Marriage issues between 2 Madhabs

[AabiruSabeel]

Usually the boys learn from their fathers and girls from their mothers.
We can see the boys going to Masjid with their father, trying to act like him etc, and girls doing the same like their mothers.
So I think it would be a good idea to let the boys follow their father's school of thought, and girls their mothers, until they are old enough to understand the differences and choose their own path.

But when it comes to something like eating shrimps and crabs, then either of the parent will have to compromise...

The differences aren't something to be made a big deal about. The major things are all the same, differences only come into light when you go deep into the details.
And the differences are only in matters of whether a particular action is sunnah or wajib or nafil or makrooh etc. When it comes to Halal and Haram, its all clear.

 

[muslimah 4 life]

My husbands family are blind following barelvis,in the beginning of the marriage me and my husband used to end up arguing. I would not take part in the celebration of milaad or their yearly khataums.
I even blamed my father because I thought why has he married me off to these mad people who have no deen.
Now 9 years down the line my husband has stopped all the above agreeing its bidaah.
The only downfall is because I haven't been able to conceive a 2nd child they tell me it's because their peer are upset with me.:rollseyes

 

[Zafran]

My husbands family are blind following barelvis,in the beginning of the marriage me and my husband used to end up arguing. I would not take part in the celebration of milaad or their yearly khataums.
I even blamed my father because I thought why has he married me off to these mad people who have no deen.
Now 9 years down the line my husband has stopped all the above agreeing its bidaah.
The only downfall is because I haven't been able to conceive a 2nd child they tell me it's because their peer are upset with me.:rollseyes

salaam

Mawlid is debatable - the yearly Khttham is a prayer to God right - Yearly Dua's - there are a lot of pakistans that are Barelvis.

 

[muslimah 4 life]

salaam

Mawlid is debatable - the yearly Khttham is a prayer to God right - Yearly Dua's - there are a lot of pakistans that are Barelvis.

My brother when these khatams take place hardly anyone sits and prays, not even the farz prayers! If they don't do farz prayers why are they so particular of celebrating milaad and doing khatams.
When I die I don't want my daughter to make a big hooha once a year, if she can benefit me why not do her farz ibbadah and make dua for me herself..

 

[Zafran]

My brother when these khatams take place hardly anyone sits and prays, not even the farz prayers! If they don't do farz prayers why are they so particular of celebrating milaad and doing khatams.
When I die I don't want my daughter to make a big hooha once a year, if she can benefit me why not do her farz ibbadah and make dua for me herself..

Salaam

Yes sister you are right - this is exactly what a lot of pakistanis do - atleast the once i know - its more culture for them then religion (deen).

are you pakistani?

 

[muslimah 4 life]

Yes bro I am and I agree with you 100%. Thats what I dislike about us pakistanis so much. We are so far from deen (most of us) most things we do are because our forefathers did them even if they are wrong and against islam.

 

[Zafran]

Yes bro I am and I agree with you 100%. Thats what I dislike about us pakistanis so much. We are so far from deen (most of us) most things we do are because our forefathers did them even if they are wrong and against islam.

salaam

Yep your right - although i believe we shouldnt be to harsh on them, most of them are sincere.

peace

 

[islamlover_girl]

He have to teach his children that there is a diferrent in openions in Islam ,the diffrent in openions happened between the companions of prophet muhammed peace be upon him when they was traveling to (Banu quzama) he ordered them to pray alasr prayer in (Banu quzama) then the sun was about to set and (Banu quzama) was too far so some of them said that we have to pray anywhere befor the sunset as they thought that prophet muhammed peace be upon him just mean by his words harry up and some of them prayed alasr prayer in (Banu quzama) after the sunset then they told the prophet muhammed peace be upon him about what happened and he said that both of them are right (the story is in sahih albukhary and I tried to translate it ,arabic source here )
so diffrent in openions betweem madhabs doesn`t mean that someone of them is right and the others are wrong .
the muslim isn`t obligized to flow only one madhab he can follow one of these madhabs in an issue and another one in another issue .by the way alhanafi isn`t the striktest madhab in all issue for example he is the only one who accepted to the girl to marry without wali while the other madhabs see that she can`t marry without a wali(and there r many other examples) ,every madhab is strikter in some issues and less strickt in others.
if ur friend like to follow the stricktist he can choose from evry madhab the striktist fatwas.
Imam Abu hanifa said (that`s my openions and the best I saw so whoever give an openion better than it follow it) (my translation, arabic source ) and so do the other Imams (I mean they said samilar words)they didn`t say that we must order there openion only all of them belive that they r human beings and can be wrong)

