GirlCrush and confession, need help

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:sl:

This thread is really scaring me in trying to protect her in many ways. We have to keep in mind, these days some young teens are doing some bad stuffs and other harmful. Til they realize and grow up, they will definitely back on track away from Non-Muslims friends.

One thing is you shouldn't send pictures to family/friends because it is NONE of their business. I do understand, some guys do care about girls, please understand invading her is wrong and illegal. It is like you are spy agent, you wrote report and send to inform family with specific pictures, letters, and so on. Did you get pay bonus from them?..... If yes, how much you receive?

It is better to forget that girl you crush, it doesn't help you better.
 
Asslamu Aliakum.

First I want to make it very clear. You should not be talking to any girls. It is forbidden for men and women to mix or socialise. If there are circumstances you have to mix, remain formal and do not get too friendly.

I would suggest you should move on.
 
Repent to Allah for what you did...

...and turn 180 degrees... and keep walking...

Love Allah more than anything or anyone in this world... and then the prophet Mohammad... parents..etc.
 
i don't think it is good to invade her privacy and seems like stalking to me. Stalking is only for the weirdo...so avoid it.

Just give her naseehah... you don't have to expose her sins InshaAllah.
 
If it was my daughter I would be happy that you let me know what she was getting upto so I could put a stop to it. however the way in which you did it I don't agree with. If my daughter was getting up to that kind of stuff I'd like it if some 1 told me so I can set her right. I would've preferred it if you came and spoke to me about it and then showed ONLY ME the pictures on facebook of whats she's been getting upto instead of emailing everyone.

I don't think people have a problem with what you did, I think they have a problem with the method you used in doing it and the intention behind it which was your own lust for this girl.

If you did it with the intention of letting her father know what his daughter is getting upto so he can set her right and you used a more suitable method of doing it instead of sending emails to all the relatives then I'd have no problem with what you did.

It's the fact you did it cos of your own lust and desire for this person and the way u did it is bad.

honestly if you came upto me and let me knew my daughter was doing that I'd give you a pat on the back and say "thanks son" and then I'd set my daughter right.

every1 who's bashing him,

how would you feel if you child was doing a major sinn and no 1 told you??

and infront of your face she was just putting an act on?? wouldn't you like it if some 1 notified you of your childs actions so you can explain to your child what she's doing is wrong. and try to get her to leave this sin.


or would you prefer to remain ignorant and your daughter commits all these major sins day after day without you knowing about it so you can't set her right and advise her??

tell me which 1 you'd prefer if your child was into something bad, would you like some to notify you so you can correct your child? or would you like to let your child remain doing the bad thing their doing and remain ignorant?


for example if your son was doing drugs or hanging around with gangsters wouldn't you like your son's friend to come upto and tell you so you can quickly do something about it before he gets in too deep and you can't pull him away from it??

I think the answer is yes you would like some 1 to inform you, so do you all have a problem with the method he used in emailing all her family??

or do you have a problem with the fact he made a parent aware that their child was into bad stuff and doing major sins??

what parent wouldn't like to know if their child was involved in something bad?
 
All he did was fuel her anger towards the community and her family. Good luck telling her that her culture and religion really arent that bad after all this.

They should be better parents. What kind of a parent doesnt know that their daughter is out drinking with men?

Take a hint, dumb parents, if your daughter smells like a million ashtrays, alcohol, sweat and a mixture of male and female perfumes, she's been clubbing. If she comes home past 9pm, you need to wonder- which outlets are open at this hour? Which friend of hers would want her to 'come over' every friday and saturday night til so late?

Geez. You guys make me so sick...
 
every1 who's bashing him,

how would you feel if you child was doing a major sinn and no 1 told you??
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:sl: If someone told me my child was up to no good, I'd only thank them according to their intention of telling me. If it is to humilate my child/family to satisfy the evil of their nafs, then no I'd rather they didn't tell me. Allah is bigger than them in protecting whom He wills.
 
