Advice Needed :(

  • Thread starter Thread starter fruitloops
  • Start date Start date
  • Replies Replies 48
  • Views Views 8K
Status
Not open for further replies.
I didn't really want to mention it but ugh he's not scared of being idependent thats what he wants to do be able to make his choices, but his dad n his uncle n his mum r not listening to him, the one time he did try to tell them he's want to make his choice of being a father n stuff, he ended up in hospital with broken ribs n brusing on his arm, n soon after they moved him away. Obv he won't tell me that his family did it but i hav a feelin dey did sumthin, he just told the police n every1 that he about 2 get robbed n he fought bak.

Raaawww I feel soo bad for this brother, obv if its true that he's been physically hurt by his family, i think to leave home as quick as possible is the best idea, no one should endure that because of one mistake. imsad
 
I'm not saying he is immature, I'm saying he probably doesn't know how to live life away from his parents and be independent which is 1 of the factors that could be stopping him.

if you've lived with your parents all your life and never been independent it's gonna be scary for anyone to move out away from them and be independent cos they've relied on their parents since they were babies.

i.e they've never ran a house and paid bills or rent/mortgage or supported anyone. and this lack of experience is scary for anyone.

I agree with you sister but there's capacity to learn
 
I didn't really want to mention it but ugh he's not scared of being idependent thats what he wants to do be able to make his choices, but his dad n his uncle n his mum r not listening to him, the one time he did try to tell them he's want to make his choice of being a father n stuff, he ended up in hospital with broken ribs n brusing on his arm, n soon after they moved him away. Obv he won't tell me that his family did it but i hav a feelin dey did sumthin, he just told the police n every1 that he about 2 get robbed n he fought bak.

well in that case he's being forced against his will then, asian family's can be like this, it's seen as something shameful and they wanna keep it hush hush so the relatives don't find out. Cos they probably wanna get him married off to some 1 of their choice.

if he was a girl and was pregnant I think it would've been alot worse for him, but I just want you to know that his family's reaction isn't Islamic, it's cultural.

just like honour killings are also cultural and not Islamic. hmm I don't know what could be done.
 
yes is true it is scary! you hit the nail on the head sister kitten.

I heard of one funny story of an 18year old pakistani who came here to work after spending two weeks here he was crying to go back to his mum and dad ;D because he hated cooking and cleaning and paying bills and stuff. he use to work in my local shop ;D

so i think what kitten is trying to say is that mostly every 18year olds are use to that treatment and if he was to ever leave he'd probably go running back to his parents months later, u can never know. everyone wants to be independant its a fact however doing it is not so easy in the first stages.
 
yes is true it is scary! you hit the nail on the head sister kitten.

I heard of one funny story of an 18year old pakistani who came here to work after spending two weeks here he was crying to go back to his mum and dad ;D because he hated cooking and cleaning and paying bills and stuff. he use to work in my local shop ;D

so i think what kitten is trying to say is that mostly every 18year olds are use to that treatment and if he was to ever leave he'd probably go running back to his parents months later, u can never know. everyone wants to be independant its a fact however doing it is not so easy in the first stages.

yeah ;D he has to make sure he's content with being away from his parents incase they don't come round, cos if he leaves they might never accept him back, or they could come round eventually after some years.

but he has to decide/choose which 1 he wants and then make the sacrifices for it.

if he wants you and the baby, he has to sacrifice his family, if he wants his family he has to sacrifice you and the baby.

that's if his family don't come round, and I can't see them coming round from what you said.

eventually he's gonna have to decide, his baby or his family.
 
yes is true it is scary! you hit the nail on the head sister kitten.

I heard of one funny story of an 18year old pakistani who came here to work after spending two weeks here he was crying to go back to his mum and dad ;D because he hated cooking and cleaning and paying bills and stuff. he use to work in my local shop ;D

so i think what kitten is trying to say is that mostly every 18year olds are use to that treatment and if he was to ever leave he'd probably go running back to his parents months later, u can never know. everyone wants to be independant its a fact however doing it is not so easy in the first stages.

that story sounds familiar but i think it all depends on how much the brother in question is committed to the child and its mother. He seems to be taking the right steps in accepting his responsibility to the child and wanting to be a part of its life. Time will only tell whether he sticks by them or the trials of being a father is just too much for him i think but right now its him trying to get away from his parents which is the issue, they put in hospital supposedly who knows what lengths they might take.
 
Last edited:
they put in hospital supposedly who knows what lengths they might take.

Now you've hit the nail on the head i think bro, thats what i am also afraid of, if his fam did put him in hospital, i've heard stories them drugging there children and taking back to there country to be married n things like dat. But his too loyal to his family afta all this he won't speak ill of his parents which :raging:, he seems to think its okey n understandable that they r doin this 2 him :(. I can't tell you whether he'll stand by us like S<Chowdhury said only time will tell but from the year i've known n things i think he will. Isn't fatherhood all about learning as u go along but i knw there da financial aspect of things aswell n him goin thru uni n stuff, but my parents like i said are supportive n haven't got a problem with us stayin at home.

