My brother is an idiot!

[anonymous]

Salaams to all reading this.

My brother is 18 years old, 1 year younger than me, and UNBELIEVABLY out of control. My family is very tight knit and very Islamic minded, but he is destroying us. We are 5 children, all younger than me, and he's the only one that's giving my parents such a hard time, I hate to see them like this. My father looks so stressed, and my mom cries when she prays. My parents never fight, but they're fighting over him, putting blame on each other because of how their son is acting. They accuse each other of not doing enough to correct his behavior. He is so selfish, doesn't even care that he's ruining us, doesn't care that his younger siblings are looking at him and watching what he is doing, hearing all the fighting.

He doesn't care what anyone thinks and does what he wants. He got a eyebrow piercing a while ago but my father hit him for it and he eventually took it out. Imagine a father hitting his 18 year old son, a son who is taller than him. That's how angry my father was. He claims that my parents never let him do anything, yet he's part of basketball teams, goes to school, works, comes home late at night and has the NERVE to tell them that they never let him do anything. He's so ungrateful, I can't even believe it. Recently, my uncle told my father that someone told him that he is dating a Colombian girl. Astagfirullah, this thing is unheard of in my family.

Today my father searched his room while he was out and found receipts that showed he made purchases on kitchen things. He came to me and said that obviously he got an apartment somewhere and is moving out. I told him to not jump to conclusions, trying to ease his worry and stress. When he came home, after a little yelling, he confessed to my mother that he did get an apartment and is moving out next week.

Now we don't know what do to anymore. Just let him go? He's only 18. I hate him for ruining what was a beautiful, very Islamic minded family. I'm sorry this is so long, but please advise me on what me or my parents need to do here because we are at our wits end. My dad is saying that he should get out because he's had enough, but of course my mother doesn't want him to go. I fear a storm is brewing in our family that will affect us for the rest of our lives imsad

 

[Lonely Gal]

bro i think its very difficult to state what ur parents should do. I feel for them, and I pray your brother sees sense and how its affecting the family, by what hes doing.
I think ur dad is going to be full of anger and this is only going to push him further away, is there anyone that can speak to your bro, and find out his reasons for moving out, talk to him and make him realise what hes doing is wrong.
Sometimes if family members try to explain, its just makes the person more determined to go through with their actions.
Some would say let him go, let him make his mistakes and soon he will realise, but I'm afraid the world these days and temptations may just push him too far from the family.. Its a really tough decision and I pray Allah swt makes this easier on you all.

 

[Lonely Gal]

I know a few people that have taken kids/adults to Pakistan, to put them in a place which is like an institute for 6mnths +, proper lock down and no1 can visit reguarly, it costs a fair bit but it puts them into routine.. prayers are a must and lectures on Islam etc, it works for some and others it dont

 

[Ayesha Rana]

I think he's just been let loose too long and fallen in with the traps the west offers.

He's going through that rebellious teenage stage where they need to push the limits are far as they can to see just how far they can go.

Nowadays what we learn in the West about how we are free to do what we want we lose our values, the respect that Islam ingrains in us. Your parents gave him a lot but he used it to move away from the deen. What he needs is Tarbiyah. He should not have been left to work with control over the money. At that stage when they are in their teens they need a firm hand. I don't know what can be done so I will stop saying what went wrong because it will not help unless you can deduce a solution from knowing the root of the problem.

Whatever you do first do Istikhara and then take the step.

He needs to come to reality. He is living in a dream world and life is not all play. It doesn't work that way. Sooner or later he will need his family and he will regret it. He needs someone to explain that to him and like the brother said, maybe a third party would be better or someone he respects. But if the rest of the family like Aunties and uncles start telling him how bad he is that might drive him further away because he may block off.

May Allah help you

 

[aadil77]

looks like he's moving out so that he gets all his freedom, possibly a girl involved

since he's become almost fully independent I don't think getting angry or threats are gonna bother him, you just have to guide him, tell him about the consequences of breaking family ties, if he's still made his mind then just tell him to stay away from the haraam whilst living away

 

[Lonely Gal]

how about any young muslims guys that could talk to him? maybe more on his level, how about some one that has lived that style of life and learned form it and could help him from making the same mistake?

