Another Dilemma - Family

[StayHumble]

Some of you might remember me, I posted a thread on my first problem about video games and alhamduliaah, Allah (swt) and this community have guided me towards the right direction. Once again I am in a situation that I am not quite sure what to do.

I spoke before about how I always used to constantly play video games, watch movies,TV,and spend hours on the internet doing nothing significant. Now I am focusing more on my deen, reading Quran & Hadith, learning Arabic, listening to lecture, praying 5 times a day and trying to get closer to Allah.

The problem is that much of my family, with the exception of me and my mother pray and stuff. My brother and 3 sisters, they like to gossip about celebrities lives, what was on TV last night, what new things they want to buy. Their lives, from my perspective, is very void of Islam. Now I know what everyone is going to say "give dawah, talk to them, if they see me doing good they will do it soon inshallah, make dua." But don't get me wrong I am always making dua and will continue to do so. The thing is, even when I talk to my brother and sisters about Islam trying to get them to obey Allah, saying that we will one day die, you know the whole nine yards: they listen to me, they tell me that they will, and then they go back to their routine and it seems like I am wasting my time.

I am afraid and Allah knows that I am trying, but I know that anyone of you can agree when I say the most devastating thing would be to see your family condemned to hell on the day of judgement (may Allah keep us all from that wretched place). I feel like on the day of judgement Allah will question me and say "why didn't you try harder" and I feel like I am to blame. I feel like it's me against the whole world. Everyone seems to be calling themselves a Muslim and says they fear Allah, but none of them want to do the actions of a good Muslim. My friends are the same way when we are hanging out I wait to see if one of them will notice that it is time for salat and if none do I mention it. It seems like I am falling into the same cycle: I talk to my siblings, they say "yeah your right, inshallah I will" and then the next day they go back to talking about the latest gossip magazines. Sometimes I am on my laptop reading a hadith and they will blast some hip hop and R&B and I might say "could you please turn it off I am trying to read", or "could you use your mp3" and they will say "No I don't want to or I want everyone to hear it" and when I question " This music is haram", they say "its between me and Allah, so focus on yourself".

I am at a loss I feel like everyone is against me. Even when I go to the masjid, there are no late teens my age, only old men. I feel alone and burdened at the same time. I feel like the habits that my siblings and friends have developed will return me back to my ignorant days. Your advice is much appreciated...

 

[tango92]

i understand man i really do. from what i know if youve delivered the message then your duty is done. if they dont take heed thats a matter between them and Allah. just dont be disheartened, keep trying.

when it comes to music, turn it off with your hands as they have no right to make you listen to haram.

make sure you keep a relationship with everyone on a personal level and be accesible, dont always talk about deen or youll become the haram police.

 

[zakirs]

Do your best and hope they soon change. I mean its upto god to change their hearts , since we don't have that capacity. Give dawah by your actions . Like a mom teaches her child how to pray by making her child sit beside her while salah.The child after a few days starts following. Do the same be a role model for them and they will slowly change. But never look down upon them or talk to them as lessers that would just widen the gap.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Some of you might remember me, I posted a thread on my first problem about video games and alhamduliaah, Allah (swt) and this community have guided me towards the right direction. Once again I am in a situation that I am not quite sure what to do.

I spoke before about how I always used to constantly play video games, watch movies,TV,and spend hours on the internet doing nothing significant. Now I am focusing more on my deen, reading Quran & Hadith, learning Arabic, listening to lecture, praying 5 times a day and trying to get closer to Allah.

The problem is that much of my family, with the exception of me and my mother pray and stuff. My brother and 3 sisters, they like to gossip about celebrities lives, what was on TV last night, what new things they want to buy. Their lives, from my perspective, is very void of Islam. Now I know what everyone is going to say "give dawah, talk to them, if they see me doing good they will do it soon inshallah, make dua." But don't get me wrong I am always making dua and will continue to do so. The thing is, even when I talk to my brother and sisters about Islam trying to get them to obey Allah, saying that we will one day die, you know the whole nine yards: they listen to me, they tell me that they will, and then they go back to their routine and it seems like I am wasting my time.

I am afraid and Allah knows that I am trying, but I know that anyone of you can agree when I say the most devastating thing would be to see your family condemned to hell on the day of judgement (may Allah keep us all from that wretched place). I feel like on the day of judgement Allah will question me and say "why didn't you try harder" and I feel like I am to blame. I feel like it's me against the whole world. Everyone seems to be calling themselves a Muslim and says they fear Allah, but none of them want to do the actions of a good Muslim. My friends are the same way when we are hanging out I wait to see if one of them will notice that it is time for salat and if none do I mention it. It seems like I am falling into the same cycle: I talk to my siblings, they say "yeah your right, inshallah I will" and then the next day they go back to talking about the latest gossip magazines. Sometimes I am on my laptop reading a hadith and they will blast some hip hop and R&B and I might say "could you please turn it off I am trying to read", or "could you use your mp3" and they will say "No I don't want to or I want everyone to hear it" and when I question " This music is haram", they say "its between me and Allah, so focus on yourself".

I am at a loss I feel like everyone is against me. Even when I go to the masjid, there are no late teens my age, only old men. I feel alone and burdened at the same time. I feel like the habits that my siblings and friends have developed will return me back to my ignorant days. Your advice is much appreciated...

