Love Dillemma

[Ali_008]

Um, brother, forgive me for saying this but Khadija (ra) didn't directly approach the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam). She (ra) sent her friend Nafisa bint munia and the whole incident was actually very awesome. She steers the entire situation into making the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) propose to Khadija (ra) even though her goal was to ask the Prophets(sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) hand in marriage to Khadija (ra).

http://maniacmuslim.com/forums/index.php?/topic/19515-khadija-ra-biography-the-greatest-love-story/

hmm, I didn't know that, thanks for the info anyway. :thumbs_up:thumbs_up:thumbs_up Jazakallah Khair

 

[glo]

white convert women are a prized catch for a lot of brothers; many will jump to marry you and make it seem like they are mashaAllah to do so only they turn into thalimoon when married.

Not wishing to take this thread off topic, can you explain what you mean by 'turn into thalimoon'?
Thanks.

 

[Snowflake]

Salamoalaykum, I am a muslim convert. For the past 4 years alhamdullah, I have been learning Islam and struggling as a new muslim. At work there is a muslim gentleman who I have become particularly fond of, my modesty and shyness causes me to not even look at him more than what is necessary during work and to just as seldom speak to him. Yet, in these past weeks I have known him I have fell deeply in love with him, I found out his attends an Islamic university overseas and has memorized the entire Quran. His manners are immaculate. I love him so much and wish to pursue a relationship, however, it must be purely Islamic. I am afraid that my shyness and extreme modesty has made him think that I do not like him. After we greet eachother I do all that is possible to either turn my back and avoid him because of my shyness. How can I send him the right message without it being 1) haram and 2) culturally wrong (he is egyptian) or 3) strange.

assalamu alaykum,

MashaAllah sis. Ignore anyone who says love doesn't exist. The Prophet (saw) himself said, that the bst thing for two people who love each other is marriage. And if you aren't going to love someone who is strong in his deen who else are you going to love? So, make dua to Allah to bless it for you if he is good for you and turn you away from it, if he is bad for you.

salamoalaykum,

i understand my first post portrayed me as girl just infatuated with a boy. however, i am not just infatuated. he is an extremely responsible person who has a high position in our company and who is an extremely devoted Muslim, mashallah, alhamdulilah.

I am slightly confused here because of the many different responses. I must say that my heart tells me to speak with him. I understand that other people must be present... we are in work with other people around us, so does that still merit this type of interaction as khalwa, as us being alone?

Unfortunately, I do not know of anyone who could arrange anything between the two of us. Please keep posting. the support helps...

thanks
jazakallahukhair

You didn't come across some infatuated at all. If you really don't know anyone, you can always approach sisters and ask them or you can speak the imaam at your local mosque.

Sis, simple solution! Just send a messenger (like a sister or a friend) to speak on your behalf. You won't have to compromise your shyness and you won't be doing anything wrong. And if the brother agrees then arrange to meet with the parents. Don't forget to pray isthikhara though.

Edit: Yes, I wanted to say parents/elders too but since the sis is a convert it hought perhaps her family might not agree hence why i said sister/friend. If possible though sis, a marriage proposal through your elders is a perfect solution like the brother below me has said.

:wa:

This is the best advice given. You should def go with this one inshaAllah


Btw, if I can help somehow, please ask! :statisfie

 

[glo]

white convert women are a prized catch for a lot of brothers; many will jump to marry you and make it seem like they are mashaAllah to do so only they turn into thalimoon when married.

thalimoon = oppressors.

Forgive me, convert, but that is quite a generalisation you are making there!!

Many Muslim men see white convert women as prized catches and jump to marry them, only to turn into oppressors once married?

Can you give evidence for making such a claim?
Or might you want to reconsider that statement?

 

[Snowflake]

^Glo, what convert said, does hold some truth, but what he didn't make clear is that those men are not practicing muslims in the first place. :hmm:

 

[convert]

Forgive me, convert, but that is quite a generalisation you are making there!!

Many Muslim men see white convert women as prized catches and jump to marry them, only to turn into oppressors once married?

Can you give evidence for making such a claim?
Or might you want to reconsider that statement?

