A friend's marriage in trouble

[Hitchhiker]

Thanks for all the ideas and support! There have been a few questions I will try to answer.

I am a guy. That makes talking to her difficult, she will not see me unless her husband is there. So I will have to tell her infront of my friend.

He claimed he was a theist (not atheist) when they were married. he believed in a generic god, not one described by any religion. He has never followed the Qu'ran or the teachings of Muhammed. He was honest about that, at least.

He does not pray in front of her. He does not support her Halal diet. He does not participate in Islamic holy days.

There is not a Mosque or other Islamic Center in ther area where we live. She wanted to go to the closest one. He took her, but refused to go inside when they got there.

Yes, I think she knows he is an atheist but is choosing to lie to herself.

This will be painful to everyone. My firend brought this upon himself, but are there passages in the Qu'ran that will help her? How would you tell her to minimize the pain?

Thanks Everyone!

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam/Peace

...I will have to tell her infront of my friend.

.... How would you tell her to minimize the pain?

!

then ask her in front of her husbnad if Islam allows a Muslimah to live with an athiest ?

And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.).

( سورة البقرة , Al-Baqara, Chapter #2, Verse #155)


Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope. 2:286

 

[Donia]

Thanks for all the ideas and support! There have been a few questions I will try to answer.

I am a guy. That makes talking to her difficult, she will not see me unless her husband is there. So I will have to tell her infront of my friend.

He claimed he was a theist (not atheist) when they were married. he believed in a generic god, not one described by any religion. He has never followed the Qu'ran or the teachings of Muhammed. He was honest about that, at least.

He does not pray in front of her. He does not support her Halal diet. He does not participate in Islamic holy days.

There is not a Mosque or other Islamic Center in ther area where we live. She wanted to go to the closest one. He took her, but refused to go inside when they got there.

Yes, I think she knows he is an atheist but is choosing to lie to herself.

This will be painful to everyone. My firend brought this upon himself, but are there passages in the Qu'ran that will help her? How would you tell her to minimize the pain?

Thanks Everyone!

This is a difficult situation. I thought Muslim women were not allowed to marry non-Muslim men. If I understand your post correctly, your friend was never a Muslim but his wife (who is a Muslim) married him anyway. I am not sure if their marriage is even valid islamically.
If you want to tell her, then go ahead so at least she will know the truth about his change in "status". I'm not sure if it will help anything but Allah knows best.

 

[Asiyah3]

I am a guy. That makes talking to her difficult, she will not see me unless her husband is there. So I will have to tell her infront of my friend.

Ask her in front of your friend if a muslim woman can marry a non-muslim? And show her the evidence from the Qur'aan:

“And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikoon till they believe (in Allaah Alone)” [al-Baqarah 2:221]

“They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them” [al-Mumtahanah 60:10]

May Allah grant her patience and guide her to the right path. Ameen.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Thanks for all the ideas and support! There have been a few questions I will try to answer.

I am a guy. That makes talking to her difficult, she will not see me unless her husband is there. So I will have to tell her infront of my friend.

He claimed he was a theist (not atheist) when they were married. he believed in a generic god, not one described by any religion. He has never followed the Qu'ran or the teachings of Muhammed. He was honest about that, at least.

He does not pray in front of her. He does not support her Halal diet. He does not participate in Islamic holy days.

There is not a Mosque or other Islamic Center in ther area where we live. She wanted to go to the closest one. He took her, but refused to go inside when they got there.

Yes, I think she knows he is an atheist but is choosing to lie to herself.

This will be painful to everyone. My firend brought this upon himself, but are there passages in the Qu'ran that will help her? How would you tell her to minimize the pain?

Thanks Everyone!

In these situations time is the best healer. It will take a long time for her to come to terms with what has happened to her. The main thing is that she be told as soon as possible for her knowing the truth has been delayed for too long. After that it would be best for her to find comfort with a family member who can console and comfort her through this terrible ordeal in her life. She should also turn to Allah and never ask Allah why this has happened to her because she saw the signs even before marriage and during marriage but she decided to ignore the signs and continue living with her husband thinking that it will go away.

