We love each other, but...

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Salihah

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Assalam alaikum.

Maybe some of you can help me how to behave best in a hopeless situation.
I live in a western country in which islam is not highly regarded and many prejudices control peoples thinking. In my life happend some things which let me be open to islam since childhood. In general I am interested in many cultures and their different behaviour, always trying to find a way we can understand more of each other.
Some time ago I met a muslim man and feel very attracted to him. I think we two fell in love at first sight. He is very religious but nevertheless did some things which actually are haraam and he shouldn't do. He said he is serious and wants to be with me. But he doesn't believe I want to see him again (as we live separated on different continent). Believe me, I did everything possible to support him and to show him my deep feelings. I cared so much for him, helped him out in many ways and he realised it but in the end he is still doubtful.

I compromise a lot because I hope in the end it shall be alright and we can live in peace. As we grew up in different cultures he can't accept my strong and emotional character (which in my eyes is almost minimized to zero...:phew).
Long time I called him so many many times and wrote him so many messages. I articulated my mind as clear as possible. He answered, but there was almost no contact on his own initiative. I asked myself why and I think it shouldn't be so, especially in case I am a woman. That's why I reduced my calls and mails. Now what happend? Unfortunately he didn't become more active and it hurts me so much as I thought he was just playing with me. Now he is complaining that I dont call him. He said he believes my words, but my behaviour doesn't show him my love.
Because of various circumstances we are not able to see each other again for a long time. I wish we can meet next year, insha'allah.

He wants to control everything and if he can't he is getting so disturbed. He said he is very patient, but to me it appears he is afraid of doing a step and make decisions. Instead of doing something he is always waiting. That is not easy for me. I like to behave and talk straight forward (most of the time, of course some issues are different to handle).
I am not a child, but in this case I have no idea what to do next. Everything I do seems to be not enough and on the other hand I receive only few in return. I am very unhappy with this situation. imsad
 
:sl:

May Allah help you sis.

Sorry i can't advice you as i am not knowledgable to that extent :(.
 
If you are unhappy with it get out.

Run.

Im serious. Youll recover. I was in almost the same situation with my former fiance from overseas. He made me feel guilty about everything. He acted like he thought i didnt care, in the end i realized it was all just a game and he was manipulating me to do more for him.

Once i realized that, i sucked it up and walked away from the engagement.

You have to have COURAGE sister. Otherwise people will use and abuse you. Walk away. You sound like a sweet sincere girl. He sounds like a manipulative guy.
Please follow this advice. Ishallah someone better will come along.
 
:><:

Thank you for your advice sister.
I tried to stop contact but he didn't accept it. He just ignores it.
I dont have a problem to care for him, I really like to. I want to have a pleasant home and as many children as possible and it's my dream to care for all of them. I am not someone giving up so fast, but all of my friends told me nearly the same as you do, dear sister.

I think I have to distract my mind from the situation and focus on my own way. Life will go on and god knows best if we will have a future together or not. This relieves my pain.
 
sister, im sorry but you brought this upon your own shoulders, you knew what you were doing is wrong and by commiting finah, you went against allah. how can you even expect this..."relationship" to work if you started it in shaytan footsteps?...this simply backfired on you because of your naive, easily led and influeced and it will never work because its doomed from day one. this wouldnt work because you going against allah's wishes. i strongerly suggest you move on and think about marriage when you know everything you can and cannot do. i duno why other ppl on here are sugarcoating it but im being honest in a sense so you may learn and move on from this as a better person, salam.
 
Salaam.
I can understand you very well and you are right that in Islam it is very bad and prohibited to behave like we did.
He is moslem and very religious and when I met him I was wondering myself why he struggles to be with me. Of course we talked about marriage. But as I said we dont live in the same country and even after marriage he won't be allowed to visit me easily. And for some reasons I cant go away from home.
 
he is religious but he did haraam things with you before marriage! you met him without a mahram.. like what are you expecting us to say because i think this guy is a foney!!

and he took full advantage of you and now he don't know to take the next step with you or make decisions.

hes going from contacting you to not contacting leaving you hanging. yea definitlly this is a game players play i am telling you.

mabe the reason why he ain't contacting is because he is busy after some other naive girl to take advantage of now. its nobodies fault but your own.. move on. religious people don't follow the footsteps of shaytaan............ they are a little bit more wiser anyway to take mahram but he probably sweetened you up so much he made you forget about that. now he has just made you do a sin. are you not watching what came out of it???

nah he is a foney! there is so many things sister about love that you will have to learn and i think people lost all meaning of it.. you would never make somebody sin if you love them trust me. he would have done everything properly and like a MUSLIM if he loved you and had any RESPECT for you.
 
