She's pregnant!

[Tanya Khan]

My friend told me this morning. She is Muslim (not a revert) and she has been in an on & off relationship with a Sikh guy for the past 4 years. I told her from day 1 he was trouble. Before the pregnancy was confirmed, she asked him what he would do if she was pregnant. He said, “I guess you’ll be looking at being a single mum then!”

She was obviously hurt by this but now that he knows she is pregnant for sure he is being really mean to her.

He would never revert, because deep down he hates Muslims. She always said whenever they had an argument, he would take the piss out the religion and call us suicide bombers.

I know hate is a harsh word, but I absolutely HATE his guts. I told her I would stop talking to her if she let him walk all over her and let him talk about Islam in that way. But, I felt bad and stayed in touch with her because she is so weak and emotional.

She lets him do what he wants, it doesn’t bother her when he says stuff about our religion, then the following week she tells me she’s at Masjid and I get so confused.

On one hand she’s with this Sikh guy who hates Muslims and she can’t even defend us, and on the other hand she tells me she is going to Islamic talks and goes to Masjid.

She can’t keep the baby because he doesn’t want to marry her, he is using her for one thing and it seems to me that he is getting kicks out of the fact that she is Muslim too, especially because he hates them.

What would be the right thing for her to do? Abortion is haraam and she knows this but she is still confused.

He told her he will pay for it it’s too late and she goes private, but I just want him to get lost and not have anything to do with her, he has done enough damage already.

She won’t leave him either, so it looks as though they will stay in this kind of relationship until he gets bored.

 

[S_87]

SubhanAllah, to be honest what can she do?
Dump the guy, repent and get on with her situation which is to be a single mum. From what youve said of this person he seems to be a real ................ and sorry to say but she is just as much to blame as he is

 

[AvarAllahNoor]

If he was a nice guy, then she should consider converting. Seems he's not. But the main point is, she's got herself in a hole, and not sure what she can do. Does she want the child? if not, abort and then LEAVE THE IDIOT!

 

[Tanya Khan]

I told her she should have an abortion as this guy is dead against reverting and hates Muslims. He's made it clear (even before the pregnancy) that he will never marry her. Would she be doing the right thing by having an abortion? Especially in these circumstances.

 

[AvarAllahNoor]

I told her she should have an abortion as this guy is dead against reverting and hates Muslims. He's made it clear (even before the pregnancy) that he will never marry her. Would she be doing the right thing by having an abortion? Especially in these circumstances.

Not sure what the attitude in Islam is to an abortion, but is she religious? does not sound like she is (or she'd not be in this postion) Hating muslims, well that's just stupidity on his behalf.

What does she want to do, that's the main thing?

 

[Ushae]

Abortion is not an option. If she is at rue muslim she should not even consider it. She should never have had a relationship with a man outside of engagement/marriage.

You need to explain to her that these kind of 'guidelines' exist in Islam for a very good reason. Why was she seeing him in the first place > physical attraction obviously. Why did she go too far > lust. There is a stark difference between true love and lust, they are both worlds apart.

Whether you take offense to this or not, but that man is the worst kind of scum and reprobate the world has to offer. He not only doesn't take responsibility for his own actions, he also humiliates your friend and has literally abused physically her for his own pleasure..the worst part is she allowed him to.

Help your friend realise that the western world and our world simply do not mix at this level. There is such a thing as Modern Islam, but it can only go so far ...

Sadly she will have to raise the child on her own if she chooses to keep it, making marriage for her VERY difficult in the future. She will lose respect in the eyes of many people, not to mention how 'rumours' and heresay will affect her ego.

Take Care,
Usman

 

[S_87]

I told her she should have an abortion as this guy is dead against reverting and hates Muslims. He's made it clear (even before the pregnancy) that he will never marry her. Would she be doing the right thing by having an abortion? Especially in these circumstances.

No she will not. She will be killing a child who did nothing wrong.
She doesnt need the idiot as a father figure to her child. Raise the child on Islam.

 

[Hamayun]

Abortion is not something I would advise.

He is treating her like a door mat and she is letting him. She needs to learn how to respect herself.

She is just as much to blame as the guy.

I hope Allah makes it easy on her but doing Haram things before marriage is very bad. Now she has to face the consequences.

May Allah have mercy on her and the unborn child.

 

[_Rida_]

guys mess you about!! only some guys are nice and you should be married if you want to have sexual relations!!

 

[Hafswa]

I would never advice your friend to get an abortion because as mentioned it is haraam.

The guy also doesn't sound like he is someone she or the baby should be around whether he converts or not . If his opinion about her or her religion has not changed in 4 yrs, it will never change.

