family conflicts

[mammyluty]

asalam alaikum

its me again!ok before i came to uk used to live with an extended family.aunties uncles my dad n my grandma,
subhannallah i have never seen such a family!i dont want to go there but i just wana make the long story short!my husband ussually sends my dad money.hes married so i have a step mum.the thing is my dad is a very violent person n bad tempered.my step mum called me n she was crying.she told me she coudnt not handle t anymre n she told me that my dad doesnt feed her,he insults her.,he beats her outside the public.n when i send him money he takes off n hes know where to be seen.meanwhile hes taking miraa!n smoking too.

i know its true cos he used to beat us shout n oppress us!infront of the public!n besides all my family members i left there r all the same,no mercy no heart,always fighting,they hit there own mother n abuse her.i spent my whole life watching my grandmum crying n doing chores in the house.

my step mum couldnt ask for divoce cos she feels she is disrespecting us.

am i allowed to advise her to leave my dad!?i know he wont change cos he does it to evryone,he did t to my mum,to his mum,to his other x wife,to his sisters.

te second question is?is my husband obligated to send money to my dad whenever he asks for it.he doesnnt do anything he is capable of doing something financily for himself bt i feel like hes using my husband.dont get me wrong i dont mind sending him money bt i feel hurt when he doesnt invest it at al in anything of his interest,he just buys miraa n cigarreates.


the third question is!how am i suposed to mantain family ties when they r dong this to me n my other siblings.right now my aunt is doing shirk on us so that we can suffer in our lives.my dad called me n told me never to call them again.

am so confused but to be honest i cant help it.i hate them!i feel angry n depressed cos i picked some of there characters like anger hatred n arguing al the time!

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

you need to see a sheikh about every problem you just mentioned

advice your dad/get someone else he listens to about his anger problems and advice your aunt about her sins. as for keeping up ties, try your best as hard as it may be...im not too sure how you treat your relatives that treat you badly but what they do to you and how you react are 2 different things so make sure it is inline with Islam...as i said, go see a shiekh

 

[mammyluty]

you need to see a sheikh about every problem you just mentioned

advice your dad/get someone else he listens to about his anger problems and advice your aunt about her sins. as for keeping up ties, try your best as hard as it may be...im not too sure how you treat your relatives that treat you badly but what they do to you and how you react are 2 different things so make sure it is inline with Islam...as i said, go see a shiekh

my dad never listens to anyone!if someone tries to talk wth him he rages,bang the door smashes things around n he leaves.the only one person who he respected was his father bt he died long time ago.as for my aunt i ws told not2 ever call her.we were three children in de house,n i can admitt that sometimes we were rude rebellious n naughty.bt cumon we were kids,we were not that bad for them to do punish us like that.for me i used to respect them do all chores in the house,serve them n love them,pass my exams at school,i even used fear them.


now that am in uk.i just came last year n am married.we all feel free from the stress.the only easy way to mantain the ties is just colling them.am even scared to go back there again now that i have a baby.i keep thinking they ll hit me n my son if i say something that will make them angry.

now

 

[Donia]

asalam alaikum

its me again!ok before i came to uk used to live with an extended family.aunties uncles my dad n my grandma,
subhannallah i have never seen such a family!i dont want to go there but i just wana make the long story short!my husband ussually sends my dad money.hes married so i have a step mum.the thing is my dad is a very violent person n bad tempered.my step mum called me n she was crying.she told me she coudnt not handle t anymre n she told me that my dad doesnt feed her,he insults her.,he beats her outside the public.n when i send him money he takes off n hes know where to be seen.meanwhile hes taking miraa!n smoking too.

i know its true cos he used to beat us shout n oppress us!infront of the public!n besides all my family members i left there r all the same,no mercy no heart,always fighting,they hit there own mother n abuse her.i spent my whole life watching my grandmum crying n doing chores in the house.

my step mum couldnt ask for divoce cos she feels she is disrespecting us.

am i allowed to advise her to leave my dad!?i know he wont change cos he does it to evryone,he did t to my mum,to his mum,to his other x wife,to his sisters.

te second question is?is my husband obligated to send money to my dad whenever he asks for it.he doesnnt do anything he is capable of doing something financily for himself bt i feel like hes using my husband.dont get me wrong i dont mind sending him money bt i feel hurt when he doesnt invest it at al in anything of his interest,he just buys miraa n cigarreates.


the third question is!how am i suposed to mantain family ties when they r dong this to me n my other siblings.right now my aunt is doing shirk on us so that we can suffer in our lives.my dad called me n told me never to call them again.

am so confused but to be honest i cant help it.i hate them!i feel angry n depressed cos i picked some of there characters like anger hatred n arguing al the time!

:wa:, sister.

I am sorry that you are in a situation that is causing you such stress. :hmm:
I agree that you may need to talk to a local imam or sheikh about these issues.
Why do you think your husband is obligated to give your father money? Is your father unable to work?
Honestly, I don't know what miraa is but from your post it didn't sound like a good thing so if you know that your father is going to take the money that you give him and go and spend it on cigarettes and stuff like that, then I would personally stop giving it to him. It's one thing if he goes and buys soap or things he needs or even a book or magazine but these things are not good for him so no need to support it. Hope that makes sense.
If you find it hard to be around your family but you are concerned about severing ties, then just answer and speak to them when they call... at least until you consult with a sheikh. You are a mom now and you have to take care of yourself so you can take care of your baby insha'Allah. Also, you may want to look into talking to someone about the anger that you have inside. That's not a good thing. Try to forgive your family for any wrongs they have done to you and just learn from it and be better insha'Allah.. I know it's not easy but I hope Allah will guide you and heal u insha'Allah.