I have seen many such cases and have read about many many more. This is why I tell all convert sisters I see to learn their deen beforehand to try to avoid this problem.

 

[glo]

Thank you, convert. I hope I didn't sound too accusing.

It just seemed strange to hear such a statement from a Muslim brother. It is more something I would expect a non-Muslim to say ...

Salaam

 

[convert]

i suppose i should think the best of my brothers but, well, ive seen too much of this

 

[cat eyes]

sis i can feel you, im extremely shy also so much that people think i am being rudeimsad but im far from it but i can chat with sisters easily at work an stuf but not with brothers so easily but they chat with me to much and i just stay quite i don't give them eyes contact at all :embarrass

anyway why don't you ask for his number or email address tell him you would like to get to know him more through that

 

[cat eyes]

btw if you are a convert i would suggest you concentrate on your deen first before falling in love..

when we are in love we don't think straight and we forget Allah for this person thats why its haram to fall in love before marriage because fornication happens etc and everything of this nature happens.. (he might be this type of guy)

you have to know the persons character before you go rushing ahead.. you have to find out that is he looking to get married and settle down and things like this before you go and get all soft for this guy..

but must girls fall into that trap especially convert muslims. it dosent mean that if a guy is born muslim and it dose everything a muslim dose don't mean that he is guided and his heart is in the right place.. he might have bad intentions towards every girl and ive heard countless stories so be careful thats all i will say and fear ALLAH

 

[Grofica]

but from her despcription of the gentleman it seems he (COULD) be a better influence on her. I mean he goes to college, he is responsible, he has not approched her in an inappropriate way (from what we know) he has lot of knowledge on the Koran...

Could she have a close friend to chaperone a coffee in a public place? I mean there is nothing less sexual / romantic then a coffee and if chaperoned then her modesty would still be ensured...

 

[Snowflake]

anyway why don't you ask for his number or email address tell him you would like to get to know him more through that

I wouldn't recommend that. A better option is to ask another female to intervene inshaAllah/

=cat eyes;1202899]btw if you are a convert i would suggest you concentrate on your deen first before falling in love..

when we are in love we don't think straight and we forget Allah for this person thats why its haram to fall in love before marriage because fornication happens etc and everything of this nature happens.. (he might be this type of guy)

Umm... love isn't haram and if the above happens then it isn't love anyway, only lust. By what the sister said, her feelings seem to be more than just a case of physical attraction to me.

it dosent mean that if a guy is born muslim and it dose everything a muslim dose don't mean that he is guided and his heart is in the right place..

That's true in general.

 

[جوري]

Haven't read everything here, but I say take the bull by the horn and tell him.. the outcome should dictate your next move.. and hopefully insha'Allah it will be in your favor..

lots of people out there have no walis or elders to intervene on their behalf and not every marriage is arranged.. people speak of how difficult it is to get married or find a suitable partner here is a brother whose character you actually trust and know.. how lucky that you have found someone you actually have feelings for..
there is no sin in feelings, there is however sin in acting on it in a non-halal way.. so make this relationship halal... and the only way to do that, it to tell him, that you are interested in marriage and wonder if he reciprocates your desire for it as well...

and Allah swt knows best

 

[Grofica]

Haven't read everything here, but I say take the bull by the horn and tell him.. the outcome should dictate your next move.. and hopefully insha'Allah it will be in your favor..

lots of people out there have no walis or elders to intervene on their behalf and not every marriage is arranged.. people speak of how difficult it is to get married or find a suitable partner here is a brother whose character you actually trust and know.. how lucky that you have found someone you actually have feelings for..
there is no sin in feelings, there is however sin in acting on it in a non-halal way.. so make this relationship halal... and the only way to do that, it to tell him, that you are interested in marriage and wonder if he reciprocates your desire for it as well...

and Allah swt knows best

:statisfie BIG THUMBS UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:statisfie

 

[cat eyes]

I wouldn't recommend that. A better option is to ask another female to intervene inshaAllah/



Umm... love isn't haram and if the above happens then it isn't love anyway, only lust. By what the sister said, her feelings seem to be more than just a case of physical attraction to me.

That's true in general.

so your basically telling the convert muslim that to lust after a guy is okay.. like to only think of such things is allowed but not to act on them

what person only lusts but don't touch, i never heard of such people..

shaytaan is out to get us caught in his trap so be careful

 

[أبو سليمان عمر]

Haven't read everything here, but I say take the bull by the horn and tell him.. the outcome should dictate your next move.. and hopefully insha'Allah it will be in your favor..

lots of people out there have no walis or elders to intervene on their behalf and not every marriage is arranged.. people speak of how difficult it is to get married or find a suitable partner here is a brother whose character you actually trust and know.. how lucky that you have found someone you actually have feelings for..
there is no sin in feelings, there is however sin in acting on it in a non-halal way.. so make this relationship halal... and the only way to do that, it to tell him, that you are interested in marriage and wonder if he reciprocates your desire for it as well...

and Allah swt knows best

no love is not a sin but how love got there can be a sin Again we have shairah to prevent fitnah like this and when advices a brother or sister we should advice them with what is islamic no matter what if he is a great guy still no matter what she is not to talk to him Alone and there has to be a mahram there and again no matter what there is no marrige if there is no wali so with saying this to go up and tell him is out of the question for they will be aloone and there wont be a mahram Unless she can have one present go for it
Baarak Allah feeki

Ps WHAT i mean how it got there for exapmle school where there is mixed and a brother or sister look and dont lower gaze or they talk or joke without a mahram etc this is a sin which lead to that love if there wasnt mix there wouldnt be this problem and that is why islam DOESNT allow freemixing

 

[cat eyes]

lower your gaze and guard your modesty

i think you need to read the hadiths about what prophet mohammad pbuh says about those girl with the lustful eyes

Allah forgive us!! we should be careful what we tell a convert scents of jannah

 

[Grofica]

so your basically telling the convert muslim that to lust after a guy is okay.. like to only think of such things is allowed but not to act on them

what person only lusts but don't touch, i never heard of such people..

shaytaan is out to get us caught in his trap so be careful

Forgive me sister but i dont think thats how most of the people in here ment it... i think a few people are saying that if haram things happen then its NOT love...

Love is NOT wanting a physical relationship with someone. It's a feeling that you have FOR the person because of who they are. Our husband (or wife) should be our best friend and we should love them for that. We love many people in our lives, brothers sisters mothers fathers friends and it doesnt have anything to do with lust.

Everyone is lucky to find such a person they connect with on that level.

Granted it would be best to have someone act on her behalf but if she doesnt have that... then what is she supposed to do... not everyone has a supportive family.

Love is a pure thing... and I would like to hope this guy she is talking about is a good standing person... i agree to warn her but i dont think we should judge him... I know its very human but we dont even know him.

 

[أبو سليمان عمر]

I would like to hope this guy she is talking about is a good standing person... i agree to warn her but i dont think we should judge him... I know its very human but we dont even know him.

that is the funny thing is we dont know him but are warning how can we warn agasint someone we dont know for all we know he might be better then all of us here that wasnt her question to begin with and as for us warning about someone we dont know is not right but her question was very clear and u are write we are not to judge him

 

[cat eyes]

Forgive me sister but i dont think thats how most of the people in here ment it... i think a few people are saying that if haram things happen then its NOT love...

Love is NOT wanting a physical relationship with someone. It's a feeling that you have FOR the person because of who they are. Our husband (or wife) should be our best friend and we should love them for that. We love many people in our lives, brothers sisters mothers fathers friends and it doesnt have anything to do with lust.

Everyone is lucky to find such a person they connect with on that level.

Granted it would be best to have someone act on her behalf but if she doesnt have that... then what is she supposed to do... not everyone has a supportive family.

Love is a pure thing... and I would like to hope this guy she is talking about is a good standing person... i agree to warn her but i dont think we should judge him... I know its very human but we dont even know him.

she hasnt connected with the guy because she has just mentioned that she is shy btw these posts are not coming across so good from the sisters at all. love is HARAM ACT depending on how that love got there in the first place. if he is flirting with her, hes more then likely a bad egg