URGENT HELP NEEDED regarding Drug treatement

Khanji, I realise you know the atmosphere of youngsters in the UK. Its a little rough and R&B Hip Hop tend to encourage these youngsters. I stop him from listening to such things, have blocked them. But the internet is a free place, and so, he can get his mates to put such songs up into his phone, taking the phone away from him once has given everyone alot of trouble as it was hard to reach him and he always turned up late and excused himself due to not having the phone.

Youngsters here seem to act like they are gangsters and can do whatever they want. He was involved in fighting with people and in a gang, but that has stopped after one of his friends who was the cause of him taking drugs was sent back to Pakistan, and his mother had talked to me over the phone about it. he was the guy who my brother borrowed money from and resulted in me clearing his debt of £1500 4 months back.
 
Greetings,
The Khan said:
That's bad... it's true that it's illegal in the UK, but there's been a big change ever since its status was brought down from Class C to Class D. As far as I know, arrests for users is rare.
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That would be from Class B to Class C. However, the UK drug laws are confusing and largely unworkable. Arrests for cannabis use are indeed rare; the UK Police have much more important things to do with their time.

Ashfaq,

It sounds like your little chats with him are not working. He has to see that it's a bad thing before he'll stop.

One thing you could do would be to try and get him interested in something else. If you don't mention cannabis at all, but get him really enthused about another activity, he might change his behaviour.

Peace
 
I am trying to make him start part-time work, as in holidays when he was working full time, for 2 months, he used to come home tired, ate and went to sleep, and on his days off, he used to relax with friends and do Sheesha(Herbal 0% nicontine and tar ones).

Thats one activity when I noticed him not getting involved, although he did come late once or twice and smelt with that smell, but not as often. It had reduced.

Now, the problem is, he thinks that he has done enough, Ive bought him anything he wanted, including the playstation 3 and a new computer so that he could work on his assignments and play games at home which could stop him to an extent. It did have an effect, but hes back on the wrong track again.
 
Brother ashfaq1012003; smoking one half-hour round of sheesha is equal to smoking 200 cigarettes, especially since coal is involved. Charcoal is one of the most dangerous elements which can invade the human body.

Perhaps you can encourage him to do some physical activity? Exercise? Martial Arts? Camping? Trekking? There are a lot of things I'm sure he'd love to do. You know your brother best.

I understand the gangster atmosphere. I know a guy in college who is also a stoner, and used to be a gangster in chicago. He was arrested twice, both for armed robbery over there. In his case, he did it for "fun". At the same time, he happens to pray Salat, I'm not sure how regularly, but I do see him at the masjid next to college every friday.

There's a sister in this forum who's blog I came accross from her sig recently. There was a nice audio track of a good African-American brother, a revert, who explains nicely to his misguided gangster-wannabe brothers on how they're wrong. If I come across it again, I shall PM it to you.

:w:
 
Yes, please do, ill be contacting another GP first thing on Monday to see if he could help me out, and also se if I can get him to go camping or something.

Is there any specific prayer which I could pray or dua which could help him stop?
 
jazakallah everyone, I'll sit in Istikhara by next week and also go to the GP on Monday. I will contact you soon once Ive finished my istikhara.

Jazakallah once again.
 
Greetings and peace be with you ashfaq, I am so sorry to hear about your brothers problems.

Taking drugs is often not too much of a problem if the person does not have any emotional problems. Often there are lots of underlying problems the person is trying to escape from, and drugs help fudge these issues.

Forget trying to stop him taking drugs, first you have to try and find out why he is doing it. No parents can be a huge problem, failing at school, lots was expected of his ability and he has failed in his own eyes, only four GCSE, are there any girlfriend problems. He has probably lost his faith and that can be huge in his eyes, he may feel condemned.. He is an angry person, he has to overcome his anger with others and most importantly his anger about his own failures.

He doesn’t have to tell you the truth, he doesn’t have to tell his friends the truth, but if he is to help himself he has to be truthful to himself.