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Brothers, sisters may I remind you to maintain Islamic etiquettes.

The brother is here for advice so give him his due right and advise him. I think he has been sufficently address by the majority of his mistake and there isn't a need for further personal opinions in this matter so from this point onwards any posts relating to condemnation of his actions will be removed. In the hadeeth of the Prophet :saws: it states:

“Among those who came before you was a man who killed 99 people. He then asked to be guided to the most prolific worshipper from the inhabitants of the earth, and he was directed to a monk. He went to him and told him that he had killed 99 people, and he asked whether it was possible for him to repent. The monk said, ‘No.’ The man killed him, thus making him the 100th victim. He then asked to be directed to the most knowledgeable of the Earth’s inhabitants, and he was guided to a scholar. He went to him and told him that he had killed 100 people, and he asked whether it was possible for him to repent. The scholar said, ‘Yes, and who will stand between you and repentance. Go to such and such land, for in it dwell a people who worship Allah, so go and worship Allah with them. And do not return to your land, for it is indeed a land of evil.’ He left, and when he reached the halfway point of his journey, he died. The angels of Mercy and the angels of Punishment disputed with one another [in regard to his case]. The angels of Mercy said, ‘He came to us repentant, advancing with his heart towards Allah.’ The angels of Punishment said, ‘Indeed, he never performed any good deeds.’ Then an angel came in the form of a human being, and both groups of angels asked him to be the judge between them. He said, ‘Measure the distance between the two lands. Whichever land he is closer to is the land that he is closer to [in terms of being of its people]. They then measured the distance and found that he was closer to the land that he was heading towards, and so it was the angels of Mercy who then took his soul.”

[al-Bukhaari: 3470 ; Muslim: 2766]

Evil happens as a result of some overall good that will eventually take place and this belief is a part of Qadar. He is not accountable to any of you here but all of you are accountable for your words so either advise with good advice or do not say anything.
 
sevgi said:
All he did was fuel her anger towards the community and her family. Good luck telling her that her culture and religion really arent that bad after all this.

They should be better parents. What kind of a parent doesnt know that their daughter is out drinking with men?

Take a hint, dumb parents, if your daughter smells like a million ashtrays, alcohol, sweat and a mixture of male and female perfumes, she's been clubbing. If she comes home past 9pm, you need to wonder- which outlets are open at this hour? Which friend of hers would want her to 'come over' every friday and saturday night til so late?

Geez. You guys make me so sick...
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She happens to live away from home, about 20-30 min away at her college dorm. Technically, she is never at home, maybe just a few weekends ans summers. If she had to go home, obviously she wouldnt come strolling in with smoke and alcohol smells.

And we cant say her parents are dumb, I know they are hard-working, but I guess we can say at worst that they were careless.
 
Her wrongdoings and sins are between her and Allah. It's not for you to call her out on it. The girl is clearly trying to tell you she doesn't wanna talk to you. Leave her alone & let it go. I know she hurt you, and that sucks. Heart breaks aren't fun, but you gotta let it go, move on. Brush it off. Seriously.
 
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Salaam everyone

I see I got quite a bit of advice here. I wanted to say thanks (for those who were constrctive) and no thanks (for those who are bashing me).

For the record, the way I took matters into my own hands is not desirable. If anything, I could have at least confronted her or her parents rather than playing cat and mouse. When I said I do not feel bad, it was taken out of context. I said:
"Because of that, I don’t feel bad for what I did but I fear Allah."

I meant that in the sense that my intention for protecting and looking out for her was the right thing, but like I said and others said, the way I handled it was not proper.

For a time being, next 3-4 months, I am gonna stay away from her or just not make any attempt. After that, I'll see if she comes around or find out through others how she is doing? I am going to continue to ask for forgiveness and try to become better as a Muslim.

