love marriages-your thoughts

[Ummu Sufyaan]

i am of the opinion (as are alot of other people) that if a guy/girl have a love-marriage (i.e talk, laugh, flirt and all that other nauseating stuff that isn't allowed for non-mahrams to do before marriage) , then the chances are that later on down the marriage (if they do end up getting married) one is going to cheat on the other, simply because there is not fear of allah there in the first place. i.e if they he/she didnt fear Allah the first time round, then there isnt really going to be anything to stop them from committing the same sin twice, right? (i mean if they dont repent and fix their ways, etc)

your thoughts?

 

[geek_pride]

I dont want to get arranged marriage. My parents marriage was based on Love and they have been married for 16 years. I have nothing agaisnt people who want to get arranged married but it isnt for me. I want to be able to choose my own husband because in the end of the day it will be me not my parents who would have to live with this person for the rest of my life. Also, assuming that all love marriage is a failure and based on haraam acts is very ignorent of you.

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

i am of the opinion (as are alot of other people) that if a guy/girl have a love-marriage (i.e talk, laugh, flirt and all that other nauseating stuff that isn't allowed for non-mahrams to do before marriage) , then the chances are that later on down the marriage (if they do end up getting married) one is going to cheat on the other, simply because there is not fear of allah there in the first place. i.e if they he/she didnt fear Allah the first time round, then there isnt really going to be anything to stop them from committing the same sin twice, right? (i mean if they dont repent and fix their ways, etc)

your thoughts?

Having a love marriage doesn't have to entail that the two parties in love have done all that you mentioned to have fallen in love: "talk, laugh, flirt and all that other nauseating stuff that isn't allowed for non-mahrams to do before marriage". Love marriages can occur easily without any of that.

And if a couple gets married because they were in love from before marriage, I don't think it means they'll end up cheating later on or that there will be greater chances of them cheating. I think you're oversimplifying it.

 

[Banu_Hashim]

My friend who takes Psychology was saying the other day that statistically, arranged marriages are more successful (i.e. less divorce) than 'love' marriages (like the OP said... flirting etc. before marriage).

 

[Banu_Hashim]

Having a love marriage doesn't have to entail that the two parties in love have done all that you mentioned to have fallen in love: "talk, laugh, flirt and all that other nauseating stuff that isn't allowed for non-mahrams to do before marriage". Love marriages can occur easily without any of that.

And if a couple gets married because they were in love from before marriage, I don't think it means they'll end up cheating later on or that there will be greater chances of them cheating. I think you're oversimplifying it.

I think Umm -ul Shaheed was trying to get at the fact that whether or not marriages where you have a relationship before hand is different to a marriage Islamically, or 'arranged' where you don't have all of that. That's not to suggest that the latter type of marriage doesn't have love. "Love Marriage is just the term used to mean the normal type of marriage in the west.

 

[Pk_#2]

If it's done halal it's cooote. I think I prefer love marriage over arranged if I'm in love with someone...get me. Or else I prefer arranged marriage over love marriage, but it's sad that some cases of 'arranged marriages' are actually forced marriages, astaghfirullah! imsad

 

[Donia]

Going from the situation outlined in your original post my thoughts would be possibly but not necessarily.

There is a chance that after they become married, they may both become more religious and closer to Allah at some point. People grow mashallah.

 

[Banu_Hashim]

If it's done halal it's cooote. I think I prefer love marriage over arranged if I'm in love with someone...get me. Or else I prefer arranged marriage over love marriage, but it's sad that some cases of 'arranged marriages' are actually forced marriages, astaghfirullah! imsad

Unfortunately, in some areas of the world that's true. Although there's a difference between arranged and forced. I'd prefer the term Islamically and Non-islamically.

 

[Pk_#2]

I think Umm -ul Shaheed was trying to get at the fact that whether or not marriages where you have a relationship before hand is different to a marriage Islamically, or 'arranged' where you don't have all of that. That's not to suggest that the latter type of marriage doesn't have love. "Love Marriage is just the term used to mean the normal type of marriage in the west.