 

[Imam]

I really feel sad every time I find some people still viewing the mazhab or the old Ijtihaad to be equal for them the word (Islam)...

such people who believe that the door of Ijtihad اجتهاد is closed,and the old scholars made the job completely and got it right all the way,is no doubt one of the factor that plagued Muslims with Jomood الجمود . which led Muslims to backwardness....

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu


He would be happy to take the "stricter" ruling!

This person compared Hanafi with Maliki, but if he take a look at Hanbali Mazhab,he will find out which is the strictest Mazhab ever !!!

Again, its a "big" issue for him because he is able to notice "bigger" differences than the lay people!!! And because he "believes" with the hanifi madhab a person is "more" likely to become sinful than in a maliki mabhad for the same actions. etc etc

Having studied comparative Fikh ,I would say the claim (the hanifi madhab a person is "more" likely to become sinful than in a maliki mabhad for the same actions) is not accurate...

and as I said If he wants to play it stricter, just go together with his wife to Hanbali mazhab....


peace

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Would be grateful for more advise

my honest advise: either somehow get them to stop acting so stubborn and reach a middle way: i.e i respect you for following your mathhab and you likewise mine, just leave me to follow mine and dont pester me about it...if i find a mistake on a certain ruling in mine, i'll take up that opinion whether its of your mathhab or another one

OR

if they both feel that passionate abut their mathhab, just leave it...really it's not going to get anywhere...

But he would expect the sister to choose the stricter one as well. And he said it doesnt matter which madhab they are, but he expects the both of them to choose the "stricter" ruling.

why the "stricter" ? stricter doesn't make it anymore correct...?

He really believes that hanifi madhab is the strongest overall, and he has reseached enough to notice the difference.

researching is something, and understanding is another. if you dont understand what you have researched (and only a scholar who understands the contexts of the ayahs/hadiths is able to do that), than how do you know which is strongest, etc? would i be right in assuming he isnt a scholar...

Regarding the kids, he doesnt want them to be confused, and taught different rulings for the same action etc etc.

in all honestly, i don't think the kids will be that badly affected...if they see their parents co-operating and respecting each others mathhaby opinion, then "automatically" they'll understand that it isn't a big deal...if however they see their parents arguing and not reaching a compromise/understanding one another, than of of course they'll grow up confused...
and either way, whether they pick it up from their parents or otherwise, they are going to come across differences of opinions later on...in fact i think it will be better if the kids did grow up with both their parents following two different mathhabs because they will grow up understanding that there is differences of opinion...when i was growing up, i grew up in a town where there was only a handful of Muslims so there was only one masjid/one imam in town. as a result I grew up thinking that there wasn't a variety of opinions...it was quite a shock to me when i realized the various opinions scholars had on a certain issue...it was so confusing at first...and it still very much is.

and also, something else to take into account...is there that much of a difference between the mathhabs on various rulings...i mean for eg the rulings on how to perform wudoo, there cant be that much of a difference on how to perform wudoo, right?


and i also thought that the hanbali mathhab was the strictest, not the hanifi one :?

 

[BlissfullyJaded]

Strictness is subjective word, and it's clearly based on personal feelings. Anybody can pick out things from each of the four Madhabs and say it's strict. It doesn't mean anything, sorry. The madhab of Imaam Maalik (Rahimahullah) is still valid, and he has no basis to say that she should change and vice versa. And based on the fact alone that he follows a madhab, he should be aware that you cannot make a person change a madhab like that. If she were to change, she would have go into deep research about each of the madhab before coming to a conclusion on what she really wants to be. And I guess by then he'd be already married to somebody else anyway, unless he decides to wait it out so long.

If they cannot respect the fact that they're of different madhabs and are insisting on the other changing, then how far will this marriage really go? They're already making a mountain of an mole hill, sheesh it's not even as big as a mole hill to be honest.