I think its best you speak to someone of knowledge concerning this matter and after that, be realistic about it. I hope inshaAllah everything works out for you.
 
cat eyes said:
he is religious but he did haraam things with you before marriage! you met him without a mahram..
(...) he would have done everything properly and like a MUSLIM if he loved you and had any RESPECT for you.
Click to expand...

I am sorry to answer late, but I had to look up the meaning of mahram. I didn't understand you before knowing what is mahram. I am not muslim (yet, but really interested), so please try to understand me as I didn't know that even regular contact between man and woman in islam is haraam without another person coming with you.
Sister you are strong in your opinion, but you didn't see him cry when we were forced to leave. Maybe thats all part of the show, god knows best. I think after Ramadhan things will be figured out more clearly.
Ramadhan mubarak to all of you :statisfie
 
Salihah said:
I am sorry to answer late, but I had to look up the meaning of mahram. I didn't understand you before knowing what is mahram. I am not muslim (yet, but really interested), so please try to understand me as I didn't know that even regular contact between man and woman in islam is haraam without another person coming with you.
Sister you are strong in your opinion, but you didn't see him cry when we were forced to leave. Maybe thats all part of the show, god knows best. I think after Ramadhan things will be figured out more clearly.
Ramadhan mubarak to all of you :statisfie
Click to expand...

sorry i must have missed in your post that you were not a muslim do forgive me.. i would only ever talk with a muslimah like this harsh because she should know better. but seriously religious muslims don't go around meeting up with non muslim girls alone my dear and trapping themselves in zina(fornication).. of course we all can cry when we have to leave something we desire dose not mean it's love take it from a sister who knows:)

i think if you continue a relationship with a bad egg like him.. you will get the wrong impression of islam totally and in the future you will realise ohh mabe every muslim acts like this and believe me i know some girls who only had hate for islam after involving themselves with a man of this nature. i strongly believe at the end of all this, you will only get hurt.

If you are attracted to islam.. then keep away from this guy. he's no good influence
 
true believer said:
sister, im sorry but you brought this upon your own shoulders, you knew what you were doing is wrong and by commiting finah, you went against allah. how can you even expect this..."relationship" to work if you started it in shaytan footsteps?...this simply backfired on you because of your naive, easily led and influeced and it will never work because its doomed from day one. this wouldnt work because you going against allah's wishes. i strongerly suggest you move on and think about marriage when you know everything you can and cannot do. i duno why other ppl on here are sugarcoating it but im being honest in a sense so you may learn and move on from this as a better person, salam.
Click to expand...

I don't think you understood her situation very well. Reverted muslims end up in these situations thanks to muslim guys being players. its not really her fault. ur making her situation very bad . people these days :rollseyes

anyway sis, you should forget about him. he is obviously not being good to you. you will be sad and cry cos of the attachment and all, but move on. Inshallah for the future, you'll know not to make this kind of mistake and you'll find someone really amazing. just try to end this, its best that way for you.

He might create these problems after u guys get married.... or lie or toy with u and then divorce u. it happens, so just end it here now before it gets worse.
 
:sl:

I keep wondering myself, why would some innocent women get bad experiences in a relationship with some MUSLIM men? Some women would love him and willing to change to become Muslim (or attracting to Islam). I don't understand.

One thing for sure, MUSLIM men will leave you or harrass you for no reason, you will definitely get bad impression about Islam but actually this guy's faults, not ISLAM........... Forget it, bye!

Let me tell you one good story I don't remember whole, a foreign guy meet a white woman in US( I think), he want really to marry her as I understand both are 30 year old. Of course! He really love her but she don't sure about him. She is serious, don't play games. Someone ask her, "you have to become Muslim before marry him, right?" She replied back, "No, I have been Muslim in ten years." Masha'Allah, both were married in Mosque including her mother and her husband's family. Happy Ending! :D

May Allah keep them very happy life and bless their children.




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Today is my 50 post !!!!!!!!!! Where's party?:popcorn:
 
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