Confused...

[anonymous]

I'm not sure where to start, but my problem is common issue i guess. I know a muslim girl from my labs and classes . We're still undergraduates. Problem is, I believe I like her and would like to know if i want to marry her, how should I go about doing so. Both of us are from same ethnicity - pakistan . My concern is this, I can wait till my education finishes. But, what if someone else proposes her or something? I haven't told her how I feel or anyone. I just feel confused about the matter right now :S. And no its not been couple of days, or weeks. It's been more than that and she appears to have similar views as I do on almost everything. It bugs me that I don't know how she feels because if i do ask for her hand and find out she did not have see me in that way, well that kinda just sucks. Is there way i can ask her by not revealing how i feel at all? I know I'd send my parents to her house and etc. But i dont know , its just frustating :\.

I'd appreciate advise !

 

[marwen]

I don't know brother, but what about sending some sister to ask her (I mean a honest sister), I don't mean to litteraly ask her, but she gives her some hints or she ask her what does she think about you without mentionning that you want to marry her (just a between-girls talk ) and thus you can have an idea about her feelings without being embarrassed.

 

[anonymous]

I don't know any other girl :S. I have very limited interaction with girls overall lol. If there is any, its because of greeting such as salaam and how are you kinda thing, but even that is very rare! She's the only one I even talk or see most of the time at university :S. I don't have a sister so that just's out of the question. Is there way I can personally find out without embrassing myself? Or some other way??

Jazakallah for your reply!

 

[revert2007]

I'm not sure where to start, but my problem is common issue i guess. I know a muslim girl from my labs and classes . We're still undergraduates. Problem is, I believe I like her and would like to know if i want to marry her, how should I go about doing so. Both of us are from same ethnicity - pakistan . My concern is this, I can wait till my education finishes. But, what if someone else proposes her or something? I haven't told her how I feel or anyone. I just feel confused about the matter right now :S. And no its not been couple of days, or weeks. It's been more than that and she appears to have similar views as I do on almost everything. It bugs me that I don't know how she feels because if i do ask for her hand and find out she did not have see me in that way, well that kinda just sucks. Is there way i can ask her by not revealing how i feel at all? I know I'd send my parents to her house and etc. But i dont know , its just frustating :\.

I'd appreciate advise !

if Allah The Exalted has destined she is for you,then you do not have to worry.2 thinsg you will never ever know,death and life partner.so just make dua and meanwhile do istikhara to knwo is she is the one for you.concentrate in your studies as you still undergraduate.do not ruine your life by thinking about a woman that you never know will be yours.

The population of women on Earth's larger than men.so why would you worry?i know ,at this point you extremely feel that she is the one for you and you really like her and so on.this is just affection and not love.love will never come till you get to know a person for real and willing to accept the person as who she/he is.u will be willing to accept the person's weakness when others cannot tolerate.you will feel more responsible towards that person and you tend to respect that person and so on..then only love comes in.

when your studying,just concentrate on your studies.do not think about women as this syaitan's game..

once you are stable and have a good job,a house and you are capable to have a family,ask again this question and we shall see how you can propose her in halal way.till then,i don't think you should think about women.May Allah protect you from anything evil.

 

[Abdul Wahid]

^^
MashaALLAH good advice.

 

[Cabdullahi]

My brother what you need is some hair gel and roll on deodorant...and once you apply them start walking the lab corridors tapping your feet and clicking your fingers , jokin, but now seriously dont beat around the bush... go to her straight and say 'what do you think of marriage? Would you get married while in University. Say to her... i've seen you for a while now, and i think you are a good sister Masha'Allah'. Tell her, you want to talk to her about marriage.....

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

^But as the brother said , he feels embarassed or what if the sis doesnt agree....
But Good Advice by the Revert2007 MashaAllaah

 

[Abdul Wahid]

My brother what you need is some hair gel and roll on deodorant...and once you apply them start walking the lab corridors tapping your feet and clicking your fingers , jokin, but now seriously dont beat around the bush... go to her straight and say 'what do you think of marriage? Would you get married while in University. Say to her... i've seen you for a while now, and i think you are a good sister Masha'Allah'. Tell her, you want to talk to her about marriage.....

Straight to the point eh? Lol. So how many did you ask?

:wa:

 

[AhmadibnNasroon]

Straight to the point eh? Lol. So how many did you ask?

:wa:

lol


as for the OP, then find a sister to mention to her that you're interested. Does your school have an MSA or ISO? Perhaps a sister from there can hint to her your interest and have you contact her guardian. Whatever the case, pray istikhaarah and may Allah give you good

 

[cat eyes]

I'm not sure where to start, but my problem is common issue i guess. I know a muslim girl from my labs and classes . We're still undergraduates. Problem is, I believe I like her and would like to know if i want to marry her, how should I go about doing so. Both of us are from same ethnicity - pakistan . My concern is this, I can wait till my education finishes. But, what if someone else proposes her or something? I haven't told her how I feel or anyone. I just feel confused about the matter right now :S. And no its not been couple of days, or weeks. It's been more than that and she appears to have similar views as I do on almost everything. It bugs me that I don't know how she feels because if i do ask for her hand and find out she did not have see me in that way, well that kinda just sucks. Is there way i can ask her by not revealing how i feel at all? I know I'd send my parents to her house and etc. But i dont know , its just frustating :\.

