Sisters doing Medicine

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Question for the brothers and sisters:

Sisters: Generally speaking, how are sisters that study medicine? Career-first type women or otherwise? Does it vary from sister to sister?

And if you yourself are doing medicine, would you put your career first over family such as husband/kids? How would you view a husband who makes less money than you (but doesn't ask you for the money you make)?

Brothers: Would you marry a sister who has studied medicine and is a doctor? Besides the 'if she was pious then I would' view, practically how would you feel that she makes more money than you? Her long work hours? On top of that, what if she was older than you by a year or two yet she agrees to marry you?

 

[Güven]

Brothers: Would you marry a sister who has studied medicine and is a doctor? Besides the 'if she was pious then I would' view, practically how would you feel that she makes more money than you? Her long work hours? On top of that, what if she was older than you by a year or two yet she agrees to marry you?

:wasalamex

That she earns more money than me is kinda "unmotivating" , a Man should take care of the house not the woman
but it should not be a big problem though as long as I dont profit from her hard work because thats not what a man should do !
and the long work hours could be annoying , she needs to make time for her children and ...husband
but she is a DOCTOR thats goood she can help people and stuff isnt it.

 

[The Ruler]

Sisters: Generally speaking, how are sisters that study medicine? Career-first type women or otherwise? Does it vary from sister to sister?

It will certainly vary from sister to sister.

And if you yourself are doing medicine, would you put your career first over family such as husband/kids? How would you view a husband who makes less money than you (but doesn't ask you for the money you make)?

If you get married early and plan to have a career in medicine, it'll be hard to go through with the whole thing if you look at the demands a family has (and a family is a big deal. A real big deal). Being on call for two days straight; being on call during the night (at any time)... These things are bound to disrupt your time with your family. At least in the early days, when your working hours will not be so flexible.

Those aren't my experience, but from what I've read and heard (so I'm not sure how much of it is true).

Answering the last question, personally, it wouldn't bother me. Though my ego would probably soar like crazy then. Heh.

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Walaykum Salam,
None of this would bother me.

The only thing that would bother me is if, as a doctor, she had to work on male patients. Being alone in a room with 'em. Using the stethoscope thingie on 'em, etc. That would really really irk me.

That's true. What about sssuming she was doing something where she wouldn't have to touch men, like a pediatrician etc?

:wasalamex

That she earns more money than me is kinda "unmotivating" , a Man should take care of the house not the woman
but it should not be a big problem though as long as I dont profit from her hard work because thats not what a man should do !
and the long work hours could be annoying , she needs to make time for her children and ...husband
but she is a DOCTOR thats goood she can help people and stuff isnt it.

Yeah, I agree with everything.

It will certainly vary from sister to sister.

I guess so. Would you say career-first type of people can be found in every career and not just medicine?

If you get married early and plan to have a career in medicine, it'll be hard to go through with the whole thing if you look at the demands a family has (and a family is a big deal. A real big deal). Being on call for two days straight; being on call during the night (at any time)... These things are bound to disrupt your time with your family. At least in the early days, when your working hours will not be so flexible.

Assuming marriage is after she's done w/ medical school and the brother is stable, no studying/school for either, would you say the same?

 

[m102313]

I'm a 2nd year Medical Student @ Imperial College London.

tbh, i wouldn't want to marry another doctor, because quite frankly medicine is a really frustrating career, doctors have to go through a lot of distress and anxiety, im already going through a lot of stress at university, and i wouldn't like my partner to be carrying the same or similar problems as me, otherwise we will go mad and we won't be able to take care of the family, that's just my opinion, but many of my friends view this differently, they would want a partner who they can relate to, and someone who understands them.

Regarding the other questions, they wouldn't arise for me, as i would not want a spouse with the same career as me, but if this was the case, i wouldn't give a toss, if she earns more money than me.

 

[The Ruler]

I guess so. Would you say career-first type of people can be found in every career and not just medicine?

Yup. Whether it is in the field of medicine, journalism or law, you'll find career-first women.

Assuming marriage is after she's done w/ medical school and the brother is stable, no studying/school for either, would you say the same?

If she's working full time, she wouldn't be able to spend time with the family as much as other women... Though, I don't think her night would be disturbed much. Hmmm. But, even part-time doctors with families have it hard. Because it's not always just going to the Hospital/Clinic and that's it. You have to attend meetings. I know a doctor who has a family and she told me that even as a part-time GP (general practitioner), she has a nanny who takes care of her kids, whilst she's working. I think that's about 4 days a week. But she's free the other 3 days. So yah.

 

[alcurad]

also note that differences in careers/education do matter, there could be problems in relating to each other.

