How can I be so Naive???????

[anonymous]

Salam

Today, I have been duped. I have felt as though I was the biggest, largest fool. And how so? I believed a person whom appeared to be truthful and honest, when in the end, this person was simply lying straight my face.

Believing that this person was righteous was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made. I don't understand why do people lie??? Do they simply not care or do they believe they will not be caught? Do they not know that Allah watches them, hears them and WILL JUDGE THEM?

I feel guilty for having let my guard down and actually trusted this person( I have not done anything dreadfully wrong AlhamdulillAh, yet I have still mistaken in my actions). This feeling of guilt hurts me greatly, for i know I could have avoided the entire situation if I had acted more "properly". Instead, I believed a liar.

It seems, no matter how careful I am, I always fall in the same traps over and over again.

*sigh*. I am young and only now entering adulthood, yet, after today, I feel like a naive child who doesn't know how to recognize right from wrong in a person, even though this person was really gifted*ahum,if that can be said about words of lies.* with words.

I have been through alot and am still young, and I know some people suffer much more so AlhamdulillAh is never far from my thoughts, but right now, after today, i just feel helpless, cynical, depressed, hurt , angry and... dissapointed. In my self and in this person.I have felt deep regret,will never trust this person again(and will never put my guard down again for anyone), and hope Allah(swt) may forgive my wrongdoings...but how can I truly feel at ease again?

 

[alcurad]

this is a bit harsh, and true, sadly at the same time, sisters do need to be careful, it's also our fault for frowning on normal relationships that some are deprived and try to find them anywhere.
I wouldn't say be cynical of everyone, but certainly careful, now you have learned something, well this is a step but maturity isn't easy to come by.

 

[Donia]

Wa alaikum asalaam.


Think of this as a lesson learned. Be thankful that you didn't do anything very wrong alhumdulillah. You let your guard down, you probably did some things you shouldn't have, you made a mistake. Okay. Now, learn from it and move on. Ask Allah to forgive you because that is the most important thing. It is good that you feel guilty and disapointed. That shows you know it was wrong... and inshallah it won't happen again. Be strong and be careful.

 

[KashifB]

.... I don't understand why do people lie??? Do they simply not care or do they believe they will not be caught? Do they not know that Allah watches them, hears them and WILL JUDGE THEM? ....

I know a person who lies all the time. Even if he's caught he will lie again to try and get out of it. I've spoken to him a few times about this, he replied to me saying that if you joke or lie about something which doesn't hurt someone it is allowed. I don't think he even believes he's lying?

I said to him, firstly, you lie all the time not just as a joke. Secondly, a lie is a lie whether you're joking or not.

As far as I know from a hadith that a person is allowed to lie at three moments:

1- To his wife so there are no domestic disturbances.
2- Lie to try and get two people/two tribes etc to become friends again.
3- (I think) during Jihaad

Can someone confirm this? I'm not sure about the 3rd point above.

 

[youngsister]

I feel really sorry for you sis. I don't have any adice in regards to how you could feel at ease again, but I just want to add more emphasis on the fact that sisters need to be on their guards at ALL TIMES!

Seriously, I couldn't say that enough at all. I honestly find it hard to read threads that talk about a sister's honour having been violated through no fault of her own, but it makes me angry in cases where the violation could have been avoided if the sister in question were to have behaved as she SHOULD have behaved.

Sorry, this is NOT being judgemental at all. I'm saying this out of care for our sisters and this is a message to all sisters (because it hurts hearing of something bad happen to them), not just the OP: STOP BEING SO NAIVE. You all NEED to be on your guards at all times. Don't leave it until you get 'hurt' and 'learn' a lesson.

I'd say this repeatedly a thousand times, especially to those who are in their teens and believe that they are madly and deeply in 'love' (unmarried, of course) with what they think is THE most bestest, perfect and amazing guy in the world (cos undoubtedly, you will find ANYBODY that makes you feel good about yourself to be the most amazing). The shaytan will come at you with the most deceptive of devices and you will find it hard to resist or even believe that you're being taken advantage of, so it is imperative that you don't drop guard at all costs. Protect your chastity, no matter what!

