unwed mother

[ژاله]

^really??are you sure??the father can marry his illegitimate daughter?

 

[Muslim Woman]

, if the baby is a girl... in the future the Muslim guy can marry her too...

No ,no bro , I don't think it's correct . A father can't marry his own daughter , does not matter if she is born out of marriage. Marriage between Father -daugther is totally forbidden.

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam/Peace

I know i will not marry him

If decision is final , then pl. tell him to go back to his wife before he commits more sins like having physical relationship with you or someone else.

 

[جوري]

i will not lie to you.. i still love him but he's annoying me.. do you think he's still worth to be loved and be married and to be given a second chance after all what happened? i know myself. even though i still love a person but if he's not giving me the proper treatment i deserve, then, definitely i know how to stop even if it hurts me.. but through muslim woman, something came up in my mind.. does he deserve to be given a second chance at least for the sake of our baby? can somebody gaive their opinions regarding this. and how would i know, as i am a christian, whether the marriage he is proposing is real? whether the ceremony is real and valid? i read in some topics in this forum that two person can be married IN A HOUSE with just two witnesses. and about the agreement or marriage contract, who will prepare the document? in case we want to have some other arrangements, who will write in the agreement?

Greetings pipay,

I trust you are well.. I strongly believe in second chances yes, but if he is sincere, I am going to be honest, I am not thrilled about an 8 month pregnant woman boarding an airplane and traveling by herself, and I think all children deserve both parents.. I think perhaps you should have a candid talk with him, if he is still a player then move on, if he is serious, then I think you owe it to yourself and to your child to give a second chance..

priorities when you are a mother.. I hope this works out for you.. at least pls reconsider flying, certain altitudes are very dangerous for a pregnant woman, as well immobility on long flights.. pls consider though you might not feel it, that the body of a pregnant woman is completely different from a regular woman..

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends air travel be avoided after 36 weeks [36] . Some airlines require medical certificates for women who are pregnant beyond 36 weeks gestation.

Obstruction of the vena cava from uterine compression and altered clotting factors combined with immobility and dehydration place the pregnant passenger at increased risk for DVT. She should be encouraged to ambulate every hour or two and to follow the recommendations for DVT prevention. (See "Deep vein thrombosis" above and see "Maternal cardiovascular and hemodynamic adaptation to pregnancy").


thus again, I ask you to pls re-consider flying so late in your pregnancy, for your sake and that of your child.. most people feel fine and then they are suddenly dead.. the way you see yourself from the outside might be completely different from how your body is reacting to stressors.

Won't you please wait until after your baby's birth to make any hasty decisions out of anger?


thank you

all the best

 

[Muslim Woman]

.. I strongly believe in second chances yes, but if he is sincere.. I am not thrilled about an 8 month pregnant woman boarding an airplane

some good advices

The more I think about the situation , I feel how important it is to fear & obey God & how we should always ask God to help us avoid Satan's temptation.

People now a days don't want to get married soon but as the world is full of temptation ,it's important that they should get married when they can & live a normal life. Also , stay away from spouses may create many problems. Sadly , people are not conscious about these things

 

[جوري]

some good advices

The more I think about the situation , I feel how important it is to fear & obey God & how we should always ask God to help us avoid Satan's temptation.

People now a days don't want to get married soon but as the world is full of temptation ,it's important that they should get married when they can & live a normal life. Also , stay away from spouses may create many problems. Sadly , people are not conscious about these things

life is an instant, I think we take everyday for granted like meh just another miserable day.. we don't recognize the gift of life, and love, food, children, friendships, family, interactions, our impact on the lives of others.. I don't know why it bothers me so much now to think of people's fragilities and have them exploited or abused.. I just saw this video today of this poor woman losing her 2 year old son (he could have been saved)..

http://www.youtube.com/user/waheedm

it filled me with so much sadness.. sob7an Allah..

 

[north_malaysian]

No ,no bro , I don't think it's correct . A father can't marry his own daughter , does not matter if she is born out of marriage. Marriage between Father -daugther is totally forbidden.

From what I've learnt in Shaffite madhhab .. it's allowed... that's why the people who have the child out of the wedlock are really great sinners...

The guy has no status as a "father" to a child... how can he be called a "father to the child"

 

[pipay]

Thanks gossamer for your advices.. I'm trying to reconsider my flight but sometimes I get more worried that I will stay here and keep on thinking so many things. I can't even forget about my work responsibilities, annoying people, etc. etc., that's why i decided to go back home in my country, at least for a peace of mind. Anyway, i'll try to compose myself and weigh all things again and try reconsidering everything.

 

[جوري]

Thanks gossamer for your advices.. I'm trying to reconsider my flight but sometimes I get more worried that I will stay here and keep on thinking so many things. I can't even forget about my work responsibilities, annoying people, etc. etc., that's why i decided to go back home in my country, at least for a peace of mind. Anyway, i'll try to compose myself and weigh all things again and try reconsidering everything.

