Cheating

[Dagless]

bro, I hope this is not off topic. But I read somewhere that it is perfectly Islamic to ask the other person, in presence of mahram, if he/she is virgin or not. If a husband was told that her wife is a virgin, or vice versa, and after marriage it was shown that he/she is not, the other person is justified in asking for divorce. Please correct me if my understanding of Islamic ruling on this is wrong.

Has anyone, ever, in the history of asking this question in front of a mahram, said no? Unless they have kids or are divorced I think 100% of people would answer yes, even though 100% of people are not virgins.

And the state is made of normal people like everyone else. People who commit sins and make mistakes like all of us. This doesn't make them more special and doesn't give them the right to punish through death.
If Q'uran allows punishment through death, then clearly it's being contradictory when saying that God has the right to punish those who sin.

There is no contradiction though :S I don't know how you can think that. You are moulding the statements to fit your own definition of contradiction. Here are YOUR 2 statements:

1) God judges and punishes sinners.
2) People judge and punish sinners.

Your second statement is incorrect. The actual statements should be:

1) God judges and punishes sinners.
2) People carry out the will of God, whatever that may be.

God has set out the punishments for certain sins and so by carrying them out it is the will of God which is being carried out, not the will of people.

 

[Missinglinks]

So you don't want to know if your wife slept around with other men?
You prefer to live in a marriage full of lies?

Nice.

So you, tell us all your secrets and sins, the most genant ones, or do you want to keep livin' in a lie?
see how absurd this is... If everybody confessed everything, this world would be hell!

this is what may happen if we don't conceal much of our sins...

 

[EllyDicious]

@omar_Ibrahim - Thank you for your detailed explanation.

@Missinglinks - Why was the man crying?

 

[Missinglinks]

I don't know why he is crying, but it is just a part of a long speech/lecture... so maybe from something he mentioned before and out of love fro god he cried.

look we in islam regard privacy as a high aspect of life and we protect this privacy of people.

I found a fatwa

Should a doctor inform the authorities about patients who have committed fornication?​

Some patients come to me who have drunk alcohol or taken drugs, under the influence of which they have committed crimes such as zinaa (fornication or adultery) or sodomy. Should I inform the authorities about them or not?

Praise be to Allaah.

You have to give them sincere advice (naseehah), advise them and urge them to repent. Cover their sins and do not inform the authorities about them or expose them. Help them to obey Allaah and His Messenger, and tell them that Allaah accepts the repentance of the one who repents. And warn them against going back to this sin, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings):​

“The believers, men and women, are Awliyaa’ (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another; they enjoin (on the people) Al Ma‘roof (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to do), and forbid (people) from Al Munkar (i.e. polytheism and disbelief of all kinds, and all that Islam has forbidden)” [al-Tawbah 9:71]​

“By Al ‘Asr (the time).​

Verily, man is in loss,​

Except those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth [i.e. order one another to perform all kinds of good deeds (Al Ma‘roof) which Allaah has ordained, and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds (Al Munkar) which Allaah has forbidden], and recommend one another to patience”[al-‘Asr 103:1-3]​

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:​

“Religion is naseehah (sincere advice)…”​

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:​

“Whoever covers a Muslim’s (sins), Allaah will cover him (his sins) in this world and in the Hereafter.”​

Both were narrated by Imaam Muslim in his Saheeh. And Allaah is the Source of strength.​

Kitaab Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi’ah li Samaahat al-Shaykh al-‘Allaamah ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz, may Allaah have mercy on him), vol. 9, p. 436
​

 

[cat eyes]

i guess it all depends really on how much you love that person and think about his good points. do all the assessment of how he treated you all through the marriage. and if that was the only mistake he made then yeah there might be a chance however once some one cheats, the trust is gone so it dose not matter how much you admire or love that person.. you cant get that trust back! without trust there is no marriage unless you want to lead a miserable life with him constantly thinking where he might be and what hes doing now. could he be doing that or could he be doing this and the insecurities would just eat a person so there is no point in those two people being together

 

[cat eyes]

So according to the video, the woman MUST sleep / have sex with her husband even if she doesn't want to?
Isn't it close to rape? So she MUST sleep with her husband unless she's very sick. What if she just doesn't want to sleep/have sex with her husband for not reason, why should angels curse her the next morning?
WOman is not not an object in function of her man. That is so unfair.


