Hence why I'm literally scared if I upset him or not, because once I lose that bond with Allah, even if I have the whole dunya, i am an utter loser who lost everything. It does not mean anything to me because I lost my purpose."

    Ahh, I forgot to mention the name of thread. It's ' how can I direct my love of people towards love of Allah?'

    Well, YOUR OWN advice can help you. Although it doesn't match your current situation, but may be if you act upon it, it can help you handle the situation right away.People have given great advices tho.


    I remember one thing, I thought of sharing it here. It's actually for all those who are reading this. In the morning,I posted a question 'What is patience?' on insta. So one sister replied "sabr". And I was like Would like advice.

    Did you all laugh? If yes, then say 'Alhamdulillah'. If no, then sorry, next time I'll try my best. @Studentofdeed ,it was absolutely not my intention to make fun of you or something like that. I just wanted people to smile. Everyone is busy with their hardships, we have no time to smile. Hope u understand.
    Last edited by user123name; 1 Week Ago at 07:51 PM.
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    Studentofdeed's Avatar
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    Re: Would like advice

    Jazakllah khayran sister. I really do appreciate your efforts. May Allah reward you with the best of both worlds. I try my best but I just overwhelmed so much. Thank you again

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    Re: Would like advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed View Post
    I know people do not like it when I come for advice but I do not know who else to ask...my family cannot give me islamic advice.
    Salaam brother.

    Satan is making you believe that we do not like it when you come here for advice. Brother, we love you and want to help you. Allah wants to help you. Don't give up and lose hope. We are not annoyed but rather glad that we can try to help you.

    I studied Mental Health in College. You are going through depression. Remember that Your Mother and the Imam of the masjid are not able to diagnose you and medicate you. They are not psychologists or experts in that field. You MUST find a therapist or someone who is trained to deal with the issues you have described. This is not in your head, you must seek help as soon as possible before it gets worst. From what I read, you are hating yourself, your fellow Muslims, and are having feelings associated of depression. It can lead to further depression and suicide if not diagnosed.

    Continue to make dua to Allah to ease your suffering. I will make dua as well during this blessed month of Ramadan. Also, fasting may be leading to these unwanted feelings. Again, Allah has provided people who are trained to deal with Mental Health issues. Please contact someone in your city and seek help, that is my advice.
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    Studentofdeed's Avatar
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    Re: Would like advice

    Jazkallah khayran brother i will do my best...I'm not sure who to seek. But I will try to inshallah figure it out. May Allah reward you with the best of both worlds

  20. #16
    Hamza Asadullah's Avatar
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    Re: Would like advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Eric H View Post
    Greetings and peace be with you Hamza Asadullah;

    I wonder if Islamic board might consider starting a 'Mental health support group - forum'.

    It seems many people are unable to access professional help for any number of reasons. I have felt encouraged by the way people offer to support each other; on this forum. I think caring, listening and just being there for each other is a real lifeline for people who are struggling.

    Thanks for everything IB does and thank you mods for keeping a respectful forum.

    Blessings
    Eric
    Yes I think that sounds like a great idea. Although many of us cannot offer support on a professional level we can certainly offer support, comfort and possibly sign post to relevant support they should seek.
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    Re: Would like advice

    Greetings and peace be with you Iceee;

    Remember that Your Mother and the Imam of the masjid are not able to diagnose you and medicate you. They are not psychologists or experts in that field.

    You MUST find a therapist or someone who is trained to deal with the issues you have described.
    I agree with you that Imams are not doctors and they cannot help with medication. But equally most therapists are not Imams, and I believe the solution our friend student needs is centred on the Quaran. Doctors and medication are a separate issue.

    In the spirit of praying for a peace that surpasses all understanding,

    Eric
    Would like advice

    You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to God.

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    Re: Would like advice

    Greetings and peace be with you Hamza Asadullah;
    Yes I think that sounds like a great idea. Although many of us cannot offer support on a professional level we can certainly offer support, comfort and possibly sign post to relevant support they should seek.
    Thanks for considering the idea.

    Blessings
    Eric
    Would like advice

    You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to God.


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