 

[Maryan0]

Some people need to fall in order to learn how to walk. You can advise someone but you cant force them to take your advice and I think if you just leave him alone or cut him off he might realize the importance of family. My aunt has this problem with her son and I told her to kick him out but she couldnt do it and i'm not a parent so I cant judge her but it seems to me only tough love would work in a situation like this. You can also trick him into going back home and tell your family back home to hide his passport which is what my mom did to my older brother and he came back with culture and deen.
Salam

 

[Mujahideen92]

Im sorry man, ive never really been in such a situation before. But it sounds like your brother is very immature and he will realize this very soon. He may be moving out, but i have a feeling he will soon come back to you guys, inshallah

 

[anonymous]

Thank you all for your replies, I truly appreciate it.

bro i think its very difficult to state what ur parents should do. I feel for them, and I pray your brother sees sense and how its affecting the family, by what hes doing.
I think ur dad is going to be full of anger and this is only going to push him further away, is there anyone that can speak to your bro, and find out his reasons for moving out, talk to him and make him realise what hes doing is wrong.
Sometimes if family members try to explain, its just makes the person more determined to go through with their actions.
Some would say let him go, let him make his mistakes and soon he will realise, but I'm afraid the world these days and temptations may just push him too far from the family.. Its a really tough decision and I pray Allah swt makes this easier on you all.

My mother is the one that talks with him, trying to find out his reasons. He says that they never let him do anything which is not true at all, he goes out soo much, so when they tell him no about something, that’s when he gets angry and says that they never let him do anything. He wants to spend time at the rec center, so much so that my parents told him he couldn’t go anymore because he misses his prayers. This is the main reason he’s moving out, because they don’t let him go to the rec center. But you know what, he goes anyway! My mother tells him that he’s going against Islam, and he just remains quiet. She asks him if he’s a kafir, and he says of course not but acts like one. I pray every day that he realizes the error of his ways and how much he is hurting the family, but he just gets worse and worse with age.

I know a few people that have taken kids/adults to Pakistan, to put them in a place which is like an institute for 6mnths +, proper lock down and no1 can visit reguarly, it costs a fair bit but it puts them into routine.. prayers are a must and lectures on Islam etc, it works for some and others it dont

I think my parents should send him to Bangladesh, where we’re from, to get him away from the temptations and all the bad influences here. Whenever he is home, my dad forces him to attend masjid prayers and lectures with him (after some yelling and persuading of course) and he goes, but it hasn’t helped so far. I think the forcing is one of the reasons he’s also leaving. My dad always asks him at the end of the day how many prayers he’s completed and this leads to yelling because he usually hasn’t done it.

I think he's just been let loose too long and fallen in with the traps the west offers.

He's going through that rebellious teenage stage where they need to push the limits are far as they can to see just how far they can go.

Nowadays what we learn in the West about how we are free to do what we want we lose our values, the respect that Islam ingrains in us. Your parents gave him a lot but he used it to move away from the deen. What he needs is Tarbiyah. He should not have been left to work with control over the money. At that stage when they are in their teens they need a firm hand. I don't know what can be done so I will stop saying what went wrong because it will not help unless you can deduce a solution from knowing the root of the problem.

Whatever you do first do Istikhara and then take the step.

He needs to come to reality. He is living in a dream world and life is not all play. It doesn't work that way. Sooner or later he will need his family and he will regret it. He needs someone to explain that to him and like the brother said, maybe a third party would be better or someone he respects. But if the rest of the family like Aunties and uncles start telling him how bad he is that might drive him further away because he may block off.

May Allah help you

You know what is funny? My parents sent him to work because he was already falling into a bad crowd at school when he started high school. They thought work would take time away from them and the hanging out they do. I told them that this would be a bad idea but they didn’t believe me, now we’re all paying for it. Also, he doesn’t have too much control over the money. My parents do take a lot of it, but he still keeps some, which I realize now is probably a bad thing. I think he hides some of what he makes from them so he can keep the amount he is keeping.
To ease some stress from my dad and laughed it off, telling him that he couldn’t survive in the world by himself. What worries me is the time before he realizes this, all the sins from living alone, possibly a girl involved..it just…I don’t know what to do anymore. There is high tension in the house right now as him and my parents are not speaking.

 

[CosmicPathos]

Thank you all for your replies, I truly appreciate it.

