What is the ideal Muslim husband?

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سم الله الرحمن الرحيم​

Bismillā hir Rahmā nir Rahīm
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful​


As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):

Is the ideal Muslim husband a medical doctor, an engineer, multi-millionaire.

Is the ideal Muslim husband humble, gentle, kind, considerate, caring, loving, open to good advice, willing to cooperate with others in the family rather than dictate rules, helpful in the house, involved in raising the children, and never abusive either physically or mentally.

Use the Quran and Sunnah to show what you think is the ideal Muslim Husband. Insha Allah

This thread was created with the best intentions. Any positive feedback would be appreciated and encouraged.

Jazakumullahu Khair​
 
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wa alaykum us-Salaam
is it ok if our answers are not based on the Quran and Sunnah as some of us may not have that knowledge.
 
waalaiykum-as-Salaam,

A look at the matrimonial section of an Islamic magazine will quickly demonstrate that many Muslim men and women do not know what an ideal Muslim husband is. Muslim men looking for wives advertise themselves as doctors, engineers, and financially secure. Muslim women appear to be on the lookout for an established professional or more likely a handsome MD. Rarely do Muslim men and women even mention character, religious convictions, and attitudes as a priority. At most, they might be mentioned as a sidebar. It seems that many of us believe that a man is an ideal Muslim husband if he is handsome, makes a lot of money, and comes from an influential family. And the divorce rate among Muslims continues to rise.

We should select the our life partners on the basis of:
As Muslims, we must base our judgment on what makes an ideal Muslim husband on the guidance of Allah and the example of Prophet Muhammad (SAWS).
Not on the standards of a TV sitcom, the culture in which we were born, or our own materialistic mentality.
 
What is the ideal Muslim Husband?

mudassara said:
waalaiykum-as-Salaam,

A look at the matrimonial section of an Islamic magazine will quickly demonstrate that many Muslim men and women do not know what an ideal Muslim husband is. Muslim men looking for wives advertise themselves as doctors, engineers, and financially secure. Muslim women appear to be on the lookout for an established professional or more likely a handsome MD. Rarely do Muslim men and women even mention character, religious convictions, and attitudes as a priority. At most, they might be mentioned as a sidebar. It seems that many of us believe that a man is an ideal Muslim husband if he is handsome, makes a lot of money, and comes from an influential family. And the divorce rate among Muslims continues to rise.

We should select the our life partners on the basis of:
As Muslims, we must base our judgment on what makes an ideal Muslim husband on the guidance of Allah and the example of Prophet Muhammad (SAWS).
Not on the standards of a TV sitcom, the culture in which we were born, or our own materialistic mentality.
Click to expand...

As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):

mudassara:

You couldn't have illuminated the topic any better. That is exactly what has occurred for centuries. The use of the Quran and Sunnah as a guide has been replaced with tribal and cultural tastes.

The Muslim Marriage Process:

http://www.islamicboard.com/family-society/134292619-muslim-marriage-process.html

Treating women with respect:

Surah Nisa 4:19

O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse. And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allâh brings through it a great deal of good. (Dr. Muhammad Muhsin Khan translation)

the Husbands obligations.

(1) Maintenance

The husband is responsible for the wifes maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Qur'an and the sunnah. It is inconsequen tial whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role as "qawam" (leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security and thus perform her role devotedly.

The wifes maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must lodge her where he resides himself according to his means. The wifes lodge must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.

If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so. The prophet is reported to have said: The best Muslim is one who is the best husband.

(2) "Mahr "

The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Qur'an. " Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the brides parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the parties involved.

(3) Non-material rights.

A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The prophet last sermon stresses kindness to women.

Jazakumullahu Khair​
 
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Ummu Sufyaan said:
wa alaykum us-Salaam
is it ok if our answers are not based on the Quran and Sunnah as some of us may not have that knowledge.
Click to expand...

As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):

Ummu Sufyaan:

Make every attempt to research the obligations Allah and the example of the Prophet Muhammad
(صلى الله عليه و سلم) issued to Muslim husbands. This will provide you with the opportunity to become knowledgable on the Ideal Muslim Husband. As Muslims we are not perfect but we at least should make every effort to implement Islam and not our own opinions. That is one reason the Ummah is in a disarray.

www.islamiccity.com​
 
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wa alaykum us-Salaam
^ i understand that, your first post sort of sounds like you were asking from a point of view strictly from the quran and sunnah, without our personal opinions.
 
Husband should provide for wife and children
Narrated by 'Aisha : Hind (bint 'Utba) said, "O Allah's Apostle! Abu Sufyan is a miser. Is there any harm if I take of his property what will cover me and my children's needs?" The Prophet said, "Take (according to your needs) in a reasonable manner.
 
