We are muslims and our culture is Islam, there is nothing in Islam about "marrying your own kind" "marry only your own age group" "marry only virgins" in fact it is the opposite. Islam encomapasses every single part of our life, everything from speaking, manners, having children, taking care of the family, even to how we take a shower,use the bathroom, or brush our teeth, nothing has been left out so apart from a different langauge or different foodstuffs that we eat there is no other "cultural stuff" even getting married we know how to do this islamically, within the limits of Islam and we dont need to bring a load of cutural stuff to the wedding day. I really cannot undertstand how many born muslims justify this type of behaviour.
when i became a muslim as a westerner i gave up all my cultural ideas,every single one of them, and I embraced and learnt and lived by my Islamic culture, from the way i dress, speak, conduct my buisness, i embraced poligamy and hoped that if i married my husband will marry and take care of my sisters in Islam too, even the way i eat my food has changed, as the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa sunnah advises me to do, so why can born muslims not do the same? why do they insist on bringing their "culture" to a marriage which should be Islamic culture anyway? most of what the ideas of culture that i have seen from born muslims is very peculiar to Islamic values, and originates from jahiliyah times.
For example "cant marry a divorcee" "cant marry an older woman" "cant marry a woman if shes been married before and u havent" "cant marry a woman who has children" "its not good to have female children,males are more of an honour to the family" "i cant marry someone of a different caste/race/financial position" where do they get these ideas from!? they are so worried about what people in general or their families, or their boss etc will think, that they end up missing out on the many blessings that all the above brings, firstly and most importantly in terms of pleasing Allah ta ala and seeking his reward in good deeds, helping societies ills, and being an example for our children the future of this ummah.
Islam does not dictate any of these things, it allows all of the above , there is nothing wrong or strange with any of it, but people have turned these strange ideas almost into "islamic obligations " under the guise of "their culture" Marriage cannot fail to work when each of the spouses is only busy in pleasing Allah ta ala, because even if a man doesnt like his wife he has to treat her well and be sweet to her, even if a man divorces his wife he has to treat her well and fear Allah while they live under the same roof during the iddah, even if a woman dislikes her husband she shouldnt hurt his feelings about what it is she dislikes in him, and if a man dislikes something in his wife he better fear Allah and find another 3 things he does like, and not start trying to break her by "straightening her out" (as per hadith of the bended rib). if all else fails there is divorce perfectly permissible as a solution if u fear falling into serious issues. And even then all done on the best terms how can we fail to suceed when we live by such rules? Our life goals should all be the same to live and die as muslims fearing Allah ta ala nothing more nothing less.
as the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said , Islam began as strange and will endup as something strange give glad tidings (of jannah) to the strangers.
May Allah guide us all to follow the example of the best of mankind Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam,amin.
Taken from
http://www.ummah.com/forum/archive/index.php/t-93632.html