So do not waste anymore time but tell her as soon as you can because if she does become pregnant then things may get much worse and it would be even worse of an ordeal than it already is.

 

[Hitchhiker]

Thanks everyone for your support and advice. It took me a while, but I did tell my friend's wife that she was married to an atheist. I knew it would be painful for us all. I have lost a friend. But mu conscience is clear. I miss my friend, but I know I did the right thing. And I would do it again.

But the hardest part is that she didn't believe me. My friend sat there and was silent the whole time I was telling her. He never disagreed, told me I was wrong, or called me a liar. He said nothing. I don't know what lies he has told her, or why she won't believe the truth, but I have done all I can.

Anyway, just wanted to give you all an update. Thanks Again.

Hitchhiker

 

[Snowflake]

Thanks everyone for your support and advice. It took me a while, but I did tell my friend's wife that she was married to an atheist. I knew it would be painful for us all. I have lost a friend. But mu conscience is clear. I miss my friend, but I know I did the right thing. And I would do it again.

But the hardest part is that she didn't believe me. My friend sat there and was silent the whole time I was telling her. He never disagreed, told me I was wrong, or called me a liar. He said nothing. I don't know what lies he has told her, or why she won't believe the truth, but I have done all I can.

Anyway, just wanted to give you all an update. Thanks Again.

Hitchhiker

Thank you so much Hitchhiker. That's a very brave and amazing thing you have done. Your reward is with Allah. You may not believe God exists, but one of the signs of His existence is that He has given every human being a moral tool which we call a conscience which knows right from wrong. So even though you don’t follow any religious doctrine, it is by that conscience you’re able to decide right from wrong and thereby do good for others when there is no direct benefit in it for yourself - but that it eases your conscience. I pray Allah make His signs clear to you, and guides you to the ultimate Truth. Ameen.

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam/ peace

thanks for your courage . As already mentioned in the thread , she knows the Truth but she is not ready to accept it.

May Allah guides her , Ameen.

 

[Salahudeen]

You did the right thing which isn't all ways easy to do. You've lost a friend but your conscious is free from guilt which is a good thing.

 

[manaal]

Shortly after they were married, my friend became an atheist. Knowing that his wife would leave him like the Qu'ran says, he has hidden this from her. He has only told me. I have kept his secret, and maintained the silence for two years. All the while I have tried to convince my friend to tell the truth and face the consequences of his actions.

The reason this has recently become an issue for me, is that they are thinking about having kids. My friend has told me that he will not allow his children to be raised as muslims! Can you imagine such a thing? I admit I am not a muslim, but to lie to your wife and to disrespect your wife like that offends me.

How did your friend become an atheist in the first place? Were you in anyway responsible for it, seeing that you are an atheist too, according to your profile. Why are you appalled that your friend wants to raise his children as atheists too?

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

:salaam:

^^^ Why are you asking these questions? Why shouldn't he be appalled?

He did the right thing otherwise he would have kept his mouth shut.
:bravo:
Well done! :muslimah::rock:

 

[manaal]

Because it all sounds very hypocritical to me.

Sorry, I really DO NOT understand atheism. How do you "become" one anyway?

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Because it all sounds very hypocritical to me.

Sorry, I really DO NOT understand atheism. How do you "become" one anyway?

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my sister what we have to understand is that Allah gives guidance but he also takes away guidance from whoever he likes. I myself spent a long time debating with athiests and my conclusion is that no matter what you say to them or how much you try to make them understand if their heart is sealed then NOTHING will get through except that Allah unseals their heart and only then will they be open to the truth. Until then all we can do is inform them as best we can in a beautiful manner as mentioned in the Qur'an using wisdom and tact and ask of Allah to unseal the hearts of all those who's hearts are sealed.

And Allah knows best in all matters

 

[Hitchhiker]

Well, I was raised as a christian. but growing up it never "felt right" to me. When I moved away to college, I renounced my religion and have never looked back.