She was never a bad person until she got caught up in the wrong group. She used to be heavily involved in the Muslim student body as I have even worked with her before. It is always her intention for herself to become a better Muslim as well as her peers. She has a strong heart Islamically, but has not exactly made the complete steps to pray 5x a day. However, I truly believe she will insha'Allah. If it was not for all this, then I would not have felt for her in the first place and I am not one to judge. She happens to come from a very good family as well. If anyhting I always hope the best for her and she will make that step insha'Allah.

Once again I am truly sorry for what I did and i am not being selfish by any means. If that was the case, then I would not have presented all my initial posting in the first place.

I like to hear more from all of you out there, so keep them coming...
 
aminahjaan said:
Her wrongdoings and sins are between her and Allah. It's not for you to call her out on it. The girl is clearly trying to tell you she doesn't wanna talk to you. Leave her alone & let it go. I know she hurt you, and that sucks. Heart breaks aren't fun, but you gotta let it go, move on. Brush it off. Seriously.
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Yeah I know. Like I said, I was gonna give her the distance for a time being. Its obvious she is going through a rough time.

And she didnt break my hurt, its not like we were in a relationship...
 
muhaba said:
It really depends on whether she is willing to change into a better muslim or not? I guess you should just wait and see how things go, whether she becomes a better muslim, whether she becomes interested in you in the future, etc. Don't stalk her or follow her or anything. As others have said, leave her alone, but if you think she needs guidance, you can send her Islamic emails from an anonymous email address, telling her about the Day of Judgment, the importance of praying regularly, etc. May Allah guide her to stay away from bad company, stay away from alcohol and mixing with men, and become a better muslim.
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Thank you so much Muhaba. I could not have put it any better than you. I agree with everything you said and you put in some good points. I defeinetely took some of the points you wrote in red into consideration. God bless you...
 
:wa:

megatron5228 said:
Assalaamu Alaikum everyone

... Our families are friends..... Evidently he is not a good man. He is an alcoholic, druggie, .
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May Allah reward you for trying to protect her but I don't know how within proper Islamic manners , u can help a girl who is not your wife/ sister .

U may tell your parents that she is in danger and request them to warn her and her parents. Keep praying but stay away from her . Let her parents do something to protect her .
 
megatron5228 said:
Thank you so much Muhaba. I could not have put it any better than you. I agree with everything you said and you put in some good points. I defeinetely took some of the points you wrote in red into consideration. God bless you...
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You're welcome. Glad I could be of help!
 
:sl:
Don't tell her you sent all that stuff (you shouldn't have done so in the first place but what's happened has happened, so let's just move on) as it will just make matters worse.

Help her if she needs (and if you are able to) it but don't go overboard. There's only so much you can do, so don't get too worked up about it.

Keep praying/making dua also.
 
I think you should honestly leave the girl alone...you seem obsessed with her .. its not healthy .. maybe seek professional help?

May Allah Guide you in the righteous path.

Ameen

Jazakallah
 
I don't think you are in a place to give islamic advice to her in any capacity. First off you're in dire need of advice, protection, and guidance yourself (sorry, but need to be blunt!), and Second of all why are you associating with the girl in the first place?

Look, you're obviously young but here's a clue: if the girl hangs out with bad people and is leaving good people, is drinking and smoking and making out and all that, then where do you think her behaviour is coming from? If God wills for her to improve and join the good people, then God will bring it about. You and we are only tools of da'wa, you can't force her to be good. Don't let your infatuation blind you.

Like some people here said I think you should have sent the email or letter to HER, and then get out of the whole arrangement. Your description of how you felt was very clear to be jealousy followed by wrath followed by need to commit revenge so you blew her cover and reputation... Pot of worms all over that situation I hope you've noticed. Since you didn't there's little you can do right now. The milk is spilt and sinking in earth.

Good luck with your new relationships, and may they be actually more islamic and cleaner than the last one.
 
i think you need to repent for your actions and leave her be:)
 
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