Getting married to someone less religious

[AnonymousPoster]

Im asking some advice for a friend who is marrying a man that she was arranged with years ago. His family is muslim and one of his sisters is covered so they are not completely in the dark but he isnt very pious as in he doesnt pray 5 times a day. However, her marriage to him is inevitable (two weeks away). What can she do to make it better? Is there ways for her to encourage him to be more religious without seeming bossy or rude?
Please any advice would be welcomed but please no advice on her leaving him because for sure there is no chance of her being able to break it off for many reasons I wont name.
Also, she would like to know if her husband not being pious enough is going to hurt her in the eyes of God even if she herself is pious.

 

[heavenlyspot]

She has the right to refuse the marriage if she intends to marry a religious man... brothers can as well if they are in the same situation. She has the right to think of her future....

I only say this because it's more difficult to become religious if one does not have practice/experience with being religious. Of course there are converts and reverts.... But this happens only when the individual really wants to become a better person. What if her fiance does not want to change?

May Allah help her situation... InshAllah

 

[AnonymousPoster]

thanks but she cant get out of it, 100% for sure she cannot, the outcome could very well be loss of life

please just advice on ways in which she can encourage him to be more pious

 

[transition?]

Is he good-natured?
Do you think he has some interest in Islam then surely his wife can influence him to be better, since she has such an interest in Islam.

I have seen many marriages where the wife and husband work together after marriage and both of them come out stronger in faith :].
Let me see if I can find specific ahadith on how treat/encourage a spouse:

 

[heavenlyspot]

100% for sure she cannot, the outcome could very well be loss of life

Salaam Alaikum sister/brother

Forgive me for sounding so straightforward sister/brother, but are you saying that she will be killed if she doesn't marry this person?

 

[heavenlyspot]

I guess in this case may Allah help them both. *I'm just realizing that this situation can definitely occur in countries where tradition overtakes the importance of true religion. May Allah guide her fiance....

I became religious by watching many lectures, some scholars are very talented MashAllah in speaking the true word of Allah. Perhaps this will help her fiance?

 

[Sampharo]

thanks but she cant get out of it, 100% for sure she cannot, the outcome could very well be loss of life

What is this loss of life stuff?

No need to exaggerate brother/sister just to get an angle. Are you saying your friend is held at gunpoint or knifepoint and told to say yes or die? Has she been theratened by her own kin that if she refuses the marriage they will kill her?

In the middle of such a situation don't you think it is deliriously irrelevent to talk about how to improve a person's piousness, when the woman is according to you held hostage and threatened with death.

1- Islamically speaking the marriage is void if she doesn't willingly accept it.

2- Islamically speaking the marriage is void if one is not praying obligatory prayers since he is not a muslim and is not a valid husband (the salaf regarded no neglect any obligation to be kufr and apostasy except for the five prayers. The prophet s.a.a.w. said: "The difference between a believer and a kafir is the salat." Read the ruling on marriage when one of the couple is not praying: http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/10077 )


3- Islamically speaking, forcing a woman into a marriage and threatening her life is a barbaric act that is obviously impermissible and requires intervention, either from family members or community leaders.

So I implore you to either be impartial and tell us if this "loss of life" thing was just figurative speech of "all craziness will break loose" rather than really loss of life, or to intervene or call someone to intervene before this crime is commited.

 

[heavenlyspot]

What is this loss of life stuff?

No need to exaggerate brother/sister just to get an angle. Are you saying your friend is held at gunpoint or knifepoint and told to say yes or die? Has she been theratened by her own kin that if she refuses the marriage they will kill her?

In the middle of such a situation don't you think it is deliriously irrelevent to talk about how to improve a person's piousness, when the woman is according to you held hostage and threatened with death.

1- Islamically speaking the marriage is void if she doesn't willingly accept it.

2- Islamically speaking the marriage is void if one is not praying obligatory prayers since he is not a muslim and is not a valid husband (the salaf regarded no neglect any obligation to be kufr and apostasy except for the five prayers. The prophet s.a.a.w. said: "The difference between a believer and a kafir is the salat." Read the ruling on marriage when one of the couple is not praying: http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/10077 )


3- Islamically speaking, forcing a woman into a marriage and threatening her life is a barbaric act that is obviously impermissible and requires intervention, either from family members or community leaders.

So I implore you to either be impartial and tell us if this "loss of life" thing was just figurative speech of "all craziness will break loose" rather than really loss of life, or to intervene or call someone to intervene before this crime is commited.

Very true indeed, I just didn't know how to say it without sounding insensitive! I wish the Anonymous user would have been more specific with the question!

 

[AnonymousPoster]

like i said i only want advice on how she can influence her husband to be more pious. you dont need to know personal details about their lives. she isnt being held at gunpoint, she agreed to the marriage herself but now she has become more religious. cultural issues prevent her from ending it because of what could very well happen. thats all i say on that issue!

now please, ONLY ADVICE ON HOW to guide him to be more pious. he is already muslims and admires the religion...i must say i feel this wasnt the right place to come ask people ask too many questions and ont give answers

 

[AlbanianMuslim]

I wish the Anonymous user would have been more specific with the question!

it seems she is already pretty specific.