Masha Allah brother very very good advice!

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

the truth is he may have been mislead just like you.


peoples feelings change constantly... the truest most passionate love one day can become a nuisance another. Only through the mercy and compassion of marriage can it truelly hold together... and people just cant understand that...

 

[Zahida]

Little one so sorry that you have had to go through this but i suppose this is a lesson for you in ther future. You are not the one in the wrong for believing this person, this person has wronged you by lying to you also this person has wronged himself by lying to you because as you said Allah knows everything................... be at ease little one but be careful........:sunny:

 

[anonymous]

Jazak'Allah kheir to everyone who took the time to answer. I am not exaggerating when I say every post has truly helped me. It makes such a difference knowing there are your muslim brothers and sisters who understands you.

One simple clarification though... It was not a matter of me being madly in love with him and him telling me he loves me too, but was lying. No. I would never have accepted any relationship of that sort, and he knows that. Yet, there was something which I believe was true and I believed him to be righteous, not perfect, but a good man. love is not a word i nmy vocabulary, I do not say "I loved him", because I didn't, I simply cared for him greatly and believed in this person. I was almost comically wrong.I doubt in the truth of his words now. I am constantly replaying events in my head, unable to focus in uni, or in anything else I do as a matter a fact.

Insh'Allah, Insh'Allah I will never go through this again.

I rather be cynical and untrustworthy of all than put my trust in another person again. I've had enough.

I feel really sorry for you sis. I don't have any adice in regards to how you could feel at ease again, but I just want to add more emphasis on the fact that sisters need to be on their guards at ALL TIMES!

Seriously, I couldn't say that enough at all. I honestly find it hard to read threads that talk about a sister's honour having been violated through no fault of her own, but it makes me angry in cases where the violation could have been avoided if the sister in question were to have behaved as she SHOULD have behaved.

Sorry, this is NOT being judgemental at all. I'm saying this out of care for our sisters and this is a message to all sisters (because it hurts hearing of something bad happen to them), not just the OP: STOP BEING SO NAIVE. You all NEED to be on your guards at all times. Don't leave it until you get 'hurt' and 'learn' a lesson.

I'd say this repeatedly a thousand times, especially to those who are in their teens and believe that they are madly and deeply in 'love' (unmarried, of course) with what they think is THE most bestest, perfect and amazing guy in the world (cos undoubtedly, you will find ANYBODY that makes you feel good about yourself to be the most amazing). The shaytan will come at you with the most deceptive of devices and you will find it hard to resist or even believe that you're being taken advantage of, so it is imperative that you don't drop guard at all costs. Protect your chastity, no matter what!

Thank you. You are right one hundred percent. Your words have truly struck me, jazak'Allah kheir brother.

There was no offense taken from your words since they were all fair;although,one small comment, as I have mentioned earlier... I was not one of those teens in love...absolutly not, I have matured and been through much more than what girls my age have been through, and that has made me strong. Although, when suffering numerable blows, one after the other, you start to feel weak...and feeling weak, I have let my guard down, hoping to find peace. And have been hurt even more...yet it was my fault, the blame is also on me, and this is what pains me the most.

Wa alaikum asalaam.


Think of this as a lesson learned. Be thankful that you didn't do anything very wrong alhumdulillah. You let your guard down, you probably did some things you shouldn't have, you made a mistake. Okay. Now, learn from it and move on. Ask Allah to forgive you because that is the most important thing. It is good that you feel guilty and disapointed. That shows you know it was wrong... and inshallah it won't happen again. Be strong and be careful

jazak'Allah kheir sister you seemed to have understood me the most, it truly eased my heart to know that some one in this world knows where I am coming from...for I cannot tell my loved ones here...they care for me too much and would be deeply disturbed by this. Jazak'Allah kheir once more,

know that the time you have taken this answer my post has eased the heart of a person in pain...

Little one so sorry that you have had to go through this but i suppose this is a lesson for you in ther future. You are not the one in the wrong for believing this person, this person has wronged you by lying to you also this person has wronged himself by lying to you because as you said Allah knows everything................... be at ease little one but be careful........:sunny:

Thank you for your kind, wise words...Allah(swt) will judge this person and I will empty my heart to Allah(swt),in the end, only God may truly help me... Jazak'Allah kheir for being so comprehensive and kind...

