Can I...

  • Thread starter Thread starter Lonely Gal
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Is he permanent in the country or is his passport still green? Tell him he's on the next plane back if he doesn't buck up his ideas. Men really are stupid creatures, we all want our cake and to eat it - then we want to eat somebody elses cake too
 
its green... I cant say anything to him as if im wrong then him being a typical guy will not help things, this wayif i find out on me own and suffer on me own its ok..
 
My advice to you then would be to try and plan something. You know you can get spy stuff at good prices nowadays. you could plant a listening bug in a certain room in the house where they talk and be listening from the garden for example. He's obviously not gonna slip up on his mobile so you need to move beyond that.
 
thought of that jus havent got round to doin it.. i feel guilty as well.. i mean if hes cheatin then i shudnt feel lik that but maybe i just hope he isnt .. i dont know.. kasam never thort marriage could come to this..
 
5AJ said:
My advice to you then would be to try and plan something. You know you can get spy stuff at good prices nowadays. you could plant a listening bug in a certain room in the house where they talk and be listening from the garden for example. He's obviously not gonna slip up on his mobile so you need to move beyond that.
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no no no spyin is haram bro, go the halal way not haram.

Why can't u talk to him about it?

nd wow relatives i guess are goin extreme>??????? :heated: HOW can she be related ???????? :grumbling :(
 
how am i supposed to talk to him about it.. if he is cheatin shows we have little understandin about needs and wants.. he will go off the handle the moment i utter a word about such a thing, let alone the person I think he is at it with..
thats y i pray Allah swt. just gives me the evidence one way or another..
 
I pray for u sis...
Inshallah u can find the evidence u need, and inshallah allah wil make ur life easier nd turn away all the evil from ur life, evil people, nd evil things.......
 
I don't like the idea of that a husband wife relationship should not be so that the wife has to check up on him, if there was any evidence then yes, but otherwise no because our sis will be only hurting herself and trying to find something that is not there, a the moment it is all in her mind/thoughts although i don't know why. With me my husband was foolish enough to leave his mob within reach so that this other woman had contact for me and told me herself. The fact that my husband, lied and cheated about it and continued his sin is another thing he will be answerable. Maybe here you can help me by answereing a question........... They say k iss duniya pe insaan deh k jaata hai, a man pays for his sins in this world......... Do you agree?:bump:oy
5AJ said:
well you could be a bit more practical and maybe try goin through his phone? Or perhaps look for tell-tale marks on his neck, see if he comes home smelling of perfume maybe? Or I'm pretty sure that a few years ago there was a website where you could track somebodys mobile via a map and see where they are during the day
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omg i dint know muslim men would do that, esp when they are married and all... there should be love, trust and peace in a marriage, not this...

not sure if you could do istikhara....try to do some detective work and once you are sure then confront him... if that doesnt work talk to your mom about it? or someone in the family?

my heart goes out to you, insha'allah Allah will make it easier for you and reward you in this dunyia and the akhira..
 
Asalaamwa laikum
Dear sister may Allah help you with ur problems.....
after i read all the comments....i think it would be nice if u just keep quite and watch ....i hope by the time passes ur husband will realise what mistake he is doing........... and yes in the mean while pray to god that things work out in a positive manner........
now even think o the possibilty that what we may be thinking may be wrong and hope the same....
there is no point in asking him if there is a possibilty that he may lie ........
lets have patience and hope for the best from Allah's will.......
Ameen

ur brother
 
If I read your post correctly you don't have children right ?

I've been in this situation (actually I'm in this situation right now! lol) before so I understand whole-heartedly the stress and pain you're going through.
I think first you need to establish that he is actually cheating. If he isn't and is simply neglecting you, you don't want to make a false accusation.

Do not pray Isthikara on this, it simply isn't the sort of thing for it. Isthikara is for things like who you want to marry, etc

The best thing to do is maintain your prayers daily and do a dua to allah to guide you towards the most correct path. Also talk to your husband, don't ask him if he's cheating. Instead let him know that you feel like you are both falling apart and think you should work on your relationship.

If he is hiding things, then he simply shouldn't. In my opinion there should be no secrets (except a select few) between husband and wife.

Don't let this get out of hand and resolve it early. You will have no regrets since three are no children involved. You want ot spend the rest of your life with someone that makes you feel happy and loved, not unappreciated and disrespected.
 
Salam.
Whoa! May Allah give both enough strength to stay strong =)

I've been cheated on in stupid boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and i felt so hurt, but i wont compare it because simply we all know marriage is WAY MORE important then those silly games. But from that situation, i became more clear and more focused on my deen. I became more excited and patient for the day (if) i will get married (inshallah). I always imagine i would have a nice religious, respectful, and wonderful husband. but i guess its too much to ask for now days. But this is starting to freak me out because I'm around cheaters all the time. Its weird because I have been cheated on as well as...
my sister/ most of my friends/ every male I know almost cheats and think its okay. It makes me think that all the good pious Muslim men are taken..This society has become a disgrace, due to the reason that anyone can walk around married and cheat with no shame. Also, I think the problem now days with the women that are not strong in there deen, is that they offer their selves which catches the males attention.

