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  1. #1
    xboxisdead's Avatar
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    Is Kufir if a man agrees to do reverse gender role....

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    As salaam Alaikum,

    So many women complain that the divorce is in the hand of the husband and why should she please her husband and be nice to him and to obey him. What if the man, to please these women who complain of the gender role that is assigned by Allah, say she can be the ameer. She can be the head of the household. That he is ok with her leaving the house and working for the house, or to carry heavy objects, or for her to pay the husband mahir, or she pays for the wedding and pay for the expense, or she goes out to protect the family from criminals, or to sacrifice her life for her family, in an exchange the husband obeys and submits to her and to please her and not to leave the house without her permission? Also part of the agreement that the husband have full custody of the children even if his children are babies and that the children goes to his mother and his female lines should something happens wrong to the dad. Another part of the agreement, that the mother pays child support and pays for the husband during the edda time. Would that be kufir or islamically acceptable as part of an agreement between the husband and the wife? For example, I understood that the male gets more than the female...but if both the male and female agree for 50/50, it is also acceptable if they both agree as form of transaction. What about this? Can this be constituted as form of contract as agreement as part of both parties that the man will accept being head of the house hold in a condition the woman agrees to the following:

    A) Custody goes to the father not the mother, should a divorce happens.

    B) The wife agrees to pay for child support and pays for the husband during the edda period.

    C) The husband is entitled for khulla if the wife is abusive and he keeps the children and in return the mahir or whatever gift the wife gave the husband.

    D) The wife is the one to pay the mahir for the husband and it is her duty and obligation to go outside to work and generate money and pay her husband salary.

    E) The husband when he works it is his money and he shouldn't or is not responsible to pay for the house or his wife or even his children. The responsibility of feeding the children, clothing the children, and educating the children goes exclusive to the wife and not the husband.

    F) The wife cannot be tyrant to the husband and that she should treat her husband the way the prophet treats his wife (that is what we keep telling men to do to their wives).

    G) If the wife is emotionally and physically abusive to the husband he should be able to go Islamic court and file for khulla, then he takes the children and leave the house after a divorce is occurred and the children goes with him.

    The husband in return becomes a house husband, play with the children, raise the children, etc.

    Can such above scenario be possible or is that kufir? I am just wondering.

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    Islami.Mu'mina's Avatar
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    Re: Is Kufir if a man agrees to do reverse gender role....

    If a man wanted to be more active in household work, there is nothing wrong in that because its sunnah.. Even if he is taking the man's role, he should still be active in the lives of his children because many kids nowadays suffer the consequences of living bad future lifestyles because of their fathers that weren't there for them, giving them the attention and love they needed

    And a wife or husband shouldn't act like a tyrant regardless of what their role is

    Ive seen Muslim couples who both work(in islamic conditions) and both provide for the bills while doing the house chores and work together. For them its more of a 50/50 shared relationship and they seem to be doing well


    But completely reversing roles? some of the things you listed are not able to be changed like the idda period thing, khula(a woman will not be able to do divorce without khulla), etc... Im pretty sure reversing roles falls under the heading of imitating women and vice versa. It would be like changing the law of Allah too.

    If you were really serious about this topic, you could take it to a scholar

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    xboxisdead's Avatar
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    Re: Is Kufir if a man agrees to do reverse gender role....

    Quote Originally Posted by Islami.mu'min View Post
    If a man wanted to be more active in household work, there is nothing wrong in that because its sunnah.. Even if he is taking the man's role, he should still be active in the lives of his children because many kids nowadays suffer the consequences of living bad future lifestyles because of their fathers that weren't there for them, giving them the attention and love they needed

    And a wife or husband shouldn't act like a tyrant regardless of what their role is

    Ive seen Muslim couples who both work(in islamic conditions) and both provide for the bills while doing the house chores and work together. For them its more of a 50/50 shared relationship and they seem to be doing well


    But completely reversing roles? some of the things you listed are not able to be changed like the idda period thing, khula(a woman will not be able to do divorce without khulla), etc... Im pretty sure reversing roles falls under the heading of imitating women and vice versa. It would be like changing the law of Allah too.

