The Marriage Thread

[Beardo]

The parents want their daughters to complete their degrees because they see it as a lifeline for her if the marriage should not work out. Meaning that, if they divorce then the girl has her education to fall back on to support herself. And I think it's a very valid concern that has truth to it seeing how high of a divorce rate our communities have. At the same time though, I think it's not smart for them to wait around until past their mid-twenties for the sake of education. That actually turns off guys because they feel that the girl is too educated for them whilst they only have a bachelors and have worked to save up money to get married etc. I think it requires a balance.

That's a reasonable concern in this day and age. The guy/girl ratio holds such a large gap, and a growing one too, that you can't blame'm. It's good for us guys though, innit? :X

You know, even divorce has become such a dirty joke now in our community. Like the other day my friend was joking with me (he's a guy btw...) "I friendship divorce you!" It's just how society shapes itself. Compare America in the 1900s and America now in the 2000s. Such big difference just in marriage.


Marrying young was actually common in the early 1900s. Read the book "Marriage and Family in the Middle Ages". I'm still reading it. Just for fun, not for school. ;D I read it mainly to refute the people who accuse the Prophet for marrying Ayesha Radiallahu Anha.

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Lol mashaAllah, we think alike! I do that with my mom. Like really I'm so serious about it but I'll throw it at her in a funny sarcastic way...then the convo gets serious then funny again. Helps lighten the umm situation :exhausted But you also get your point across.

Yeah. But sometimes I think, where do I draw the line..I don't want them to take everything I'm saying in jest!

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

yeah but thats the problem isen it sis. women are looking for men to marry but theres very few because they don't want to get married in there early twenties.

Yea I knowwww, that's true too.

inshaAllah I'll be done...but if I had it my way, I'd be married by now :/

 

[cat eyes]

19/20? Won't your kids just love you. But that's young though. You have to build a strong connection with your spouse and set your life goals straight. The best would be if both the husband and the wife could go to school together at a unison pace, and all. But maybe that's just wishful talk.


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But the thing about marrying young... Yours and your spouses ideas sort of become one, innit?

you could get married at that age then start a family at around 22year or 23years old.. islam dose not put an age on getting married or starting a family because as anybody will tell you who has kids its better to have them young then old you can grow with them but you can hardly start a family when your old like i mean some people do have kids when there old but every body wants to enjoy with there kids and not have any health problems you know what i mean. my mum had 5kids she gave birth to me when she was 28years old but she looked extremely young for her age too.

 

[Beardo]

I wish it were that simple for us to get done with education and get a job! Or to meet a family and have a family that would help us support ourselves until we get a job and can support the family. It's too rare.



I meant 22, the regular age that people get done with their bachelors. I know some brothers who are continuing their life goals after getting married because Allaah blessed them with great wives who support them, help them and take part in their life goals as well. If you find the right girl, then life goals don't need to stop. They'll be slowed down a bit, but it won't be the end of them!

Bachelors isn;t enough in this economy. Masters also needs to be done. Is it wishful thinking to say you adn your wife can do the masters degree together? :X Either online or on campus...

Then there's hopes to go overseas to study Islam and all. What're the chances of finding a willing personality like that? That's why it also could be a good thing to delay your marriage. But that applies to guys... Girls need to get married young. IF they wait too long, it might be too late and it'll be hard to find the perfect match. You don't want anyone to be shortchanged.

yeah but thats the problem isen it sis. women are looking for men to marry but theres very few because they don't want to get married in there early twenties.

I think society these days accept young marriages. I'd say a decade ago, marrying in the early 20s was disgraceful, but people are starting to accept the fact that it's a necessity. So many people in my community, both Muslims and non-Muslims, have gotten married really young. One of my non-Muslims friends got married at 22. He still hasn't got his bachelors yet, but his and and him are studying in different parts of the country. They still somehow find a way to meet up and keep in touch. The commitment, especially for a non-Muslim, I found admirable.

