The Marriage Thread

[Cabdullahi]

Jep know about that as well. You should work hard at school! How big is the family?
Was gonna comment on the "bushgirl" thing yes, though she isnt her its disrespectfull. Guess this time you were first, no arguement this time;D
Anyway you should also beware of the fact that some familys abroad intentionally want their daughters and sons to marry someone abroad so they will have income. This means they can act all nice and stuff and when you guys are married they show their true face. Just think this trough carefully.
Inshallah she will be a very good wife to you though. I sincerily hope, for your sake, shes a joker. ;D

shukran....she's a few years younger but she thinks like a woman in her thirties...she's like a diamond in the rough who's just in need of few refinements

 

[G3A3]

The primary (essential components) & Sunnah of an Islamic wedding are two, namely:

1) Nikah: This is where marraige is conducted between a man and a woman and the Sunnah/Obligatory components are these:

a) Wali: The Sister should be represented by a Parent/Guardian who understands her wishes and can accurately and righfully represent her

b) Two Male Witnesses: The Nikah needs to conducted in front of two Male witnesses, can be 1 male and 2 female (in the Madhab of Imam Abu Haneefa (RA)) but 2 men preferred

c) Mah'r: This is amount which is the right of the girl and boy offers it to her as a Token of his love and appreciation. This is agreed between future (Insha'Allah) husband and wife according to the financial situation of the husband and family/status of the wife

d) Khutbah: A short sermon after the ceremony of Nikah in which the duties and responsibilities of both husband and wife and highlighted

2) Walima: This is the wedding feast by the husband to announce and inform the community that a family has been added This is Sunnah and not a requirement and has no bearing on Nikah

Anything apart from that can be adopted as long as it:

a) Does not break any Islamic injunctions

b) Does not resemble or is borrowed from unIslamic customs and traditions

The prime example of something which is borrowed from Hindus in Indian/Pakistan culture is Mehndi (Henna Party). Application of Henna (Mehndi) is Sunnah and a woman is encouraged to beautify herself but the addition of this custom is purely unIslamic and the activties which are carried out are also unIslamic.

Amongst the Arabs & Pushtun the exhorbient amounts of Mah'r requested by Sisters is excessive thus causing many to not get married.

A young Brother or Sister should look into following the Sunnah and resist the temptation to give into cultural practises (which are foreign to Islam or contradictory to Islam) because Allah (SWT) clearly says:




[3:31] Say (O Prophet): If you really love Allah, then follow me, and Allah shall love you and forgive you your sins. Allah is Most-Forgiving, Very-Merciful.

[3:32] Say: Obey Allah and the Messenger. Then, should they turn back, Allah does not love the disbelievers.

If you want your life and your marraige to be blessed then follow the Sunnah.

 

[SweetCherryPie]

The prime example of something which is borrowed from Hindus in Indian/Pakistan culture is Mehndi (Henna Party). Application of Henna (Mehndi) is Sunnah and a woman is encouraged to beautify herself but the addition of this custom is purely unIslamic and the activties which are carried out are also unIslamic.

This is practiced here in my country, not by all Muslims though :hmm:

 

[G3A3]

This is practiced here in my country, not by all Muslims though :hmm:

Sister,

A way to distinguish Sunnah is that it is always universal i.e. a Muslim from Afghanistan to Mauritania to New York will practise the same thing without ever meeting or knowing each other because it has been transmitted to them with a chain of Scholars going back to Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam).

A cultural or Bid'ah practise will differ from place to place i.e. an Afghani Muslim or a Mauritanian Muslim or a New Yorker will have their own practises.

Not all cultural practises are Bidah or condemned so each needs to be looked at individually. The practise of Mehndi & Maaiyoon in Asian cuture is certainly borrowed from Hindus, moreoever the intermingling of sexes, Music, mixed-dancing, fireworks, throwing colours and Mehndi on members of opposite sexes are very serious violations of Islamic Shariah.

