problem with her family :/

[adrian110288]

Hey guys,
Could you please just spare a minute and read about my problem.
Well I am so much in love with a Pakistani girl. She is as well in love with me! We have talked many times about our future we would like to have with each other. I am converted muslim from Poland living in UK. She recently told her mum about us. First thing her mom said to her was: 'What people will say?', its because of my skin colour and that I am convert!! And her mom just forgot about that conversation because she took it as a joke :/ We really want to get married!! Its only thing right now i thing about!! Do you have any advices how we could solve the problem! I know its a big problem because its a family issue to deal with... so i know it wont be easy ... but nothing is impossible in love!!!
Please be serious in your comments...

 

[Life_Is_Short]

The only sensible thing in my view would be to send your parents over for a proposal. If your parents can't go then maybe you can go yourself and speak to her dad or brothers.

Hope this helps/

 

[aadil77]

Well obviously racism is forbidden in islam

I think the more important issue right now is that you shouldn't be talking to each other without one of her relatives around, this is unislamic - her parents might be more angry about that than you being white

You should approach her parents and arrange a meeting with them, show them you are a good practising muslim and inshAllah things should go well

 

[Snowflake]

Go to a mosque and explain your predicament to the imaam. Hopefully, he might agree to speak to the girl's family and enlighten them about there being no prohibition on marrying a muslim from a different race/culture. Then you have to do something for yourself. You will be doing yourself a big favour by doing this. Do istikhara. Yes, love is all good and well. But love can die and no one needs that in their life. You have to look at other things which sustain a happy balanced marriage. You have to look at the qualities you want in your wife and the mother of your kids. Above all you have to look at the woman's religiousness. Is she God fearing? Is she obedient to her Creator? Cuz if she isn't obedient to her Creator, there's no way she will be obedient to you. Maybe for her own selfish reasons, but nothing else. When the love you have is backed by piety, obedience to Allah and fear of displeasing Him, your love will flourish and be strong and pure. But if that love is tainted with typical western male/female attitudes, then it's doomed. So, marry the one you love by all means, but make sure the components that make a marriage successful are all there. Start with istikhara as well as speaking to an imaam. And if you need further advice about istikhara, or anything else, then just ask. InshaAllah, we'll be pleased to help.


:wa:

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Aslaamu`alaaykum brother

I think you should firstly find out whether she is a practising Muslim, and secondly you should have someone involved when seeying her InshaAllaah. And the whole thing about "What will people think!" is Unislamic, its Culture.
Culture is the problem and what people will think also. like sister "Life is short" said, get your parents and her parents together for the proposal. And InshaAllaah what Allaah wills will happen! And remember what Allaah wills is for the best!. And keep it Islamic!

All the best in your situation, May Allaah make it easy for you , Ameen.
Wa`Alaaykum Salaam

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Go to a mosque and explain your predicament to the imaam. Hopefully, he might agree to speak to the girl's family and enlighten them about there being no prohibition on marrying a muslim from a different race/culture. Then you have to do something for yourself. You will be doing yourself a big favour by doing this. Do istikhara. Yes, love is all good and well. But love can die and no one needs that in their life. You have to look at other things which sustain a happy balanced marriage. You have to look at the qualities you want in your wife and the mother of your kids. Above all you have to look at the woman's religiousness. Is she God fearing? Is she obedient to her Creator? Cuz if she isn't obedient to her Creator, there's no way she will be obedient to you. Maybe for her own selfish reasons, but nothing else. When the love you have is backed by piety, obedience to Allah and fear of displeasing Him, your love will flourish and be strong and pure. But if that love is tainted with typical western male/female attitudes, then it's doomed. So, marry the one you love by all means, but make sure the components that make a marriage successful are all there. Start with istikhara as well as speaking to an imaam. And if you need further advice about istikhara, or anything else, then just ask. InshaAllah, we'll be pleased to help.


:wa:

Totally Agree!

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Hey guys,
Could you please just spare a minute and read about my problem.
Well I am so much in love with a Pakistani girl. She is as well in love with me! We have talked many times about our future we would like to have with each other. I am converted muslim from Poland living in UK. She recently told her mum about us. First thing her mom said to her was: 'What people will say?', its because of my skin colour and that I am convert!! And her mom just forgot about that conversation because she took it as a joke :/ We really want to get married!! Its only thing right now i thing about!! Do you have any advices how we could solve the problem! I know its a big problem because its a family issue to deal with... so i know it wont be easy ... but nothing is impossible in love!!!
Please be serious in your comments...

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my brother know that there is no true love before marriage. There is only blind lust as Allah will never put true love into the hearts of those who have had illegitamate relations before marriage. People tend to get blinded with each other before marriage not thinking of the true implications later on. It is only somewhere down the line they realise when it is too late. Do isthikhara and ask of Allah. Do not stay in touch and interact before marriage as shaythan is the third party in your interactions. Ask a reliable scholar for advice and he can mediate things for you with her family if need be or if he thinks it is best for you to pursue.

