Marrying

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^Huh? I personally wouldn't care where the guy is from. The idea of marrying outside my culture really intrigues me A revert would be just as cool!

To the original poster:

Like it was said, what someone holds to be unattractive, others may find attractive and visa versa. I've experienced this! As a friend of mine was seeking to marry a bro and he was just as interested in her. She was attracted to him a lotttt and she asked me what i thought and i jus thought he's ok. Soooooooo really, u shouldnt worry brother! inshaAllah.

People have their preference, but deen is so much more important! All these physical concepts soon fade with time but at least you'll still have something to love i.e. the persons deen! inshaAllah.


Don't forget the Qadr of Allah Ta'ala

 

[convert]

^^Huh? I personally wouldn't care where the guy is from. The idea of marrying outside my culture really intrigues me A revert would be just as cool!

To the original poster:

Like it was said, what someone holds to be unattractive, others may find attractive and visa versa. I've experienced this! As a friend of mine was seeking to marry a bro and he was just as interested in her. She was attracted to him a lotttt and she asked me what i thought and i jus thought he's ok. Soooooooo really, u shouldnt worry brother! inshaAllah.

People have their preference, but deen is so much more important! All these physical concepts soon fade with time but at least you'll still have something to love i.e. the persons deen! inshaAllah.


Don't forget the Qadr of Allah Ta'ala

I think you are naieve sister but mashaAllah.

Also: sorry, my adab is out of line. Just frustrated at a lot of stuff. Please forgive me all.

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Naive about what? I hold to that and I don't let peoples opinion get in my way. When I say things, I mean it Other than when I'm annoyed...

No need bro InshaAllah...may Allah(swt) ease your affairs, Ameen.

 

[buddy1]

sweetie, would the world not be the most boring and depressing world ever if we were all attracted to the same people!?

My estranged husband, is a very good looking guy and all of my sisters admit to it, but he is a very selfish man, doesnt have the best personality in the world, not the greatest sense of humour etc etc etc! the only good that came from my marraige to him was three unbeleivebly beautiful children! (mainly down to me! hahahaha!)

honey what im trying to say is even if they are the most beautiful person outside doesnt mean they arent the most beautiful person on the inside.

it tends to be, the other way round, if they are perfect to look at they usually have more vices on the inside (the inside what counts!) but if they are not quite perfect on the outside it means they are more than likely much better on the inside!

im reading this back to myself thinkin "i dont think she is gunna understand this jargon i just wrote!" but i hope you do! xxxx

 

[S_87]

As long as hes from back home, all is gravy right sisters?

oh i so know what u mean frustrating :raging:

 

[youngsister]

Brother​

If she is a smart and pious muslimah , then I don't think she will look towards the physical beauty, but the inner beauty. I will suggest you that you should follow the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (SAW) and try to be like him the Prophet Muhammad (SAW). Then you will see the noor in your personality better than that of physical beauty, InshaAllaah.
​

.​

I dont fully agree with you.

Yes deen comes first. Yes personality is crucial. HOWEVER marriage is suppose to protect you from fitnah, many people can easily say that they dont care about looks but when it comes down to it i cant see many people marrying an obese bold man. (no offense)

So if you choose to refuse a religious man because you dont find him attractive then you are not pious?
I dont want to go into detail but you will have to spend the rest of your life with this person and have children with him.

I wouldnt refuse an average looking brother if he is pious but there has to be something there.

 

[noorseeker]

we brothers tend to want a beautiful wife , but we feel the sister should ignore our looks, it just how us guys are.

Depends if the poster wants a beautiful wife. No offence how many average looking girls do you see with really handsome husbands, not many,

You could have the most beautiful wife in the world, but like most men, we will get bored of her looks.

I have this romanticised idea , when inshallah i get married, i will only have eyes for my wife, my gaze will not wonder, but im sure it will.

When i read this thread i smiled , because i couldve been the thread starter.
I fight with the mirror everyday, and i do feel no one will look at me for marriage.
my mind is mentally prepared to live out my life alone,

 

[-Elle-]

I dont fully agree with you.

