Would you marry someone taller/shorter than you?

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Would you marry someone taller/shorter than you?

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May I say I do NOT agree with what you just said brother Muraad. First of all you marry for Allah swt, when you marry someone you seek His contentment. That means you are not just supposed to marry a woman for her beauty, that means you marry her for yourself and not for Allah swt. I do not agree when you stated that when a woman is religous and isnt beautiful you should reject her because of that. You could get loads of hasanaat for marrying her. The Prophet sws had wives he married for their character. I think the character also defines a womans beauty. IT shoudnt be all about the package, the surprise is inside.

And Sir joke a lot please stay out of this one. Im tryna be serious here! :D
 
Nasiha21 said:
May I say I do NOT agree with what you just said brother Muraad. First of all you marry for Allah swt, when you marry someone you seek His contentment. That means you are not just supposed to marry a woman for her beauty, that means you marry her for yourself and not for Allah swt. I do not agree when you stated that when a woman is religous and isnt beautiful you should reject her because of that. You could get loads of hasanaat for marrying her. The Prophet sws had wives he married for their character. I think the character also defines a womans beauty. IT shoudnt be all about the package, the surprise is inside.

And Sir joke a lot please stay out of this one. Im tryna be serious here! :D
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I think you misunderstood Sr. Nasiha. I wasn't saying we should marry just for beauty, but beauty should be (and undoubtedly is) a part of your decision. Marrying for Allaah is the intention, not the application, regardless of who you marry your intention is to please Allaah, to complete the sunnah of His Messenger, to stay chaste, and at the same time to enjoy what Allaah has made halaal etc. These are all matters of the heart. The Hadeeth does state that one of the four reasons a woman is married is for her beauty after all.

Imaam Ahmad's genius advice was based on human insight and in regards to practical application. A lot of people will say things like, "I don't care if he/she's not pretty/attractive (beauty is subjective of course), I'll marry her/him if he/she's super pious", but the reality is different, most people will consider attraction and beauty in marriage and there is nothing wrong with that because it is human nature. What is wrong is when beauty becomes the deciding factor, not religion and this is exactly Imaam Ahmad's point. Make your decision to marry someone based on their religion, not beauty and at the same time there's nothing wrong with saying no to someone because you're not attracted to them, because one of the purposes of marriage is to protect you from fitnah and if you're going to be in the same fitnah after marriage because you're not attracted to your spouse then what was the point of marrying him/her in the first place? You can think of attraction/beauty as the prerequisite and piety/religion as the core requisite. Allaah knows best.
 
btw this thread is not about being ugly or beautiful.

Its about being taller or shorter. ( both can be beautiful...or ugly)
 
^Nothing and nobody is "ugly" :heated:

:peace: :peace: :peace:


"So blessed be Allah, the Best of creators" (Al-Mu'minoon - 14)
 
Nasiha21 said:
May I say I do NOT agree with what you just said brother Muraad. First of all you marry for Allah swt, when you marry someone you seek His contentment. That means you are not just supposed to marry a woman for her beauty, that means you marry her for yourself and not for Allah swt. I do not agree when you stated that when a woman is religous and isnt beautiful you should reject her because of that. You could get loads of hasanaat for marrying her. The Prophet sws had wives he married for their character. I think the character also defines a womans beauty. IT shoudnt be all about the package, the surprise is inside.

And Sir joke a lot please stay out of this one. Im tryna be serious here! :D
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:sl: Sis,

Islam doesn't require we marry for the person's religiousness alone. The religiousness must be there in addition to what we find attractive. You can marry a person you find attractive for the sake of Allah too. Furthermore, we must remember that if people are religious they are so for their own benefit not anyone else's. A person can be strict in the salah and religious duties but that doesn't mean they will treat their spouse better, or that their love for them will be strong. They might only treat them well. Yet, it's undeniable that if we find someone attractive on a physical level, our feelings for them will also be deeper on a mental level. The mind and body work with each other, not separate from each other. :)


:wa:
 
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i think depending on the persons looks has been taken to extremes amongest muslims when in reality a girl is really attracted to the guys heart and personality and thats really all that matters. all a girl really wants is to be treated like a queen and looks dose not come in to that. a guy who has good looks could be as ignorant as hell. ive always believed that the beauty of the heart shines through on a persons face and i have seen it! in how they behave with others etc is highly attractive and you somehow see passed what they look like. amazing how Allah has created each and every one of us.
 