Calling one's wife with the name she loves most or with a nickname or a musical name is one of the forms of pampering and being kind to one's wife. This can be seen in the life of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) who, in a saying 'Hadith' that is agreed upon by scholars, used to say to his wife ‘A’isha: "O ‘A’ish, this is Gabriel saying peace be upon you.” She replied:” and may peace and Allah’s Mercy and Blessings be upon him. You see what I don’t” (She meant the messenger of Allah (PBUH)

He also used to call ‘A’isha: (Homayraa') a short form of ("Hamraa’) which, according to Ibn Kathir in 'An Nehaya’, means the white skinned woman. Adh-dhahabi also said that "Hamraa'" in the language of the people of 'Hejaz' means white and blushing-a rare feature among them. So Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) used to treat ‘A’isha kindly and call her with lovely names.
From the prophetic traditions ‘A’isha narrated about fasting; Imam Muslim reported that she said: ‘The messenger of Allah (PBUH) used to kiss one of his wives while fasting, and then she laughs, may Allah be pleased with her.

In another prophetic tradition narrated by ‘A’isha, she said that Muhammad (PBUH) said that the best of the believers is the one who is best in manners and kindest to his own wife.
Cuddling and being kind to one's wife has a tremendous emotional effect on her. This action of following the example of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) costs a man nothing and grants him Allah's reward, his wife's love and cooperation. Therefore a man is commanded to cuddle and treat his wife kindly.
 
Ummu Sufyaan said:
wa alaykum us-Salaam
^ i understand that, your first post sort of sounds like you were asking from a point of view strictly from the quran and sunnah, without our personal opinions.
Click to expand...

As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):

Ummu Sufyaan:

I am still perplexed by your inquiries regarding using your own personal opinion verses the guide of Quran and the Sunna of Prophet Muhammad
(صلى الله عليه و سلم).

The Islamic Board is here as a tool to increase our understanding of Islam. I would prefer to receive that guidance based upon Quran and Sunna with a personal opinion no where in sight.
 
As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):

sweet106:

Sukranallah for your positive post.

Jazakumullahu Khair
 
Wa Alaykum Salam

Well, I think it depends on what sort of teh Qur'aan and the Sunna. You have permitted and mustehab, etc...

I believe that it is better for a Muslim to be poor rather than rich. Even if he was rich, he can't keep extras , etc.. If that makes sense.

I think a husband should be someone firm.

Here is good info:


Allah Subahnu Wa Ta'ka says in his noble Quran : {Verily in the messenger of Allah ye have a good example for him who looketh unto Allah and the Last Day, and remembereth Allah much.}[ Sura Al-Ahzaab: verse 21].

The aboev verse talks about itself so there is no need to explain it. Inshallah, through the Hadith we shall go thru today we can benefit from our best and only example in this life; the Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم ).

Narrated Anas: While the Prophet was in the house of one of his wives, one of the mothers of the believers sent a meal in a dish. The wife at whose house the Prophet was, struck the hand of the servant, causing the dish to fall and break. The Prophet gathered the broken pieces of the dish and then started collecting on them the food which had been in the dish and said, "Your mother (my wife) felt jealous." Then he detained the servant till a (sound) dish was brought from the wife at whose house he was. He gave the sound dish to the wife whose dish had been broken and kept the broken one at the house where it had been broken [Sahih Bukhari: Volume 7, Book 62, Number 152: ]

This Hadith contains a beautiful combination of our beloved prophet ( صلى الله عليه و سلم ) guidance for how Husband should deal with his wife. We shall, inshallah, explore the fiqh of this beautiful hadith together.

A) Be More Understanding to your wife nature

A husband should be more understanding to the nature of woman especially at the time when she acts out of Jealousy.

That is why we can see the prophet acting wisely as he understood the nature of his wife so well so that he distnguish that such act she has done was out of jealousy. this understanding was tranmslated by giving her the excuse for what she did.

B) Be part of the solution not part of the problem:

A husband should always be involved as part of the solution rather than isolating himself from the situation or being part of the problem.

The prophet (صلوات ربي و سلامه عليه ) acted while being aware of the people who is concerende with this issue i..e his wife, the servant and the other wife ( May Allah be pleased with them). Thus, he started solving the problem with the first more hurt because of this, which is the servant since the wife of the prophet who sent him will ask him about the plate, he was affected by the act itself due to the broken dish incident. He ( صلى الله عليه و سلم ) calmed the servant indirectly by reminding him that the one who struck the dish is his mother ( mother of believer) then added that jealousy is what drove her to do so therefore her action can be excused at that moment. Furthermore, the prophet did not only utter words to calm down the situation but also participated in actions when he collected the broken dish.