I pray whatever is best for you will happen inshallah.

and Allah knows best in all matters.

 

[Masuma]

^ Now what can I say, my brother Hamza has already given an excellent advice. :statisfie Brother you should realise that even talking to ghair Mahrams is a sin. you can't fall in love unless you two have talked alot and are very close. So this is forbidden brother. Ask Allah's forgiveness first.

Now I read somewhere that after marriage, the sins the two people did before it would be forgiven. I don't know if it is authentic or not. Brother, you should personally meet her parents if you are really serious. May be then they would understand; find you to be a good person and may give her hand in marriage to you.

If you are really serious about all this, then proceed with "hiqmat". Talk to her parents and make your parents talk to them. May be then your problem would be solved.

And Allah knows best! May Allah solve your problems brother.

 

[Salahudeen]

Now I read somewhere that after marriage, the sins the two people did before it would be forgiven. I don't know if it is authentic or not. Brother, you should personally meet her parents if you are really serious. May be then they would understand; find you to be a good person and may give her hand in marriage to you.

Sister I am very interested in this, can you remember where you read it?

 

[adrian110288]

i need to bring the topic alive :/ she told her mom and bro about us but very seriously now! That day the mom said that I should meet her and brother next week so she could see and get to know m. I got so happy that day like u wont understand !! but the next day everythink got turned upside down she went out with her bro and he told her that: " If u make mom very sad and hurt her wanting to marry him (meaning me), I will have to hurt him! The same day she told me that we cant happen couse of her mom she start apologising to me she couldnt stop crying neither could i! I didnt sleep that night and i m still crying writing this im like dying from inside In the mosque when i attend i spoke with the imam about this he said that as long as he sees im a good muslim he will be able to help us with her family when the right time comes for marriage! and secong thing i thought was to go to speak with her bro i know when he works and stuff! i havent lost hopes yet because i trust the God!! Insh' allah he will help us!!

 

[aadil77]

brother don't worry about his threats and don't cry! polish guys are meant to be strong :shade:
its good you spoke to the imam, tell him he's been threatening you - ask the imam if he can come to a meeting with you and her brother - this way the imam will be able to keep things under control and give islamic advice to her brother InshAllah

the thing with pakistani's is they worry alot about family honour, some of them can be quite backward and might start fights over such issues - so stay out of trouble akhi

 

[adrian110288]

sorry i cant stop im not strong when it comes to love only thing im worry about is not to get her in trouble with the family i love her too much and i want her to be happy! im gonna make her to tell her mom what my mom told me :" she doesnt care care about herself and what pppl gonna think about me and my mom that i converted i stuff, my mom just wants me to be happy" and i would be defo happy if i married her so would she!! i have already imagined our future together i was so happy thinking about it! but i wont give up ever i will fight for her even if they wanted to kill me i dont care i would at least died being proud theat i fought !!!

 

[aadil77]

sorry i cant stop im not strong when it comes to love only thing im worry about is not to get her in trouble with the family i love her too much and i want her to be happy! im gonna make her to tell her mom what my mom told me :" she doesnt care care about herself and what pppl gonna think about me and my mom that i converted i stuff, my mom just wants me to be happy" and i would be defo happy if i married her so would she!! i have already imagined our future together i was so happy thinking about it! but i wont give up ever i will fight for her even if they wanted to kill me i dont care i would at least died being proud theat i fought !!!

Brother, what ever you do - don't do anything stupid. Try an arrange your imam to come as an intermediary in a meeting between you and her family.

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

Now I read somewhere that after marriage, the sins the two people did before it would be forgiven. I don't know if it is authentic or not. Brother, you should personally meet her parents if you are really serious. May be then they would understand; find you to be a good person and may give her hand in marriage to you.

I read the same thing too but only if they repent though.

@OP alot of people have given you good advise. Get an iman Involved asap.

 

[adrian110288]

what else her bro said that i will have to convert in front of sheik-ul-islam its higher than imam. is it true what hes sayin?

 

[Abdul Wahid]

what else her bro said that i will have to convert in front of sheik-ul-islam its higher than imam. is it true what hes sayin?

If your already a Muslim then why would you need to 'convert' again for. So no its not true what her brother said.

If you haven't got an imam involved then do so. Be patient and do dua.

Don't lose hope and more importantly your faith. Keep praying your salaat regularly in the Masjid, increase your ibadat especially with Ramadhan approaching.

Also pray Istikhara and ask ALLAH(SWT) for guidance. Be contempt with anything that ALLAH(SWT) wills. The best of planners is ALLAH(SWT)