I'd appreciate advise !

scholars would usually object you even getting to know this girl. contact like that is haraam. its a type of zina of the heart thats why. i agree with revert2007 marry some one when u finish uni. this is a dangerous game.

 

[GuCcI]

My brother what you need is some hair gel and roll on deodorant...and once you apply them start walking the lab corridors tapping your feet and clicking your fingers , jokin, but now seriously dont beat around the bush... go to her straight and say 'what do you think of marriage? Would you get married while in University. Say to her... i've seen you for a while now, and i think you are a good sister Masha'Allah'. Tell her, you want to talk to her about marriage.....

haha, this isn't 'the olden days' where a girl gets flattered because a boy likes her... straight up marriage talk like this will scare her and make her think - 'what has he been thinking of me this whole time.. gross!'
The brother should tell his parents he is interested in a girl. The parents should arrange for a middle person to see if the girl and her family is ready for marriage. If report comes back positive they can proceed with a proposal, and if not, well just wait I guess?

This way, contact between the boy and girl is limited and starting that initial conversation has potential for too much fitnah.

 

[CosmicPathos]

and when you go up to her then dont say "Sister, Will you marry me?" That's just gross

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam

I'm not sure where to start, but my problem is common issue i guess. I know a muslim girl from my labs and classes . We're still undergraduates. Problem is, I believe I like her and would like to know if i want to marry her, how should I go about doing so. Both of us are from same ethnicity - pakistan . My concern is this, I can wait till my education finishes. But, what if someone else proposes her or something? I haven't told her how I feel or anyone. I just feel confused about the matter right now :S. And no its not been couple of days, or weeks. It's been more than that and she appears to have similar views as I do on almost everything. It bugs me that I don't know how she feels because if i do ask for her hand and find out she did not have see me in that way, well that kinda just sucks. Is there way i can ask her by not revealing how i feel at all? I know I'd send my parents to her house and etc. But i dont know , its just frustating :\.

I'd appreciate advise !

speak to your parents...go through a third party...fear allah and keep your distance from her unless it is through the proper channels. if all goes well, why cant you do the nikkah now and leave the rest till later?

i dont get this emphasis on finding out if the other person like you or not and THEN proposing. dont you just find that out once you've proposed?

 

[aadil77]

i dont get this emphasis on finding out if the other person like you or not and THEN proposing. dont you just find that out once you've proposed?

Lol probably cause it can be a bit awkward if they turn you down,

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

^but that could just easily as happen if you tell them yourself.

 

[Abdul-Raouf]

Try your best to Forget her bro......concentrate on ur studies as of now.... thats my sincere advise.
(U cant is it?? )

 

[cat eyes]

haha, this isn't 'the olden days' where a girl gets flattered because a boy likes her... straight up marriage talk like this will scare her and make her think - 'what has he been thinking of me this whole time.. gross!'
The brother should tell his parents he is interested in a girl. The parents should arrange for a middle person to see if the girl and her family is ready for marriage. If report comes back positive they can proceed with a proposal, and if not, well just wait I guess?

This way, contact between the boy and girl is limited and starting that initial conversation has potential for too much fitnah.

Good advice sister. everything should be done properly through her family like a proper man and not try to get to know her in private.

 

[EllyDicious]

Try your best to Forget her bro......concentrate on ur studies as of now.... thats my sincere advise.
(U cant is it?? )

I agree.
You need to mature a bit more and know what you want from the woman who will be your wife.
I think it's too soon to think about marriage. You should be aware that getting married is not something you can do for fun just because in your teen years you "fell in love" with girl in your school.

 

[Cabdullahi]

Straight to the point eh? Lol. So how many did you ask?

:wa:

i haven't........

 

[piXie]

I do not know why some of us are assuming the brother is not mature enough to marry and needs to wait. Just because he is in university, does not mean he is not mature enough. Just because he is studying, does not mean he should not get married yet.This mentality that we have is not correct. If he likes her and she is good, he should gather his courage and inquire about her. Why in the world should he wait? For what? Is it the sunnah of our pious predecessors to wait and do nothing when they liked someone for marriage?

Though it is Islamically allowed for him to approach the sister directly for marriage, he should tell his mum and let her speak to the girl. This would be better and safer for him and the sister... from the cultural perspective.

Also he should perform istikhara. If it works out and he is thankful to Allaah, then that would be good for him. And if it doesn't work out and he trusts Allaah and is patient, then that is also good for him.

But he should not ignore it, if he sees a good sister. He should not ignore it without first trying. For the sake of Allaah and preserving his eemaan, he should consult his family and try what is within his human ability.