A friend's marriage in trouble

  • Thread starter Thread starter Hitchhiker
  • Start date Start date
  • Replies Replies 42
  • Views Views 8K
H

Hitchhiker

New member
Messages
6
Reaction score
3
Greetings! I have read a number of posts in this forum, and am overwhelmed with the support everyone shows to each other. I hope you all can help me, too.

I have a friend who married a muslim woman. They are very much in love, and very happy with each other, but that is only because of the lies.

Shortly after they were married, my friend became an atheist. Knowing that his wife would leave him like the Qu'ran says, he has hidden this from her. He has only told me. I have kept his secret, and maintained the silence for two years. All the while I have tried to convince my friend to tell the truth and face the consequences of his actions.

The reason this has recently become an issue for me, is that they are thinking about having kids. My friend has told me that he will not allow his children to be raised as muslims! Can you imagine such a thing? I admit I am not a muslim, but to lie to your wife and to disrespect your wife like that offends me.

So my question is this: If this were your daughter or your sister, what would you have me do? Should I tell her that her husband is an atheist? or should I stay quiet and hope the truth comes out on its own?

After 2 years, I can't believe she has not seen the signs herself, but they are still together.

In the end, the choice is mine, and I must face the possibility of losing my friend if I tell her. But any advice you have to share would be appreciated!

Thanks!

HH
 
:sl:
If this were your daughter or your sister, what would you have me do? Should I tell her that her husband is an atheist? or should I stay quiet and hope the truth comes out on its own?
Click to expand...
tell his wife or encourage him to tell her himself. if he refuses to tell her, tell her yourself. and then tell her to go and see a shiekh to get the religious perspective of what she is to do.
 
Last edited:
Hitchhiker, it is very commendable that you being non-muslim feel offended at the actions of your friend.

The bottom line is, Muslims cannot marry atheists. It is in her best interest that you tell her and get rid of that deceptive fool of a husband from her life. I find it odd that he'd want to stay with a muslim despite being atheist anyway.

Tell her that he's been atheist for the past two years. Don't make it seem like it was a recent thing, cos she'd be likely to look for ways to still 'make it work' and make him believe in Islam again. If he has said anything deragotary against Islam, tell her that too, so that she may know just how rigidly set his atheistic beliefs are (so that she would realise there is nothing she can do but move on, instead of staying with him due to some abstract hope for things to get back to how they were).
 
Hitchhiker said:
Greetings! I have read a number of posts in this forum, and am overwhelmed with the support everyone shows to each other. I hope you all can help me, too.

I have a friend who married a muslim woman. They are very much in love, and very happy with each other, but that is only because of the lies.

Shortly after they were married, my friend became an atheist. Knowing that his wife would leave him like the Qu'ran says, he has hidden this from her. He has only told me. I have kept his secret, and maintained the silence for two years. All the while I have tried to convince my friend to tell the truth and face the consequences of his actions.

The reason this has recently become an issue for me, is that they are thinking about having kids. My friend has told me that he will not allow his children to be raised as muslims! Can you imagine such a thing? I admit I am not a muslim, but to lie to your wife and to disrespect your wife like that offends me.

So my question is this: If this were your daughter or your sister, what would you have me do? Should I tell her that her husband is an atheist? or should I stay quiet and hope the truth comes out on its own?

After 2 years, I can't believe she has not seen the signs herself, but they are still together.

In the end, the choice is mine, and I must face the possibility of losing my friend if I tell her. But any advice you have to share would be appreciated!

Thanks!

HH
Click to expand...


I have a question here.What was his religious status when he got married?

Well we have discuss a number of time similar issues.Even if your friend is not an atheist yet if he doesn't pray,his wife is not suppose to live with him.Honestly a wife should know if the husband is praying or not.Anyway there is only one solution,send her an e-mail without telling who you are.Tell her the truth.Perhaps your friend might get mad at you but again you are saving this poor sister and her future kids.

If you were a Muslim,I would have adviced you to invite your friend to Islam and encourage him to be a good Muslim.But now I guess it is better to save this sister from the whole complicated situation before they have kids.
 
Anyway there is only one solution,send her an e-mail without telling who you are.
Click to expand...

No, don't do that. Be upfront and tell her face to face. She's hardly going to take the word of an anonymous person telling her something as grave as this. She'll go straight to her husband and he'll lie in her face just to placate her.
 
we can hope that she loves Allah (swt) more than she loves her husband. What a sad atheist he is. No morals, eh? He decided to deceive his wife, who thinks he is a Muslim, only to enjoy his life as her husband and to copulate with her to produce atheist kids.
 
Has the wife not noticed he doesn't pray? What about celebrating Eid? What about religious questions which come up every now and then? Or is he acting?

I think this is one of those situations where the husband will lose out whatever the outcome is.

If you tell his wife - she will leave him.

If you don't tell his wife - they may have children and she will see he is raising them as atheists. This will lead to her leaving him, but also taking the children (since young children almost always remain with the mother). This will be worse for him because his kids will get raised Muslim (against his wishes) and he'll lose his wife too.