But I'm at a dead end of what to do with his parents
 
Now you've hit the nail on the head i think bro, thats what i am also afraid of, if his fam did put him in hospital, i've heard stories them drugging there children and taking back to there country to be married n things like dat. But his too loyal to his family afta all this he won't speak ill of his parents which :raging:, he seems to think its okey n understandable that they r doin this 2 him :(. I can't tell you whether he'll stand by us like S<Chowdhury said only time will tell but from the year i've known n things i think he will. Isn't fatherhood all about learning as u go along but i knw there da financial aspect of things aswell n him goin thru uni n stuff, but my parents like i said are supportive n haven't got a problem with us stayin at home.

But I'm at a dead end of what to do with his parents

In that case I think he is afraid of what his parents will do to him if he leaves.
 
Advice given!

I think the parents are worried about their reputation in the community more than anything else.

If you can convince the guy to get a scholar so that he can talk to his parents and convince them somehow.
Allah knows best


اشْهَدُ انْ لّآ اِلهَ اِلَّا اللّهُ وَ اَشْهَدُ اَنَّ مُحَمَّدً اعَبْدُه وَ رسوله

Ašh hadu al-lā ilāha illā-llāhu, wa
ašh hadu anna Muhammadun ‘abduhu wa rasūluhu
I bear witness that none is worthy of worship but Allah, the One alone, without partner, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger

Greetings to you Advice Needed:

First I would extend my sincere hopes that everything works out.

My advice to you is that you discontinue your inquiry on this forum and seek advice from the Imam, wife of the Imam or Muslim Scholar in your local community.

Keep the questions general, No names (Further embarrassment to parents may continue the isolation)

Muslims are commanded to obey parents in that which is lawful:

Surah Isra 17:23

17:23 Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. (Y. Ali translation)

Surah An'am 6:151

6:151 Say: "Come, I will rehearse what Allah hath (really) prohibited you from": Join not anything as equal with Him; be good to your parents; kill not your children on a plea of want;- We provide sustenance for you and for them;- come not nigh to shameful deeds. Whether open or secret; take not life, which Allah hath made sacred, except by way of justice and law: thus doth He command you, that ye may learn wisdom. (Y. Ali translation)

Unbelievable that Allah has included be kind to your parents and not kill your children out of want in same ayah.

Sahih Muslim Book Ch 1 Book 032, Number 6181:

Abu Huraira reported that a person said: Allah's Messenger, who amongst the people is most deserving of my good treatment? He said: Your mother, again your mother, again your mother, then your father, then your nearest relatives according to the order (of nearness).


Because in Islam fornication is a sin the way this can be handled requires a delicate balance of you gathering information on Islam to educate yourself. This can assist you in understanding why the parents who love their son would not realize they are abandoning a grandchild. Make every effort to keep the identity of the people involved private.

You can see already that people want to know the particulars, details, etc.
Some will hang on every word. The inquiry will be endless.

In Islam we don't publish other Muslims sins.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 9, Book 85, Hadith No. 84

Narrated by Anas (r.a.) The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, "Help your brother whether he is an oppressor or an oppressed,"
A man said, "O Allah's Apostle! I will help him if he is oppressed, but if he is an oppressor, how shall I help him?"
The Prophet said, "By preventing him from oppressing (others), for that is how to help him."


Sahih Muslim Ch 7 Book 032, Number 6214:

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Avoid suspicion, for suspicion is the gravest lie in talk and do not be inquisitive about one another and do not spy upon one another and do not feel envy with the other, and nurse no malice, and nurse no aversion and hostility against one another. And be fellow-brothers and servants of Allah.

Sahih Muslim Ch 8 Book 032, Number 6219:

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Don't nurse grudge and don't bid him out for raising the price and don't nurse aversion or enmity and don't enter into a transaction when the others have entered into that transaction and be as fellow-brothers and servants of Allah. A Muslim is the brother of a Muslim. He neither oppresses him nor humiliates him nor looks down upon him. The piety is here, (and while saying so) he pointed towards his chest thrice. It is a serious evil for a Muslim that he should look down upon his brother Muslim. All things of a Muslim are inviolable for his brother in faith: his blood, his wealth and his honour.

There are no Scholars currently on duty in forum so seeking out the suggestions (if you feel it applies to you) is best.
 
Some Hadiths:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The one who repents from sin is like one who did not commit sin.” Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 4250; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.

None of us is free from sin. Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Every son of Adam is a sinner, and the best of sinners are those who turn (to Allah) in repentance.”


Al-Bukhaari (7507) and Muslim (2758) narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said that his Lord said: “My slave commits sin, then he says, ‘O Allaah, forgive me my sin.’ Then Allaah says, ‘My slave has committed a sin, but he knows that he has a Lord Who forgives sin and takes away sin. So I forgive My slave.’ Then he commits sin again, and says, ‘O Allaah, forgive me my sin.’ Then Allaah says, ‘My slave has committed a sin, but he knows that he has a Lord Who forgives sin and takes away sin. So I forgive My slave.’ Then he commits sin again, and says, ‘O Allaah, forgive me my sin.’ Then Allaah says, ‘My slave has committed a sin, but he knows that he has a Lord Who forgives sin and takes away sin. So I forgive My slave.’ …”
 
Last edited:
:welcome: to the Forum. I'm very glad that you came to ask about your case :statisfie May Allah guide you to the straight path.

Allaah has forbidden the adulterer and adulteress to marry unless they both repent. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“The adulterer — fornicator marries not but an adulteress — fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicater or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer — fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer — fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islamic Monotheism)”


If she is pregnant, it is not permissible for him to marry her until after she delivers the baby, in accordance with the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), in which he forbade a man to use his water to irrigate the crops of another.

