How racist are you?

my reason would be comprised of reasons....one ..what would my extended family say what would the asians say behind my back ? what if I dont like her cooking? what if my kids are black/chinese/hindu looking? could i live with that? what if her parents dont get along with mine? what if my kids prefer her culture to mine? what if she has that 'smell' someone mentioned earlier....what if she doesnt like me speaking my language with my kids and wants english only..or what if my kids only learn the mothers language and not mine? could I live with that? what if her culture is waaay different than mine and the two of us cant adapt to each other? e.g she likes breads and foods that are more dry where as i prefer rice and foods that are mild spicy? would that mean I would have to go to my mothers to eat all the time?

Nope, I don't think I'm racist at all, first of all, I have friends of every colour you could imagine, black, white, green, pink.....

And the question about marrying into a different colour....that wouldn't bother me a single bit...I myself am the product of asian and white parents...

I've had some appalling things said to me by uncles and aunties...."don't marry anyone black....cos then your kids will be black..." yeah.......so?

^^Brother is not easy, well you looking at it in a more traditional cultural way my auntie married an arab man this year will be 24 years that they been together! Wasnt easy but your forgetting both of you will be sharing ISLAM so you have something in common and you can compromise

format_quote Originally Posted by nurofislam

I dont see that as racist. I see it as helping out your Muslim brother.

But on the other hand if they were both Muslim and you were Asian for example and one of them was an Italian Muslim and the other was an Asian Muslim and you picked to buy from the Asian Muslim over the Italian Muslim because of the nationality, then i think that is racist.

yesh, but imagine we look @ it from d hindu point of view, cnt d man say ive been racist 2 him, wen my intention wasnt lol hmmmm

format_quote Originally Posted by hafizmo

my reason would be comprised of reasons....one ..what would my extended family say what would the asians say behind my back ? what if I dont like her cooking? what if my kids are black/chinese/hindu looking? could i live with that? what if her parents dont get along with mine? what if my kids prefer her culture to mine? what if she has that 'smell' someone mentioned earlier....what if she doesnt like me speaking my language with my kids and wants english only..or what if my kids only learn the mothers language and not mine? could I live with that? what if her culture is waaay different than mine and the two of us cant adapt to each other? e.g she likes breads and foods that are more dry where as i prefer rice and foods that are mild spicy? would that mean I would have to go to my mothers to eat all the time?

Wouldn't you feel the same about marrying a woman from any other culture? It's like these feelings are all to common when someone marries a person from a different culture..not just african american women..right?

yes thats right just not african american I was using that more as a example seeing as though thats a culture that in my opinion is most opposite than mine...next on the list are white women......and so on.....

what would my extended family say what would the asians say behind my back ?
well Allah gave us our forefinger and index one for a reason..lolol im joking..ignore it backbiting is haram so it lies upon their heads
what if I dont like her cooking?
why dont you cook then?
what if my kids are black/chinese/hindu looking? could i live with that?
i think you should be more concerned that youre kids are healthy and happy and say alhamdulilah
what if her parents dont get along with mine?
sit down and resolve the problem worrying about it wont make it better you'll just get grey hairs!!
what if my kids prefer her culture to mine?
OUR (yours and hers) kids you mean and hey make sure you integrate both cultures....
what if she has that 'smell' someone mentioned earlier....
hey deodrant is there for a reason..besides if shes a pious sis she will be as clean as fresh water due keeping to practices of a muslims to stay clean
what if she doesnt like me speaking my language with my kids and wants english only..
how about you offer to teach her your language and you hers?
or what if my kids only learn the mothers language and not mine? could I live with that?
hey teach your kids both languages then!!
what if her culture is waaay different than mine and the two of us cant adapt to each other? e.g she likes breads and foods that are more dry where as i prefer rice and foods that are mild spicy? would that mean I would have to go to my mothers to eat all the time?
no you sit and talk to her about it..im sure that you will overcome the culture clash in no time....inshaAllah...just keep at it dont make lil excuses...but i can understand why because although they seem smal they are of some worry to some

spot on hatshee sista!!

My father is From the Bahamas, and my mother is from Malaysia.........Two countries half the world apart from each other. They met each other whilst on Hajj in Madinah and they got married a few months later.
Sure they had all the cultural differences, but they never made it into a big deal.
About language? My mom speaks to us in Malay and my Dad speaks to us in English and they both speak to each other in English, so we grew up speaking English and Malay....and now even my dad can speak some Malay

Cooking? My mom just learnt how to cook Bahamian foods alongside teaching my dad to get accustomed to the Malay spicy food.

Looks? Well......my siblings have all sorts of looks I look completely Malaysian, light skin, almond shaped eyes etc etc. My Brothers lean more towards the western side.....but my parents have never made a fuss about that, we're their children after all right?

In laws? My father just learnt how to adapt to some of the family customs, and my mom did the same with her inlaws, and they got along great (my mothers parents are deceased now )....in fact my dads parents say that my mom is their best daughter in law masha'allah.

And Culture? Like the Sis said......we just combine both cultures together, but then we just put Islam first and Islam breaks any barrier that culture may present.