It is only a question of how much he will lose and the pain involved.
 
Last edited:
A marriage based on deception is a betrayal. I suspect the wife is aware of the deception and is in deniel, truth often hurts, but it is only through knowing and accepting the truth a person can make valid decisions. Let the wife make her own decision, but be certain she is basing her decision upon facts and not what she wants to believe.
 
Peace HH,
It'd be strange odd if the wife doesn't suspect her husband's faith. I hope you'll tell your friend's wife the truth before she gets stuck in him.
 
are u a girl or a guy? tell his wife. this really is not good. you would want some body to tell you im sure if you were in this situation. im sure she has a hint that her husband has left the fold of islam, one of the common signs is neglecting the salah. mind you she could be totally fooled, i bet he looks like a muslim dose he?
 
I commend you for wanting to do the right thing. Your friend's wife's right to decide whether she wants to remain married to an atheist or not has been taken away from her. She is being badly deceived by someone she trusts. What her husband is doing is unspeakably cruel. You must do what is right by her, and mostly yourself. May God inspire you to do justice.
 
Salaam/Peace

Hitchhiker said:
I admit I am not a muslim, but to lie to your wife and to disrespect your wife like that offends me.
Click to expand...


thanks a lot for ur understanding . A Muslim woman is not allowed to live with an atheist or non Muslim. So , yes , u should tell her .

If he offeres repentance and come back to Islam , then they can continue married life but it's better to discuss with an Imam / Shiekh.
 
Alpha Dude said:
No, don't do that. Be upfront and tell her face to face. She's hardly going to take the word of an anonymous person telling her something as grave as this. She'll go straight to her husband and he'll lie in her face just to placate her.
Click to expand...

hmmm.ok it make sense..what about record him on a video of him confessing the truth?
 
If i was you i would give him time and if he don't tell her then i will tell her cuz come this is a human being we are talking because i wouldn't like this to happen to be, nor Would you like this to happen to you? if they have child and she cannot raise him as muslim what would that do to the poor women? no offense but this freind of your need to tell the truth to his wife.
 
I don't think he should be given another second. The sister could end up expecting his child. he has had 2 years already. If I knew them I'd have told the sister already. :hmm:
 
Your friend is a very selfish man. He is not thinking about her or his future kids. If you tell her it would help him as well as her. A lot of people will get hurt by this. You have to tell her before they have a child. Yes, you might lose him as your friend but if he continues to act like this, it will completely destroy him. Would you honestly want to stand back and see the bomb go off on his face? What possibly state do you think he would be after he loses his children and wife? And what about the children rights? Do you want them to be brought up in unstable household where they can lose one of their parents or have their parents fighting over them for the rest of their lives?

Give your friend two choices before you tell her:

Either he tells her.

Or

You would go and tell her.

It is not fair not her. It is practically the same as him committing adultery, if not worse. He is a lair and is not the same man she married.imsad
 
Hello there and thank you for coming forward to share your concerns with us. It is commendable that you are willing to tell his wife the truth and you should not waste a second more in doing so lest she becomes pregnant and then things will become much more complicated especially as abortion is forbidden in Islam and also knowing the fact that your friend does not want to raise up his kids as Muslims this would cause a lot of friction between his wife and him in the future.

You have tried your best for 2 years to convince him to tell the truth to his wife but he has been unable to do so, so now it is incumbant on you to tell her the truth as soon as you can as she deserves to know the truth as would you if your wife kept something so big from you for so long. Inevitabley she will be torn and ripped apart but the longer this is left the worst things will be especially if she falls pregnant so act as quickly as you can and delay not a moment more.

So do what is right and don't think about your friendship with this man because he is not a friend who decieves and lies for only he is a friend who benefits you and others around him and is the best towards you and others and not one who causes harm and uses lies and deception.

If you need anymore help and advice with anything at all then please don't hesitate to ask. Thank you
 
Ummu Sufyaan said:
:sl:


wouldn't that involve him spying/being decietful?
Click to expand...
hmmm..do you think he might sue his friend for spying?ok if that doens't work...he needs to tell his friends wife face to face.but i doubt the wife might pretend not to believe.2 years living with a man who doesn't pray?????
 
Dagless said:
Has the wife not noticed he doesn't pray? What about celebrating Eid? What about religious questions which come up every now and then? Or is he acting?
Click to expand...
Perhaps he has kept up the pretense and continued with the religious rituals?

Makes you wonder how many people (of any faith) attend their places of worship and observe religious rituals and traditions without actually believing in God?



Hitchhiker, I really think your friend needs to be open with his wife. Surely, if he loves her, he cannot want to let her have a child and then tell her that he will not let her raise it in her faith!

Make clear to him the devastating effect that would have on his wife and their relationship!
Yes, it will be painful and difficult and it may break the marriage - but if he loves and respects his wife, he must tell her the truth!
 
Last edited:

Similar Threads

Back
Top