Source: http://islam-qa.com/en/ref/14381

To summerize: Both of them must repent to Allaah (zina is an immoral action and a major sin), and give up this sin, and regret what has happened of immoral actions, and resolve not to do it again. Then it will be permissible for him to marry her, after she delivers the baby.

Please feel free to ask any questions.

:sl:

I believe the fatwa has been misinterpreted. It does say that a man cannot marry a woman who has commited zina and gotten pregnant until after she has given birth. But this relates to getting pregnant from a different man, since, ' in accordance with the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), in which he forbade a man to use his water to irrigate the crops of another.' To me that means that a man cannot marry a woman if she is already pregnant from another man. Meaning he cannot marry a woman carrying another man's baby - that which is not his.



Furthermore, the fatwa below says a man cannot marry a woman who has committed adultery until she repents. It doesn't say anything about the man repenting because the fatwa is speaking about a pious man marrying a woman who is pregnant by another man - not about an adulterer marrying an adulteress.

In the O.P's case they can get married if they repent.


O.P. Please ask a scholar.


:wa:




Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem was asked about the ruling on getting married to a woman who has committed zina. He said: “it is not permissible to marry the woman who has committed adultery until she repents… if a man wants to marry her, he has to be sure that she is not pregnant, by waiting until she has a period before he does the marriage contract with her. If she is pregnant, then it is not permissible for him to marry her until she has given birth.”

See al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/584
 
Re: Advice given!

ه


First I would extend my sincere hopes that everything works out.

My advice to you is that you discontinue your inquiry on this forum and seek advice from the Imam, wife of the Imam or Muslim Scholar in your local community.

Keep the questions general, No names (Further embarrassment to parents may continue the isolation)

Yh i knw dat but lyk i aint a propa muslim yet i sorta jus began in2 it, plus i dnt knw any Imams or Scholars hence da reason i fought dis culd be alternative :hmm:


Muslims are commanded to obey parents in that which is lawful:

Surah Isra 17:23

17:23 Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. (Y. Ali translation)

Soo even when da parents are telling him da wrong fings n making the situation worse he shuld still obey ?



Because in Islam fornication is a sin the way this can be handled requires a delicate balance of you gathering information on Islam to educate yourself. This can assist you in understanding why the parents who love their son would not realize they are abandoning a grandchild. Make every effort to keep the identity of the people involved private.

You can see already that people want to know the particulars, details, etc.
Some will hang on every word. The inquiry will be endless.

In Islam we don't publish other Muslims sins.

Okey fair enuf, yeah they love their son enuf to beat the daylights out of him to make sure they abandon dere grandchild, i realii see the love there.
 
:sl:

I believe the fatwa has been misinterpreted. It does say that a man cannot marry a woman who has commited zina and gotten pregnant until after she has given birth. But this relates to getting pregnant from a different man, since, ' in accordance with the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), in which he forbade a man to use his water to irrigate the crops of another.' To me that means that a man cannot marry a woman if she is already pregnant from another man. Meaning he cannot marry a woman carrying another man's baby - that which is not his.



Furthermore, the fatwa below says a man cannot marry a woman who has committed adultery until she repents. It doesn't say anything about the man repenting because the fatwa is speaking about a pious man marrying a woman who is pregnant by another man - not about an adulterer marrying an adulteress.

In the O.P's case they can get married if they repent.


O.P. Please ask a scholar.


:wa:

JazakialLahu khairan. I'll check this out, insha'lLah
 
:sl:

I believe the fatwa has been misinterpreted.

:wa:

Fruitloops, This and my next two posts aren't a response to you. I already quoted the abbreviation to you.


The Case:
He committed adultery and his conscience is troubling him, and he wants to get rid of the foetus

Question:
I a Moslem single person, who lives in the USA. I committed adultery many times with the same woman. Now, the women is pregnant. I would like to know if I can marry her in order to solve the problem (I mean cover the scandal)so the baby will find a father and gets the name. Actually, unfortunately, I would prefer abortion and I wish to convince her to do that, but don't know if this is considered killing a person. If so, I would feel guilty because of that. I believe the embryo is about 6-8 weeks. Please I need your help as soon as possible, Jazak Allah Khair.

Answer: Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly, my brother in Islam, I offer you my condolences for the faith that you lost during the times when you were committing adultery. For the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When an adulterer commits illegal sexual intercourse, then he is not a believer at the time he is doing it, and when a drinker of an alcoholic liquor drinks it, then he is not a believer at the time of drinking it, and when a thief steals, then he is not a believer at the time of stealing, and when a robber robs, and the people look at him, then he is not a believer at the time of doing robbery.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 2475)

Have you not read what your Lord says in His Book?

“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to Hell unless Allaah forgives him)”

[al-Israa’ 17:32 – interpretation of the meaning]

Do you not know that Allaah sees you wherever you are, and He hears you when you speak?

Do you not remember the great blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon you? For He is the One Who heals you when you are sick, the One Who feeds you when you are hungry and gives you to drink when you are thirsty. And He has given you the greatest blessing that He has bestowed upon mankind, the blessing of Islam. “Is there any reward for good – other than good?” [al-Rahmaan 55:60 – interpretation of the meaning]

My brother, ask yourself, Whose dominion do you live under? Whose provision do you eat from? By Whose command do you live? Is it not the dominion of Allaah, the provision of Allaah, the command of Allaah? So how can you disobey Allaah?