I don't think there's anything wrong accepting a mistake and repent about that mistake. We all make mistake. If someone loves your for real, he'll tell you what he did in his past because he wants to be sincere and honest with you.
If you find it out from the others , then he may not be the man you thought he was.

Also, there's nothing wrong in telling what mistake you did . People need to talk to each other so there's no need in keeping that secret between you and God.

If you, aadil, had a wife ....wouldn't you prefer her to tell you the truth rather than hide it from you while you could find it from the others??
Don't you like honest people? Wouldn't you appreciate her sincerity.? People commit sins but if every sin was between you and God, then we wouldn't know each other for what they really were, but for what they appeared to be ... and this is not a good sign.

Hey elly i notice that you are not a muslim actually there is many reasons why you cannot refuse your partner intercourse. it is very damaging to the persons body(check out the medical damages)

Also not only is it damaging...its actually very cruel also. so thats why the angels curse that woman/man

Btw if a woman is sick then she dose not have to sleep with her husband if it causes damage to her body.

i will try and find proper fatwa on it for you inshaAllah

 

[EllyDicious]

Hey elly i notice that you are not a muslim actually there is many reasons why you cannot refuse your partner intercourse. it is very damaging to the persons body(check out the medical damages)

Also not only is it damaging...its actually very cruel also. so thats why the angels curse that woman/man

Btw if a woman is sick then she dose not have to sleep with her husband if it causes damage to her body.

i will try and find proper fatwa on it for you inshaAllah

It's strange how angels could curse the woman

Yes please, find the proper fatwa [what is this ?] for me

 

[EllyDicious]

.. you cant get that trust back! without trust there is no marriage unless you want to lead a miserable life with him constantly thinking where he might be and what hes doing now. could he be doing that or could he be doing this and the insecurities would just eat a person so there is no point in those two people being together

True. Agreed.

 

[cat eyes]

Question and Answer Details



Name of Questioner
Fatimah - India
Title
Can a Wife Refuse Her Husband's Bed?
Question
As-Salamu `alaykum. My question is that I want to know if a wife is not interested in sex, does it become compulsory on her to obey her husband in having sex? Please let me know as I am confused!
Date
08/Jun/2005
Topic
Marital relationships, Intimate relations



Answer


Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear sister in Islam, we commend your pursuit of knowledge and your keenness to seek what is lawful and avoid what is not. We earnestly implore Allah to bless your efforts in this honorable way.

Islam cares for establishing a lovely relation between a man and his wife. It calls upon both parties to exchange love, show respect, and care for each other. This applies to all aspects of their life: social, intellectual, intimate, etc.

Moreover, Islam pays great attention to the intimate aspect of the husband-wife relationship. Once, when the Prophet got to know that one of his Companions used to spend the whole night in prayer, he immediately gave the Prophetic guidance “Your eyes has a right over you, your guests have a right over you and your wife has a right over you.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari).

In another occasion, the Prophet directed the man to how he should approach his wife, He said: “None of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you.” The Companions exclaimed, “What is that messenger?” The Prophet replied, “Kisses and (romantic) words!” (Reported by Al-Daylami)

If these are guidelines on the side of man, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), on the other hand, urged the woman to respond to her husband if he called her to make love. Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till the morning.”

Given these general guidelines, one can conclude that, in response to the specific points indicated in the question, among the duties of a wife towards her husband are that she should satisfy his needs, withhold him from falling into the unlawful and exchange love and affection with him.

If the wife declines his desire to make love with her, he may be psychologically affected and experience physical ailments related to this (e.g. stimulation excitation, congestion and sexual suppression due to the lack of ejaculation).

In the same vein, the wife may go through similar problems and experience the same sufferings if her man declined to meet her sexual needs.

Therefore it is of the wisdom of the Shari`ah that it calls both parties to understand and respond to the natural need of each other. If both husband and wife respond to each other, they will maintain each other’s love, care and affection. Conversely, if they refuse, the relationship can deteriorate. This may also lead one of them to deviate from the right path and look for pleasure outside the marriage. This will eventually lead to the breakdown of the family and the disintegration of the society at large.

However, it is to be added that if the wife is physiologically or physically ill and unable to respond to her husband's call then he should be considerate of her condition and never harm her in any way.

In this context, the late Sheikh Ibn al-`Uthaymin, the well-known Saudi scholar, adds:


If the wife is psychologically ill and is not able to actively respond to her husband's call or if she has a physical illness, then in such cases it is not allowed for the husband to call her to bed. This is because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said "There is to be no harm done or reciprocation of harm." He should either refrain or enjoy her company in such a way that does not harm her.