The children issue is an excuse. Children aren't stupid. If you break things down to them at an appropriate age, they will understand there are differences and that the differences are valid. If you take out the good aspects of this, you can realize that you can make this a learning opportunity for the children to grow up and respect all four Imaams. If they could understand the differences, surely their children can grow up to figure it out too. Any parent has to go over madhab issues with their kids anyway to make sure their children don't get confused when hearing outside their home. My parents are both Hanafi, and we've still have had the random discussion on it alhamdulillah...

 

[Salahudeen]

hmm how about they agree to both follow the most authentic opinion out the four madhabs rather than becoming fanaticall about following a specific madhab.

I remember a scholar saying "it's ok to follow madhabs as long as you don't become fanatical in following that mahab"

for example if you find an opinion in another madhab that's more authentic than the opinion of the Hanafi madhab then you follow that madhab in that particular issue.

You don't say "oh I don't care if the other opinion in the other madhab is more authentic I'm hanafi"

the scholar said "rather you should follow the most authentic opinion out of all four madhabs"

that's what I try to do, I don't say I'm hanafi,shafi,maliki,hanabli rather I pick the most authentic opinion from all four and follow it.

I mix and match, if anything I'm all four lol.

Also I think that all of the Imams said

"if you find any more material that is more authentic than mine throw mine against the wall and follow the more authentic material".

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^Right, thats exactly wat i was thinking.

I forget who, but one of the scholars used to tell people who were around him at the time to not write down specifically everything he says as if its going to be sealed up like the US constitution. He said that its possible that what he says today, he might change tomorrow. They were scholars yes, but even they spent their entire lives trying to better understand and propagate Islam to others, especially fellow Muslims. I havent read all the post but I'd say Bro Sampharo and bro Squiggle got it. If they have an issue regarding madhab right now, I wonder what else they'd conflict with?

Btw thats not an exact quote, just trying to get my point across.

 

[Snowflake]

I am extremely confused and frustrated about the whole madhab issue. It didn't exist at the time of the Prophet. Everyone followed the same teachings. Why aren't things as simple now?

 

[Salahudeen]

I am extremely confused and frustrated about the whole madhab issue. It didn't exist at the time of the Prophet. Everyone followed the same teachings. Why aren't things as simple now?

watch this video and you will get it!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6t3ubAAz1k

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^Thats a hand in the face for people who pick a specific madhab and say "I am this and that's it" etc etc...I can never do that. I have to look at them all. Most people do blind following which is dangerous...

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Also I think that all of the Imams said

"if you find any more material that is more authentic than mine throw mine against the wall and follow the more authentic material".

These sort of statements were intended for the students of the Imaams who maybe weren't completely Mujtahid Mutlaq but were knowledgeable enough to decipher the evidences and extract jurisprudential rulings on their own and evaluate differences. In explaining this position, Shaykh Ibn Taymiyyah says: “[Imam Ahmad] would order the layman to ask (yustafti) Ishaq, Abu ‘Ubaid, Abu Thawr, Abu Mus’ab, whilst he would forbid the scholars from his followers, such as Abu Dawud (the compiler of Sunan), ‘Uthman ibn Sa’id, Ibrahim al-Harbi, Abu Bakr al-Athram, Abu Zur’ah, Abu Hatim al-Sajistani, Muslim (the compiler of Sahih) and others, from making Taqleed of anyone from the scholars. He would say to them: You must refer to the sources, to the Book and the Sunnah.”

See al-Manhaj 373-376, al-Tahqiqat 643-645, Majmu’ah 20/116, 124-126, al-Mustadrak 2/241, 258, al-Furu’ 6/492, al-Insaf 11/147, I’lam 6/203-205, Mukhtasar al-Tahrir 103, Hal al-Muslim Mulzam… 14, Rawdhat al-Talibin 11/117, Usul al-Fiqh al-Islami 2/1166

http://www.islamicboard.com/1039200-post47.html

I am extremely confused and frustrated about the whole madhab issue. It didn't exist at the time of the Prophet. Everyone followed the same teachings. Why aren't things as simple now?

