big problem in my marriage, help

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AnonymousPoster

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Here it goes, I was married in Nov 06. Right now my husband and I are not together, still married though. When we had gotten married it was against parents wishes, to make that part of the story short my family forgave us and everything was ok, for the time being, but soon after our marriage things began to fall apart, see I got pregnant and my husband was not acting like the way a man should with his wife. So I left him when I was about 4 months in my pregnancy, I went home to my parents. Which by the way they live in the us and I was in Egypt at the time, but anyways, I still tired to make my marriage work, but my husband was being selfish. Soon I had a baby boy and my marriage was still not so good. To make this all short. The situation I am in now is that, my husband has disrespected my father a number of times, but my father still for gave my husband. Well now my father has no more remorse for my husband because he did it to him quite a few times. My husband now is in the state that he has sent money for his son, but after one year of not. He also sent a letter that if I were to go back to him that I could travel as needed with taking his son. He wants to work things out but my family (father) has tired with him and my husband every time disrespected him. Well now my father is against working it out so are his parents, I am having a hard time trusting him not to hurt me sense he has before, my son is in the middle of this. I do not know what is wrong from right in this situation. I love my husband and want a family but I love my father, he was there for me when my husband wasn’t. In the Muslim religion, the husband is suppose to treat his wife with kindness and look after her, the wife should listen to her husband, and treat him with the same. I treated him so well, and he was not good to me. Now he says he was wrong that he loves me and he will show me for starters he sent me money for me and his son he sent the paper that states me and him could travel when needed (his son needs permission to travel from the father) this paper gives me the right to travel and take his son as I need. But see my father now says he will have nothing to do with me if I go. Help I don’t know what to do.
 
:sl: sister,

it is a difficult dilema and no one here is an alim or alima to give you an official answer so what we can give is only advice so here is mine...

i would give your husband another chance, if you are still married to him then obey him and respect him, and try to change him if you can to practice the deen more and not backbite and attack his brother in islam (your father).

i have met brothers who have had much worse problems at the beginnings of marriages and worked them out, so give it another chance if you think you can trust him.

finally... is he practicing islam fully? if he is then it will be much easier to trust he will not do haram things again like backbiting but if he isnt then you will have to judge things based on what you know of his character.

finally... remember everyone makes mistakes, Allah is the most forgiving and merciful but he also shows forgiveness and mercy to those who show it to others.

:sl:
 
When you got pregnant you husband acted like he didnt care? I mean that should have been 1 of his biggest joy in his life. specially when you know you have a kid on the way. He should be treating you nicely and care about you, Rather than acting as if he doesnt care.

You should try to give him another chance and see hows things go.

We can only pray for things to get better. Inshallah everything would be better for you like you want it to be.
 
:sl:

If you give your husband another chance, your father's heart will melt with time and he will forgive you, for his grandson at least.

If you don't give your husband another chanve, you may lose him and the only opportunity to mend things forever. Your son may never forgive you for not trying once again and for bringing him up without his biological father.

If you believe with all your heart that your husband will be bad to you again, don't go back. Only go back if you trust him whole heartedly coz coming back to your dad won't be so easy this time.

As bro Alpha said, do lots of istihara. It will put your mind and heart at ease inshallah.

:w:
 
thank you for all the good advice. what could i ask of my husband to prove and show me that he will not hurt me again, i mean he has told me, but is there any proof i can request?
 
My husband does not like anything relating to my parents. He has had problems with my mother and they have had misunderstandings. Is it right for him to delete my parents from his life? And what are his duties towards my parents?

This situation has caused problems within our marriage and my health and I can\\\'t endure it anymore. I need to resolve this conflict. Please help me.
Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions.

Dear Sister, we pray that Allah will ease your suffering and increase you in patience until your situation is eased. We also ask Allah to increase your reward for trying to be dutiful to your parents and obedient to your husband for where there is conflict in the family there is also a great trial for its members. Know that Allah has established the rights of each and every family member and for each his duties and responsibilities so that harmony will prevail.

Since you did not provide any specific details about the problem between your husband and your parents, we can only provide a generalized response. Surely you have the right to visit your parents and to extend to them every courtesy due to them, and they have a right to visit you in your home and be received with courtesy and respect.
However, your parents have no right to interfere in your marriage, to encourage you to deny your husband his rights, or to support you in any matter contrary to Sharia law.

According to Islamic principles, matters of conflict between Muslims should be resolved through mutual consultation and with consideration to everyone’s rights and in a way that is pleasing to Allah. In a word, Muslims are to show kindness and respect to one another if there is a disagreement, especially in family relations. If the parties cannot resolve the matter themselves then it is commendable to seek outside advice or consultation from one’s elders, other family members, or persons in authority who may be influential in finding a satisfactory solution.

By no means should conflicts extend to point of doing harm to one’s health; this is not beneficial to anyone, harms marital relations, and undermines the foundation of family life.

By all means discuss this matter frankly and with kindness with your husband and with your parents, informing them of their religious duty to resolve conflicts lovingly and to heal hurt feelings in an Islamic way.

Also, it would be helpful when you speak with them to mention Allah’s name often for it serves as a reminder for the believers of their duty to Allah and to one another.

May Allah bless the peacemakers and those who strive to bring accord where there is discord. We pray that Allah will establish lasting peace and joy to your home, and restore you to good health.
islamweb
 
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

Go back to your husband and please u parents.Listen to me my brothers . if u sister left her house and told u i would divorce my husband, do not help her nor listen to her request, she will come back to him and place in you in an embarassed situation with him and this is will be ingrained in his mind that u want to destroy his family.Whereever he sees , he will remember u interference and your curiosity.
 