Allah Almighty knows best.

 

[EllyDicious]

Thank you for the shared information, cat!

also what does "If the wife is psychologically ill and is not able to actively respond to her husband's call or if she has a physical illness, then in such cases it is not allowed for the husband to call her to bed" mean? Does it mean they shouldn't sleep in the same bed?

 

[جوري]

sure if you are still stuck at a preoperational stage of development!

;D

 

[EllyDicious]

2) People carry out the will of God, whatever that may be.

God has set out the punishments for certain sins and so by carrying them out it is the will of God which is being carried out, not the will of people.

I see.
Well, how can we be sure if that's God's will?
Just because Q'uran says it?

 

[جوري]

I see.
Well, how can we be sure if that's God's will?
Just because Q'uran says it?

The law derives from religion, religion is from God.. if you don't believe that religion is from God then the onus is on you to prove it, it will take more than a temper tantrum and a strong believe of the contrary to accomplish that task though.. you are indeed welcome to live in a lawless society and I believe indeed that Albania was declared one the first atheist state.. how did living without God's laws work out for your people? did they like it?

all the best

 

[EllyDicious]

I believe indeed that Albania was declared one the first atheist state.. how did living without God's laws work out for your people? did they like it?

This country has many religions that people practice. It's one of the few countries where people of different religions get along very well with each other.
We believe in everyone's right to follow any religion they want and we call it to be a private right which shouldn't interfere with the state's laws.
Albania is not a country that is ruled under divine laws because we think we cannot force anyone to believe/not believe in God.
That's why Albanians are generous people and open to everyone, they're also known for their hospitality and friendly to everyone despite the religious view they might have.
Albania is not against God/Religion but also cannot force any citizen to believe in any of those.
Most of us have religion/believe in God but this is a matter that won't stop any of us from keeping in contacts with anyone who has different point of view about God/Religion.

That's why we all have great relationships with each other without being forced to do/believe in something we don't want to.

 

[EllyDicious]

Also, let's keep this thread on topic, please.

 

[جوري]

This country has many religions that people practice. It's one of the few countries where people of different religions get along very well with each other.

Greetings,

what does this have to do with my comments above?

We believe in everyone's right to follow any religion they want and we call it to be a private right which shouldn't not interfere with the state's laws.

Again, nothing to do with what I wrote.. you have neither addressed where those state laws came from, nor have you addressed how living with Godless laws under Enver were perceived and enjoyed by your country-folk (other than you of course)

Albania is not a country that is ruled under divine laws because we think we cannot force anyone to believe/not believe in God.

Again, it doesn't address what I have written. Do you understand what was written above or do I need to break it down further?

That's why Albanians are generous people and open to everyone, they're also known for their hospitality and friendly to everyone despite the religious view they might have.

Well that is yet to be ascertained!

Albania is not against God/Religion but also cannot force any citizen to believe in any of those.
Most of us have religion/believe in God but this is a matter that won't stop any of us have contacts with anyone who has different point of view about God/Religion.

Redundancy isn't good.. if you don't understand the question, re-enforcing your brand of understanding won't elucidate things better!

That's why we all have great relationships with each other without being forced to do/believe in something we don't want to.

I am glad you have shared your feelings.. perhaps after you have purged yourself you can give us something substantial to work with, especially from your line of questioning and/or reasoning (or lack thereof) you crusade for the same, although from what it appears without any strong interest in what anyone else has to say!

all the best

 

[CosmicPathos]

Has anyone, ever, in the history of asking this question in front of a mahram, said no? Unless they have kids or are divorced I think 100% of people would answer yes, even though 100% of people are not virgins.



There is no contradiction though :S I don't know how you can think that. You are moulding the statements to fit your own definition of contradiction. Here are YOUR 2 statements:

1) God judges and punishes sinners.
2) People judge and punish sinners.

Your second statement is incorrect. The actual statements should be:

1) God judges and punishes sinners.
2) People carry out the will of God, whatever that may be.

God has set out the punishments for certain sins and so by carrying them out it is the will of God which is being carried out, not the will of people.

I know but I guess as an honest person you would expect the answer? Specifically if a woman is asked and if her hymen is not intact even though she is a pious woman, I do not think she should feel shame in disclosing it because it could be broken by regular daily tasks.

