struggling

aside form what sister Syllia said, having a mediator-counselor etc- helps a lot I believe, to avoid getting emotions in the way another party is sometimes needed.

also for the thread's sake, it would make it easier if you laid out specifics to discuss, I mean I don't think you're asking for general advice, rather something very specific in your relationship with your husband that's not working, so if you laid that out we could offer more concrete advice ..
 
^you took the words right out of my mouth.

Does your husband know how you feel? If he finds out, maybe you can try counciling and or different things that may bring upon better feelings for eacch other? I am sorry that you feel this way....I have never see someone in an arranged marriage so unhappy? Usually the 2 people are matched, upon multiple facets of your lives. Most of my family are in arranged marriages. You do have to learn to love one another, but it's beautiful when you grow in a relationship together. If you don't mind me asking,....are you not attracted to him (do not answer me if you do not want to) I have plenty of experience with poeple like us in arranged marriages(there positives and negatives) Mine was semi arranged(longgggg story, just watch the Hindi movie when it comes out;D) but in all seriousness, it is a shame after 3 years.....nothing??

God be with you sis.
 
another thought, 2.5-3 years is around the time the 'sparkliness' of marriage fades, and the couple are faced with the prospect of having to deal with each other for a very long time ahead, most divorces happen around this time as well I remember reading somewhere, a sort of a middle age-marriage-crisis. if so then you should try your hardest to open the communications channel, outbursts are ok at the beginning, just agree on a format and don't blame, rather listen to each other and don't try to defend/feel attacked right away. that won't be that easy but for both of your sake's it has to happen.

if you're not used to articulating your thoughts well or the idea of confrontation makes you uncomfortable, try writing them down on piece of paper instead, as a letter I mean, that way no drama would happen.

also could it be that you don't usually stand up for yourself most of the time? reading your post I get that feeling though I could be wrong, if so, he'll probably take you for granted and not try his best to be your friend & confidante as well as husband, I mean you're not actually telling him of your needs and woes, then how would he know?

in this situation, when it comes to your needs and feelings don't say anything rash but it is necessary to be assertive, again from the little you've actually said it doesn't sound like he's even trying his best and all the burden of adjusting is on you? being meek is not your duty as a wife nor a religious obligation, these are your basic human rights. perhaps you need to stop talking about him deserving better and think about yourself as well? now again I could be wrong, so feel fee to correct me.

more importantly be proactive and do something, sitting on your hands is the worse thing to do. I'm not trying to be mean, and I apologize if this is how I come across, but the situation seems to be quite bad, and you do need to take matters into your hands. now thinking only about one's needs is not good for a healthy relationship, but that goes both ways.
 
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cos of all the emotion involved i just tend to stay schtum cos i cant deal with it.. either i rant or rave, cry etc.. which i no dont get anywhere , i jus stay quiet..
 
alcurad said:
another thought, 2.5-3 years is around the time the 'sparkliness' of marriage fades, and the couple are faced with the prospect of having to deal with each other for a very long time ahead, most divorces happen around this time as well I remember reading somewhere, a sort of a middle age-marriage-crisis.
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i wouldn't agree with that brother. the reason why marriages fail depends on the person whom your married to. if we look at what the prophet (saw) said about finding a spouse.. we are told to look for compatibility.. if we havent got this theres a high chance marriages fail because both people are so different from each other. you see this is why i don't agree with arranged marriages..

you cannot get to know the person whom your going to marry and the parents arrange everything. they put an awful lot of pressure on there child to marry who they want just because he might be wealthy or what ever or come from a highly respected family. i have been told how difficult arranged marriages are and it becomes some what of a sex relation more then anything.. sometimes the person don't fall in love such in the sisters case.. and just like italian guy says i think its a lot to do with attraction also. attraction plays a big part.
 
AnonymousGender said:
cos of all the emotion involved i just tend to stay schtum cos i cant deal with it.. either i rant or rave, cry etc.. which i no dont get anywhere , i jus stay quiet..
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ukhtee...if you want to be happy you should do something about it...not just let it be. You're the only one who can make yourself happy :)
 

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