My mother is the one that talks with him, trying to find out his reasons. He says that they never let him do anything which is not true at all, he goes out soo much, so when they tell him no about something, that’s when he gets angry and says that they never let him do anything. He wants to spend time at the rec center, so much so that my parents told him he couldn’t go anymore because he misses his prayers. This is the main reason he’s moving out, because they don’t let him go to the rec center. But you know what, he goes anyway! My mother tells him that he’s going against Islam, and he just remains quiet. She asks him if he’s a kafir, and he says of course not but acts like one. I pray every day that he realizes the error of his ways and how much he is hurting the family, but he just gets worse and worse with age.

I think my parents should send him to Bangladesh, where we’re from, to get him away from the temptations and all the bad influences here. Whenever he is home, my dad forces him to attend masjid prayers and lectures with him (after some yelling and persuading of course) and he goes, but it hasn’t helped so far. I think the forcing is one of the reasons he’s also leaving. My dad always asks him at the end of the day how many prayers he’s completed and this leads to yelling because he usually hasn’t done it.

You know what is funny? My parents sent him to work because he was already falling into a bad crowd at school when he started high school. They thought work would take time away from them and the hanging out they do. I told them that this would be a bad idea but they didn’t believe me, now we’re all paying for it. Also, he doesn’t have too much control over the money. My parents do take a lot of it, but he still keeps some, which I realize now is probably a bad thing. I think he hides some of what he makes from them so he can keep the amount he is keeping.
To ease some stress from my dad and laughed it off, telling him that he couldn’t survive in the world by himself. What worries me is the time before he realizes this, all the sins from living alone, possibly a girl involved..it just…I don’t know what to do anymore. There is high tension in the house right now as him and my parents are not speaking.

Sounds like my brother and my dad. As for me, I've given up dealing with my brothers as they are above teens or in late teens. To them their life, to me mine. We live together though.

Parents' Islamic responsibility finishes as soon as the child has gained sense. Parents should not destroy their dignity by begging to these kind of immature yet old children to follow the straight path.

 

[CosmicPathos]

Thank you all for your replies, I truly appreciate it.

My mother is the one that talks with him, trying to find out his reasons. He says that they never let him do anything which is not true at all, he goes out soo much, so when they tell him no about something, that’s when he gets angry and says that they never let him do anything. He wants to spend time at the rec center, so much so that my parents told him he couldn’t go anymore because he misses his prayers. This is the main reason he’s moving out, because they don’t let him go to the rec center. But you know what, he goes anyway! My mother tells him that he’s going against Islam, and he just remains quiet. She asks him if he’s a kafir, and he says of course not but acts like one. I pray every day that he realizes the error of his ways and how much he is hurting the family, but he just gets worse and worse with age.

I think my parents should send him to Bangladesh, where we’re from, to get him away from the temptations and all the bad influences here. Whenever he is home, my dad forces him to attend masjid prayers and lectures with him (after some yelling and persuading of course) and he goes, but it hasn’t helped so far. I think the forcing is one of the reasons he’s also leaving. My dad always asks him at the end of the day how many prayers he’s completed and this leads to yelling because he usually hasn’t done it.

You know what is funny? My parents sent him to work because he was already falling into a bad crowd at school when he started high school. They thought work would take time away from them and the hanging out they do. I told them that this would be a bad idea but they didn’t believe me, now we’re all paying for it. Also, he doesn’t have too much control over the money. My parents do take a lot of it, but he still keeps some, which I realize now is probably a bad thing. I think he hides some of what he makes from them so he can keep the amount he is keeping.
To ease some stress from my dad and laughed it off, telling him that he couldn’t survive in the world by himself. What worries me is the time before he realizes this, all the sins from living alone, possibly a girl involved..it just…I don’t know what to do anymore. There is high tension in the house right now as him and my parents are not speaking.

Sounds like my "westernized" brother to some extent yet he never threatened to move out.

Parents' Islamic responsibility finishes as soon as the child has gained sense. Parents should not destroy their dignity by begging to these kind of immature yet old children to follow the straight path.

 

[Dagless]

I think things like hitting him, forcing him to do things, taking his money, searching his room, threatening him, considering taking him back to Bangladesh etc. are all going to push him further away from you in the long run. He is old enough now, you need to back off and just leave him be. If he wants to move out then fine let him move out. Let him learn from his mistakes. He will come around in time.

