Advice on relationship.

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orangephone19

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My boyfriends Kurdish and is a Muslim, and im arab/english and not religious.

Since he is muslim/his culture/how he was raised he doesn't believe his girlfriend (me) should go clubbing/wear ****ty clothes (dont anyway), go out all night, talk to men, doesn't like me eating pork.

My english friends tell me he's controlling, the thing is, although i know im not muslim, i know he is and i think if im with him i should respect his religion, and although i get pissed off sometimes, i think it is his culture and part of mine.

My question is, hopefully to muslim men, is this ok really? I know its his relgion and he loves me very much but doesn't like me doing what he says 'bad things', he doesn't like me going out at night as its dangourus.

I am at uni, and he doesn't care if i live in halls/have a job/go to uni and he doesn't really want me to be a housewife, cooking/cleaning etc. And he inists he pays for everything as its just is culture. So its not like, really relious, but some things he thinks are wrong due to his belifs and reliogion, does this make him a bad person, as an english friend of mine says it is controlling?

All im saying is we have cultural differences, im not a big clubber/drinker etc. In westen countries if a man doensn't want you to go out at night/clubbing/drinking etc, its controlling, but in middle eastern countires if a women did this, it would be Haram (sorry can't spell..).

I know alot theres alot of negative comments on muslims, but i don't think its right of me, or anyone, to tell people a certion culture/religion is wrong (unless its killing/raping etc.) although i dont agree with some stuff in the Qu'ran, i just think it would be wrong of me to tell my bf, i don't care about your faith im going to gte pissed, get pork and dance with men, and although its not my faith i don't think its really his fault as its how he is, and almost all the muslims i know.

By the way, dont mean too offend anyone by this post, just wanted some muslims thoughts on this.
 
orangephone19 said:
My boyfriends Kurdish and is a Muslim, and im arab/english and not religious.

Since he is muslim/his culture/how he was raised he doesn't believe his girlfriend (me) should go clubbing/wear ****ty clothes (dont anyway), go out all night, talk to men, doesn't like me eating pork.

My english friends tell me he's controlling, the thing is, although i know im not muslim, i know he is and i think if im with him i should respect his religion, and although i get pissed off sometimes, i think it is his culture and part of mine.

My question is, hopefully to muslim men, is this ok really? I know its his relgion and he loves me very much but doesn't like me doing what he says 'bad things', he doesn't like me going out at night as its dangourus.

I am at uni, and he doesn't care if i live in halls/have a job/go to uni and he doesn't really want me to be a housewife, cooking/cleaning etc. And he inists he pays for everything as its just is culture. So its not like, really relious, but some things he thinks are wrong due to his belifs and reliogion, does this make him a bad person, as an english friend of mine says it is controlling?

All im saying is we have cultural differences, im not a big clubber/drinker etc. In westen countries if a man doensn't want you to go out at night/clubbing/drinking etc, its controlling, but in middle eastern countires if a women did this, it would be Haram (sorry can't spell..).

I know alot theres alot of negative comments on muslims, but i don't think its right of me, or anyone, to tell people a certion culture/religion is wrong (unless its killing/raping etc.) although i dont agree with some stuff in the Qu'ran, i just think it would be wrong of me to tell my bf, i don't care about your faith im going to gte pissed, get pork and dance with men, and although its not my faith i don't think its really his fault as its how he is, and almost all the muslims i know.

By the way, dont mean too offend anyone by this post, just wanted some muslims thoughts on this.
Click to expand...

I wonder why is he forbidding you from of all that while he himself has made you his gf and gone against the command of Allah ... subhanAllah ... hypocrisy ....

you said that you are english/arab but you only listend to your english friends when they told you he is controlling you. What do your arab friends have to say? Are you favoring the opinion of English friends over Arab friends? Or you dont have Arab friends?
 
Before he tells you what is wrong, he needs to face reality and realize what he is doing right NOW is not allowed. There is no dating, bf/gf relationships in Islam.

yes all those things he tells you is haram for a Muslim...you are not a Muslim, but it's still in your safety to avoid these things.

So really point is..if he's really concerned about what's right and wrong, he should know that dating is not allowed.

All the best :)
 
orangephone19 said:
Since he is muslim/his culture/how he was raised he doesn't believe his girlfriend (me) should go clubbing/wear ****ty clothes (dont anyway), go out all night, talk to men, doesn't like me eating pork.
Click to expand...

He missed the part about not having relationships outside marriage.

You can't take part of islam and discard the rest. It's wrong.
 
erm... i'm sorry i don't really understand the questions here.

Do you mean that you're afraid he is controlling you? Why are you afraid he is controlling you? Do you think for his own good or for your own good?

Yes in Islam woman should wear modest clothes and avoid going to places that sell alcohol and that encourage sex outside marriage. And islam too...is not allowed to date especially without the 'mahram' accompanying you. (This is to avoid anything that can lead to sex outside marriage). :)
 
Italianguy said:
Your right. I thought that was forbidden in Islam?:hmm:

If it is forbiden, why are there some who post these questions with this knowledge? Just asking.
Click to expand...

The person who made this thread is not muslim and has had contact with a muslim that preached what was beneficial to him and ignored the rest.

In other words, he looked at one side of the story like the British media. :giggling:
 
Last edited:
Hey,

I'm sorry, I feel the need to post this as anonymous. Before I became muslim, I used to date a Kurdish guy. Who also claimed to be muslim, he said you shouldn't eat pork and hated people who were unreligious. Yet, he'd quite happily get drunk and sleep with girls.