Not all Mehndi parties have all of these components and they differ from place to place and people to people and that should straight away tell a person that its either Culture or Bidah

VERSUS

Sunnah of Nikah and Walima are fairly well understood by all Muslims all over the world.

Whoever sticks to Sunnah brings blessings in their life, gets close to Allah (SWT) and prospers in this world and the next.

 

[★ηαѕιнα★]

The primary (essential components) & Sunnah of an Islamic wedding are two, namely:

1) Nikah: This is where marraige is conducted between a man and a woman and the Sunnah/Obligatory components are these:

a) Wali: The Sister should be represented by a Parent/Guardian who understands her wishes and can accurately and righfully represent her

b) Two Male Witnesses: The Nikah needs to conducted in front of two Male witnesses, can be 1 male and 2 female (in the Madhab of Imam Abu Haneefa (RA)) but 2 men preferred

c) Mah'r: This is amount which is the right of the girl and boy offers it to her as a Token of his love and appreciation. This is agreed between future (Insha'Allah) husband and wife according to the financial situation of the husband and family/status of the wife

d) Khutbah: A short sermon after the ceremony of Nikah in which the duties and responsibilities of both husband and wife and highlighted

2) Walima: This is the wedding feast by the husband to announce and inform the community that a family has been added This is Sunnah and not a requirement and has no bearing on Nikah

Anything apart from that can be adopted as long as it:

a) Does not break any Islamic injunctions

b) Does not resemble or is borrowed from unIslamic customs and traditions

The prime example of something which is borrowed from Hindus in Indian/Pakistan culture is Mehndi (Henna Party). Application of Henna (Mehndi) is Sunnah and a woman is encouraged to beautify herself but the addition of this custom is purely unIslamic and the activties which are carried out are also unIslamic.

Amongst the Arabs & Pushtun the exhorbient amounts of Mah'r requested by Sisters is excessive thus causing many to not get married.

A young Brother or Sister should look into following the Sunnah and resist the temptation to give into cultural practises (which are foreign to Islam or contradictory to Islam) because Allah (SWT) clearly says:




[3:31] Say (O Prophet): If you really love Allah, then follow me, and Allah shall love you and forgive you your sins. Allah is Most-Forgiving, Very-Merciful.

[3:32] Say: Obey Allah and the Messenger. Then, should they turn back, Allah does not love the disbelievers.

If you want your life and your marraige to be blessed then follow the Sunnah.

Wow didnt know this was a whole procedure..How many time can you have in between those stages?

 

[*KB*]

Re: expensive weddings

Well...my wedding was huge. But keep in mind It was an Italian and Indian wedding. I had 170 family members and friends (Italian side) my wife had 440 family memebers and friends (Indian side) the wedding lasted 3 days. We had guests come in from Italy and India.....we couldn't just do a 6 hour wedding.

The wedding party had 26 people. 13 brides mades and 13 groomesmen. We had 4 flower girls and 2 ring bearers, 10 ushers.

The actuall wedding took two hours (ceremony) We had an organist, two violinists and some one playing a harp....I know ,the harp was a little weird, i thought it was weird too.:hmm:

The Mehndi, wich took place the night before took 6 hours, the reception....2.5 days....:exhausted My wife changed into 14 diffrerent saris and i changed into 5 different Sherwani's.

We had 7 diferent entertainers, and my wife and I put on a boolywood type show for her family;D

Mehndi=$ 5,880.00

Ceremony= $ 10,290.00

Reception (Includes all clothing, her sari's ect.ect everythng)= $29,112.20

Rings= $ 28,000.00 (in a security box at bank) She wears a smal one for day to day stuff.