Yes deen comes first. Yes personality is crucial. HOWEVER marriage is suppose to protect you from fitnah, many people can easily say that they dont care about looks but when it comes down to it i cant see many people marrying an obese bold man. (no offense)

So if you choose to refuse a religious man because you dont find him attractive then you are not pious?
I dont want to go into detail but you will have to spend the rest of your life with this person and have children with him.

I wouldnt refuse an average looking brother if he is pious but there has to be something there.

agreed. Its possible for some women that looks truly don't matter, Allahu 3alam I mean were not in their heads you can't say they're lying...

but I believe that for most women, looks play a part in marriage. Even if it plays a small part in your decision(like..5-10%?); it is still a relevant aspect. And I don't see anything wrong with that,as long as this aspect(beauty) does not overshadow your entire judgement of the guy who is looking to marry you.
And,like I mentioned before, you can actually become attracted to his physical beauty after getting to know him; sounds strange but it happens.

 

[anonymous]

I fight with the mirror everyday, and i do feel no one will look at me for marriage.
my mind is mentally prepared to live out my life alone,

Why brother? Is it impossible for Allaah, the One who has absolute power over all things to give u a partner? He is the same Merciful and Compassionate Lord who has fulfilled the wishes of thousands and millions in the past. If He, the All Merciful provides for those of His slaves who don't obey Him, then He definitely provides better and something more special to those of his slaves who do obey Him and control their desires for His sake. Who are patient for His sake. Who endure pain for His sake. Who can go and easily give in to the shaytaan and fall into sin, but they restrain themselves for His sake. He has a special type of Mercy and love for those slaves, and He is the Most appreciative. Do not think that Allaah will waste you. Do not think Allaah will turn you away, for you are very special to Him. By Allaah, if u do not give up from asking Him and sincerly praying to Him with hope, He will definitely reward you for your patience and give u even better than what u desire. And when that day comes, I hope you remember my words. :wasalamex

Anon.

 

[S_87]

we brothers tend to want a beautiful wife , but we feel the sister should ignore our looks, it just how us guys are.

Depends if the poster wants a beautiful wife. No offence how many average looking girls do you see with really handsome husbands, not many,

You could have the most beautiful wife in the world, but like most men, we will get bored of her looks.

I have this romanticised idea , when inshallah i get married, i will only have eyes for my wife, my gaze will not wonder, but im sure it will.

When i read this thread i smiled , because i couldve been the thread starter.
I fight with the mirror everyday, and i do feel no one will look at me for marriage.
my mind is mentally prepared to live out my life alone,

dont feel like that, im sure that tif you made a poll then you will see the majority of members have so problem with the way they look/weight anything. we see our own imperfections that other people looking at us may not notice.

 

[maryam87]

To be honest the most important trait a guy would need to have for me would be to be humble. However saying this if i didnt know the guy and i saw him for the first time whatever the sisters tell you he will need to be accepting to the eyes of the female. Its definately not all about the looks but if you do have something else that shines then shine it dont hide it away.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

we brothers tend to want a beautiful wife , but we feel the sister should ignore our looks, it just how us guys are.

speak for yourself bro, i dont ask for wat i cant offer. if i want a beautiful wife, then naturally i'll do everything to make myself just as good

Depends if the poster wants a beautiful wife. No offence how many average looking girls do you see with really handsome husbands, not many,

i can think of quite a few

You could have the most beautiful wife in the world, but like most men, we will get bored of her looks.

again i completely disagree, and i have a very strong reason for doing so.
for me... the beauty will only increase, im sure!

my mind is mentally prepared to live out my life alone,

i like that mentality

i have it too! even if i get married and have kids, i wont rely on anyone else inshaAllah

 

[noorseeker]

so why are the girls back home different , guys just can pick and choose who they want over there without fear of rejection,

girls in the western countries, we cannot do that,'

Yeah i can go home and find a pretty wife, with no fear of rejection,
but its not about that, i want someone to marry me for me, and not for status


we cant pick and choose in the west, lol.