Perhaps you have forgotten the hadeeth of the Mi’raaj, in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“… then we proceeded and came to something like a tannoor (a kind of oven).” [The narrator] said: “I think he said, ‘in which there were clamouring voices.’” He [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] said: “We looked into it and there we saw naked men and women. Flames were coming to them from the bottom of it, and when the flames reached them, they made an uproar. I said to them [i.e., the two angels who were accompanying him], ‘Who are these?’ They said, ‘Proceed, proceed!’… I said to them, ‘I have seen strange things this night. What is this that I have seen?’ They said, ‘We will tell you…. The naked men and women in the structure that resembled a tannoor oven are the adulterers and adulteresses.’”

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari in Baab Ithm al-Zunaat, no. 7047).

So you must hasten to repent sincerely before death overtakes you, for the gate of repentance is open until the sun rises from the west or before the soul reaches the throat [at death]. Allaah rejoices over the repentance of His slave, and He will change his bad deeds (sayi’aat) into good deeds (hasanaat). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.

The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;

Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful.

And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allaah with true repentance[al-Furqaan 25:68-71]

Secondly, with regard to your question, “Do I have to marry her?”, this is the issue of the adulterer marrying the woman with whom he committed adultery. The answer is that it is not permissible for him (the adulterer) to marry her, or for her to marry him, until the label of adultery no longer applies to them. That label can only be removed through repentance.

It is not permissible for you to marry her even if she is Jewish or Christian, because she is a zaaniyah (adulteress). Even if she is Muslim, it is not permissible for you to marry her because she is a zaaniyah. And it is not permissible for her to accept you as a husband because you are a zaani (adulterer). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“The adulterer — fornicator marries not but an adulteress — fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicator or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer — fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer — fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islamic Monotheism)”[al-Noor 24:3]

The phrase “Such a thing is forbidden to the believers” indicates that this marriage is forbidden.

“It is essential that both of you repent to Allaah, give up this sin, regret the evil actions that have occurred in the past, resolve not to return to them, and do many righteous deeds, so that Allaah may accept your repentance and turn your bad deeds (sayi’aat) into good deeds (hasanaat). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

‘And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.

The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;

Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful.

And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allaah with true repentance’

[al-Furqaan 25:68-71]

If you want to marry her, you have to be sure that she is not pregnant by waiting to see if she menstruates before you do so. If it becomes apparent that she is pregnant, it is not permissible for you to marry her until after she delivers the baby, in accordance with the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), in which he forbade a man to use his water to irrigate the crops of another.”

(Fatwas of the Standing Committee in al-Buhooth al-Islamiyyah magazine, vol. 9, p. 72)

Thirdly, you say, “so the baby will find a father and gets the name” This is the matter of attributing the child of adultery: who is he to be named after?

The answer is that the majority of scholars said that the child of adultery should not be named after the adulterer, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The child goes to the owner of the bed and the adulterer gets nothing but the stones (despair, i.e., to be stoned to death).” (Agreed upon. Al-Bukhaari 2053; Muslim, 1457. Al-Mughni by Ibn Qudaamah, vol. 7, p. 129)

Fourthly, you say, that you would prefer the woman to get rid of the baby. This is the issue of abortion, and the ruling on that is as stated in the report of the Committee of Senior Scholars (Hay’at Kibaar al-‘Ulamaa’), no. 140, dated 20/6/1407 AH, which is as follows:

“1 – It is not permissible to abort the pregnancy at any of its various stages except for a legitimate shar’i reason, and within very narrow limits.

2 – If the pregnancy is in the first stage, which is forty days, and aborting it will serve a legitimate shar’i interest or ward off some harm, then it is permissible to abort it. But aborting it at this stage for fear of difficulty in bringing up children or in providing for them or teaching them, or fear for their future, or because the couple feel that they have enough children – this is not permitted.

3 – It is not permissible to abort the pregnancy once it has become an ‘alaqah (clot) or mudghah (chewed lump of flesh) [i.e., after 40 days’ gestation] unless a trustworthy medical committee has stated that allowing the pregnancy to continue poses a danger to the health of the mother, such that there is the fear that she will die if the pregnancy continues. In this case it is permissible to abort the pregnancy, after exhausting all other means of trying to ward off that danger.

After the third stage, and after the completion of four months of pregnancy, it is not permissible for you to abort the pregnancy unless a group of trustworthy specialist doctors decide that leaving the foetus in his mother’s womb will lead to the death of the mother; this is after exhausting all possible means of keeping the foetus alive. Performing an abortion subject to these conditions is permitted in order to ward off the greater of the two harms, and to preserve the greater of the two interests.”

(Quoted from al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah, vol. 3, p. 1055)

We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound and to accept our repentance. May Allaah bless our prophet Muhammad.
 
Last edited:
The Case: He wants to marry a girl with whom he had a relationship


Question: I hope you can help me as I am in a deep trouble. I knew some girl who works far from where her family lives. For two years we had a loving relationship, we were meeting and committing Zina (adultery), we agreed to marry because I can not forget her, and she can not forget me either. Since she knew me she became religious and changed a lot. Allah knows how much I love her. Do you advise me to marry her? I am suffering.