Last edited:
tresbien said:
My husband does not like anything relating to my parents. He has had problems with my mother and they have had misunderstandings. Is it right for him to delete my parents from his life? And what are his duties towards my parents?

This situation has caused problems within our marriage and my health and I can\\\'t endure it anymore. I need to resolve this conflict. Please help me.
Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions.

Dear Sister, we pray that Allah will ease your suffering and increase you in patience until your situation is eased. We also ask Allah to increase your reward for trying to be dutiful to your parents and obedient to your husband for where there is conflict in the family there is also a great trial for its members. Know that Allah has established the rights of each and every family member and for each his duties and responsibilities so that harmony will prevail.

Since you did not provide any specific details about the problem between your husband and your parents, we can only provide a generalized response. Surely you have the right to visit your parents and to extend to them every courtesy due to them, and they have a right to visit you in your home and be received with courtesy and respect.
However, your parents have no right to interfere in your marriage, to encourage you to deny your husband his rights, or to support you in any matter contrary to Sharia law.

According to Islamic principles, matters of conflict between Muslims should be resolved through mutual consultation and with consideration to everyone’s rights and in a way that is pleasing to Allah. In a word, Muslims are to show kindness and respect to one another if there is a disagreement, especially in family relations. If the parties cannot resolve the matter themselves then it is commendable to seek outside advice or consultation from one’s elders, other family members, or persons in authority who may be influential in finding a satisfactory solution.

By no means should conflicts extend to point of doing harm to one’s health; this is not beneficial to anyone, harms marital relations, and undermines the foundation of family life.

By all means discuss this matter frankly and with kindness with your husband and with your parents, informing them of their religious duty to resolve conflicts lovingly and to heal hurt feelings in an Islamic way.

Also, it would be helpful when you speak with them to mention Allah’s name often for it serves as a reminder for the believers of their duty to Allah and to one another.

May Allah bless the peacemakers and those who strive to bring accord where there is discord. We pray that Allah will establish lasting peace and joy to your home, and restore you to good health.
islamweb
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Did you quote this from somewhere? You aren't married and you aren't a female either. :hmm:
 
Go back to your husband. your family will understand eventually. Try your best not to have conflicts arise again. You can change your husband behaviour with time inshaAllah.
 
i talked to my father and told him im thinking of giving my marraige a chance again. he was not happy at all and said he will have nothing to do with me. im really upset. but i do not want my marriage to fall apart. i have been a year and half away from my husband, he has not seen his son yet, thats killing me i feel so bad. i also feel that i have showen my husband that when you teat someone bad their is a point that they will not take it any more. i feel like he learned from his mistake. but what if i go to him and he does me wrong again. then what? i have to make sure he doesnt hurt me again, but how
 
:sl: May Allah ease your affairs sis. iould advise you as the above for you to pray istikhaara and follow your instincts..........

Sis there is no gaurantee that your husband will not hurt you again. This is a chance that you have to take if you wish to do so. It is so sad when things get out of control like this and women are forced to choose between their parents and spouse i really feel for you also you have brought your son up for the last year or so by yourself. You will take himand go to your husband InshaAllah things will work out for you, but if they don't then what??? Sis as a mother i know that you will just hurt more for your son more than you do now...............

Whatever choice you make please make sure you are ready to face the situation however it arises. Allah show His Mercy and Compassion on you and Guide you the right way. Ameen...........:w::D
AnonymousGender said:
i talked to my father and told him im thinking of giving my marraige a chance again. he was not happy at all and said he will have nothing to do with me. im really upset. but i do not want my marriage to fall apart. i have been a year and half away from my husband, he has not seen his son yet, thats killing me i feel so bad. i also feel that i have showen my husband that when you teat someone bad their is a point that they will not take it any more. i feel like he learned from his mistake. but what if i go to him and he does me wrong again. then what? i have to make sure he doesnt hurt me again, but how
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im sorry but what do you mean by "Sis as a mother i know that you will just hurt more for your son more than you do now..............." for some reson i dont really understand. you think i should give it a chance?
 
dawud_uk,if you dont mind my asking but what kind of problems had you seen befor that were worse then mine.
thank u for your advice again,
 
:sl: Sorry i have taken my time to reply. Sis i mean no bad feelings for you i sincerely wish and pray for you that Allah helps you to solve this situation you are facing, what i mean is that your son does not know his father. They have never met.

I sincerly hope that your husband and son have a beautiful relationship. Ameen. However if the situation does not resolve then you would have introduced your son to his father and your son will feel hurt..........that is worse. Please do not misunderstand me. I am not suggesting anything to you to go to him or not is a choice that you have to make by yourself.

InshaAllah Allah will shower you with His Mercy and Blessings and you will be reunited with your husband and live with each other with love and compassion. Ameen.:peace::w:
nms said:
im sorry but what do you mean by "Sis as a mother i know that you will just hurt more for your son more than you do now..............." for some reson i dont really understand. you think i should give it a chance?
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i was online with my husband, my father shut my computer off and began to tell me, that i am wrong and that i should not be talking to him because of everything that has happen. When i got back online to talk to my husband, i fealt as if he didnt know or care for what he put me in with my family. i feel really bad for what is happening. i love my husband. i really dont have a clue what is right from wrong right now, i cant seem to make anyone understand how it feels to have a child from your husband and be forced to make a choice.
:cry:
 

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