Total= $ 73,282.20 ( good thing her dad is a doctor;D)

Being married to the most beautiful and awesome woman in the world.= PRICELESS


Honey moon= Havent taken one yet! We are supposed to go to India for 3 weeks, then Italy for 3 weeks.....When, we don't know?imsad

and Peace :statisfie

Your wedding seems VERY busy, EXPENSIVE but :awesome: ! ;D I would have loved to attend :coolious:

Personally, I think i would spend a good, wholesome amount: not too much and not too little .... but it would never happen imsad My immediate and extended family would NOT allow it Ah well A wedding day only happens once in a while :wub:

Peace

 

[S<Chowdhury]

shukran....she's a few years younger but she thinks like a women in her thirties...she's like a diamond in the rough who's just in need of few refinements

They usually are Bro :statisfie........... though Bro its never a gurantee she'll come to love the city or western culture in your case, my Pocahontas doesn't like the city though she's still home sick for her Hick town (canda) lol :hmm:

 

[S<Chowdhury]

How to overcome the fear and embarrassment of declination when looking for a spouse.. any tips shukran

..sisters just sit behind closed door in their rooms and peek out of the door opening with one eye when a male potential comes to the house and if she doesn't like him she then sends a signal by a way of bulging out the one eye and raising the eyebrow ''i dont want that dude!....''

so how does one handle that sort of situation better?

LOL Maybe just take rejection like a Man...........be courteous thank them for there hospitality and leave in a dignified manner.

* Also keep you head up don't be disheartened plenty more fish in the sea !!!!

 

[★ηαѕιнα★]

LOL Maybe just take rejection like a Man...........be courteous thank them for there hospitality and leave in a dignified manner.

;D You forgot about the keeping your head up part!

 

[Cabdullahi]

They usually are Bro :statisfie........... though Bro its never a gurantee she'll come to love the city or western culture in your case, my Pocahontas doesn't like the city though she's still home sick for her Hick town (canda) lol :hmm:

caucasian bush girl? mashaAllah...there are too much complications in bringing them here....im going again in the summer to have another look inshaAllah

 

[S<Chowdhury]

caucasian bush girl? mashaAllah...there are too much complications in bringing them here....im going again in the summer to have another look inshaAllah

Mixed race Bro :statisfie only half bushgirl though in my mothers eyes just caucasian for some reason all the same to her apparently :hmm: ............inshallah it'll work out for you Bro.........yeah i don't mind moving either.......

wouldn't mind living somewhere near there ^^^^^^ :statisfie if only .......all about compromise well not everything

 

[S<Chowdhury]

"Embarking on a marriage is really very similar to beginning the construction of a building. The building may be extremely magnificent and grand, but the most important thing about it is the foundation upon which it is built. If those foundations are not secure, the building will not survive when the storms and shocks of stress hit it, as they inevitably will sooner or later."

What would you say are the key foundation to a marriage? Just want a general opinion most people usually say Love, Trust and Communication and as AlbanianMuslim Sister pointed out also Compromise. So my question is what you deem to be the essential factors to creating a stable and happy marriage?

 

[S<Chowdhury]

Re: expensive weddings

Well...my wedding was huge. But keep in mind It was an Italian and Indian wedding. I had 170 family members and friends (Italian side) my wife had 440 family memebers and friends (Indian side) the wedding lasted 3 days. We had guests come in from Italy and India.....we couldn't just do a 6 hour wedding.

The wedding party had 26 people. 13 brides mades and 13 groomesmen. We had 4 flower girls and 2 ring bearers, 10 ushers.

The actuall wedding took two hours (ceremony) We had an organist, two violinists and some one playing a harp....I know ,the harp was a little weird, i thought it was weird too.:hmm:

The Mehndi, wich took place the night before took 6 hours, the reception....2.5 days....:exhausted My wife changed into 14 diffrerent saris and i changed into 5 different Sherwani's.

We had 7 diferent entertainers, and my wife and I put on a boolywood type show for her family;D

Mehndi=$ 5,880.00

Ceremony= $ 10,290.00

Reception (Includes all clothing, her sari's ect.ect everythng)= $29,112.20

Rings= $ 28,000.00 (in a security box at bank) She wears a smal one for day to day stuff.