& remember..
Love everyone for the sake of Allah.
 
I have prayed ishktihara to guide me to what ever is best for me.
The thing is its not like he dont give me the attention, he does, but I find it very difficult to give 100% back when i got doubts in me head. in order to save this marriage I want peace in my heart and all doubts resolved one way or another. There are other problems in the marriage too, but I have been dealing with them, the thought of him cheatin is disgustin, no matter what a couple go tru, it should give one of them the right to cheat.
Sis may Allah swt give u guidance in what right and support to keep strong. Have faith in Allah swt.
24/7 I am thinkin of this in ma head, no matter if I am at wrk, eatin, with frends,, anything.. its like a disease thats in me and wont leave.. I dont wana feel like this.. i really dont. Allah swt please help..
 
:sl: People are underestimating how sinful and horrible cheating is, Islamically the person would be killed for that.

Subxanallah Sis like Serene said you need establish trust and respect, talk to him and make dua isha allah.

Anon2 the biggest problem is that women tolerate this:confused:
If it was the other way round a woman would have been kicked out and shamed in the community.
 
londonfog said:
omg i dint know muslim men would do that, esp when they are married and all... there should be love, trust and peace in a marriage, not this...
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londonfog said:
not sure if you could do istikhara....try to do some detective work and once you are sure then confront him... if that doesnt work talk to your mom about it? or someone in the family?

my heart goes out to you, insha'allah Allah will make it easier for you and reward you in this dunyia and the akhira..
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:sl: This muslim men are not practing, strong in the deen, sister when you get married please go for religion!

The prophet peace be upon him has said in one hadith that those that marry for other (beauty, wealth) over religion will be the losers.
A practising brother would lower his gaze cheating is some next level.
May Allah swt guide us
 
youngsister said:


:sl: This muslim men are not practing, strong in the deen, sister when you get married please go for religion!

The prophet peace be upon him has said in one hadith that those that marry for other (beauty, wealth) over religion will be the losers.
A practising brother would lower his gaze cheating is some next level.
May Allah swt guide us
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You are right. The prophet also said that a woman can be married for four things..

1. Her Beauty
2. Her Wealth
3. Her Lineage
4. Her Virtue

He said that if a women should be married for their Religion, you will succeed.
 
Lonely Gal said:
I have prayed ishktihara to guide me to what ever is best for me.
The thing is its not like he dont give me the attention, he does, but I find it very difficult to give 100% back when i got doubts in me head. in order to save this marriage I want peace in my heart and all doubts resolved one way or another. There are other problems in the marriage too, but I have been dealing with them, the thought of him cheatin is disgustin, no matter what a couple go tru, it should give one of them the right to cheat.
Sis may Allah swt give u guidance in what right and support to keep strong. Have faith in Allah swt.
24/7 I am thinkin of this in ma head, no matter if I am at wrk, eatin, with frends,, anything.. its like a disease thats in me and wont leave.. I dont wana feel like this.. i really dont. Allah swt please help..
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I know exactly what you are going through dear sister, as I am currently going through this too. I very recently married (nikaah) but it wasn't a complete consumation (no sex). However I was forced to marry the girl. I posted some time ago about this, here's the link..

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...e-considering-divorce-some-advice-please.html

Long story short she has been cheating on me several times, whether she was pysically involved I don't know, but it's the fact that she broke my trust more than once both before and after marriage. So I have decided to give her a divorce by the end of this year (she doesn't know yet).

I was in the EXACT same state of mind you are in now. I was stressed, tired, distracted and couldn't do literally anything without thinking about it. I couldn't even pray salat peacefully, and made many mistakes during prayer! The only difference is I knew what she had done, an d got her to admit too. Ever since I have made peace with myself about leaving her, I have never been in a happier state of mind.

BUt I must stress that you have to know for sure what he is actually doing. If he is simply suspicious then you should work to fix it. Divorce is a very detestable thing in Islam, if you can avoid it (unlike myself where I had no choice) than do everything in your power to do so.

Peace be with you sister,
Usman
 
thats the hard thing i cant seem to find out 100% wats going on.. so does this mean its in ma head?
when i read namaz, its always in ma head so much that i lose count of where I am at. i hate wen that happens, its taken control over eveythind and gettin my namaz wrong is the worst.
i tryvery hard to stay focused but sumtimes my thoughts just wonder to him and tink wat is he doin..
 
I know divorce is not accepted properly, but ifs not meant to be and there is no happiness, surely one should call it off as both parties are not benefitting and I end up causing more sin wich i do not want to do..
I know divorce is only as a last resort, thats y i want to be 1000% sure abt whats going on
 

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