well arrange marriage is the islamic way of getting married. i cant believe people will associate it with forced marriages or so called culture thing. lets define wat arrange marriage is really about. its basically a guy comes n ask for a gurl for her hand . n then her parents checks him out . and if they do end up liking him n seeing him a suitable potential husband for there doughtier they bring it up to her . then after him seeing her once and vise verse . she will do the prayer n allah will guide her * estakhra prayers* because she have faith in him... like the prophet said he only got one look . n obviously god had a reason behind it ... he obviously didnt say go n talk to her nor walk to the park like some other people said .. n get to know her n etc n then decide to marry her. cuz if he did.. he would have said it. we are muslims here... we cant just change the rules to suit us ... but if u really think that i hope u can sleep at nite.
I think culture plays a role on what a person thinks of 'arranged' marriages. In some cultures, arranged marriages tend to be forced, or if not directly forced, they definetly have some element of emotional blackmail from the parents. I.e. things to the effect of: 'You have to marry him/her or I'll disown you forever'; 'I'm your parent, you cannot say no to me, you have to do what I say, isn't jannah beneath my feet?' etc etc.
This type of arranged (read: forced) marriage is what I think most of us are against, not to mention that it is Islamically impermissible.
What you've mentioned is the typical Islamic way of marriage, and can take the definition of arranged --> Nothing wrong with that. Also, as a side point, the potential guy/girl can sit and speak w/ each other, and in this day and time, I personally think they should do that at least a few times to get an idea of the person, of course, provided Islamic guidelines are upheld during the course of the meetings.
now thats outta the way...... love marriages... if ur talkin about dating then obviously thats haram. but do u honestly believe that love comes before marriage like with out living with the person n knowing how he/ her is. i mean wat do u love about them... i think people r confusing it with being in love .or u can like a person.. now thats a different story .... ....... anywayz some people might use the excuse oh i met him at work n we talked etc then once they start liking each other more than a friend then thats when they should stop talking because we all know that its gonna lead to the haram ways .. u might say oh im strong... u could but people get sucked in .... i dont remember wat how the hadith is said but i will give u the meaning of when two ppl r sitting together obviously the third person its the shytan.
Love marriages does not automatically mean through dating or haram means. Love can come by without any of that. It can even be at the first glance. This is reality, so many people have fallen in love after just a look. It can be because the two people were working together in the community, MSA, some organization, project etc. Also, what is haraam is
khalwa, seclusion with each other. Speaking when needed, whilst observing proper Islamic
adab in school, community projects, isn't haram.
There needs to be modesty and proper adab being observed.
with the second one, couldn't he of meant any sort of love. i mean, for eg, love of a child towards its parents, etc. unless its meant to be taken in the same breath as the one above it?
I've heard it quoted in the same context as the first one in lectures, so wallahu 'alam.
this reminds me, from an Islamic perspective, what is love and lust, and how (if in any way) are they "connected" to one another...because you hear of people falling in love before marriage but sometimes people label is it as lust, but the person in love feels that they're in love...and sometimes you hear people saying they're in love, then over time they get busy and forget them :? so does love "blow over" or is that lust (whatever it is)
A question to you: Is there anything wrong with lust when it's taken along with love, i.e. the person intends to satisfy it through marriage?
Remember the quote from Imaam Ahmad, when he advised men to look for beauty first and then religion because men tend to look for beauty a lot more than women.
Lust is part of being human, and like other desires it needs to be channeled in the proper way. Is it wrong to lust for your spouse? Of course not. My point is, remember the following hadeeth in Muslim, in which it is related on the authority of Abu Dharr that the Prophet (salalahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said
"You will receive the reward for sadaqa even when you have sexual intercourse with your wives." The sahaba said, "Will we really be rewarded for satisfying our physical desires?" He replied, "If you have haram intercourse, you will be committing a sin; similarly, if you have halal intercourse, you will be rewarded."
So wallaahu 'alam, but what I understand is that if you lust for someone outside of marriage, even if to you it seems like love, marry them provided they're right for you in the usual criteria, otherwise lower the gaze and fast because fasting subdues desire. So when you satisfy your lusts with them you'll be getting rewarded - i.e. it becomes an act of
ibaadah. Marriage in such a situation causes love to grow, even if initially you were attracted to the person through physical desire. Of course, over time if all you went into marriage with was lust, there's going to be problems down the line. However, if it's lust plus the usual criteria, deen, compatibility, taqwa, etc, why not?
Also, another angle that this can be looked at from is the fact that Allaah has beautified women for men. Men lust for women, it is something inherent. That is why we're advised to marry young, to take care of our lusts and channel it into the proper way. Another angle is, the hadeeth in Sahih Muslim, narrated by Jabir (ra.):
Jabir heard Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) say: When a woman fascinates any one of you and she captivates his heart, he should go to his wife and have an intercourse with her, for it would repel what he feels.
Islam doesn't condemn lusts
per se, rather it knows that lust is part of being human. Therefore, they need to be taken care of in the proper way, not extinguished or forever suppressed - like the monks and priests try to do by trying to remain celibate for their entire lives. We've seen the corruptions amongst their ranks because of this, the homosexuality, molestation and what not.
Islamic is practical - and the intents of the Shariah are to preserve 5 -> faith, life, lineage, intellect and property. Therefore, it facilitates marriage and makes the means for it easy and exhorts people to get married young - because marriage in fact serves to preserve all five intents.
and with the hadith that states that two people in love should marry (it's around here somewhere, i just cant be bothered looking for it) how do we know that what is meant is really not lust, and love? (i mean other than the fact that it is stated in the hadith of course) because alot of people think that if you see someone and find them physically attractive (even though that person who saw them says they're in love with them)
I think the question should be: where should the line be drawn between marrying for deen, compatibility etc, versus marrying solely for physical desire.
If they're taken together, nothing wrong with that. If it's only for the latter, then that's where the problem lies.
Wallaahu 'alam.
hhmmm Hardly 5% in world :X
because of that hadith about if two people are in love, then they should marry :mmokay: so yh love before marriage is possible...unless there is some meaning to it i havnt yet come across hmmm