 

[Abdul Qadir]

Im asking some advice for a friend who is marrying a man that she was arranged with years ago. His family is muslim and one of his sisters is covered so they are not completely in the dark but he isnt very pious as in he doesnt pray 5 times a day. However, her marriage to him is inevitable (two weeks away). What can she do to make it better? Is there ways for her to encourage him to be more religious without seeming bossy or rude?
Please any advice would be welcomed but please no advice on her leaving him because for sure there is no chance of her being able to break it off for many reasons I wont name.
Also, she would like to know if her husband not being pious enough is going to hurt her in the eyes of God even if she herself is pious.

personally, the fact that she seems to even ponder over marrying a scum who doesn't even pray 5 times a day speaks volume of her "piety". So i see no problem in her marrying him..May Allah guide them, and may Allah guide me...

 

[ژاله]

^i dont think you should be too judgemental.
Hidayat is from Allah Ta'ala. and people can change you know. non practising can become very practising and practising can stop. tell your friend not to worry and give dawah to her husband. may be she can read to him some good religious books, and set an example herself first, like praying five times a day, fasting etc and keep giving dawah in a cool manner. and most importantly, keep praying to Allah Ta'ala that he makes her successful in this.

 

[Abdul Qadir]

^i dont think you should be too judgemental.
Hidayat is from Allah Ta'ala. and people can change you know. non practising can become very practising and practising can stop. tell your friend not to worry and give dawah to her husband. may be she can read to him some good religious books, and set an example herself first, like praying five times a day, fasting etc and keep giving dawah in a cool manner. and most importantly, keep praying to Allah Ta'ala that he makes her successful in this.

if ur a pious person u look for someone pious..end of story...nothing to judge there isn't it?

 

[Abdul Qadir]

Very true indeed, I just didn't know how to say it without sounding insensitive! I wish the Anonymous user would have been more specific with the question!

i think she is specific enough...btw sister, ur nick is very suggestive and vulgur...please ask an ops to change it...

 

[ژاله]

if ur a pious person u look for someone pious..end of story...nothing to judge there isn't it?

it might not be as simple a matter as you seem to think..culture might have a very strong influence and there might be a thousand constraints and a lot of things specific to the situation that we dont know of. and only Allah Ta'aala knows how much piety a person has. it might be possible that her husband never got the appropriate dawah..and he just doesnt know the importance of salah, a lot of things.
plus, as the sister said, her friends marriage is inevitable. so i think its better if we try to help her by finding feasible solutions, which i am sure exist, as opposed to rigid opinions and judgements which are of no help.
anyway, i dont want to start an off-topic debate here. so my last on this. sorry if i sounded rude.

 

[cat eyes]

i don't want to sound judgmental here or anything.. Allah can give guidance to anybody however it is extremely tiring for a woman to be constantly given dawah to her husband all the time and what about when she has kids with him do you think she would even have time to take care of her husbands islamic obligations also? you might has well face the truth that this is the main cause why marriages end in divorce in the first place.

what is the matter with people putting there deen first? every muslim man or muslim woman want to feel that religious serenity in a marriage. you know you can give has much dawah but people don't want to be giving dawah to somebody all of there lives if they could not care less about helping themselves then how can Allah help them? thats why woman and man choose muslims who are already on the same practicing level as them because they want a happy life worshiping Allah swt together

You know the reason why people revert to islam or muslims getting closer to there deen is because they are tired of kufir life and they want to play no part in it. it angers them and makes them sick.. you can not bliame anybody here for the advice members are given because what everybody is saying is 100percent correct.. if this woman dose not want to marry this man then speak out against this cultural evil thats poisoning our ummah and don't sit back and watch your brother or sister getting oppressed and not given her full islamic rights
:wa:

 

[KittenLover]

i don't want to sound judgmental here or anything.. Allah can give guidance to anybody however it is extremely tiring for a woman to be constantly given dawah to her husband all the time and what about when she has kids with him do you think she would even have time to take care of her husbands islamic obligations also? you might has well face the truth that this is the main cause why marriages end in divorce in the first place.

what is the matter with people putting there deen first? every muslim man or muslim woman want to feel that religious serenity in a marriage. you know you can give has much dawah but people don't want to be giving dawah to somebody all of there lives if they could not care less about helping themselves then how can Allah help them? thats why woman and man choose muslims who are already on the same practicing level as them because they want a happy life worshiping Allah swt together

You know the reason why people revert to islam or muslims getting closer to there deen is because they are tired of kufir life and they want to play no part in it. it angers them and makes them sick.. you can not bliame anybody here for the advice members are given because what everybody is saying is 100percent correct.. if this woman dose not want to marry this man then speak out against this cultural evil thats poisoning our ummah and don't sit back and watch your brother or sister getting oppressed and not given her full islamic rights
:wa:

So true, being a "praticing Muslim" isn't a choice, every Muslim should be praticing, if a Muslim isn't praticing his religion does that even make him a Muslim? I don't know, but I can't understand how someone can be classed as a Muslim when he doesn't even fulfill the basic obligations.