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my brother unfortunatley most of us have these problems with family members or friends etc. Unfortunatley we are unable to guide anyone for only Allah guides who he wants.

You should not blame yourself for it is not your fault that they are not praying Salah. You have done your duty and fard which was to invite them towards prayers, you cannot give them guidance my brother so there is no need or reason for you to blame yourself in anyway shape or form.

We can only try our best and leave the rest to Almighty Allah.

Here are some things you can do though to try and help and encourage your family to pray Salah:

1) Don't nag your family too much or constantly tell them all the time to pray as this will never work and they will start to get agitated with you constantly telling them to pray all of the time. Just tell them in a beautiful manner on certain occassions when you think is a good time.

2) Encourage them in a gentle yet firm manner using wisdom and tact about the importance and obligation of Salah and as again don't do this all the time otherwise they will not respond to it as well but at maybe once a week.

3) Encourage your family to open up to you and to make a list of the things stopping them from actually praying Salah.

4) When your sat down with your family then try to read a few hadith or a few Ayah's of the Qur'an with tafsir or maybe talk about death the detroyer of pleasures to remind them that this life is so short and that their life can come to an end so suddenly and this will remind them of their purpose in life because our day to day lives and the influence of shaythan can make us forget why were here and that we have so little time left.
So just to do little Islamic reminders on alternate days if you can or whenever your family are sat around.

5) Be patient and realise that you have done what you can, it is not on your fault if they don't respond to your dawah and if they don't pray because you have fulfilled your obligation by telling them to pray Salah and come towards Islam. Keep reminding yourself that you can only inform them and that Allah is the only one who guides and he guides who he likes so make dua for them as much as you can that Allah gives them the hadatat (guidance) to come towards Islam and start practising.

7) Remind them that there are 1440 minutes in total in a day and out of those 1440 minutes 5 Salah's only take a total of around 40 minutes in a day, so that is just 40 minutes out of 1440 of a day for Allah and say to them is this asking for too much from them considering the fact that Allah created us and has given us everything we can see,hear touch and feel and everything we can imagine and more! Remind them that for just 40 minutes of a day for Allah we can gain eternity in Paradise and that if we don;t go towards Allah and don't pray Salah then there is no certainty of our fate after death and we are risking death without imaan.

8) Remind them about the terrible pain of death and the punishment of the grave and the hereafter and Jahannam. Remind them of the torture that is to come for those who disobey Allah's commands and that we cannot take a second of torture let alone hundreds if not thousands of yours and even forever. (I have pasted videos of death, the hereafter and jahannam below)

Then try to encourage them to start praying at least one Salah a day to start off with because praying 5 a day just like that may prove to be quite difficult for some all of a sudden and it is best at times to take steps towards praying 5 times a day rather than all at once. It is also best to set realistic targets which are more easily achievable, so pick a prayer that they should start to pray once a day - Isha is best as it is at the end of the day and they are more likely to all be at home in the evenings.

Then encourage them to pray Isha Salah everyday so thats just one Salah a day and encourage them and get there commitment to do this. Once they commit then encourage them to continue in a beautiful manner and once they get the habit of praying Isha Salah everyday then encourage them to move forward and to start praying another Salah for a while until they have gained the habit of that too and then eventually another until finally they get the habit of praying all 5 salat inshallah.

This gradual process is better for most people and it is more realistic and they can develop at their own pace but encourage them not to go too slow as shaythan will always try and stop ones progress. Some people can start to pray two or three so it depends on the person but it is better to start with one and let them get used to it and get the habit of it.

8) Pray for your family in every dua of yours that Allah gives them guidance and the ability to pray all of their Salah and to come towards Allah and be patient for Allah guides who he wants and knows best in all matters and Allah sees what is in your heart.

This link shows the importance and significance of Salah:

Importance of Namaz(Salah)

http://www.hizmetbooks.org/Endless_B...Chapter_13.htm

Here are some very beneficial talks you can get him to listen to to encourage him to start taking the purpose of this life more seriously:

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - The Importance of Prayer (Salat)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNDb41OH46A

Day of Judgement Imam Anwar Al Awlaki

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhrIKULMUxk

Al-Awlaki - Major Signs before the Day of Judgement (Part 1)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EcH7anRaJA

Major Signs before the Day of Judgement (Part 2)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ye32kiaAvck

Major Signs before the Day of Judgement (Part 3)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FqJ0XHmWt8

Major Signs before the Day of Judgement (Part 4)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSaJ4wZZjv4

Major Signs before the Day of Judgement (Part 5)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGdCYGhd7fM

Major Signs before the Day of Judgement (Part 6)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBWfaRSgZrs

Signs of the Last Day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nYoz4HxjNs&feature=fvw

HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 1/4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieX7ZQtHl0s

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 2/4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KK_2sVGMW08

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 3/4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpmzA2hk1Bo

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 4/4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km39GfL62TQ

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - The Journey of the Soul

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAwHEXE3-n0

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc

Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA

Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Shaykh Riyadh ul Haq

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE

Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo

Anwar Al Awlaki - Jannah Part 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYOmbYumZD8

Anwar Al Awlaki - Jannah Part 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLw5OGuZAIM