    If you were really serious about this topic, you could take it to a scholar
    I have no intention of reversing gender role or changing anything of Allah's law....woe to me to ever think of wanting to change any of Allah's law. But women...cannot....<censor> about it. Every topic is a woman complaining about Allah's law and jealous of man's role. They want to be men badly. Majority of women cannot stop nagging and nagging and complaining and nagging and demanding and hating the roles applied by Allah's law...men's nature is...eventually he gives up.....he cannot take the Chinese water torture so he submits and let his women take rain and even do reverse gender role. So I am asking for those men who can't take it anymore and full reverse gender role just to put a scotch tape on those women's mouth...will their fait be hellfire? I worry about those guys who....after constant brain washing that women hold superior skill in achieving since they are baby girls (not even infants or toddlers...but since the second they leave their mother's womb they have the power to manipulate minds and control them) over their menfolks....do these men go to hellfire.

    Like she nags and nags and nags and nags and nags and nags and nags and nags nags and nags ...............and nags and nags ....the husband goes...fine....you lead the ship. I go full gender reverse role just so you STOP...will he go under please a creation over a creator and thus be thrown to hellfire for like you said "changing Allah's law" or will he get mercy because Allah saw the psychological abuse he got from his wife and the wife is the one to be punished.


    ME? I LOVE Allah's law just the way it is....it is majority the womenfolk who hates Allah's law.

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    Islami.Mu'mina's Avatar
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    Re: Is Kufir if a man agrees to do reverse gender role....

    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    I have no intention of reversing gender role or changing anything of Allah's law....woe to me to ever think of wanting to change any of Allah's law. But women...cannot....<censor> about it. Every topic is a woman complaining about Allah's law and jealous of man's role. They want to be men badly. Majority of women cannot stop nagging and nagging and complaining and nagging and demanding and hating the roles applied by Allah's law...men's nature is...eventually he gives up.....he cannot take the Chinese water torture so he submits and let his women take rain and even do reverse gender role. So I am asking for those men who can't take it anymore and full reverse gender role just to put a scotch tape on those women's mouth...will their fait be hellfire? I worry about those guys who....after constant brain washing that women hold superior skill in achieving since they are baby girls (not even infants or toddlers...but since the second they leave their mother's womb they have the power to manipulate minds and control them) over their menfolks....do these men go to hellfire.

    Like she nags and nags and nags and nags and nags and nags and nags and nags nags and nags ...............and nags and nags ....the husband goes...fine....you lead the ship. I go full gender reverse role just so you STOP...will he go under please a creation over a creator and thus be thrown to hellfire for like you said "changing Allah's law" or will he get mercy because Allah saw the psychological abuse he got from his wife and the wife is the one to be punished.


    ME? I LOVE Allah's law just the way it is....it is majority the womenfolk who hates Allah's law.

    I guess it really depends on the man's situation.. I dont think the men you are referring to are trying to change Allah's law.. In the cases you are describing is where the husband is always listening to the wife because he feels that he can't do anything about it so he just deals with her nagging/abuse. Thats more of a hardship for him I'd say, not something for him to be cursed for. The real thing he would have to be worrying about is that if his wife goes to work, he'd have to make sure that she goes in proper hijab and working conditions, otherwise he may be held responsible. Anyone is punished for being abusive, including women so she'd be held accountable for what shes done to her husband

    Don't you think that it's bad to keep worrying about this? I'm saying this because it seems like you keep always talking about how women are bad and its a really bad mindset to have. Some women who end up disliking Allahs law are just confused about it and so they need some understanding and explanation behind it because sometimes things can sound wrong. It is normal to be confused and stressed by a religious topic if you don't understand it, and thats why we have people to help others understand. Others may accept it right away, and that is good for them. Or sometimes some women fear these laws because they automatically associate it with abusive men due to their pasts so they get angry at the law of Allah. And yes you should never get angry at the law of Allah, but it happens. Some people struggle with faith issues. Especially those with psychological issues. It seems like you have had some sort of bad past, but it isn't good to take it out all the time and generalize and always focus on the bad women out there, because eventually it'll just eat you alive. If you switch your mindset and become more hopeful and slowly step away from your anger, you'll notice slowly notice better improvements in your life.
    Last edited by Islami.Mu'mina; 10-22-2020 at 04:31 PM.


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