Secondly asking this question gives the Muslim a legitimate reason to ask for divorce if it he/she somehow finds that they were lied to before marriage by the other spouse!

But as The Vale Lily mentioned, it is not a litmus test to determine virginity, lol. Cosmetic surgeons are IN these days.

 

[جوري]

I know but I guess as an honest person you would expect the answer? Specifically if a woman is asked and if her hymen is not intact even though she is a pious woman, I do not think she should feel shame in disclosing it because it could be broken by regular daily tasks.

Secondly asking this question gives the Muslim a legitimate reason to ask for divorce if it he/she somehow finds that they were lied to before marriage by the other spouse!

But as The Vale Lily mentioned, it is not a litmus test to determine virginity, lol. Cosmetic surgeons are IN these days.

When you think about it, a man's proclivities before marriage aren't known to the woman either.. she too will have to take him on his word of honor before God.. there is no way to prove whether a guy has slept around or not either .. so it is someone's word of honor before God which you have to put faith in or simply move on to someone you find more trustworthy..
casting doubt on the chaste is in and of itself a sin.. look what happened to Saiida Aisha (RA), the prophet' sage response and how Allah swt exonerated her.. not every person is so lucky to be divinely exonerated!

and Allah swt knows best

 

[CosmicPathos]

When you think about it, a man's proclivities before marriage aren't known to the woman either.. she too will have to take him on his word of honor before God.. there is no way to prove whether a guy has slept around or not either .. so it is someone's word of honor before God which you have to put faith in or simply move on to someone you find more trustworthy..
casting doubt on the chaste is in and of itself a sin.. look what happened to Saiida Aisha (RA), the prophet' sage response and how Allah swt exonerated her.. not every person is so lucky to be divinely exonerated!

and Allah swt knows best

indeed. May Allah allow us to be faithful and chaste.

w salam.

 

[omar ibrahim]

I see.
Well, how can we be sure if that's God's will?
Just because Q'uran says it?

its a really good question,first of all you say you believe in god right?i am sure you do so ask him say please god show me the right path o god tell me if you have a religion to follow,ask him with sincirity.secondly, i will tell you something a quran has proves for every period of time,this time for instance is the science time isnt? ok ^^ i will examine that later,you might say so what about people who live at the time of prophet mohmmed,the biggest miracle is in the language of quran in the arabic language,at the time of propet people like poems and good speaches sooo much,they were use language as a challenge,for example,there were rules for challenge like sjaa tbaag many like you have to make a 10 sentence and each sentence has to end with two letters and they have to follow the meaning etc .i am an arab but i am not will knowing in this field,i hope i gave you an idia,however many people at the time prohet hearing the quran was so enough to prove that this is not from human.even people who dibelieve in him at that time they still aknowledge that the quran was amazing,but they do you know what they say , they said that he get it from seaten or devil,i will give you a short story regarding that ^^ so please be patience. the disbelievers sent a person who was very very good in arabic language because they want him to tell mohammed to stop telling people worshipping god alone instead of idols and creatsions with god,this person told prophet mohammed that we will give an honour and dignity and we will let you marry whatever you want and we will make you a leader upon us and give you money etc the prophet did listen to this guy,after he finished the prophet said did you finish,and he did reply yes ,the prophet quote ayat from the quran and recite it to him i forgot the ayat so please forgive me, then this person was amazed,and he turned to his people and described the quran to his people in a good description i cant even translate it,after that his people say to the people of makah to be aware to not listen to the quran,because they say to them he will make you crazy etc and when he try to recite the quran people put their hands in their ears.However every prophet was given a miracle wich is suitable to his people,like at the time of moses the magic was popular.At the time of jesus pbuh the medicine was popular so he was given an ability to give the death people life,to make the blind see etc.Whatever, i will return to nowday.there are a number of scientific facts in the quran i brought to you a very good site which is been founded by a former christian brother yusef estes and he has many sites, this is one of them
http://www.scienceislam.com/

Although at the time of prophet there were miracles,some people disbelieve they were arrogant,like at the time of moses some people say we will never believe in you until we see god
there was a great punishment in this life ,and there will be in the hereafter.

However sister i would advice that you dont take knowledge without proves in islam,because some muslims are ignorant and they speak from their opinions not from islam,if you would like really to know whether read the quran and its explaintion,the first word was revealed iqra read recite.^^
i hope you get benefit.