But.....even now, once in a while they have their little differences, my mother may understand something in a whole different way than my dad, and it's because of the way she was brought up and all......but it never causes much of a problem.
They get along great Masha'allah and are going to be married for 20 years this year coming

So yeah Bro Hafizmo........those reasons you gave can all easily be overstepped and overlooked

well Allah gave us our forefinger and index one for a reason..lolol im joking..ignore it backbiting is haram so it lies upon their heads

these things eat away at a person mentally regardless how much you ignore them plus the closer they are to you in relation the more it hurts and my wife would subdued to such attacks as well

why dont you cook then?

I plan to be a pharmacist so how practical is that?

i think you should be more concerned that youre kids are healthy and happy and say alhamdulilah

of course...

sit down and resolve the problem worrying about it wont make it better you'll just get grey hairs!!

resolving the problem? sometimes its these things that end up breaking up your marriage...and they take a long long time to resolve and in most cases the grudge is still there

OUR (yours and hers) kids you mean and hey make sure you integrate both cultures....

they would be around her more I think in the learning years as a man earning for the house I would be outside during the daylight hours..its very common to see kids who speak only english and/or their mothers language

how about you offer to teach her your language and you hers?

fat chance she would be able to pick it up would take ages and probably will not be possible with a schedule that I would have

hey teach your kids both languages then!!

again it sounds easy to say but not very easy in reality

format_quote Originally Posted by hafizmo

my reason would be comprised of reasons....one ..what would my extended family say what would the asians say behind my back ? what if I dont like her cooking? what if my kids are black/chinese/hindu looking? could i live with that? what if her parents dont get along with mine? what if my kids prefer her culture to mine? what if she has that 'smell' someone mentioned earlier....what if she doesnt like me speaking my language with my kids and wants english only..or what if my kids only learn the mothers language and not mine? could I live with that? what if her culture is waaay different than mine and the two of us cant adapt to each other? e.g she likes breads and foods that are more dry where as i prefer rice and foods that are mild spicy? would that mean I would have to go to my mothers to eat all the time?

Well From my experience...the Asian Community talks too much. Why would you make choices in order to appease a community? Surely your only concern should be if it is accepted in the eyes of Allah?

About the cooking, well you might not like the food of someone the same race as you, as different people (even of the same culture) tend to have different cooking styles, Food as a factor can easily be surpassed.

Also...even if your kids were (insert race here) looking...so? Surely you'd prefer pious kids with good morals, regardless of how they look....

Well again, there is no guarentee that your parents would get along even if you were both of the same race, its another factor, that would just have to be worked at.

Languages and Culture, well surely the kids can learn both, but more important then culture...they should learn islam.

Again, if your cultures are different, Islam surely can hand you more in common then any differences?

Apologies if my answer sucked

format_quote Originally Posted by hafizmo

these things eat away at a person mentally regardless how much you ignore them plus the closer they are to you in relation the more it hurts and my wife would subdued to such attacks as well
I plan to be a pharmacist so how practical is that? of course...
resolving the problem? sometimes its these things that end up breaking up your marriage...and they take a long long time to resolve and in most cases the grudge is still therethey would be around her more I think in the learning years as a man earning for the house I would be outside during the daylight hours..its very common to see kids who speak only english and/or their mothers languagefat chance she would be able to pick it up would take ages and probably will not be possible with a schedule that I would have again it sounds easy to say but not very easy in reality

i will get back to you on that...gotta get back to my eng lit essay!!!

Well From my experience...the Asian Community talks too much. Why would you make choices in order to appease a community? Surely your only concern should be if it is accepted in the eyes of Allah?

very true but like I said if its your relatives disapproval it will make me a social outcast amongst my own blood I CANT live with that...or maybe they might accept it up-front but I would know that they are whispering behind closed doors...Allahs approval of course is there...people dont matter but in this day and age and my weak imaan the pleasure of my family is important to me also

About the cooking, well you might not like the food of someone the same race as you, as different people (even of the same culture) tend to have different cooking styles, Food as a factor can easily be surpassed.

for you maybe for me a good meal(s) is a must....i am very picky on what I eat I dont plan on eating microwavable meals or potatos the rest of my life(no discrimination to any race intended)

Also...even if your kids were (insert race here) looking...so? Surely you'd prefer pious kids with good morals, regardless of how they look....

ditto...but I would like my kid to resemble me in some way (thats just me)cause imagine you have guests over and you introducing and you are white in skin color(which I am) and you say this is my kid Abdullah(for e.g.) and the kid is like black? then??(but thats just my thinking)

Well again, there is no guarentee that your parents would get along even if you were both of the same race, its another factor, that would just have to be worked at.

It is a damning factor which has to be sorted out cause if one party isnt happy then prepare for an emotional roller-coaster

anguages and Culture, well surely the kids can learn both, but more important then culture...they should learn islam.

not really I disagree if I am not around much to speak with them through their infancy how else are they going to pick it up

Again, if your cultures are different, Islam surely can hand you more in common then any differences?

from the 17 years that I have walked this earth asian and white marriages have almost all the time ended up in bitter marriages or divorces

^ the way you put things Is so simple sis. I think I have a living example that different cultures together can get along perfectly : My parents