Yea I knowwww, that's true too.

inshaAllah I'll be done...but if I had it my way, I'd be married by now :/

As I said above, the sisters shouldn't wait too long. Once you cross the 25 line, the chances of you finding the perfect match goes down dramatically and you may have to end up shortchanging yourself. Not being pessimistic.

 

[Beardo]

you could get married at that age then start a family at around 22year or 23years old.. islam dose not put an age on getting married or starting a family because as anybody will tell you who has kids its better to have them young then old you can grow with them but you can hardly start a family when your old like i mean some people do have kids when there old but every body wants to enjoy with there kids and not have any health problems you know what i mean. my mum had 5kids she gave birth to me when she was 28years old but she looked extremely young for her age too.

When you marry at 22/23, then have kids, it drags you down a lot. You really cannot study and have kids/be married all at the same time. You want to acquire knowledge and expand your horizons, you know? You don't want marriage to pull you or your aspirations down. Marriage should only increase your aspirations. Two is better than one, right? :X

That's how we look at it in America anyway... Double everything. :X Especially our food servings.

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Yeah. But sometimes I think, where do I draw the line..I don't want them to take everything I'm saying in jest!

Yea but the thing with my mom is, she knows I'm not messing about lol...she knows I mean it...:skeleton:

 

[Beardo]

Yea but the thing with my mom is, she knows I'm not messing about lol...she knows I mean it...:skeleton:

That's good! They have to get the message. Once you know they got the message, they probably won't express it, but the thought remains in the back of their head and they keep their eyes peeled for the special guy.

...Or so I think. You can ask the Marriage Guru Muraad to confirm. :X

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

As I said above, the sisters shouldn't wait too long. Once you cross the 25 line, the chances of you finding the perfect match goes down dramatically and you may have to end up shortchanging yourself. Not being pessimistic.

I'm gunna be there in few yrs :skeleton:

Btw this thread is really flourishing and it's the same people lol...:hiding:

As for not waiting too long, heck I'm ready...someone tell my parents that.

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

That's good! They have to get the message. Once you know they got the message, they probably won't express it, but the thought remains in the back of their head and they keep their eyes peeled for the special guy.

...Or so I think. You can ask the Marriage Guru Muraad to confirm. :X

Marriage Guru ;D

But yea it does stick around in her mind. My mom told me yesterday that at times she talks to my dad about me and like he has no answer :s And it might be cause he doesn't know where to begin. Mind you, they don't know practicing brothers or anything....so it's a fail on me...I feel like I have to look myself and let them know.

 

[Beardo]

I'm gunna be there in few yrs :skeleton:

Btw this thread is really flourishing and it's the same people lol...:hiding:

As for not waiting too long, heck I'm ready...someone tell my parents that.

Haha. You know, you should contact someone special. Someone influential in your community that could maybe talk to your parents (if it boils down to that).

Yeah, haha. Alhamdulillah. To be honest, I'm addicted to this thread now... D:

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Bachelors isn;t enough in this economy. Masters also needs to be done. Is it wishful thinking to say you adn your wife can do the masters degree together? :X Either online or on campus...

Of course not! I know many brothers who married after bachelor's and are doing Masters now with their wives. It's very possible.

Yea but the thing with my mom is, she knows I'm not messing about lol...she knows I mean it...:skeleton:

Same here, and then she get's a bit not soo glad..but hey I can't do anything about that. I got to let them know what I need. :skeleton:

That's good! They have to get the message. Once you know they got the message, they probably won't express it, but the thought remains in the back of their head and they keep their eyes peeled for the special guy.

...Or so I think. You can ask the Marriage Guru Muraad to confirm. :X

Confirmed. :shade: (I hope)

 

[Beardo]

Marriage Guru ;D

But yea it does stick around in her mind. My mom told me yesterday that at times she talks to my dad about me and like he has no answer :s And it might be cause he doesn't know where to begin. Mind you, they don't know practicing brothers or anything....so it's a fail on me...I feel like I have to look myself and let them know.