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Before answering your question, we must remind you that it is obligatory to repent and regret what you have done with this woman, because you have fallen into several major sins, the most serious of which is zina (fornication) which is clearly forbidden in the Qur'aan and Sunnah, and the scholars are unanimously agreed that it is haraam, and wise people are unanimously agreed that it is abhorrent and evil.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin), and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah forgives him)”

[al-Isra’ 17:32]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No adulterer is a believer at the time when he is committing adultery.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2475) and Muslim (57).

There is a severe punishment for zina in al-Barzakh, before the punishment in the Hereafter. In the famous hadeeth of Samurah ibn Jundub (may Allaah be pleased with him) about the dream, it says:

“… then we [i.e., the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and Jibreel and Mikaa’eel] proceeded and came to something like a tannoor (a kind of oven), in which there were clamouring voices.” He [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] said: “We looked into it and there we saw naked men and women. Flames were coming to them from the bottom of it, and when the flames reached them, they made uproar. I said to them [i.e., the two angels who were accompanying him], ‘Who are these?’ … They said, ‘We will tell you. As for the naked men and women in the structure that resembled a tannoor oven, they are the adulterers and adulteresses.’”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6640).

Allaah has ordained the hadd punishment for zina. He says concerning the hadd punishment for an unmarried person (interpretation of the meaning):

“The fornicatress and the fornicator, flog each of them with a hundred stripes. Let not pity withhold you in their case, in a punishment prescribed by Allaah, if you believe in Allaah and the Last Day. And let a party of the believers witness their punishment”

[al-Noor 24:2]

As for the person who has previously been married, the hadd punishment is execution, In the hadeeth narrated by Imam Muslim in his Saheeh (3199) it is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “For a previously-married person with a previously-married person, [the punishment is] one hundred lashes and stoning.”

What we have said to you applies to the woman too, and she should realize that her sin is even worse, but because, as you say, she has become righteous, we hope that her repentance is sincere and that Allaah will forgive her by His grace and kindness.

Secondly:

You should note that if you have not both repented from the sin of zina, then it is not permissible for you to marry her, because Allaah has forbidden the zaani and zaaniyah to marry unless they both repent. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“The adulterer — fornicator marries not but an adulteress — fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicater or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer — fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer — fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islamic Monotheism)”

[al-Noor 24:3]

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

This clearly points to the abhorrent nature of zina, and that is tarnishes the honour of the one who does it in a way that other sins do not. Allaah tells us that no woman would marry a zaani but a woman who is also a zaaniyah, who is like him, or a mushrik woman who associates others with Allaah and does not believe in the Resurrection or in reward and punishment (in the Hereafter), and who does not adhere to the commands of Allaah. And similarly, no one would marry a zaaniyah except a zaani or a mushrik. “Such a thing is forbidden to the believers” means, it is haraam for them to marry zaanis or zaaniyahs.

What the verse means is that if a person wants to marry the man or woman who commits zina and has not repented from that, despite the fact that Allaah has prohibited that, then he is either not adhering to the ruling of Allaah and His Messenger, in which case he cannot be anything but a mushrik, or he is adhering to the ruling of Allaah and His Messenger but he agrees to this marriage despite knowing that this person has committed zina, in which case this marriage is also zina, and he is an immoral zaani. If he truly believed in Allaah, he would not do that. This clearly indicates that it is haraam to marry a zaaniyah unless she repents, or to marry a zaani unless he repents, because marriage is the strongest type of companionship, and Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Assemble those who did wrong, together with their companions” [al-Saaffaat 37:22]. Allaah has forbidden that because of what it involves of great evil, and lack of protective jealousy, and attribution of children who are not his to the husband, and the zaani failing to keep her chaste because he is distracted elsewhere, any one of which is sufficient reason for the prohibition. End quote.

Tafseer al-Sa’di (p. 561).

The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:

A man committed zina with a virgin and wants to marry her. Is it permissible for him to do that?

They replied:

If the matter is as described, each of them must repent to Allaah and give up this sin, and regret what has happened of immoral actions, and resolve not to do it again, and do a lot of good deeds, in the hope that Allaah will accept their repentance and turn their bad deeds into good. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse ___ and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.

69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;

70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful

71. And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allaah with true repentance”

[al-Furqaan 25:68-70]

If he wants to marry her, then he must wait for one menstrual cycle to establish whether her womb is empty before doing the marriage contract with her. If it turns out that she is pregnant, then it is not permissible for him to do the marriage contract with her until after she gives birth, in accordance with the hadeeth in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade a man to water the crop of another with his own water. End quote.

Fataawa Islamiyyah (3/247).

So repent to Allaah and set your affairs straight, and do a lot of good deeds, and after that it will be permissible for you to get married. We ask Allaah to accept your repentance and to forgive you, by His grace and mercy.

See also question no. 85335.

And Allaah knows best.
 
Last edited:
The case: She advised him and he came to thank her, and they committed zina

Question:
I am a young woman from a very well-known family. All my life I have been religiously committed and of good character, as all will attest, but I do not know what is the reason that caused me to get to know a young man. I wanted to help him because he had suffered the calamity of his father’s death, and he is responsible for his siblings and his mother, but he went down the path of keeping company with bad people. I advised him and I felt it was my duty to stand beside him and advise him sincerely. Eventually he returned to his studies and gave up those bad friends, and he changed completely. His mother asked him the reason, and he told her. She spoke to me and thanked me for being patient with her son. One day he came for a visit to see me, and I did not know why I did not hesitate. I went to see him, and I felt as if he was my brother. We spent some time together and what happened happened, unfortunately. Now he wants to come and propose marriage to me, but it is impossible. He is three years younger than me, and he is not of the same nationality as me. Now I am pregnant and I want Allaah to conceal my sin and I want to repent. I know that I have done wrong, and you will criticize me severely, but I want to repent and I want a solution.