She should accept what has happened, dump the guy, ask for forgiveness and take care of herself and her baby.

 

[Ansariyah]

Every action has a consequence. Some actions are best avoided. She can't just take the easy way out and kill this innocent baby. He/she/ did NOTHING wrong. If she kills it, Allah will hold her accountable.

She needs 2 own up and learn to live with her mistake. May Allah help & protect her amin.

The guy should be beaten up with a baseball bat. How dare he abuse a Muslimah!

Where is her family?

If she can't think for herself, sister please rescue her from this madman. It seems like he's using/abusing her.

 

[islamirama]

Let's see now...

She dated a kuffar who hates Muslims.

He did it out of hate for Muslims and made her pregnant as to dishonor the Muslim women.

She lets him do what he wants to her and don't even have a tongue to defend her deen.

and now she doesn't want to keep the baby cuz he doesn't want to marry her?

I don't feel sorry for her one bit, especially since she won't leave him either. On top of a haraam relationship, major sin of zina and now she wants to commit another major sin (murder) by doing abortion?

As Allah says: "Whatever of good reaches you, it is from Allaah, and whatever of evil befalls you, it is from yourself." [Soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 79]

Prophet (r) said: "When the people see an evil, and they do not try to change it, then Allaah will cover them all with punishment from Himself." [transmitted by at-Tirmidhee (no. 2168), who authenticated it]

Allaah - the Most Perfect - said: "Indeed Allaah will not change the condition of a people until they change the condition of themselves." [Soorah ar-Ra'd, Aayah 25]

Oh and i even feel sorry for her mahrams. They will be punished on J-Day for neglecting their duties to those under their guardianship.

The Prophet (r) said: "Each of you is a guardian, and is responsible for those whom he is in charge of. So the ruler is the guardian and is responsible for his subjects; a man is the guardian of his family and is a guardian for those under his care; a woman is a guardian of her husband's home and is responsible for those under her care; a servant is the guardian of his master's wealth and is responsible for what is under his care. So each one of you is a guardian for what is under his care. So each one of you is a guardian and is responsible for what he is entrusted with."[transmitted by al-Bukhaari (13/100) and Muslim (no. 1829)]

 

[maryam87]

Let's see now...

She dated a kuffar who hates Muslims.

He did it out of hate for Muslims and made her pregnant as to dishonor the Muslim women.

She lets him do what he wants to her and don't even have a tongue to defend her deen.

and now she doesn't want to keep the baby cuz he doesn't want to marry her?

I don't feel sorry for her one bit, especially since she won't leave him either. On top of a haraam relationship, major sin of zina and now she wants to commit another major sin (murder) by doing abortion?

As Allah says: "Whatever of good reaches you, it is from Allaah, and whatever of evil befalls you, it is from yourself." [Soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 79]

Prophet (r) said: "When the people see an evil, and they do not try to change it, then Allaah will cover them all with punishment from Himself." [transmitted by at-Tirmidhee (no. 2168), who authenticated it]

Allaah - the Most Perfect - said: "Indeed Allaah will not change the condition of a people until they change the condition of themselves." [Soorah ar-Ra'd, Aayah 25]

Oh and i even feel sorry for her mahrams. They will be punished on J-Day for neglecting their duties to those under their guardianship.

The Prophet (r) said: "Each of you is a guardian, and is responsible for those whom he is in charge of. So the ruler is the guardian and is responsible for his subjects; a man is the guardian of his family and is a guardian for those under his care; a woman is a guardian of her husband's home and is responsible for those under her care; a servant is the guardian of his master's wealth and is responsible for what is under his care. So each one of you is a guardian for what is under his care. So each one of you is a guardian and is responsible for what he is entrusted with."[transmitted by al-Bukhaari (13/100) and Muslim (no. 1829)]

i totally agree with you
out of all people she dates a sikh sorry to offend anyone but i know some and they hate u like crazy
one guy even had the guts to tell me that they put a knife under their hat thing (i dont know what they call it) n they have it there so they could be prepared to kill the muslims when its time
no remorse whatsoever

 

[Woodrow]

A very harsh part of life is the discovery that we are capable of doing things that can not be fixed.

Life will never be the same as it was before our action. so it is with this young lady. Her life will never be the same.

What needs to be done is some serious planning for the future and how to make this disaster into the best it can be. She needs to learn that her unborn baby is now her responsibility and it is up to her to do what is best for the baby. Her wants and desires are now secondary and it is time for her to cease thinking of herself.

this is nothing she can handle alone she needs to fully turn her life over to Allaah(swt) and seek out family and friends that will help make life the best for her unborn child. She is no longer a child, she is now a "mother-to-be" and she must learn to be a mother and forget about childhood dreams.