You don't have to previously be in a relationship with the person to have a love marriage, c'mon, loadsa people have love marriages are you saying they're all flirts? I dunno anyone out of all those who had a love marriage that went through the haraam to get to the halal, it can SO be avoided. And if it isn't avoided, well they both deserve each other. +o(

 

[Pk_#2]

Unfortunately, in some areas of the world that's true. Although there's a difference between arranged and forced. I'd prefer the term Islamically and Non-islamically.

Some Muslims force there kids to get married, do Non-Muslims force their kids to get married? Maybe some, is it impossible for non-Muslims to arrange a marriage for their children? Nu uh..so I prefer to use the terms I did.

 

[Banu_Hashim]

You don't have to previously be in a relationship with the person to have a love marriage, c'mon, loadsa people have love marriages are you saying they're all flirts? I dunno anyone out of all those who had a love marriage that went through the haraam to get to the halal, it can SO be avoided. And if it isn't avoided, well they both deserve each other. +o(

Yep. That's exactly what I was saying. There is a halal way to get married without doing the haraam, and still have love in the marriage.

 

[Banu_Hashim]

Some Muslims force there kids to get married, do Non-Muslims force their kids to get married? Maybe some, is it impossible for non-Muslims to arrange a marriage for their children? Nu uh..so I prefer to use the terms I did.

I have a hindu friend who said that they have 'arranged' marriages in their culture.

 

[-Elle-]

Yep. That's exactly what I was saying. There is a halal way to get married without doing the haraam, and still have love in the marriage.

Yes exactly, but the love comes after the marriage... i am going to be completly blunt and say that real, true love before marriage is nearly impossible. You can definetly be interested/attracted to someone before marrying them for various reasons...their strong iman, their looks, their personality...I believe when people refer to "love marriages" they refer to this,and knowing these things can be found out in a halal way IMO, like..if both families introduce the two(this would be considered "arranged", right? or in an arranged marriage, it is directly engagement?)or if a man approache's a woman's wali and then the families meet up and talk from there...


I don't see anything wrong with that. I mean you are committing yourself 100% to this man/woman.
Real "love" is developed with time and experiences. It is only after enduring joyful moments and hardships with a person, and having that person stand by you no matter what, that you can grow to truly love them.

 

[Re.TiReD]

i am of the opinion (as are alot of other people) that if a guy/girl have a love-marriage (i.e talk, laugh, flirt and all that other nauseating stuff that isn't allowed for non-mahrams to do before marriage) , then the chances are that later on down the marriage (if they do end up getting married) one is going to cheat on the other, simply because there is not fear of allah there in the first place. i.e if they he/she didnt fear Allah the first time round, then there isnt really going to be anything to stop them from committing the same sin twice, right? (i mean if they dont repent and fix their ways, etc)

:wasalamex

What you're tryna put across makes sense, but I dont know where you got that conclusion from. Yeh it might be true that we cant expect something rooted in haram to bear ripe fruits....but surely if they love another before they'll continue to do so insha'Allah rather than cheat on one another?

I'd think it'd be the other way round...an arranged marriage or rather a forced marriage may end in such a way but....Allahu A'lam as always.

WassalamuAlaykum

 

[chacha_jalebi]

if done in a halaal way, A MASSIVE THUMBS UP FOR LOVE MARRIAGES

 

[ajnabee]

i dont get it... how can it not be wrong to have a love marriage? surely to end up being in love with someone requires unnecessary communication between the two non-mahrams no? in any case, being in love with someone would totally cloud ur judgement n take over ur emotions... the heart has no common sense.

allah says in the qur'an...

"And among His Signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." [Sûrah Rûm: 21]

so how can u compare pre-marital "love" to the love that allah az-zawajal himself puts in the hearts of the spouses? subhanallah.

ps. i dont believe in arranged marriage either.... islamic marriage all the way!

 

[Banu_Hashim]

ps. i dont believe in arranged marriage either.... islamic marriage all the way!

Ditto!

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

i dont get it... how can it not be wrong to have a love marriage? surely to end up being in love with someone requires unnecessary communication between the two non-mahrams no? in any case, being in love with someone would totally cloud ur judgement n take over ur emotions... the heart has no common sense.

allah says in the qur'an...

"And among His Signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." [Sûrah Rûm: 21]

so how can u compare pre-marital "love" to the love that allah az-zawajal himself puts in the hearts of the spouses? subhanallah.

ps. i dont believe in arranged marriage either.... islamic marriage all the way!