 

[جوري]

a few people here made a few good observation.. he really is his own man.. you should cultivate when young.. there is a hadith that you are to play with them 7 discipline another 7 and befriend them 7 so technically your bro. is in the last 7 which is a stage beyond discipline.. if they haven't instilled good Islamic values or even if they did and it didn't take with him, then there is nothing that can be done now.. they have completed their part and the rest is up to your brother.. the most you can do is offer your du3a but you really can't force an adult into your life style, your way of thinking your choices.. and I don't think it is too late for him.. I am not holding myself as a paragon of virtue but I spent the entirety of my teenage yrs to my early twenties not praying.. and after 911 I remember distinctly saying if Muslims are behind this, then I want absolutely nothing to do with this religion.. you'd be surprised perhaps to learn I have since made a 180 degree turn and in fact I think the 911 thing forced me to have a different examining look at Islam and for that I am grateful al7mdlillah.. you may never know what event will turn a person one way or the other .. but advise is no substitute for experience.. know that du3a is the weapon of the believer and that is all you and your parents and siblings can now offer..

and Allah swt knows best

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

First thing that needs to be done, is that your parents need to quit the arguing, and start reading the same page. if your brother sees that they aren't united together, then this tells him that they are an easy target to get his own way. so advise your parents to be kinder to one another and work together, not against one another. excuses dont work, taking action does.

second is that a little bit of reverse psychology needs to be implemented here. when he says you dont give him anything, here is a good time to tell him what he needs to do something as well. so what we are trying to achieve here is that both parties reach compromise and take it upon themselves to put the effort in to make things work. by you telling him something like "what is it that we can do for you," this shows him that you are listening to him but also that he needs to put in some effort as well....you need to remind him, that it cant all be one-sided... of course you dont give him everythign he demands or that he does have a point in saying these things, but telling him this, hopefully will make him realize that life isn't all easy and happy days and you need to put in some effort yourself as well. so by letting him get his own way (sort of) he will feel compelled to return it.

be kind but firm about this and dont shows sings of annoyance when he gets angry or doesn't agree with him because he will just wrap you around his little finger...be straight forward but kind about it.

telling him yes we do give you everythign isn't going to help because he doesn't see it. it is time to implement the opposite of what you are doing and try a different method of discipline. when he says these things, dont ever in return believe that or act on it because it will reach a point where if you do give him too much rope, then in future if/when you dont give him what he wants, he will become like a spoilt child...and this sort of behavior breeds ingratitude and disobedience to parents.


when he does comply, reward and encourage him. i know that sounds sort of childish and i dont mean in the same sense that you would reward a child but compliment him and tell him how much you miss him as a brother/son. this will tell him that living with his family isn't all really that bad and they aren't against him.

when you talk to him avoid using direct terms such as 'immaturity,' 'irresponsible' because he doesn't see himself like this so he will get on the defensive and it will have the reverse affect.

its time you give him some responsibility of his own so that he can grow up abit? i ask this because when people put in the effort themselves, then they realise how hard lifke really is. i think your father sending him to work kind of have the opposite affect because work in the west (if thats were you live?) means that you are independent, so i think he played it right into his hands. you need to think of another way to make him realize responsibility.
does he have any goals in his life that he would personally like to get achieved? what his he doing to try accomplish them? are you helping him in reaching them?

what is his home life like? do you-as his siblings involve him in things? do you give him little attention/affection? maybe you give him too much?

perhaps another option to take is to send him somewhere? or to make hijrah?

 

[anonymous]

First thing that needs to be done, is that your parents need to quit the arguing, and start reading the same page. if your brother sees that they aren't united together, then this tells him that they are an easy target to get his own way. so advise your parents to be kinder to one another and work together, not against one another. excuses dont work, taking action does.

second is that a little bit of reverse psychology needs to be implemented here. when he says you dont give him anything, here is a good time to tell him what he needs to do something as well. so what we are trying to achieve here is that both parties reach compromise and take it upon themselves to put the effort in to make things work. by you telling him something like "what is it that we can do for you," this shows him that you are listening to him but also that he needs to put in some effort as well....you need to remind him, that it cant all be one-sided... of course you dont give him everythign he demands or that he does have a point in saying these things, but telling him this, hopefully will make him realize that life isn't all easy and happy days and you need to put in some effort yourself as well. so by letting him get his own way (sort of) he will feel compelled to return it.