 

[MO783]

Wrong place for this sort of advice, ask them to seek a scholar. Inshallah he will have the right advice.

 

[S1aveofA11ah]

Wrong place for this sort of advice, ask them to seek a scholar. Inshallah he will have the right advice.

I just add to the advice above...a reminder to all - no-one on the forum is a scholar who can give SPECIFIC fatwa to a person. I notice how everyone above was quick to say 'don't take the abortion option'. Islam is not a black and white set of rituals/rules.

Alcohol is not allowed to be drunk but if it is in some medicine which someone needs to save his/her life then its halal. The abortion 'rule' may have exceptions/conditions etc.

Ask someone who is well grounded in knoweldge and has experience of similar situations Insha'Allah.

 

[Zahida]

I feel just as strongly as you, and was physically sick when i read this thread. May Allah have mercy on us....................

But sister one thing that comes into my mind that under the circumstances is it right for her to keep the baby? I know abortion is haraam. We must remember that the father is anti-muslim and it will be his blood running through the childs veins.............

Having the child later in life he/she will want to know of it's father what then? Sister i am not diagreeing with you, this girl must now face the consequences of her actions but as Muslim brothers/sisters we must think what will the child be like in future? I am not jumping to conclusions but trying to think logically.

In the future when the child finds out about the father, circumstances etc etc what if they rebel and follow in the fathers footsteps am i making sense?

Let's see now...

She dated a kuffar who hates Muslims.

He did it out of hate for Muslims and made her pregnant as to dishonor the Muslim women.

She lets him do what he wants to her and don't even have a tongue to defend her deen.

and now she doesn't want to keep the baby cuz he doesn't want to marry her?

I don't feel sorry for her one bit, especially since she won't leave him either. On top of a haraam relationship, major sin of zina and now she wants to commit another major sin (murder) by doing abortion?

As Allah says: "Whatever of good reaches you, it is from Allaah, and whatever of evil befalls you, it is from yourself." [Soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 79]

Prophet (r) said: "When the people see an evil, and they do not try to change it, then Allaah will cover them all with punishment from Himself." [transmitted by at-Tirmidhee (no. 2168), who authenticated it]

Allaah - the Most Perfect - said: "Indeed Allaah will not change the condition of a people until they change the condition of themselves." [Soorah ar-Ra'd, Aayah 25]

Oh and i even feel sorry for her mahrams. They will be punished on J-Day for neglecting their duties to those under their guardianship.

The Prophet (r) said: "Each of you is a guardian, and is responsible for those whom he is in charge of. So the ruler is the guardian and is responsible for his subjects; a man is the guardian of his family and is a guardian for those under his care; a woman is a guardian of her husband's home and is responsible for those under her care; a servant is the guardian of his master's wealth and is responsible for what is under his care. So each one of you is a guardian for what is under his care. So each one of you is a guardian and is responsible for what he is entrusted with."[transmitted by al-Bukhaari (13/100) and Muslim (no. 1829)]

 

[seeker-of-light]

she should not have an abortion. she chose the actions, she will live with the consequences. and i agree, she should dump the guy, although i know how difficult it is to break away from an abusive relationship with a guy as well. you should talk to her about it, give her support and pray that allah (swt) will lead her back on the right path

 

[north_malaysian]

Keep the baby, dump that guy and repent...alot!

 

[Tanya Khan]

Force her to get that guy out of her life. It is one step she HAS to take. No ifs, not buts. If she wants her life to get better, she needs to get rid of him.

Do her family know of all this? She needs to move away from him.

Only her older brother knows. He is not strict with her, well, not strict enough. She used to go out with a Jewish guy who was another racist. He used to put anti-Muslim messages on his facebook. This girl is really messed up and I don’t know if I can help her on my own.

I’ve tried having a go at her before but she stops talking to me and says I’m not her mother.

Her brother knew about the Jewish guy and he also knew about the Sikh guy. He didn’t like any of them, but they used to chill at her house while her brother was there too.

Her mother suffers from severe depression and has never really been close to her family. Her children don’t even know her whereabouts half the time, she lives miles away. They don’t even call to check if she’s ok. They’re father passed away years ago (May Allah forgive his sins and grant him Jannat).

He took the news of her pregnancy with a pinch of salt. Ok, maybe deep down it’s bothering him and he probably feels like he has failed as a brother, but in front of her he says I’ll support you whatever you decide, which is good, but he should be more strict with her.

If that was my brother, he would probably give me a few slaps, kick me out of the house and disown me.

I really don't know what to do, I feel like I have failed as friend.