I don't believe in such a thing as a "non praticing Muslim" to me they are people who just have Muslim names and say on their tongues that which isn't in their heart.

either your a Muslim and you act like 1 by praticing the religion or your not a Muslim it's simple as that for me. I see people doing all kinds of major sins like abandoning salah drinking alcohol and boasting about it then they call themselves muslims and they've never prayed a salah in their life or abstained from haraam.

we have to many "by name" muslims.

but then you have those who are trying to be better Muslim's and are struggling and striving and not quite there, they just need a little direction and help to get there.

 

[transition?]

like i said i only want advice on how she can influence her husband to be more pious. you dont need to know personal details about their lives. she isnt being held at gunpoint, she agreed to the marriage herself but now she has become more religious. cultural issues prevent her from ending it because of what could very well happen. thats all i say on that issue!

now please, ONLY ADVICE ON HOW to guide him to be more pious. he is already muslims and admires the religion...i must say i feel this wasnt the right place to come ask people ask too many questions and ont give answers

Your brothers and sisters are only asking for details because you mentioned "she had no choice." They only want to emphasis a woman's rights because they are concerned with the sister you are talking about. :embarrass Don't be harsh with us as to take our advice the wrong way. We have good intentions.
We were worried and we say this out of concern for our fellow sister in Islam because Allah (swt) Guides humans, so if the husband was such a person that despised Islam or did not take any heed, then there the bigger possibility she could not influence him at all.

The best way to approach dawah is on a personal basis. It differs with every person. His wife will know him best. She should talk about Islam, and its greatness. And slowly approach him in an encouraging if he'd like to start doing acts. His wife can invite him to pray with her. They can do it together.:statisfie Slowly but surely she can invite him and they can support each other by making sure they complete their fard acts.
Be she should also be aware of the pace of which her husband accepts Islam is solely up to his own will. Be easy sometimes, if he is struggling and always encourage and invite him. The best way might be inviting him to join her in doing righteous deeds. One day, ask him to fast with her on a Sunnah day. Help him wake up for fajr. Always always mention the benefits of doing such deeds . Give him books to read. Find him good company that could influence him well.

 

[transition?]

i don't want to sound judgmental here or anything.. Allah can give guidance to anybody however it is extremely tiring for a woman to be constantly given dawah to her husband all the time and what about when she has kids with him do you think she would even have time to take care of her husbands islamic obligations also? you might has well face the truth that this is the main cause why marriages end in divorce in the first place.

what is the matter with people putting there deen first? every muslim man or muslim woman want to feel that religious serenity in a marriage. you know you can give has much dawah but people don't want to be giving dawah to somebody all of there lives if they could not care less about helping themselves then how can Allah help them? thats why woman and man choose muslims who are already on the same practicing level as them because they want a happy life worshiping Allah swt together

You know the reason why people revert to islam or muslims getting closer to there deen is because they are tired of kufir life and they want to play no part in it. it angers them and makes them sick.. you can not bliame anybody here for the advice members are given because what everybody is saying is 100percent correct.. if this woman dose not want to marry this man then speak out against this cultural evil thats poisoning our ummah and don't sit back and watch your brother or sister getting oppressed and not given her full islamic rights
:wa:

I disagree. She does not have to be constantly giving him dawah. That is impossible for anyone. If she is already doing the fardh acts, then why does she not invite him to do the same things she does? she could also give him books to read. Find him good company that could influence him well, too.

 

[Asiyah3]

What can she do to make it better? Is there ways for her to encourage him to be more religious without seeming bossy or rude?

Tell your husband about the importance of prayer.
Please read this: http://islam-qa.com/en/ref/12305/

Always encourage and remind him of the times of the prayers and pray by his side. At least during the beginning of the marriage, later he'll get used to it and so it becomes a habit inshaAllah.

Teach him "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the
prophet) in the morning and evening. For example:

- when he goes to bed : “Allaahumma bismika ahyaa wa amoot (O Allaah, in Your name I live and die).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7394),
- When the Prophet SAAS woke up from sleep he would say: “Al-hamdu Lillaah alladhi ahyaana ba’d ma amaatana wa ilayhi al-nushoor (Praise be to Allaah Who has brought us back to life after causing us to die, and unto Him is the resurrection).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6312).
-saying 100 times a day" SubhaaAllaahi wa bihamdihi"

Also I highly recommend lectures.
Pray to Allah to guide him to the straight path.

Also, she would like to know if her husband not being pious enough is going to hurt her in the eyes of God even if she herself is pious.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “No person earns any (sin) except against himself (only), and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another” [al-An’aam 6:164].

May Allah guide him to the Straight path. Ameen.