Total= $ 73,282.20 ( good thing her dad is a doctor;D)

Being married to the most beautiful and awesome woman in the world.= PRICELESS


Honey moon= Havent taken one yet! We are supposed to go to India for 3 weeks, then Italy for 3 weeks.....When, we don't know?imsad

Wow dat is some pricey wedding sounds like a great three days though.........

 

[Italianguy]

Re: expensive weddings

Wow dat is some pricey wedding sounds like a great three days though.........

It was cool! I like wearing the sherwani's:embarrass

Dude, Italians make sherwani's look goooood;D

 

[Ali_008]

I have a question here:
This past Tuesday, I came to know that if the marriage is not consummated before the walima then the celebration/food served in the walima becomes haraam. I really doubt if its true but would really like someone to enlighten me on this. I also thought of the marriage of Rasoolullah :saws: with Aisha (RadhiAllahu Anha), in their marriage, the consummation was after years. So is this really true?

 

[Italianguy]

Re: expensive weddings

and Peace :statisfie

Your wedding seems VERY busy, EXPENSIVE but :awesome: ! ;D I would have loved to attend :coolious:

Personally, I think i would spend a good, wholesome amount: not too much and not too little .... but it would never happen imsad My immediate and extended family would NOT allow it Ah well A wedding day only happens once in a while :wub:

Peace

You would have been welcomed at my wedding ....and yu would have gained 5 poundsmg: Toooo much food+o(

One day...inshaAllah you will have your wedding!

God bless!

 

[★ηαѕιнα★]

"Embarking on a marriage is really very similar to beginning the construction of a building. The building may be extremely magnificent and grand, but the most important thing about it is the foundation upon which it is built. If those foundations are not secure, the building will not survive when the storms and shocks of stress hit it, as they inevitably will sooner or later."

What would you say are the key foundation to a marriage? Just want a general opinion most people usually say Love, Trust and Communication and as AlbanianMuslim Sister pointed out also Compromise. So my question is what you deem to be the essential factors to creating a stable and happy marriage?

Also honesty and taking time for each other I think. And not jumping too conclusions quickly during arguements. Hmm..thats all I can think of atm.
Ooh and being VERY forgiving.

 

[brotherubaid]

Re: expensive weddings

What ! You never attended a wedding . The sheikh costs more than 100 Quid

why do u need such a sheikh for? why do u need a sheuikh any way?

basically the problem is what i call "mullaism" let the mulla do the funeral , let the mulla do the duaa , let the mulla wash the dead , let the mulla even do istekhara for us , let the molvi sahab do it all , why?? well coz we dont know how to do it.

as far as marriage goes , i fu know brothers n sheiks on the sunnah , they do not charge a penny for the nikaah , and well , it is not that hard any way , but the mullas n molvis make it soo hard n difficlut , the whole process we think that there is no way in earth we can do it our selfes or our family members or elders, and mulla benefits.

 

[G3A3]

Re: expensive weddings



I have performed many Nikahs in US & in UK and it didn't cost the Brother or Sister anything because we just used the Masjid and sometimes the Brother/Sister couldn't afford to feed the guests so we just had some volunteers arrange for food etc.

Whatever they had at the time (in food) they gave to the guests. Most of the time someone gives money as gifts for them to arrange for their honeymoon.

The cheaper the Nikah the more Barakah, can someone quote the evidence from the Hadeeth please?

Job done.

P.S: Meh'r is separate matter because thats between husband and the wife.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

What would you say are the key foundation to a marriage? Just want a general opinion most people usually say Love, Trust and Communication and as AlbanianMuslim Sister pointed out also Compromise. So my question is what you deem to be the essential factors to creating a stable and happy marriage?

understanding...patience and most of all respect.i emphasize on respect because this is where everything else important in a marriage will stem from/is founded on , BUT if that isn't founded on anything (i.e respect), then how will you give love, forgiveness, benefit of the doubt, etc to them. without respect, you will easy insult them, disrespect them, be inconsiderate etc.