Counter question: how can it be wrong to have a love marriage?

You have to understand that people don't control love, you cannot control it. Once it develops, it's there, and people that fall into it sometimes don't even know how they fell into it. And really, this isn't something that can be explained, it needs to be experienced. Once this man came up to Umar r.a. and said that he was in love with a woman, Umar r.a.'s reply was: “It’s not in your hands, what can I do for you?”

The greatest proof that I can give you about the permissibility of having a love marriage is the hadeeth of the Prophet (salalahu 'alayhi wa sallam) where he said: “For those who love each other, nothing has proven as good as marriage.” Sunan Ibn Majah. You can understand from the hadeeth that, i) People can fall in love before marriage, ii) For those that have fallen into it, marriage is the best course of action for them because that will lead to their love growing stronger.

I understand your rhetoric in using that verse, and I agree that real deep love comes with marriage, but that verse doesn't negate that love can happen before marriage nor does it say that love marriages are haram.

I think Umm -ul Shaheed was trying to get at the fact that whether or not marriages where you have a relationship before hand is different to a marriage Islamically, or 'arranged' where you don't have all of that. That's not to suggest that the latter type of marriage doesn't have love. "Love Marriage is just the term used to mean the normal type of marriage in the west.

Are you equating 'Islamic' marriages to arranged marriages? Can you clarify what you mean by both terms?

You don't have to previously be in a relationship with the person to have a love marriage, c'mon, loadsa people have love marriages are you saying they're all flirts? I dunno anyone out of all those who had a love marriage that went through the haraam to get to the halal, it can SO be avoided. And if it isn't avoided, well they both deserve each other. +o(

I agree.

 

[Banu_Hashim]

Are you equating 'Islamic' marriages to arranged marriages? Can you clarify what you mean by both terms?

Sorry bro, I meant Islamic marriages without any physical contact with your future spouse until after marriage. I think I was getting it confused with arranged. But, in way arn't you kind of arranging your own marriage by doing the research, looking for certain qualities according to Islam, and ultimately deciding whose compatible with you? But I do understand the whole thing regarding 'arranged marriages' which is different to Islamic marriages.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Having a love marriage doesn't have to entail that the two parties in love have done all that you mentioned to have fallen in love: "talk, laugh, flirt and all that other nauseating stuff that isn't allowed for non-mahrams to do before marriage".

i get that bit, but what i meant by "love marriage" when the two parties fall in love due to haram actions which aren't allowed for non-mahrams to do... such as flirting, etc...

Love marriages can occur easily without any of that.

can you elaborate more on how? because to be honest when people say they are in love, the first thing that alot of people would think (including myself) is that something haram has occurred.

You don't have to previously be in a relationship with the person to have a love marriage, c'mon, loadsa people have love marriages are you saying they're all flirts?

and you too explain to me how that happens ...i wudda thought (in 99% of the time) that they would have fallen in love in a haram way. i mean so veery few times that ive heard someone has fallen in love, that it has been done in a halal way..

:wasalamex
What you're tryna put across makes sense, but I dont know where you got that conclusion from. Yeh it might be true that we cant expect something rooted in haram to bear ripe fruits....but surely if they love another before they'll continue to do so insha'Allah rather than cheat on one another?

:wasalamex
not necessarily...ive heard so many cases where a love marriage (a haram one i mean) has occurred only for it to fall short because he/she has cheated and i do strongly believe it to be because it was based on the haram to begin with

I'd think it'd be the other way round...an arranged marriage or rather a forced marriage may end in such a way but....Allahu A'lam as always.

maybe forced marriage yeah, but not an arranged one--->an arranged one here meaning girl/guy see/talk each other in front of mahrams, etc and at the end of the day THEY decide if they want to marry each other. not "oh this is your husband/wife put up and shut up" lol

if done in a halaal way, A MASSIVE THUMBS UP FOR LOVE MARRIAGES

agreed!

ps. i dont believe in arranged marriage either.... islamic marriage all the way!

wa alaykum us-Salaam
i believe in arranged marriages, so along nothing is forced. arranged meaning as i explained above