Giving up any addiction is 90% a mental exercise and the person has to own the problem,

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding

Eric
 
ashfaq1012003 said:
Salam,

I have a brother of 17 years old who has lost his track and has started taking drugs. I have tried my best to help him out but it just doesn't work. I always pray for him and remember him in every prayer I make. I am responsible for him as we do not have parents and we both live alone in the UK. Whenever I pray alot for him, and weep in my prayers, those days, the smell of weed turns out to be very strong and spreads accross the whole house. He has also started lying.

He was an A* student in Year 10, and now, after finishing GCSEs, he ended up with only 4 GCSEs when he could have scored way more. I have tried nearly every resort, I used to beat him up before, but now, he doesn't really care and says "beat me" and "kill me" but he never accepts his mistakes.

I have also tried taking him to the doctors, but without him admitting it and willing to quit, the doctor is not ready to do any tests on him. I have also considered taking him to a rehabilitation center but am worried that the culture they provide in the rehabs, especially in the UK, USA would worsen his case as they in some way tend to brainwash people's brains (e.g.rehab near midlands, UK). I want him to quit this and come back on track as I have been weeping for the past 2 years about this and nothing has happened which could change him. Taking him there, or referring him would end his life as he is in college and

I have also tried treating him with love and care at home. He acts normally for a few days, then goes out and takes the same disgusting thing again. He knows all the facts about drugs and smoking but he simply doesn't care. He had a debt of a minimum of £1500 in May 2008 which I paid off so that he could start a new life in a good way, but that did not happen either.

Everytime I don't pray to Allah, he comes home with that smell. When I pray alot to Allah, he still comes home with that smell. A Talisman was also made for him from India, but had no effect.

Please advise me what I should do, I can't even make him leave college and take him to India as I am not financially stable nor can I risk his career and life. The goverment in the UK says that if someone wants to quit, they would help, but the way they help, people hardly recover and also secretly keep a record of this in their database for future.

I beg to advise me what I should do as my imaan is now starting to shake now even though am tryin my level best to keep faith.I am tryin my best to treat him with love and care without touching him and just trying to make him understand, but he thinks I talk to much now. Please help me bring my brother back to the right track.

Jazak allah.
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:sl:

in all seriousness Akhi, make dua for your brother,ask Allah[swt] not to "take him" until he turns his life around.

THEN make Tawbah for using a "talisman"! you DO realize that using a talisman is SHIRK, don't you?

don't "lose yourself" trying to save your brother!

:w:
 
:sl: Ashfaq, like i said to you he is !7!!! and still studying so he cannot be refused help, unless he is 18, then by the British law you do not have a say but at the moment you do.

I do recommend that you try Rehab it helped with my brother and we got him into a Rehab center. There are institutes and rehab centers run by Muslims log on to the internet and search, get in contact and get help for both your sakes.

I make dua to Allah to help you with your difficulties.......... Why is he like this? Sorry if that is too personal a question. My sisters death took my brother on that path but Allhumdohlillah he is OK now.:w::-\
 
I’m sorry to hear about your pain.

Drugs are a very powerful thing. You as a brother or any parents at all can’t do anything if he himself not wants to change his behaviour. You can never ever make him change his minds about drugs therefore you have to make him wanting to stop.

It is very common as a sibling or parent that you will be a “co-addicted”. You paid his debts and bought him many things. It won’t help him at all; rather make it easier for him to keep on doing it. It has to be harsh consequences that make him realise how hard it is to keep on using drugs. Don’t wake him up in the mornings, don’t pay his debts, do nothing that makes it easier for him to keep on taking drugs. Explain that you are not willing to support and make his habits easy. Keep on prying for him. He has to realise that taking drugs will make his life a lot more complicated. If he steals money to buy drugs it probably is a more serious addiction.

When he decides to stop taking drugs then it is your turn to step in and give him all the help and love he needs. Keep on being a good example and show him how life can be better without drugs. The teen age is a very hard time for many teenagers.

I know that e.g. marshal arts sometimes help teenagers with anger management and helps teenagers who are on the “wrong track” regarding drugs.

I really, really hope the drug problem will come to an end.
 