=cat eyes;1276291]i think depending on the persons looks has been taken to extremes amongest muslims when in reality a girl is really attracted to the guys heart and personality and thats really all that matters.
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:sl: I don't think taking looks into consideration is being extreme. After all Allah made people different for a reason. If looks weren't important we all could've been created like clones and had different hearts. Allah loves beauty. He created His beloved Prophet (saw) beautiful. Aisha (ra) had striking beauty. Allah created her for the prophet (pbuh). :) Then why can't we enjoy physical appearences?


all a girl really wants is to be treated like a queen and looks dose not come in to that.
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But she wants to treat her husband like a prince too. It's easier if he doesn't look like a frog. You cannot be serious when you say looks don't matter. To some degree they do.


a guy who has good looks could be as ignorant as hell. ive always believed that the beauty of the heart shines through on a persons face and i have seen it! in how they behave with others etc is highly attractive and you somehow see passed what they look like. amazing how Allah has created each and every one of us.
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It's true inner beauty does shine through, but the 'window' also has to be in good condition to let maximum light out lol. ;D


:wa:
 
i think you are not understanding me it has been taking to extremes because guys believe that his looks is all a muslimah wants when in reality thats not true at all. it might not be extreme to u but it is to me when people start to get insecurity issues about themselves and don't want to approach another muslimah for marriage, i don't like to think anybody as being ugly or calling people frog looking either. i am talking about being shallow. i didn't say anything about attraction not being apart of looking for a spouse. being attracted and then being overly shallow are two different things
 
cat eyes said:
i think depending on the persons looks has been taken to extremes amongest muslims when in reality a girl is really attracted to the guys heart and personality and thats really all that matters. all a girl really wants is to be treated like a queen and looks dose not come in to that. a guy who has good looks could be as ignorant as hell. ive always believed that the beauty of the heart shines through on a persons face and i have seen it! in how they behave with others etc is highly attractive and you somehow see passed what they look like. amazing how Allah has created each and every one of us.
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Thank you!! I totally agree with you:)
 
cat eyes said:
i think you are not understanding me it has been taking to extremes because guys believe that his looks is all a muslimah wants when in reality thats not true at all. it might not be extreme to u but it is to me when people start to get insecurity issues about themselves and don't want to approach another muslimah for marriage, i don't like to think anybody as being ugly or calling people frog looking either. i am talking about being shallow. i didn't say anything about attraction not being apart of looking for a spouse. being attracted and then being overly shallow are two different things
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And thank you again! I TOTALLY agree with you on this one as well!!:D
 
Like i told my wife "I wouldnt marry anyone taller (except if they were drop dead gorgous)"

Needless to say that earned me a punch in the arm. (Ouch it hurt was well)
 
i cant imagine feeling affection for someone taller because i'd always feel like they are my senior.. kinda like my elder.. like someone who i expect to tell me off and stuff.

i cant explain it but i'll always feel like she has authority over me



its weird but its veeery easy to like tiny people... it comes natural?




thats me anyway, may Allah forgive me for any diseases i may have in my heart and cure them.

Ameen
 
ameen.

i used to feel the same about marrying someone older.... but its not the case.

i know plenty of people who are married to women older than then but it doesnt change the fact they are the boss and in charge hehe
 
IbnAbdulHakim said:
i cant imagine feeling affection for someone taller because i'd always feel like they are my senior.. kinda like my elder.. like someone who i expect to tell me off and stuff.

i cant explain it but i'll always feel like she has authority over me



its weird but its veeery easy to like tiny people... it comes natural?




thats me anyway, may Allah forgive me for any diseases i may have in my heart and cure them.

Ameen
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Ameen

im same as well the shorter the better

otherwise ->

http://i47.tinypic.com/10ft2tc.jpg

You'll be on lock down like this poor guy!
 