be kind but firm about this and dont shows sings of annoyance when he gets angry or doesn't agree with him because he will just wrap you around his little finger...be straight forward but kind about it.

telling him yes we do give you everythign isn't going to help because he doesn't see it. it is time to implement the opposite of what you are doing and try a different method of discipline. when he says these things, dont ever in return believe that or act on it because it will reach a point where if you do give him too much rope, then in future if/when you dont give him what he wants, he will become like a spoilt child...and this sort of behavior breeds ingratitude and disobedience to parents.


when he does comply, reward and encourage him. i know that sounds sort of childish and i dont mean in the same sense that you would reward a child but compliment him and tell him how much you miss him as a brother/son. this will tell him that living with his family isn't all really that bad and they aren't against him.

when you talk to him avoid using direct terms such as 'immaturity,' 'irresponsible' because he doesn't see himself like this so he will get on the defensive and it will have the reverse affect.

its time you give him some responsibility of his own so that he can grow up abit? i ask this because when people put in the effort themselves, then they realise how hard lifke really is. i think your father sending him to work kind of have the opposite affect because work in the west (if thats were you live?) means that you are independent, so i think he played it right into his hands. you need to think of another way to make him realize responsibility.
does he have any goals in his life that he would personally like to get achieved? what his he doing to try accomplish them? are you helping him in reaching them?

what is his home life like? do you-as his siblings involve him in things? do you give him little attention/affection? maybe you give him too much?

perhaps another option to take is to send him somewhere? or to make hijrah?

I think my parents have realized that they’ve done all they can do and at this point just let him go ahead and do whatever he wants to do. I know they tried hard and worked so long to raise us right but they’re not perfect and these things are sometimes out of our control. Inshallah he does find his way back to us.

The thing is he’s so set in his ways, and he just exudes this sort of confidence or arragonce, as if he’s better than everyone else in the house. When my parents used to ask him ‘what will people think of us?’ he’d reply with ‘who cares what they think?’ He doesn’t see himself as irresponsible because like I said he’s working full time plus is a student full time. He’s studying to become a teacher.

As for his home life, we really don’t have much interaction with him because he’s just so different from the rest of us. All of us know what he’s up to and just try to stay clear of his ways. We were closer when we were younger, being only a year apart but of course growing up me being a girl and going through changes we just grew apart. This is also around the time he entered high school and started hanging with a bad crowd.

When my dad when to hajj last year, he told us of his plans to take us all soon and he replied saying that he couldn’t go because he’s not ‘ready’. He knows he’s doing wrong, but is just stuck in the error of his ways. It’s funny because when he is home, he tells the little ones to go pray.
Please keep me and my family in your duas and inshallah things work out.

 

[cat eyes]

was it really a wise thing to do for your dad to hit him? i don't think the prophet (saw) would have used violence and the prophet (saw) certainly did not encourage violence to disapline some one of that age

 

[anonymous]

was it really a wise thing to do for your dad to hit him? i don't think the prophet (saw) would have used violence and the prophet (saw) certainly did not encourage violence to disapline some one of that age

No, it wasn't probably wasn't wise. It doesn't make it okay but my father has tried everything with him since he was 14, and nothing seems to work. Everything from yelling at the top of his lungs to letting him know how much he loves him right out in public by kissing and hugging him, yet he still continues throwing dirt in his face. It was probably wrong to hit him, but my dad isn't perfect and sometimes he just loses control, especially after he wouldn't remove that horrible piercing. It must've been weeks after he got the piercing, all the nagging to get rid of it didn't work, so that's when he raised his hand, and he got rid of it.

 

[tigerkhan]

Salaams to all reading this.

My brother is 18 years old, 1 year younger than me, and UNBELIEVABLY out of control. My family is very tight knit and very Islamic minded, but he is destroying us. We are 5 children, all younger than me, and he's the only one that's giving my parents such a hard time, I hate to see them like this. My father looks so stressed, and my mom cries when she prays. My parents never fight, but they're fighting over him, putting blame on each other because of how their son is acting. They accuse each other of not doing enough to correct his behavior. He is so selfish, doesn't even care that he's ruining us, doesn't care that his younger siblings are looking at him and watching what he is doing, hearing all the fighting.