One of my friends has a sister whose of marriagable age, and he tells me his parents don't want to get her married because she's the daughter of the house and they're overprotective about it.

Allahu alam. But it has to happen sometime or another, might as well do it now.

Then again, I'm no father nor husband. Neither is bro Muraad lol. We're self-proclaimed Gurus.

You know, Guru in my language actually means cow...

 

[Beardo]

Of course not! I know many brothers who married after bachelor's and are doing Masters now with their wives. It's very possible.



Same here, and then she get's a bit not soo glad..but hey I can't do anything about that. I got to let them know what I need. :skeleton:



Confirmed. :shade: (I hope)

They're rare cases, bro. I also know many brothers who were studying and thereafter marriage could no longer continue. It's a fine line and a risk. Though, I was talking to a scholar last night who said marriage differs by person and maturity. If you think you got the right balance, assessing without any bias-ness, then go for it. Marrying young is good, he says.

lol, it's vital to be clear and precise before marrying a person in regards to your life goals. Don't try to hide anything and reveal it later on, only to freak her out. "Oh, by the way... I forgot to tell you this before marriage but I want to have 15 kids, I'll be away for a few months ever so often, so you'll have to take care of the kids alone." No, not gonna work like that lol.

So when you getting married? You seem to be very eager. Got anyone in mind? :X

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Marriage Guru ;D

But yea it does stick around in her mind. My mom told me yesterday that at times she talks to my dad about me and like he has no answer :s And it might be cause he doesn't know where to begin. Mind you, they don't know practicing brothers or anything....so it's a fail on me...I feel like I have to look myself and let them know.

1) Dad's are different. Especially for daughters, they are more protective. So you need to work on convincing him somehow.

2) That's where you come in. Get involved in Islamic work on campus or the masjid (you won't believe how many people get married to someone they meet on campus) and make friends who can then put the word out that you're looking. I know a lot of people that got married through AlMaghrib so you can look into that as well.

 

[Beardo]

Here's a question I Want an answer from all those who have or will post on this thread...:

What if your potential spouse reads this thread and your posts? :X

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

One of my friends has a sister whose of marriagable age, and he tells me his parents don't want to get her married because she's the daughter of the house and they're overprotective about it.

Allahu alam. But it has to happen sometime or another, might as well do it now.

Then again, I'm no father nor husband. Neither is bro Muraad lol. We're self-proclaimed Gurus.

You know, Guru in my language actually means cow...

Exactly what I was thinking. I don't know of my fathers thoughts on any of this...but I know my mom wants it to happen soooooner than later.

lol @ cow...that's jokes.

I feel addicted too and thats awful....:nervous:

 

[Beardo]

1) Dad's are different. Especially for daughters, they are more protective. So you need to work on convincing him somehow.

2) That's where you come in. Get involved in Islamic work on campus or the masjid (you won't believe how many people get married to someone they meet on campus) and make friends who can then put the word out that you're looking. I know a lot of people that got married through AlMaghrib so you can look into that as well.

1. Exactly what I mentioned! Great minds think alike.

2. Make it clear that you mean socialize with the same gender. Then slowly get the word out. You don't want to make a big community announcement, and put a flier on the Masjid bulletin board, like those room for rent signs: Single Woman Looking for Hot Man

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Here's a question I Want an answer from all those who have or will post on this thread...:

What if your potential spouse reads this thread and your posts? :X

Lol what? That's if he knows who I am...maybe in the near future if I find out he's on here....

That would make it a joke no? Nothing bad going on here :statisfie

 

[Beardo]

Exactly what I was thinking. I don't know of my fathers thoughts on any of this...but I know my mom wants it to happen soooooner than later.

lol @ cow...that's jokes.

I feel addicted too and thats awful....:nervous:

I don't have a sister, so I can't say much.

I always have wanted a younger sister though. They do good chores, Masha'Allah. :X