C) Firmness

The Prophet ( صلى الله عليه و سلم ) firmness was clearly implemented by holding his wife responsible for her actions in spite of the fact what she did was excusable because of her jealousy. That is why the Prophet let his wife to replace the broken dish by another sound one to make up for what she did. Furthermore, we can conclude that Husband must always be firm when something happens relate to others right. This is shown by giving the right back to who deserves it.



D) Immediate action is needed to solve problems:

It is very important to solve problems while it is in the very beginning otherwise it will grow bigger and bigger and end up trying to solve the consequences of the problem rather than finding solutions to the problem itself.

That is why the prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) acted immediately on spot so that this issue ends there and not to be bigger. The steps that the prophet used shows, amazing wisdom, follow the steps:

1. Collecting the dish and the food

2. Explaining the reason of such behavior to calm everyone down

3. Commanding everyone to eat as nothing happened

4. Replaced the broken dish with another sound one


E) Appreciation to Allah's blessings

A husband is the leader of the house that is why he needs to be the example for his family. This example can be taught by behavior and character. Thus, a husband should teach his family to appreciate what Allah provides them. That is why the Prophet collected the food that fell on floor and let everyone eat it. This is a very good example to teach everyone in the family how to be more humble, more thankful to Allah's blessings.



Wallahu A'lam

Written by Ayman bin Khaled on the 15th of sha'ban 1428 H.
 
Allah knows best what life will bring my way. Alhamdulillah can only say I am content.
 
my advice is this. write your post. count to 10, re-read your post then if ur sure it will cause no offence then click 'reply'

i hold no grudges, but u can see the post was in jest. and was certainly not a serious post. apology accepted sis, all is forgiven. :)
 
Nousername, Lol, sis. I know I should ask this personally, but I may be wrong. Is your avatar a drawn photograph of a human (smile)?
 
:sl:
1. the most important is to fulfill her Islamic rights over you, and these have preceded.

2. that really nice attitude some of you brothers put on when you go propose to your wives and their families <---that...that attitude, always keep up even after your marriage. dont bother putting this fake act on to please the girl and family and the second your nikah has been done, you take a turn for the worst. so no deception before and after marriage.

3. emotions. alot of brothers seem to think that women just need food a roof over her head. wrong, very wrong. joke around with your wives, spend time with her, take her out places, get her some roses and chocolates. tell her you love her, look after when she is sick. be creative in your ways of surprising her. at the same time, and for the general sake of your marriage, don't go into excess when spoiling her because it will get boring and you will find you have exhausted the means to make her happy <---things may go sour than. so yes, strike a balance. we don't expect to be spoiled 24/7 just something nice every now and again to know that you appreciate us. and don't, every spare second you have, go and see your family and friends...again strike a balance... and dont be one of those men who attend to the needs of the community whilst your own wife and kids need you more. alot of brothers do this where they don't care what the state of their family is in, but seem to be more than willing to help everyone and everywhere else.

and speaking of emotions, don't emotionally torture your wives. don't put unnecessary blame on them<---sometimes you're in the wrong as well. admit when you are wrong and apologize when you have wronged her. dont ever think this makes your manliness deficient, its silly.


4. be a man, but be a gentleman about it. let her argue and debate with you as long as it is light hearted (i,.e she isn't intending to be rude or offensive by it). be light hearted and dont over use your authrouity over her. dont be overally demanding and expect too much from her. don't humiliate her in front of others and "put her out there" (i.e when you arent a man enough to stand up for yourself and to others and yet treat her like garbage behind closed doors), only to expect her to stand by you.

5. housework and the likes. i put this seperatley because it needs it. help her with the house work and with the kids. something most important is that do the jobs that you should be doing already to lighten her burden. such as picking up your socks and putting them in the washing basket...put your cup in the sink when you have finished your tea or water and dont leave it on the coffee table. generally clean up after yourselves...she has already too much of other things to worry about such as dinner, looking after the kids, etc without that extra work that could and shouldn't have been done already.

5.your family and her. deal as justly as you can between them. respect her privacy and make sure this gets through to your families because too much gets out to too many people and no body bothers doing anything about it because it all about "pleasing the husband"

6. do you want to know what the key to a woman heart is? respect and love for her family, namely her parents. sure, you cant love anyone else's family like your own, but you can certainly still treat them with respect. if you dont like them, don't mention anything bad about them either, especially knowing that it will hurt her. take her to visit them and dont prevent this and what ever you do get that ignorant thinking out of your heads that your wives families are going to "overthrow" you and are competing with you :hmm:
 
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