Basically, from my experience, they aren't very good muslims and they are very controlling.

The guy I knew, celebrated eid, by drinking vodka. :hmm:
I said, what are you doing? You can't celebrate a religious festival by doing something against the religion. imsad This actually really annoyed me and I refused to celebrate eid with him and his friends.

His attitude was awful, I couldn't handle his controlling ways and then blaming it on his culture and I couldn't handle his drinking.

He has to understand you are English, or part English, if he want's someone who follows his culture, then he should find someone from that culture, otherwise he has to accept there are going to be differences and things that he doesn't like. Try and find some common ground. For example, if he doesn't like drinking, agree to not drink around him, but then he doesn't ask what you did in detail when you go out with your friends.

And as other's have said, while he is ranting about how he doesn't want you to do this and that because it's against his religion/culture, you should point out having a GF is against his religion also and see what he says to that.

I hope you can sort out your diferences :hmm:
 
If you were doing drugs, and your boyfriend insisted that you stop, would you consider that controlling? If no, then you need to understand that drinking is pretty much like doing drugs in Muslim eyes (alcohol IS a drug) and clubbing is a really, really bad thing (for guys and girls, by the way, so I hope he doesn't do these things himself!)

He is only asking you not to do things that he sees as being really bad - if you are going to be in a relationship anyone, you need to respect that there will be things that your partner is strongly against and won't tolerate you doing.
 
Oh ok, like i said i don't know that much about muslims, i just thought i'd get some opionions, sorry if i offended anyone =/.

I guess he isn't a good muslim then, if he is breaking the rules by dating me, and i don't have any arab friends, i do have one muslim friend from Bangledesh, and her dad doesn't allow her to speak to men/clubbing/drinking, and since he's her dad, no one says its controlling, but i know if it was her husband or something her english friends would say its wrong....And i don't listen to anyone, its just i don't see my dad, whos arab and muslim and i was raised as english, and with no religion or anything so i don't know much about my arab culture or anything.

thanks for the replies though, im sorry if i should ignorant or something though.
 
orangephone19 said:
My boyfriends Kurdish and is a Muslim, and im arab/english and not religious.

Since he is muslim/his culture/how he was raised he doesn't believe his girlfriend (me) should go clubbing/wear ****ty clothes (dont anyway), go out all night, talk to men, doesn't like me eating pork.

My english friends tell me he's controlling, the thing is, although i know im not muslim, i know he is and i think if im with him i should respect his religion, and although i get pissed off sometimes, i think it is his culture and part of mine.

My question is, hopefully to muslim men, is this ok really? I know its his relgion and he loves me very much but doesn't like me doing what he says 'bad things', he doesn't like me going out at night as its dangourus.

I am at uni, and he doesn't care if i live in halls/have a job/go to uni and he doesn't really want me to be a housewife, cooking/cleaning etc. And he inists he pays for everything as its just is culture. So its not like, really relious, but some things he thinks are wrong due to his belifs and reliogion, does this make him a bad person, as an english friend of mine says it is controlling?

All im saying is we have cultural differences, im not a big clubber/drinker etc. In westen countries if a man doensn't want you to go out at night/clubbing/drinking etc, its controlling, but in middle eastern countires if a women did this, it would be Haram (sorry can't spell..).

I know alot theres alot of negative comments on muslims, but i don't think its right of me, or anyone, to tell people a certion culture/religion is wrong (unless its killing/raping etc.) although i dont agree with some stuff in the Qu'ran, i just think it would be wrong of me to tell my bf, i don't care about your faith im going to gte pissed, get pork and dance with men, and although its not my faith i don't think its really his fault as its how he is, and almost all the muslims i know.

By the way, dont mean too offend anyone by this post, just wanted some muslims thoughts on this.
Click to expand...

i dun get it...y is the fish(your bf) loving a bird(you) in the first place?
 
orangephone19 said:
Oh ok, like i said i don't know that much about muslims, i just thought i'd get some opionions, sorry if i offended anyone =/.

I guess he isn't a good muslim then, if he is breaking the rules by dating me, and i don't have any arab friends, i do have one muslim friend from Bangledesh, and her dad doesn't allow her to speak to men/clubbing/drinking, and since he's her dad, no one says its controlling, but i know if it was her husband or something her english friends would say its wrong....And i don't listen to anyone, its just i don't see my dad, whos arab and muslim and i was raised as english, and with no religion or anything so i don't know much about my arab culture or anything.

thanks for the replies though, im sorry if i should ignorant or something though.
Click to expand...

I'm not sure what to say about your "friend" being controlling. It may be that he is just trying to prevent you from doing things that could harm you because he cares. As already stated, he is committing a sin by having a relationship with you outside of marriage.
I'm not sure what type of ethnicity of arab you are (as far as what country). Maybe you could try to learn a little about it. The country, what the culture is like, the religion. It wouldn't hurt anything. That is half of who you are. :)
You don't have to apologize. You are here to ask a question because you don't know the answer and since your "friend" is Muslim, you came to an Islamic forum. If you never ask questions, you may not ever increase yourself in knowledge. I personally was not offended by your post and I'm hoping that maybe this situation will turn you towards a direction to seek the truth and be really beneficial for your future. :)
Peace to you.
 
As Donia said, You don't need to apologise, we can only know the answers if we ask the questions :statisfie

I wasn't offended by your post either :statisfie
 

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