My friend and I had debated about religion a few times before I graduated, but I don't try and convert anyone. I just try and explain why atheism is right for me. He kept his belief in a god, and I graduated and moved away.

More than a year after I left, he called and told me he had become an atheist. This was after he had gotten married.

I am against him lying to his wife. Especially when her beliefs are so important to her. Just by talking to her, anyone can see that she NEEDS to be a muslim. And that she NEEDS to be married to a muslim man. And that when she is ready, she will NEED children. And she will NEED to raise them as muslims. I don't have a problem with any of this. I respect all beliefs. I just don't share them. I believe that anyone should be able to believe what they want.

And I believe that my friend lying to his wife is morally wrong. I also believe that his plans to undermine her beliefs and religious needs when it comes to their children will harm the kids. I believe that if they cannot be totally and completely honsest with each other, they shouldn't be together. And I believe that they should work out their differences before they consider having kids. I'm not aginst him raising atheist kids, I'm against him lying to his wife and disrespecting her beliefs by not giving her a say in how they raise their kids. Especially since it is so important to her.

Hope that clairifies things! I'd be happy to answer anymore questions!

HH

 

[manaal]

Thank you for that. That's what I needed to know.

So is that you do know that God exists, but you choose not to worship him anyway? Or is it that u say there is no god? (Astaghfirullah)

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Well, I was raised as a christian. but growing up it never "felt right" to me. When I moved away to college, I renounced my religion and have never looked back.

My friend and I had debated about religion a few times before I graduated, but I don't try and convert anyone. I just try and explain why atheism is right for me. He kept his belief in a god, and I graduated and moved away.

More than a year after I left, he called and told me he had become an atheist. This was after he had gotten married.

I am against him lying to his wife. Especially when her beliefs are so important to her. Just by talking to her, anyone can see that she NEEDS to be a muslim. And that she NEEDS to be married to a muslim man. And that when she is ready, she will NEED children. And she will NEED to raise them as muslims. I don't have a problem with any of this. I respect all beliefs. I just don't share them. I believe that anyone should be able to believe what they want.

And I believe that my friend lying to his wife is morally wrong. I also believe that his plans to undermine her beliefs and religious needs when it comes to their children will harm the kids. I believe that if they cannot be totally and completely honsest with each other, they shouldn't be together. And I believe that they should work out their differences before they consider having kids. I'm not aginst him raising atheist kids, I'm against him lying to his wife and disrespecting her beliefs by not giving her a say in how they raise their kids. Especially since it is so important to her.

Hope that clairifies things! I'd be happy to answer anymore questions!

HH

Without a doubt you did the right thing and i commend you for that. He should not hide his beliefs to his wife because she will find out one day and if she finds out after having children then things would be much worser then. It may take a while for things to sink in for his wife but he should not continue to lie to her and it is best you keep away from people like that.

Thank you very much for taking your time out to share your issues with us. I would just like to leave you with a lecture from a convert to Islam who used to be a pastor but came to Islam a number of years ago and since then he has been involved in giving lectures all over the world and i am sure you will find his lecture very thought provoking so i thought i would share it with you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCgj6p3JTLg

If you ever have any questions about Islam or about anything else at all then please do not hesitate to ask. Thank you

 

[Hitchhiker]

Thank you for that. That's what I needed to know.

So is that you do know that God exists, but you choose not to worship him anyway? Or is it that u say there is no god? (Astaghfirullah)

I believe that there is no god. But I respect that you believe otherwise.

 

[manaal]

**stunned silence**

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

^^^



Why are you so shocked?

There were probably atheists in Prophet peace be upon him 's time too.

 

[Asiyah3]

^^^



Why are you so shocked?

There were probably atheists in Prophet peace be upon him 's time too.

:wa:

When Allah shows you the truth clearly and evidently, it may be hard to understand how others don't. However, Allah guides and makes His signs clear to whom He wills.