 

[Dawud_uk]

Salam

Today, I have been duped. I have felt as though I was the biggest, largest fool. And how so? I believed a person whom appeared to be truthful and honest, when in the end, this person was simply lying straight my face.

Believing that this person was righteous was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made. I don't understand why do people lie??? Do they simply not care or do they believe they will not be caught? Do they not know that Allah watches them, hears them and WILL JUDGE THEM?

I feel guilty for having let my guard down and actually trusted this person( I have not done anything dreadfully wrong AlhamdulillAh, yet I have still mistaken in my actions). This feeling of guilt hurts me greatly, for i know I could have avoided the entire situation if I had acted more "properly". Instead, I believed a liar.

It seems, no matter how careful I am, I always fall in the same traps over and over again.

*sigh*. I am young and only now entering adulthood, yet, after today, I feel like a naive child who doesn't know how to recognize right from wrong in a person, even though this person was really gifted*ahum,if that can be said about words of lies.* with words.

I have been through alot and am still young, and I know some people suffer much more so AlhamdulillAh is never far from my thoughts, but right now, after today, i just feel helpless, cynical, depressed, hurt , angry and... dissapointed. In my self and in this person.I have felt deep regret,will never trust this person again(and will never put my guard down again for anyone), and hope Allah(swt) may forgive my wrongdoings...but how can I truly feel at ease again?

this happens to me all the time, well not all the time, but often enough to be a pain but it doesnt matter.

that is because it is better to trust my practicing brothers and sisters, because such trust is returned and suspicion is forbidden without any strong proof.

so i feel better and happier trusting practicing muslims, even though occassionally i am hurt by it as that way we keep the ummah strong and united and not divided by mistrust amongst all our other problems.

if you dont trust, trust isnt returned and we have all sorts of problems, just look when you talk to someone who doesnt trust, always looking for the alternative agenda, just be honest with them and show them the right way and if they are the ones who break trust your reward is with Allah, as is their's.

 

[highway_trekker]

You've got your head screwed on the right way if you're not yet an adult and talking with like that! :thumbsup: But also remember sister, dont be too on guard-it may give the wrong message. You've got to learn to be yourself whilst maintaining a sense of self-respect. There are ofcourse times you need to be on guard... but a good sense of people comes with mixing with them yet understanding their motives completely

 

[anonymous]

this happens to me all the time, well not all the time, but often enough to be a pain but it doesnt matter.

that is because it is better to trust my practicing brothers and sisters, because such trust is returned and suspicion is forbidden without any strong proof.

so i feel better and happier trusting practicing muslims, even though occassionally i am hurt by it as that way we keep the ummah strong and united and not divided by mistrust amongst all our other problems.

if you dont trust, trust isnt returned and we have all sorts of problems, just look when you talk to someone who doesnt trust, always looking for the alternative agenda, just be honest with them and show them the right way and if they are the ones who break trust your reward is with Allah, as is their's.

..great advice... but I doubt I will be able, for the moment at least, to trust anyone anymore, I am sick and tierd of lies, I rather not hear a word out of this person's mouth than to listen to their lies.Therefore, I will not talk/talk as little to this person as I can.

Jazak'Allah kheir for the advice

You've got your head screwed on the right way if you're not yet an adult and talking with like that! :thumbsup: But also remember sister, dont be too on guard-it may give the wrong message. You've got to learn to be yourself whilst maintaining a sense of self-respect. There are ofcourse times you need to be on guard... but a good sense of people comes with mixing with them yet understanding their motives completely

Jazak'Allah kheir, I have been through my fair share so I believe that is why I am more mature than most people my age...you are right...but like I mentioned to Dawud_uk, I cannot, for the moment, trust anyone...I am much too hurt right now. Insh'Allah time will heal and I will cast this person off as a simple distant memory.(Insh'Allah Insh'Allah Insh'Allah). If their motives are unjustified I cannot and will never accept nor understand them, and this is how I feel about this person...