Greetings pipay,

I am not asking you to give up the idea of going back to your country, just the idea of traveling so late in your pregnancy do read up on the topics I have provided above.. and I am still hoping you can work things out with this guy... but that is just the optimist in me...

everyone has annoying people at work, trust me no work place is utopic I know the mind works it so that it seems better else where when you desire an escape but the nitty gritty of it, is that people tend to not be particularly kind.. there is hatred, and jealousy and competition, resentment and disrespect everywhere you go...

all the best

 

[glo]

.. and I am still hoping you can work things out with this guy... but that is just the optimist in me...

all the best

But how, if he is married to another woman and his wife doesn't know about this relationship and the pregnancy?

 

[جوري]

But how, if he is married to another woman and his wife doesn't know about this relationship and the pregnancy?

I don't know dearest of all glos
that is the point of trying to work something out and getting it out in the open with his wife....
surely in the west folks have wives and mistresses and at some point parties find out about each other. I'd like for her son or daughter to have a father as well as a support system, a parent has a financial obligation to the child no matter how it was begotten...

if you aren't part of the solution you are part of the problem!

all the best

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam/Peace

But how, if he is married to another woman and his wife doesn't know about this relationship and the pregnancy?

I think , papay must marry or leave that man . But she is now hanging between these 2 situations . She is still talking to this man & I am afraid , if she allows him to visit her , they may repeat the same mistake they did in the past.

May God forgive & help them to take a decision.

A Muslim man can take second wife without divorcing his first wife. So , papay , pl. tell him firmly not to talk /touch you again unless you two are married. Either he must go back to his wife or tell her that he is taking another wife. Then it will up to his wife to take the decision if she wants to end her married life or not. But pl. don't continue this illegal relationship anymore.

May Allah forgive me if I am giving the wrong advice.

 

[جوري]

^^ that is excellent sincere advise sis, and that is an obligation on Muslims to offer the best advise in accordance with their knowledge --- the situation can't be left in a gray area, a decisive action must be taken especially for the sake of the unborn child.. but right now pipay's friend needs to also focus on delivering this baby safely before a major decision is taken. One can only deal with one stressor at a time.. first have the child safely, 2- inform the father that a child has been brought into the world and what is a mutual responsible decision on both parental units needs to be reached.

 

[pipay]

that's what i'm thinking.. taking one step at a time. solving one problem after the other otherwise, i might get crazy. don't worry, very seldom we talk and see each other and nothing is happening. i dont him to touch my tummy either.

 

[glo]

I don't know dearest of all glos

The nicest thing I have been called in a while ...! :giggling:

that is the point of trying to work something out and getting it out in the open with his wife....
surely in the west folks have wives and mistresses and at some point parties find out about each other.

No doubt about it!
But I have yet to hear of such a case which was resolved amicably ... usually either the marriage breaks down or the mistress has to go, or both.
I cannot see many wives being happy with the thought of the husband having another relationship (and of course another wife is legally not an option ... so perhaps Islamically this situation could be solved more easily and realistically.)

I'd like for her son or daughter to have a father as well as a support system, a parent has a financial obligation to the child no matter how it was begotten...

I completely agree with that.
But from what pipay's friend has told us I am not sure that this guy has the necessary qualities and maturity ...

all the best

And the same to you.

 

[جوري]

The nicest thing I have been called in a while ...! :giggling:

:hmm:

No doubt about it!
But I have yet to hear of such a case which was resolved amicably ... usually either the marriage breaks down or the mistress has to go, or both.
I cannot see many wives being happy with the thought of the husband having another relationship (and of course another wife is legally not an option ... so perhaps Islamically this situation could be solved more easily and realistically.)

Considering that 50% of men cheat in the west, and one in four marriages ends in divorce, I am sure there is a certain percentage of working it out that we don't know about.. the thing is, it isn't our place to work it out for them, we can only offer the best advise under the circumstance for all parties involved, the most important party of all being the child. children are innocent from the sins of their parents and deserve to have something worked out.

I completely agree with that.
But from what pipay's friend has told us I am not sure that this guy has the necessary qualities and maturity ...

Yeah, life's circumstances can mature you very fast especially when life altering, again, not our place to judge what will happen subsequent to her bringing a human life into the world. and again I state if we aren't a part of the solution, we are a part of the problem.. we are not here to reiterate what someone said, we are here to offer advise!

And the same to you.

Thanks

 

[pipay]

hi brothers and sisters. im home now!! i arrived last night. it feels great to see my country again though the weather is too hot but at least i'm with my family.

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam/Peace;

hi brothers and sisters. im home now!! i arrived last night. it feels great to see my country again though the weather is too hot but at least i'm with my family.

wow that's great . Hope u had a safe journey . Now take rest

 

[جوري]

Oh pipay.. I am so glad you are safe and sound..
best of luck and congratulations in advance on being a mother..

all the best

 

[glo]

hi brothers and sisters. im home now!! i arrived last night. it feels great to see my country again though the weather is too hot but at least i'm with my family.

I am so very, very pleased for you! :statisfie
I hope your family are making you welcome and are looking after you.

I am thinking about you often, and I continue to pray for a good pregnancy and a safe delivery.

God bless you both, pipay's friend.