He doesn't care what anyone thinks and does what he wants. He got a eyebrow piercing a while ago but my father hit him for it and he eventually took it out. Imagine a father hitting his 18 year old son, a son who is taller than him. That's how angry my father was. He claims that my parents never let him do anything, yet he's part of basketball teams, goes to school, works, comes home late at night and has the NERVE to tell them that they never let him do anything. He's so ungrateful, I can't even believe it. Recently, my uncle told my father that someone told him that he is dating a Colombian girl. Astagfirullah, this thing is unheard of in my family.

Today my father searched his room while he was out and found receipts that showed he made purchases on kitchen things. He came to me and said that obviously he got an apartment somewhere and is moving out. I told him to not jump to conclusions, trying to ease his worry and stress. When he came home, after a little yelling, he confessed to my mother that he did get an apartment and is moving out next week.

Now we don't know what do to anymore. Just let him go? He's only 18. I hate him for ruining what was a beautiful, very Islamic minded family. I'm sorry this is so long, but please advise me on what me or my parents need to do here because we are at our wits end. My dad is saying that he should get out because he's had enough, but of course my mother doesn't want him to go. I fear a storm is brewing in our family that will affect us for the rest of our lives imsad

i wana say u some words,,,,forgive me if i am wrong....
i think ur father is more responsible for this situation than ur bro....he beat his 18 years old son....... to me its vvvv.big fault....i think parents should not even criticize their children when they brought up to 13-14...rather this is the time to gain this confindence by making them friends.....u know in this age man do every thing for his friends even he can die.....so if ur father in this age had made a friendly relation with ur bro, this will not happen....i think the strictness of ur father make ur bro rude......i think ur father will have to sorry him (just for sake of his betterness) and try to stop him from leaving his family..... i think islam doesnot mean that u should be agresssive to u r children if they donot follow islam and go wrong way....but i blv islam says use hikmat and softness........
plz dont hate ur bro...but give him ur love and care...try to make him assured that u care and love him and thinks of his bettery...i think then he accepts what u say...i am sure its practically not easy, but its the right solution....
JZK

 

[anonymous]

i wana say u some words,,,,forgive me if i am wrong....
i think ur father is more responsible for this situation than ur bro....he beat his 18 years old son....... to me its vvvv.big fault....i think parents should not even criticize their children when they brought up to 13-14...rather this is the time to gain this confindence by making them friends.....u know in this age man do every thing for his friends even he can die.....so if ur father in this age had made a friendly relation with ur bro, this will not happen....i think the strictness of ur father make ur bro rude......i think ur father will have to sorry him (just for sake of his betterness) and try to stop him from leaving his family..... i think islam doesnot mean that u should be agresssive to u r children if they donot follow islam and go wrong way....but i blv islam says use hikmat and softness........
plz dont hate ur bro...but give him ur love and care...try to make him assured that u care and love him and thinks of his bettery...i think then he accepts what u say...i am sure its practically not easy, but its the right solution....
JZK

Thank you for your input. I'm not saying it was wrong to hit him, it was. I just feel like he loves him so much and can't bear to see him act like this so he let his emotions get the best of him. My dad is not totally strict with him, throughout the years and through all their little tiffs, there have been moments of peace and happiness between all of us. It was at these times that my father thought he had given up all that silly stuff.

Also, there is a meeting going on as I type this between my brother and my uncle and a family friend who is a teacher at a madrasha. I'm hearing bits and pieces of the convo and they're being really kind to him, trying to understand him and trying to persuade him to give up this behavior. Inshallah this will get through to him.

 

[cat eyes]

since hes only 18 years old. he will do stupid things like this. in fact i don't know what teenager who has not given there parents a hard time but as we mature we start to change and inshaAllah he will

change too but really your parents have to stop being so hard on him. the more they get angry, the more he is going to do stuff to annoy them. when he got his eye brow pierced... your dad handled

that so bad and now you could possibly end up losing your brother because he wants to move out now. one of my brothers friend actually left islam because his parents were hell strict. he actually left

the country to get away from them and now he blames the religion for how he was raised. the prophet mohammad (saw) has warned parents to fear Allah in the treatment of your children. if he was

going to disrespect his mother then just maybe your dad had the right to use his hand but i mean it was just an eye brow piercing, it is extremely small thing that could have been handled better. it is extremely sad indeed.

i hope and pray that things will get better for you and your family inshaAllah