Answer: Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Perhaps your letter will be a lesson to those who claim that a relationship between a man and a non-mahram woman can be “innocent”, and to those who claim that such relationships are Islamically acceptable if they are for the purpose of giving advice, and to those who want to “water down” the religion to allow relationships between men and women in the name of modernity, and claim that there is no reason why this should not be done, and that woman are able to control themselves… and other such foolish justifications.

It is a lesson for all those who are heedless of the laws of Allaah and pay no attention to the warning of our Lord, may He blessed and exalted, against following in the footsteps of the shaytaan, and they continue to take these matters lightly until they find themselves in deep trouble. You were heedless with regard to this young man and you went ahead and spoke with him and advised him, then you agreed to receive him in your house, then you agreed to be alone with him, then the Shaytaan made attractive to you the idea that he was like your brother, then what? Then you committed zina in the same meeting and in your house, with one whom the shaytaan made you think was like your brother! Which was the first step of the shaytaan? It was speaking to this non-mahram man, then the other steps of the shaytaan came one after another until you committed this most abhorrent of sins. Hence we can see the wisdom in the words of Allaah, may He be exalted (interpretation of the meaning):

“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin), and an evil way (that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)”

[al-Isra’ 17:32]

Allaah did not only forbid zina itself, rather He forbade coming near to it. The aim here is to forbid the things that lead to it. We ask Allaah to conceal your sin and to forgive you, and to help you to repent sincerely.

Secondly:

There is no doubt that zina is a grave sin, and it is one of the major sins. Hence the punishment for it is one that points to the seriousness of this sin and the abhorrence with which it is regarded in sharee’ah and by wisdom and common sense.

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Allaah ordained punishment for zina that differs from the punishment for other crimes in three ways:

1 – Execution in the most unpleasant form; when the punishment is reduced, it still combines the physical punishment of flogging with the emotional punishment of banishment.

2 – He forbade people when carrying out the punishment on the adulterers, to feel pity for them that would prevent them from carrying out the punishment. By His mercy towards them He prescribed this punishment, and He is more merciful to them than you, but His mercy did not prevent Him from ordaining this punishment, so your pity should not prevent you from carrying out His command…

3 – He enjoined that their punishment be carried out in the presence of some of the believers; it should not be done in isolation where no one can see them. That is more effective in serving the purpose of the punishment, and serves as a deterrent. End quote.

Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi, p. 144, 115

Thirdly:

Although this sin is so serious and abhorrent, Allaah has opened the door of repentance to those who commit it, and He has promised that if they are sincere in their repentance, He will turn their bad deeds into good deeds.

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked:

What should the person who has committed zina do in order to rid himself of the effects of that action of his?

He replied:

Zina is one of the most serious of haraam actions and the worst of major sins. Allaah warns the mushrikeen, murderers and adulterers of multiple punishments on the Day of Resurrection, and of eternal humiliation and torment, because of the seriousness and abhorrence of their crimes, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse — and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.

69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;

70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds”

[al-Furqaan 25:68-70]

The one who has fallen into such sin has to repent to Allaah sincerely, and follow that with sincere belief and righteous deeds. Repentance is sincere if the penitent gives up the sin, regrets what has happened in the past and resolves never to go back to it, out of fear of Allaah and awe of Him, hoping for His reward and fearing His punishment. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And verily, I am indeed forgiving to him who repents, believes (in My Oneness, and associates none in worship with Me) and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them (till his death)”

[Ta-Ha 20:82]

Every Muslim man and Muslim woman must beware of this great evil and the things that lead to it, and hasten to repent from whatever is already past. Allaah will accept the repentance of those who are sincere and forgive them.

Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn Baaz, 9/442

Fourthly:

It is not permissible for two people who have committed zina to get married except after having repented sincerely, because Allaah has forbidden that to the believers:

“The adulterer — fornicator marries not but an adulteress — fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicater or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer — fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer — fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islamic Monotheism)”

[al-Noor 24:3]

We have already explained the ruling on this issue in the answer to questions no. 14381, 22448, 11195.

Fifthly:

If the soul has been breathed into the foetus, then aborting it would be another crime in addition to zina. We have explained the ruling on this issue in the answer to questions no. 13317, 11195 and 40269.

Sixthly:

The solution to your problem is to inform wise people among your family about your situation. The one who transgresses the laws of Allaah must inevitably face the consequences of his sin, in many cases. The family has to stand with their daughter sooner rather than later. Even if she aborts the foetus before the soul has been breathed into it, she is no longer regarded as a virgin, and this will also cause some problems at the time of marriage. Whatever the case, they have to solve their daughter’s problem, for she has repented and regretted her sin, and “the one who repents from sin is like one who has not sinned at all” – narrated by Ibn Maajah, 4250; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb, 3145. Even if she does not commit any sin after she repents, her sin has serious repercussions which must be dealt with before news of it becomes widespread and affects the family as a whole. The solution is not to marry her to that zaani before he repents, because marriage to a zaani is haraam, as stated above. But if they both repent, there is nothing wrong with them getting married in sha Allaah.