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cat eyes;1276341]i think you are not understanding me it has been taking to extremes because guys believe that his looks is all a muslimah wants when in reality thats not true at all. it might not be extreme to u but it is to me when people start to get insecurity issues about themselves and don't want to approach another muslimah for marriage,
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:sl: I think men are more worried about being able to provide for a woman, than they are about their looks - unless there's been a role reversal than I hadn't noticed.


i don't like to think anybody as being ugly or calling people frog looking either.
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Oh dear sis.. You take things too literally. It's a phrase/example@Frog Vs Prince. I never make fun of anyone's looks or call people names. However, I disagree about people not being ugly. There are people who are ugly. Allah has created things/people/animals which aren't beautiful, and there is divine wisdom in why He created how He did. Allah Himself dislikes the sound of a donkey's voice.


“O my son, do not turn your face away [out of pride], nor walk insolently in the earth, as indeed Allah does not like every type of vain boaster. But be measured in your gait and lower your voice, as indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is that of a donkey braying.” (31:18-19)

Other translations:
Yusuf Ali - "And be moderate in thy pace, and lower thy voice; for the harshest of sounds without doubt is the braying of the ass."
Pickthal - Be modest in thy bearing and subdue thy voice. Lo! the harshest of all voices is the voice of the ass.
Arberry- Be modest in thy walk, and lower thy voice; the most hideous of voices is the ass's.'
Maulana Ali - And pursue the right curse in thy going about and lower thy voice. Surely the most hateful of voices is braying of asses.

Therefore it isn't wrong to say that everything Allah created isn't beautiful, but we say everything is created by Allah. What is prohibited is making fun of those we think aren't beautiful or have some flaw, out of respect of their being Allah's creation.


i am talking about being shallow. i didn't say anything about attraction not being apart of looking for a spouse. being attracted and then being overly shallow are two different things
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Yup, looking at your earlier post, you said a 'good-looking guy can be ignorant as hell'. Well of course that is true. Personally to me the ugliest people are not those who lack good looks but who disobey Allah in secret and show a different face to the world. Now that is ugly.


:wa:
 
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There was a Sahabi who wasn't exactly beautiful.... Named Julaybib.

His name was unusual and incomplete. Julaybib means, “small grown”. It is the diminutive form of the word “Jalbab”. The name is an indication that Julaybib was small and short. More than that, he is described as being “damam” which means ugly, deformed, or of repulsive appearance. Even more disturbing, for the society in which he lived, Julaybib’s lineage was not known. There is no record of who his mother and father were, or to what tribe he belonged. This was considered a serious disability in his society. Julaybib (RA) could not expect any compassion, protection, or support from a society that placed a great deal of importance on family and tribal connections. In this regard, all that was known of him was that he was an Arab and that, as far as the new community of Islam was concerned, he was one of the Ansar. He was shunned in his society. As an example, Abu Barzah, of the Aslam tribe, prohibited him from entering his home, and he told his wife:

“Do not let Julaybib (RA) enter among you. If he does, I shall certainly do something terrible to him.”

Was there any hope for Julaybib (RA) to be treated with respect and consideration? Was there any hope for him to find emotional satisfaction as an individual and as a man? Was there any hope for him to enjoy the relationships that others take for granted? And in the new society emerging under the guidance of the Prophet (SAW), was he so insignificant as to be overlooked in the preoccupation with the great affairs of state and in the supreme issues of life and survival which constantly engaged the attention of the Prophet (SAW)? Just as he was aware of the great issues of life and destiny, the Prophet (SAW), who is mercy for all humanity, was also aware of the needs and feelings of his most humble companions.

With Julaybib (RA) in mind, the Prophet (SAW) went to one of the Ansar and said: I want to have your daughter married.

“How wonderful and blessed, O Messenger of Allah, and what a delight to the eye (this would be),” replied the Ansari man with obvious joy and happiness.

I do not want her for myself, added the Prophet (SAW).

“Then for whom, O Messenger of Allah?” asked the man, obviously somewhat let down.

The Ansari must have been too shocked to give his own reaction so he replied: “I will consult with her mother.”

And off he went to his wife. “The Messenger of Allah (SAW) wants to have your daughter married”, he told his wife.

She was thrilled. “What a wonderful idea and what a delight to the eye (this would be),” she said.

“He does not want to marry her himself, but he wants to marry her to Julaybib (RA),” he added.