See this post: http://www.islamicboard.com/1144566-post4.html

Strictness is objective word, and it's clearly based on personal feelings. Anybody can pick out things from each of the four Madhabs and say it's strict. It doesn't mean anything, sorry. The madhab of Imaam Maalik (Rahimahullah) is still valid, and he has no basis to say that she should change and vice versa. And based on the fact alone that he follows a madhab, he should be aware that you cannot make a person change a madhab like that. If she were to change, she would have go into deep research about each of the madhab before coming to a conclusion on what she really wants to be. And I guess by then he'd be already married to somebody else anyway, unless he decides to wait it out so long.

If they cannot respect the fact that they're of different madhabs and are insisting on the other changing, then how far will this marriage really go? They're already making a mountain of an mole hill, sheesh it's not even as big as a mole hill to be honest.

The children issue is an excuse. Children aren't stupid. If you break things down to them at an appropriate age, they will understand there are differences and that the differences are valid. If you take out the good aspects of this, you can realize that you can make this a learning opportunity for the children to grow up and respect all four Imaams. If they could understand the differences, surely their children can grow up to figure it out too. Any parent has to go over madhab issues with their kids anyway to make sure their children don't get confused when hearing outside their home. My parents are both Hanafi, and we've still have had the random discussion on it alhamdulillah...

Quoted because I completely agree and have nothing to add!

 

[Snowflake]

Thank you Squiggle and br. Abd al-Rahman. Allah ujar de. Ameen

 

[UmmSqueakster]

Assalamu Alaikum,

I married a few years after I converted, but before I had figured out how to practice the deen completely. As I studied, I chose to follow the shafi'i madhab and seek out a sheikh for spiritual guidance and tazkiya. My husband, on the other hand, is a quasi zahari, who takes from ibn Hazm. Two very very different ways of approaching the deen.

Does our marriage work? Yes. But it requires a lot of extra work and respect on both our parts. My husband thinks he's right, I think I'm right, and we just agree to disagree.

As for the mixing and matching of madhabs based on strictness, won't work. As previous posters have said, it's strictness is subjective. I know very little of how the shafi'i scholars reached their rulings, but whenever I look into an issue, I am completely amazed at how deep their knowledge is, how many different hadith they had to know, etc etc etc. For me, a laywoman, to judge what is stricter between 2 madhabs is a joke.

 

[~Taalibah~]

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Recently a brother has a proposal from a sister (obviously). During the talks, they realised that they were both from different madhabs, which they both strictly obeyed. (i.e. they can tell the differences?)

The brother wanted to know as a husband does the wife have to follow his madhab because his very insisting that she does so. Likewise the sister is insisting that he has to follow her madhab.

The brother is Hanifi, and perfers so because its the most "strictiest" and the sister perfers Maliki because Ibn Tammiyah (RadiAllahu Anhu) described it as the "soundest"


p.s. im a lay person, i aint got a clue!:-[

FiAmaaniAllah

According to the teachings i follow, a wife cannot change her math'hab to suite the husband.

To the best of my knowledge, one cannot change their math'hab unless they are unable to get islamic advice from knowledgeable ulama around them/there are no means of gaining islamic knowledge on that particular math'hab, so that they are ignorant on matters.
Allah knows best.

Strictness is subjective word, and it's clearly based on personal feelings. Anybody can pick out things from each of the four Madhabs and say it's strict. It doesn't mean anything, sorry. The madhab of Imaam Maalik (Rahimahullah) is still valid, and he has no basis to say that she should change and vice versa. And based on the fact alone that he follows a madhab, he should be aware that you cannot make a person change a madhab like that. If she were to change, she would have go into deep research about each of the madhab before coming to a conclusion on what she really wants to be. And I guess by then he'd be already married to somebody else anyway, unless he decides to wait it out so long.

If they cannot respect the fact that they're of different madhabs and are insisting on the other changing, then how far will this marriage really go? They're already making a mountain of an mole hill, sheesh it's not even as big as a mole hill to be honest.

The children issue is an excuse. Children aren't stupid. If you break things down to them at an appropriate age, they will understand there are differences and that the differences are valid. If you take out the good aspects of this, you can realize that you can make this a learning opportunity for the children to grow up and respect all four Imaams. If they could understand the differences, surely their children can grow up to figure it out too. Any parent has to go over madhab issues with their kids anyway to make sure their children don't get confused when hearing outside their home. My parents are both Hanafi, and we've still have had the random discussion on it alhamdulillah...

Agreed!
Good post