 

[m102313]

If she's working full time, she wouldn't be able to spend time with the family as much as other women... Though, I don't think her night would be disturbed much. Hmmm. But, even part-time doctors with families have it hard. Because it's not always just going to the Hospital/Clinic and that's it. You have to attend meetings. I know a doctor who has a family and she tole me that even as a part-time GP (general practitioner), she has a nanny who takes care of her kids, whilst she's working. I think that's about 4 days a week. But she's free the other 3 days. So yah.

Yeh i have to agree, it will be really difficult especially in the first few years after graduating, when doing foundation training etc.

 

[Intisar]

Good question, I've always wondered about that too.

My sister is visiting us right now alhamdulilah, she's done her first year of Med School and is going into her second. I had a talk with her about being a doctor and how she feels about having to be alone with non-mahram patients, having to touch them, give them check-ups, etc. And she said that she wanted to go on to the path of being a family doctor, but doesn't know yet if she would like to switch to pediatrics instead. She's told me that she's never felt comfortable with the idea, and that working long hours has never been her thing (ie. stressful residency).

My Aunt works as a anesthesiology nurse, and she has so much time for her family alhamdulilah. Like me, she can go through a day with having had only 3-4 hours of sleep and function normally. She actually has to administer anesthesia care for patient's undergoing surgery, before and after, and I've always wondered how she's done it.

The only ''convenient'' medical degree for a sister I can really think of is being a pharmacist, which has really flexible hours.

To be honest there are some jobs in medicine that pay a lot and don't interfere with family life; the most disconcerting part is the contact. :hmm:

 

[m102313]

She's told me that she's never felt comfortable with the idea, and that working long hours has never been her thing (ie. stressful residency).

A lot of people find medicine appealing because of the reputation/respect, Wage (I must say it's not all that... regarding the time and effort you put) etc. But you really need to make a good decision whether it's the right career for you.

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

If she's working full time, she wouldn't be able to spend time with the family as much as other women... Though, I don't think her night would be disturbed much. Hmmm. But, even part-time doctors with families have it hard. Because it's not always just going to the Hospital/Clinic and that's it. You have to attend meetings. I know a doctor who has a family and she told me that even as a part-time GP (general practitioner), she has a nanny who takes care of her kids, whilst she's working. I think that's
about 4 days a week. But she's free the other 3 days. So yah.

Ofcourse, it's a demanding career path. I guess how a person would react to life and demands from such a career path varies on the individual.

also note that differences in careers/education do matter, there could be problems in relating to each other.

True. Assuming however that Islamically the two are on the same page, similar understanding and outlook, similar perspectives etc. Basically, two people that are compatible on all other grounds, do you think differences in careers will still play a big role in terms of relating to each other?

Good question, I've always wondered about that too.

My sister is visiting us right now alhamdulilah, she's done her first year of Med School and is going into her second. I had a talk with her about being a doctor and how she feels about having to be alone with non-mahram patients, having to touch them, give them check-ups, etc. And she said that she wanted to go on to the path of being a family doctor, but doesn't know yet if she would like to switch to pediatrics instead. She's told me that she's never felt comfortable with the idea, and that working long hours has never been her thing (ie. stressful residency).

My Aunt works as a anesthesiology nurse, and she has so much time for her family alhamdulilah. Like me, she can go through a day with having had only 3-4 hours of sleep and function normally. She actually has to administer anesthesia care for patient's undergoing surgery, before and after, and I've always wondered how she's done it.

The only ''convenient'' medical degree for a sister I can really think of is being a pharmacist, which has really flexible hours.

To be honest there are some jobs in medicine that pay a lot and don't interfere with family life; the most disconcerting part is the contact. :hmm:

Great perspective! What does your sister think of life after marriage? What's the popular trend?

 

[syilla]

:salamext:

erm...actually i don't think it is professional for a doctor to be alone with a patient...they have to be accompanied by a nurse.

Anyway akhee Abu Sayyad,

i have a few cousins working as a doctor, a few took alternative career as a lecturer (after working as doctor of course and taking masters and etc), one took family medicine and so they have to work in a clinic and it is much better than a hospitals no on call...but after taking masters and one open her own clinic.

Whatever it is akhee...all i know that when you can make a woman happy whether she is in stressed or not....your family for sure will be happy too.

Just remember this.
The Prophet said:
"The best among you is the one who is the best towards his wife"

 

[syilla]

you know what?!!!...

akhee muslim knight should reply to this...his fiancee is a doctor and he is an engineer...

 

[Intisar]

Great perspective! What does your sister think of life after marriage? What's the popular trend?

Actually both my sisters are going into medicine, my oldest one is in med school and my other sister is doing nursing. My oldest sister has actually influenced me in a lot of ways, in regards to the religion, and she's personally told me that she wouldn't like to work in a hospital. She's very motherly, so like I said before, she's most likely going to choose the pediatrics route inshaa'Allaah just because she would be working with children. Life after marriage for her would be difficult, she's found out difficult finding a brother who wouldn't mind if she were to work as a family doc or a doc period. Some sisters that I know of have actually dropped out of such programs, medicine, due to that very same reason.

Most of my family are into medicine, Dad did epidemiology, but it he didn't necessarily work in the medicinal field, just taught alhamdulilah. And my Aunt works as a director of clinical operations at a clinic, but she doesn't really have to see patients at all, it has more to do with helping people out that can't really afford help. In fact, I go to the clinic that she works at all the time, and I've never seen her having to actually touch patients, or even speak to them. She just helps with the functioning of the clinic. So it just shows that you don't always have to be in contact with people just because you've decided to pursue medicine, you can always work behind the scenes.

 

[Ansariyah]

My mom is a doctor, though her job is quite demanding she was never short in her duties as mother n wife. I really admire how she gave birth to so many kids n still managed to give us all equal love/attention n care Alhamdulilah.

My father never really had any issues with my moms profession, he's a Pilot.

 

[nocturne]

It must have been pretty hard for you, with your dad being away often as well as your mom.

I think if the brother is understanding, then its possible for a Sister to practice medicine, but i mostly see sisters who practice medicine prefer to marry doctors.

 

[Silver]

Sisters: Generally speaking, how are sisters that study medicine? Career-first type women or otherwise? Does it vary from sister to sister?

And if you yourself are doing medicine, would you put your career first over family such as husband/kids? How would you view a husband who makes less money than you (but doesn't ask you for the money you make)?

I'm a 2nd year med student. I'm not thinking about marriage right now, I'll probably get married after my 7th year. In Lebanon, people don't get married early anyway because they have to finish university first and start earning money.
If I get married and have kids, I don't think I would put my career 1st. I know a lot of female doctors who have succeeded in both their careers and family life.
I don't mind marrying a man who makes less money than me, the problem is that most men here don't like it when their wives make more money than they do.
Almost all the sisters i know who were in med school ended up marrying other doctors so maybe it'll be the same for me & I would like to marry another doctor.

 

[Souljette]

I'm in my first year of med school or MBBS and man it's crazyyy but i would like to become something inshallah that doesn't deal wit men at all ..right now just passin MBBS seems like a lot..I don't want to marry a doctor ..well it depends..if hez practicing and followin Quran and SUnnnah ofcourse no problem but it doesn't neccessarily have to be a doctor and family comes first ofcourse ..my family thinks otherwise i think..they want me to marry a doc ..i told them i'm doin this even for the sake of Allah(S.W.T) so if i marry i'm not gonna marry a doc whose not practicin i'll marry any brother whatever his work if hez practicing ..this dunya is not as important as my akhira

 

[gladTidings]

^ nice reply sis. From the sisters I know, one sister who is a doctor and married found it very difficult to cope with being a working mum. Most of the other sisters I know dont get married until they are completely settled in their jobs. Personally, I dont think I could handle it, I want my home and family to be my world... my career is not so important anymore.

 

[BintAbee]

I'm in third year and I actually avoid thinking about this but .... since you asked...

I don't mind marrying a man who makes less money than me, the problem is that most men here don't like it when their wives make more money than they do.

^Very true.

Almost all the sisters i know who were in med school ended up marrying other doctors so maybe it'll be the same for me & I would like to marry another doctor.

I know that many like to marry doctors but I suppose this is just because their husbands would understand their position. it's very difficult (although not impossible) for someone who has not done medicine to actually understand the stresses and issues in medicine.

As for me, marriage will depend on character and taqwah. After all, that's what really matter's isn't it.

I know of a few med students who marry while studying, so I suppose it is possible.

About the close contact and examination of male patients, it's rather unavoidable while studying and in internship and community service, but after that you can open your own surgey and see patients that you would like to see eg. women and children only.

Also, I suppose that this doesn't particularly pertain to your question, but girls studying medicine are more likely to be more practising muslims than those who study in other fields. (This is not everyone, though, and not everywhere either).

My friend thinks that if you don't get married early or you don't find someone, you will get the "left-over's" :skeleton:coz you will be older when you finished studying and generally men don't choose wives that are older than themselves. I dunno, that's her opinion.:X

And about caring for the family, I think that is priority number 1. Even if it means leaving my career, I think it is more important to mould the next generation to be good, strong muslims. It's no use helping the whole world if your children are being neglected.