She was flabbergasted! “To Julaybib (RA)? No, never to Julaybib (RA)! No, by the Living Allah, we shall not marry (her) to him.” she protested. As the Ansari was about to return to the Prophet (SAW) to inform him of what his wife had said, the daughter, who had heard her mother’s protestations, asked: “Who has asked to marry me?”

Her mother told her of the Prophet’ (SAW)s request to marry her to Julaybib (RA).When she heard that the request had come from the Prophet (SAW), and that her mother was absolutely opposed to the idea, she was greatly perturbed and said: “Do you refuse the request of the Messenger of Allah Ta’ala? Send me to him, for he shall certainly not bring ruin to me.”

This was the reply of a truly great person who had a clear understanding of what was required of her as a Muslim. What greater satisfaction and fulfillment can a Muslim find than in responding willingly to the requests and commands of the Messenger of Allah Ta’ala! Truly, this companion of the Prophet (SAW), even though we do not know her name, set an example for all of us to obey the Quranic command:

Whenever Allah and His Messenger have decided a matter, it is not for a believing man or woman to claim freedom of choice in so far as this matter is concerned. And he who disobeys Allah and His Messenger has, most obviously, gone astray. [Al-Ahzab 33:36]

This was revealed in connection with the marriage of Zaynab bint Jahsh and Zayd bin Harithah, which was arranged by the Prophet (SAW) to show the egalitarian spirit of Islam. Zaynab (RA), at first, was highly offended at the thought of marrying Zayd (RA), a former slave, and refused to marry him. The Prophet (SAW) prevailed upon them both and they were married. The marriage however ended in divorce and Zaynab was eventually married to the Prophet (SAW) himself.

It is said that the Ansari girl read the verse to her parents and said: “I am satisfied, and submit myself to whatever Allah’s Messenger (SAW) deems good for me.”

The Prophet (SAW) heard of her reaction and prayed for her: `O Lord, bestow good on her in abundance and make not her life one of toil and trouble.’

It is said that among the Ansar, there was not a more eligible bride than her. She was married by the Prophet (SAW) to Julaybib (RA), and they lived together until he was killed. He went on an expedition with the Prophet (SAW), and an encounter with some mushrikin ensued. When the battle was over, the Prophet (SAW) asked his companions: Have you lost anyone? They named their relatives or close friends who were killed. Another group answered that they had lost no close relative whereupon the Prophet said: But I have lost Julaybib (RA). Search for him in the battlefield.

They searched and found him beside seven mushrikin whom he had struck before meeting his end. The Prophet stood up and went to the spot where Julaybib ,his short and deformed companion, lay. The Prophet of Allah stood over him and said: He killed seven and then was killed? This man is of me and I am of him. He repeated this two or three times. The Prophet then took him in his arms and it is said that he had no better bed besides the forearms of the Messenger of Allah.

The Prophet then dug for him a grave, and himself placed him in it. The Prophet of Allah (SAW) did not wash him, for the one slain in the Way of Allah is not washed before burial. Julaybib (RA) and his wife are not among the companions of the Prophet whose deeds of obedience and valor are well known. The little that is known about them demonstrates how the meek and the humble were given hope and dignity by the Prophet (SAW) – where once there was only despair and self-debasement.

The attitude of the unknown and unnamed Ansari girl, who readily agreed to be the wife of a physically unattractive man, reflected a profound understanding of Islam. It reflected the effacement of personal desires and preferences, even when she could have counted on the support of her parents. It reflected a total disregard for social norms and pressures. It reflected, above all, a ready and unshakable confidence in the wisdom and authority of the Prophet in submitting herself to whatever he deemed good. This is indeed the attitude of the true believer.

In Julaybib (RA) there is the example of a person who was regarded as a social outcast because of his mere appearance. Given confidence by his faith in Allah, the Glorious, and encouragement by the noble Prophet (SAW), he was able to perform great acts of courage and was blessed by the most virtuous death a believer could ever hope for – death fighting in the Way of Allah, the Supreme. This led to the commendation which should be the desire of every believer: the commendation of the Prophet of Allah (SAW) : He is of me, and I am of him.
http://www.haqislam.org/julaybib/
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