:sl: Brother he is only lying to himself and destroying himself. I am really quite surprised that his school/college havenot picked up on this..........

Ash....... this is another option, go via his school/college. Every school has a student focus center/ where problems are discussed........ It doesn't have to be called student focus it could be behaviour or anything. Maybe find out and go via the school........... just an idea//??:w:
Eric H said:
Greetings and peace be with you ashfaq, I am so sorry to hear about your brothers problems.

Taking drugs is often not too much of a problem if:) the person does not have any emotional problems. Often there are lots of underlying problems the person is trying to escape from, and drugs help fudge these issues.

Forget trying to stop him taking drugs, first you have to try and find out why he is doing it. No parents can be a huge problem, failing at school, lots was expected of his ability and he has failed in his own eyes, only four GCSE, are there any girlfriend problems. He has probably lost his faith and that can be huge in his eyes, he may feel condemned.. He is an angry person, he has to overcome his anger with others and most importantly his anger about his own failures.

He doesn’t have to tell you the truth, he doesn’t have to tell his friends the truth, but if he is to help himself he has to be truthful to himself.

Giving up any addiction is 90% a mental exercise and the person has to own the problem,

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding

Eric
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Salaam!

I am a former drug user and my family has experienced one drug problem after another (particularly with alcohol). I know a lot about drugs, and I know lots of Muslim kids do them while their parents think that they are perfect children. The worst part about it is that nothing is getting done. There is no communication and the parents are left in the dark while the children become addicted.

You have to stop and look at yourself man. You are never going to change your brother, regardless of how much you want to. He loves you, no doubt, and it hurts him when you are upset with him. Thus he wants to hide his drug use from you and he wants to push you away whenever you confront him about it. Why do you want to continue this cycle? it is leading you no where and even worse, it may be leading him to use more drugs!

So I say again, look at yourself man! Stop looking at him as a drug user, or someone who needs guidance, or someone who is screwing over his life. Remember that he is your brother. Even when you know that he is on drugs, remember that he is your brother and treat him with more respect than you feel is necessary. If he wants to come home and go in his room, then let him.

When you have returned your relationship to where, even in the tone of your voice, you respect him as a man, and as your brother, then you can start to work on the drug stuff. Forgive him his mistakes, ask him for forgiveness for the way you have treated him, and work on your relationship. When he trusts you again, and doesn't feel like he has to hide from you, then he will be honest with you.

When he is honest and respectful with you, THEN you begin to work on the drugs stuff. you ask him that as a brother and flatmate, he respect your wishes that he not go out late. then you just learn about him and ask him questions as a brother and friend, not as someone who is scolding him about his mistakes.
-----------------------------------------

keep praying for him man. honestly, because we all need to be prayed for. but don't let yourself fall into a cycle that will never be productive. if your brother is addicted to drugs, then you are in for a nasty ride. It happens to tons of families though, even muslim ones, and you are not alone in this. The one thing you must always remember is that YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HIM. He must change himself.

Do not blame yourself and do not make the mistake of thinking that there is something you can do to change him. There is nothing you can do. Let go of your pain and anger and let Allah swt protect your brother. When you let go of thinking that YOU are going to do something about this, then you can return to your brother and be there in the ways that he needs right now.

Remember that even though he may be hanging out with real shady characters and smoking pot all the time, he is still a young man, and he is still your brother. Inshallah, he will give up these mistakes and turn to the righteous path.... but it is up to Allah swt, not you. Just be there for him and support him and halal every chance you get.



If it helps give hope, my sister went to inpatient drug rehabilitation for more than 2 years. with several addictions. She was a mess before and while she was there. Just about the time we felt like we were giving up on her, about 2 years into rehab, she turned everything around. Now she is this amazing, strong, and sober woman with a baby on the way.

I won't say anymore on the matter, and I pray FIRST for your peace of mind, and SECOND for the well-being of your brother.
 
Blessings and peace be with you Khalil_Allah;

You have fought through your addiction and come through a kinder and stronger person. You have a real faith and trust in Allah. Your message of forgivenes is profound, and you have the experience to help others.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding,

Eric
 

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