 

[Snowflake]

^cuz they want to come to the UK or wherever?

Todays girls back home are just as fussy and from what I've seen, even more.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

girls back home do choose

ive heard of rejection cases.

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

we brothers tend to want a beautiful wife , but we feel the sister should ignore our looks, it just how us guys are.

Depends if the poster wants a beautiful wife. No offence how many average looking girls do you see with really handsome husbands, not many,

You could have the most beautiful wife in the world, but like most men, we will get bored of her looks.

I have this romanticised idea , when inshallah i get married, i will only have eyes for my wife, my gaze will not wonder, but im sure it will.

When i read this thread i smiled , because i couldve been the thread starter.
I fight with the mirror everyday, and i do feel no one will look at me for marriage.
my mind is mentally prepared to live out my life alone,

Sometimes we just need to stop thinking so much over our looks, and put our trust in Allaah. I guess it's something that can't be helped though..because of the society that we're living in which places so much emphasis on physical beauty. But realize that there's a beauty that comes naturally which varies from person to person and is perceived differently person to person, and there's also a beauty (which is physical too) that comes about from doing good, some of our Salaf used to say that praying Tahajjud brightens the face, and that sins darken the face. So honestly, just focus on your deeds and getting closer to Allaah, to the Qur'aan and there will be a natural light on your face that Allaah will bestow on you that will over sight anything else bi'idhnillah. This goes for everyone.

agreed. Its possible for some women that looks truly don't matter, Allahu 3alam I mean were not in their heads you can't say they're lying...

but I believe that for most women, looks play a part in marriage. Even if it plays a small part in your decision(like..5-10%?); it is still a relevant aspect. And I don't see anything wrong with that,as long as this aspect(beauty) does not overshadow your entire judgement of the guy who is looking to marry you.
And,like I mentioned before, you can actually become attracted to his physical beauty after getting to know him; sounds strange but it happens.

There's nothing wrong with that. Sisters, you should make sure that you don't marry someone you're not attracted to. I.e. Make sure you're attracted to the person you'll marry, I mean you'll be sleeping with each other for the years to come, you want to make sure you at least like how the other person looks!

dont feel like that, im sure that tif you made a poll then you will see the majority of members have so problem with the way they look/weight anything. we see our own imperfections that other people looking at us may not notice.

Yes! This is so true. :thumbs_up

so why are the girls back home different , guys just can pick and choose who they want over there without fear of rejection,

girls in the western countries, we cannot do that,'

Yeah i can go home and find a pretty wife, with no fear of rejection,
but its not about that, i want someone to marry me for me, and not for status


we cant pick and choose in the west, lol.

Of course you can. You just need to realize that there are a lot of good sisters out there in the West itself. You just need to put yourself out there, start getting involved in the community etc, volunteer and you'll no doubt find someone Insha'Allaah who'll want to marry you for you. And I personally think you should try to marry someone who has a similar background as you, similar past (like growing up in same place, etc) so that you can relate and be compatible. I firmly believe that marrying from back home is not that good of an idea..because of how different you two would have grown up.

 

[Mysterious Uk]

I firmly believe that marrying from back home is not that good of an idea..because of how different you two would have grown up.

I agree, people back home and people here think differently if you know what i mean.

 

[noorseeker]

I agree, people back home and people here think differently if you know what i mean.[/QUOTE

the language barrier firstly would be a problem for me , my bengalis not very good, and i cant joke about in bengali, as i can in english.

I would lose 80%of my personality.

Or more importantly, i couldnt translate hadeeths or any sort of islamic knowledge properly to her. imsad

 

[burdenofbeing]

I'm not really very handsome if you ask me, but my wife thinks otherwise. she also told me that when she gets angry at me, my looks start diminishing. this is the way female mind works.

 

[Ansariyah]

Bro,There must be more that u can offer besides ur looks, there's just more to life besides that anyway.:sunny: