Marriage - Help

[Snowflake]

Yeah, obviously...

As far as I know, practicing Muslims don't treat women like dirt. They don't hang onto them till they get bored n then move on to their next victims. They don't stay in relationships for 8 months n then make pathetic excuses not to take it to the next level.

And they certainly don't end a relationship the way this "practicing Muslim" did. Only cowards behave this way.

:bravo:

So true!

 

[Snowflake]

Oh stop defending him people! It doesnt take eight months for a man to wake up and realise he is in a haram relationship or to realise that the sister wasn't right for him.

It's gullibility like this that leads to lots of sisters falling traps in the first place. The man's a loser. Full stop!

 

[Cabdullahi]

Oh stop defending him people! It doesnt take eight months for a man to wake up and realise he is in a haram relationship or to realise that the sister wasn't right for him.

It's gullibility like this that leads to lots of sisters falling traps in the first place. The man's a loser. Full stop!

Yes you are right it doesnt take 8 months to realise but what we shouldnt do is stoop to a low level of calling a person 'loser'

if he has realised what he was doing was wrong and decided to go the halal way then alhamdulilah fair play

but if its what people are saying that he is a person who implements ''use and abuse'' then may allah guide him

just to add this to the discussion that there is another thread from a male's perspective, a brother wanting to marry some would say a crafty woman who loved or still loves another man

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...s-not-love-me-cannot-decide-marry-me-not.html

 

[Laila01x]

Hes not looking to do things Halaal - he will still have a pre-marital relationship maybe kept as halaal as possible but there still will be the whole seein each other.

 

[cat eyes]

No for your information I was more serious about marriage than he was. As soon as the pre-marital relationship started I was the intended to tell my parents and do it properly but he was not ready but was always talking about us getting married and being married. So again I asked him few months into it when he had finished his studies and when he got a job that we should tell our parents ... and in response all I got was that I was putting pressure on him. All he has been doin is talking about marriage and how 'in love he is' from day one and giving me the hope it will happen!!

Bottom line is maybe he probably didn't think we were compatible enough - But he was really good to me and i know i made the mistake of being in a pre-marital relationship - but i admit my fault and i am repenting for it and finding it really hard to let go. I don't know hes a coward doesn't explain himself. But I would of preferred him to atleast do Istikahara and seek guidance properly from Allah. But i do make dua that we can marry each other if the marriage will be successful.

You can ask me more about it rather than assuming I wasn't serious! How can u assume he would think that as from the start ive always told him i was serious and had the intention for marriage?! And secondly this 'brother' it wasn't his first pre-martial relationship, before me he has had many pre-marital relationships and I emphasise MANY and has committed zinner not with me but with other pre-marital relationships he has had! And i know ur probably gonna ask so why do you want to be with him so much - because people can change for the better and i do believe he is a nice guy even tho he does not want to marry me .Maybe love is blinding.

its says it all.. the guy is a player claiming to be a good muslim! doing time pass with the girls and probably everything he told you was lies, he probably told other girls the same thing as you also! and we always fall into that trap because they are such big sweet talkers. yeah i do believe marriage can change a man but players don't settle down until there 40

 

[Snowflake]

Yes you are right it doesnt take 8 months to realise but what we shouldnt do is stoop to a low level of calling a person 'loser'

if he has realised what he was doing was wrong and decided to go the halal way then alhamdulilah fair play

but if its what people are saying that he is a person who implements ''use and abuse'' then may allah guide him

just to add this to the discussion that there is another thread from a male's perspective, a brother wanting to marry some would say a crafty woman who loved or still loves another man

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...s-not-love-me-cannot-decide-marry-me-not.html

Sorry, but I don't feel I'm stooping to a low level by calling him a loser. It came fom my heart so I said it. He acted like one hence I can't pretend that's not how I think of him. I did scrutinize and fail to see how any of his actions are just. Bro, you probably don't get to hear how many sisters fall victim to this kind of man. I've heard stories like this so often, I am beginning to recognise the pattern of behavior.

 

[Salahudeen]

No for your information I was more serious about marriage than he was. As soon as the pre-marital relationship started I was the intended to tell my parents and do it properly but he was not ready but was always talking about us getting married and being married. So again I asked him few months into it when he had finished his studies and when he got a job that we should tell our parents ... and in response all I got was that I was putting pressure on him. All he has been doin is talking about marriage and how 'in love he is' from day one and giving me the hope it will happen!!

Bottom line is maybe he probably didn't think we were compatible enough - But he was really good to me and i know i made the mistake of being in a pre-marital relationship - but i admit my fault and i am repenting for it and finding it really hard to let go. I don't know hes a coward doesn't explain himself. But I would of preferred him to atleast do Istikahara and seek guidance properly from Allah. But i do make dua that we can marry each other if the marriage will be successful.

You can ask me more about it rather than assuming I wasn't serious! How can u assume he would think that as from the start ive always told him i was serious and had the intention for marriage?! And secondly this 'brother' it wasn't his first pre-martial relationship, before me he has had many pre-marital relationships and I emphasise MANY and has committed zinner not with me but with other pre-marital relationships he has had! And i know ur probably gonna ask so why do you want to be with him so much - because people can change for the better and i do believe he is a nice guy even tho he does not want to marry me .Maybe love is blinding.

whaaat, he's had many pre marital relationships before you and he's committed zina with the women??? +o( sounds like you got played by a player and when you didn't give in to what he wanted "zina" he loss interest and walked away. Yes he was really good to you, but is he good to you now when you've refused to give in to his haraam demands???

Alhamdulilah you didn't commit zina with him be so thankful to Allah for that, your too good for this man if you ask me. Think your self saved from a great evil.

Think about the following hadith,

"If you guarantee me the safety of the two openings I'll guarantee you jannah"

the two openings are mouth and private parts, also how can you want to be with him when you know about all his relationships in the past and the fact he's committed zinna with those ladies. Doesn't that tell you everything you need to know regarding him, he was only after that one thing, once he got it he left those ladies.

This probably would've happened with you also, once he'd committed zina with you he probably would've left you like the other girls before you.

Past trends are alot to go by, he doesn't sound sincere, no sincere man sleeps around with different women.

also consider the following, maybe Allah has prevented you from marrying him on purpose because of the following

{The fornicator "weds" none but a fornicatress or an polytheist and the fornicatress is "wed" by none but a fornicator or an polytheist such a thing has been forbideen to the believers.} An-Noor:3

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
This clearly points to the abhorrent nature of zina, and that is tarnishes the honour of the one who does it in a way that other sins do not.

Allaah tells us that no woman would marry a fornicator but a woman who is also a fornicatress, who is like him, or a mushrik woman who associates others with Allaah and does not believe in the Resurrection or in reward and punishment (in the Hereafter), and who does not adhere to the commands of Allaah.

And similarly, no one would marry a fornicatress except a fornicator or a mushrik. “Such a thing is forbidden to the believers” means, it is haraam for them to marry fornicators or fornicatresses.

isn't this man a fornicator??

What the verse means is that if a person wants to marry the man or woman who commits zina and has not repented from that, despite the fact that Allaah has prohibited that, then he is either not adhering to the ruling of Allaah and His Messenger, in which case he cannot be anything but a mushrik, or he is adhering to the ruling of Allaah and His Messenger but he agrees to this marriage despite knowing that this person has committed zina, in which case this marriage is also zina, and he is an immoral zaani. If he truly believed in Allaah, he would not do that. This clearly indicates that it is haraam to marry a zaaniyah unless she repents, or to marry a zaani unless he repents, because marriage is the strongest type of companionship,

and Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Assemble those who did wrong, together with their companions” [al-Saaffaat 37:22]. Allaah has forbidden that because of what it involves of great evil, and lack of protective jealousy, and attribution of children who are not his to the husband, and the zaani failing to keep her chaste because he is distracted elsewhere, any one of which is sufficient reason for the prohibition. End quote.
Tafseer al-Sa’di (p. 561).

The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:
A man committed zina with a virgin and wants to marry her. Is it permissible for him to do that?
They replied:
If the matter is as described, each of them must repent to Allaah and give up this sin, and regret what has happened of immoral actions, and resolve not to do it again, and do a lot of good deeds, in the hope that Allaah will accept their repentance and turn their bad deeds into good. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse ___ and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.
69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;
70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful
71. And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allaah with true repentance”
[al-Furqaan 25:68-70]
If he wants to marry her, then he must wait for one menstrual cycle to establish whether her womb is empty before doing the marriage contract with her. If it turns out that she is pregnant, then it is not permissible for him to do the marriage contract with her until after she gives birth, in accordance with the hadeeth in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade a man to water the crop of another with his own water. End quote.
Fataawa Islamiyyah (3/247).
So repent to Allaah and set your affairs straight, and do a lot of good deeds, and after that it will be permissible for you to get married. We ask Allaah to accept your repentance and to forgive you, by His grace and mercy.
See also question no. 85335. http://islamqa.com/en/ref/85335
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/87894

 

[Laila01x]

Thnak you sisters. I just hope u know what i am going through. It has really helped discussing this here.

 

[Salahudeen]

Thnak you sisters. I just hope u know what i am going through. It has really helped discussing this here.

have you read that long post that I done??? key points

Allaah tells us that no woman would marry a fornicator but a woman who is also a fornicatress, who is like him, or a mushrik woman who associates others with Allaah and does not believe in the Resurrection or in reward and punishment (in the Hereafter), and who does not adhere to the commands of Allaah.

And similarly, no one would marry a fornicatress except a fornicator or a mushrik. “Such a thing is forbidden to the believers” means, it is haraam for them to marry fornicators or fornicatresses.

isn't this man a fornicator??

 

[Cabdullahi]

Sorry, but I don't feel I'm stooping to a low level by calling him a loser. It came fom my heart so I said it. He acted like one hence I can't pretend that's not how I think of him. I did scrutinize and fail to see how any of his actions are just. Bro, you probably don't get to hear how many sisters fall victim to this kind of man. I've heard stories like this so often, I am beginning to recognise the pattern of behavior.

ok maybe i dont know anything because im not too involved in the muslim community to see the happenings.....i just know two places my home and my university class room

may allah help our brothers specifically (in this fitna infested world) and our sisters also ameen

 

[Salahudeen]

^ameen, may Allah also help all the brothers who go around seeking to entice the believing women into fornication and then only want to marry a pure virgin, to see the error of their ways and make a sincere repentance from seeking/doing this.

 

[Laila01x]

^ameen, may Allah also help all the brothers who go around seeking to entice the believing women into fornication and then only want to marry a pure virgin, to see the error of their ways and make a sincere repentance from seeking/doing this.

Thank you brother for your previous quote

Sister Khalisah - I hope u read this - i shall pvt message you when i reach 50 posts LOL as i cannot pvt message yet - Sorry i am not ignoring you in anyway

 

[Snowflake]

Ameen!

ok maybe i dont know anything because im not too involved in the muslim communitee to see the happenings.....i just know two places my home and my university class room

may allah help our brothers specifically (in this fitna infested world) and our sisters also ameen

MashaAllah! sadly there are worst stories than this. May Allah keep you away from hearing them and such people and guide us all. Ameen to all the duaas.

 

[Laila01x]

Ameen!!

 

[Salahudeen]

Thank you brother for your previous quote

Sister Khalisah - I hope u read this - i shall pvt message you when i reach 50 posts LOL as i cannot pvt message yet - Sorry i am not ignoring you in anyway

Your welcome sister, don't be fooled by men, they'd hate it if a man had a haraam relationship with their blood sister outside of marriage yet they have no problem with doing it to other people's sisters.

If any man asks you to do haraam stuff with him, ask him how he would feel if another man did that with his sister. And to treat you with the same respect.

that 1 always anoys them cos it hits them hard and they start saying stuff like "don't bring my sister into this ok" hypocrites

 

[Laila01x]

If any man asks you to do haraam stuff with him, ask him how he would feel if another man did that with his sister. And to treat you with the same respect.

Yes no other man would like a guy doing haraam with their sister. I have done wrong and i am fully repenting for it.. Inshallah the pain goes away and Allah forgives me! Ameen.

 

[Salahudeen]

ameen

 

[zakirs]

Yes u definatley are right there Zakirs

Thank you Sis

Thank you very much for your responses and many thanks to Rasema.It has put things into perspective. I should focus now and Ramadan.. Allah knows best

nice decision and May Allah help you during ramadan to find the right path. Ameen

 

[Thinker]

I think the 'practicing Muslim' part is irrelevant, it sounds like he's taken advantage of you and that is wrong whether it's Muslim or not.

Laila – I think you are being too hard on yourself, stop whipping yourself. I don't know what you did for which you now pray for forgiveness but if whatever you did was done in the belief that you were life partners the fact that you had both gone through a ceremony does not detract from the commitment you made to each other and that (IMHO) exonerates you from blame. If he did (whatever it is you did) purely to satisfy his own carnal desires without committing to you, he is to blame and you need to pray for him because if there is a God, he’ll punish him.

 

[Khalisah]

Thank you brother for your previous quote

Sister Khalisah - I hope u read this - i shall pvt message you when i reach 50 posts LOL as i cannot pvt message yet - Sorry i am not ignoring you in anyway

Lol, you had better hurry with your posts sis!
JazakAllah for letting me know.
I pray that Allah, protects you any harm sis! And grants you the knowledge of this dunya!
:statisfie