It is not permissible for her to marry anyone else until her womb is emptied, which is when she gives birth. The evidence for that is the report narrated by Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said: “Do not have intercourse with a pregnant woman until she gives birth, or with one who is not pregnant until she has menstruated once.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2157. al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar said in al-Talkhees al-Habeer (1/171,172): Its isnaad is hasan.

In order to understand the greatness of Allaah’s bounty in accepting His slaves’ repentance and to know that He accepts the repentance of the penitent no matter how great and how many their sins, please see the answers to the questions no. 624, 13990, 47834, 23485 and 20983

And Allaah knows best.

_____________________________

Scents of Jannah, this may be what you meant:


It is not permissible for her to marry anyone else until her womb is emptied, which is when she gives birth. The evidence for that is the report narrated by Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said: “Do not have intercourse with a pregnant woman until she gives birth, or with one who is not pregnant until she has menstruated once.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2157. al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar said in al-Talkhees al-Habeer (1/171,172): Its isnaad is hasan.
 
Last edited:
Is he doing the right thing by leaving home? because i know your not suppose to disobey your parents wishes but i don't think the parents are making sensible choices personally.

I think I forgot to say how brave this brother is being in attempting to raise a child at 18 though it was unplanned and done in sin, most brother unfortunately when they get them selves in to this situation often run the other way in fear of his parents and the responsibilities that come with fatherhood.

In terms of leaving home, he needs to think carefully about it. From the sisters response it seems possible to marry you n raise the child Islam wise, but i think before he decides he needs to ask himself the question Is this what he really wants? He needs to seriously think about it because marriage n being a father is a pretty huge commitment and something not to take light heartedly , so before he makes any more decisions he needs to seriously take a week or so to understand what the responsibilities of being in a marriage are n understands a the demands of being a father are, i guess other brothers on IB who are fathers could fill him in on what it is about being a father. Until he's answered the question and is willing to give 110% at giving this a try he shouldn't try to leave home or anything else.

He also needs to make plans, leaving home is the easy part how you support yourself financially and things is harder let alone raising a child. I'm guessing you are from the UK so benefits etc you should read up on what your eligible for and get ahead before the baby is born so your on top of things. I'm not gonna paint you rosy picture after he leaves home n everything will work out. I think you know aswell as anybody its gonna be hard and a struggle, he's in Uni so its a hard balance of studying and night feeding etc i guess. Its good to see your parents are supporting you, so with there support it makes things easier.

In terms of is it right to leave home, i'll leave other brothers n sisters to give you a better Islamic perspective, however if you are saying that his parents are physically forcing and if they've put in hospital once then that is one too many n its best to leave home if he really wants to be a father n a husband.

But remember it's always better to go to a counsellor, Imam or Scholar before you make a final decision and that is what I'd advise aswell. I hope everything works out sister.
 
Re: Advice given!

Soo even when da parents are telling him da wrong fings n making the situation worse he shuld still obey ?

Okey fair enuf, yeah they love their son enuf to beat the daylights out of him to make sure they abandon dere grandchild, i realii see the love there.

I strongly hope you will read the following, please.
You don't have to read it all, but please read at least the mother's rights -part. (And if you want to know about obeing one's parents in unreasonble/unjust things , you could also read the second part (rights over the mother)):

The case: My mother’s rights over me, my rights over her, and the extent of my independence

Question: I have a few questions concerning parents
1-What right does my Mother have over me?
2-What right do I have over my mother?
3-What do I have the freedom to do (which is Halal or Mubah, Ofcourse.) without my Mother having the right to stop me?
4-When does the Father have the final say in a matter?
I love my mother very, very, very much. She is very over protective, and sometimes I feel like I'm in chains. I know she is doing it out of extreme love for me. How can I tell her that I need a little choice of my own in life.

Answer: Praise be to Allaah.

1 – The mother’s rights over her child

The mother has many major rights over her child. These rights are innumerable, but we may mention the following:

(a) Love and respect, as much as possible, because she is the most deserving of people of her son’s good companionship.

Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, who among the people is most deserving of my good companionship?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ The man asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your father.’”

She is the one who made her womb a vessel for you and nourished you from her breast. You have no option but to love her. The fitrah (natural inclination of man) calls you to love her. Love between mothers and children and children and mothers is something that Allaah has instilled even in animals, so it is even more befitting for the children of human beings, and for Muslims in particular.

(b) Taking care of her and looking after her affairs if she needs that; this is a debt that rests on the child’s shoulders. Did she not take care of him when he was a child and stay up with him at night and bear it all with patience?

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship. And she brings him forth with hardship…” [al-Ahqaaf 46:15]

This even take precedence over jihaad if there is a conflict between the two.

‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: “A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and asked him for permission to participate in jihaad. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him, ‘Are your parents alive?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Then your jihaad is with them.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2842; Muslim, 2549)

(c) Not offending them or saying or doing anything that they dislike.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“say not to them a word of disrespect” [al-Israa’ 17:23]

If Allaah has forbidden us even to say “uff” [paraphrased as “a word of disrespect” in the translation of the meaning of the aayah] to our parents, then how about someone who hits them?!

(d) Spending on her if she is in need and does not have a husband who can spend on her or if her husband is poor; for the righteous, spending on one’s mother and feeding her is more precious than feeding their own children.

Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them both) narrated that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Three men went out walking and rain began to fall on them. They entered a cave in a mountain, then a rock fell (blocking the entrance to the cave). They said to one another, Pray to Allaah by virtue of the best deeds that you have done. One of them said, O Allaah, my parents were elderly and I used to go out and tend to my flocks, then I would milk them and bring the milk to my parents for them to drink from it, then I would give some to my children. One night I came home late and found them sleeping. I did not want to wake them, and the children were crying at my feet. I kept waiting and the children kept crying until dawn broke. O Allaah, if You knew that I did that for Your sake, then open a way for us through which we can see the sky. So a way was opened for them…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2102; Muslim, 2743).

(e) Obeying her when she tells you to do something good. But if she tells you to do something bad, such as shirk, then there should be no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly” [Luqmaan 31:15]

(f) After one’s mother dies, it is Sunnah to fulfil any vows that she had made, and to give charity and perform Hajj and ‘Umrah on her behalf.

It was reported from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) that a woman from Juhaynah came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “My mother vowed to go for Hajj, but she died before she did so. Can I perform Hajj on her behalf?” He said, “Yes, perform Hajj on her behalf. Do you not think that if your mother owed a debt that you would pay it off for her? Fulfil her debt to Allaah, for Allaah is more deserving that what is owed to Him should be paid.” (narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1754).

(g) After she dies, it is also Sunnah to honour her by maintaining ties with those whom she used to keep in touch with, such as her relatives and friends.

It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of righteous deeds is for a man to keep in touch with his father’s friends after he dies.”

(Narrated by Muslim, 2552).

2 – Your rights over your mother

(a) That she should take care of you when you are a child, breastfeeding and nurturing you. This is a well known aspect of human nature that has been handed down from the beginning of creation.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling” [al-Baqarah 2:233]

(b) She should bring you up in a righteous manner, for she will be responsible for that before Allaah on the Day of Resurrection. You are part of her “flock” and she is your “shepherd”.

It was reported that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar said: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: ‘Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The imaam is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and is responsible for her flock. A servant is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock.’ I think that he said, ‘A man is the shepherd of his father’s wealth and is responsible for his flock. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 853; Muslim, 1829)

3 – Permissible things that it is permissible for you to do without your mother interfering in your affairs

She does not have the right to make decisions about what you should like with regard to permissible things over which she has no authority, such as food, drink, clothing, means of transportation, etc.

Neither does she have the right to interfere in your choice of a wife – if she is righteous – so long as you are not disobeying Allaah with regard to that. At the same time it is prescribed (by Islam) that you should try to please her even in your choice of a wife, if she advises you in a way that will not harm you.

With regard to her interfering with such matters as when you go out of the house or come in, or your going out in the evening with your friends: both parents have to watch their children with regard to this, so as to keep control of things and not let their children be led astray by bad company. In most cases, when young people are corrupted it is because of bad company. Concerning this matter, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man will follow the way of his close friend, so let each of you look to who his close friends are.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2387; Abu Dawood, 4833. This hadeeth was classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi and as saheeh by al-Nawawi, as stated in Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, 7/42).

Parents also have to watch when their child goes out and when he comes in, because they should not give him free rein, especially if he is not righteous.

You have to acknowledge their status and respect them and offer them good companionship, even if they give you a hard time with regard to things that Allaah has made permissible for you. Allaah has commanded us to treat our parents well even if they are kuffaar who call you to shirk, so how about if they are calling us to something which they sincerely believe to be good? Even if sometimes it causes you some difficulty with regard to something that is permissible for you, the best thing to do is to obey them and do what they want. Even though you do not have to do this, it is a kind of sacrifice and giving them preference, because they are the most deserving of being given good treatment. In the Qur’aan, Allaah has mentioned obedience to parents immediately after worship of Him, in order to demonstrate the high status afforded obedience to parents.

4 – Your father has the final say concerning everything that comes under his responsibility. For example, he is the one who decides in which school a child who is dependent on him will study. The father also has the final say concerning anything to do with his property, such as your using his car, taking his money, etc.

With regard to a son who is grown up and independent, he makes his own decisions concerning things that Allaah has permitted. It is prescribed for him to please his father so long as that does not conflict with his obedience towards Allaah. The son must continue to respect his father no matter how old he gets, because this has to do with honouring one’s parents and treating them kindly. It was narrated that Ibn ‘Umar said: “I never climbed onto the roof of a house in which my father was.”

If a father tells a child to do something good, or to stop doing something that is permissible, he should obey him so long as that will not cause the son any harm.

5 – With regard to how you can tell your mother that you want more freedom, this can be achieved by words and by deeds.

(a) Deeds

After proving to your mother in practical terms that you are no longer the child whom she used to know and that you have become a man who is able to bear responsibility and you behave like a man in front of her, if she sees that repeatedly, she will trust you. Then things will start to get better and you will have a higher status in your mother’s eyes.

(b) Words

By clearly proving, quietly discussing and speaking softly, giving examples of your sound attitude. May Allaah open your mother’s heart so that she will deal with you as a wise, mature, sensible, adult man, so long as you are like that.

We ask Allaah to guide us, you and your parents to the straight path. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Source: http://islam-qa.com/en/ref/5053/
 
Last edited:

But remember it's always better to go to a counsellor, Imam or Scholar before you make a final decision and that is what I'd advise aswell. I hope everything works out sister.

I 100% agree
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar Threads

Back
Top