Arab sister+black brother

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a sister sincerely seeking advice.... im from arab origin in love with a black brother from my college...the only contact i ever came with him is through classes, muslim association and so on. We dont free mix or meet in secret. We have both expressed the intention of marrying each other both agreed inshallah now left is telling it to my family.....

hoping to break the news to my parents before he comes around with his family to ask for my hand to break the ice. i didnt know this was going to be so difficult wanting to tell them but dont have the heart.:exhausted
 
:sl:
all the best.

do avoid contact with one another though, unless it is through permissible means.
 
Hmm... Are your parents religious at all? Typically, parents won't listen to their kids when it comes to things like this, but they will listen to others... You could try showing them lectures that address the issue from an Islamic point of view, and see how they react to them. If they hear Islams stance on race (and how we really shouldn't be racist when it comes to marrying...) from a knowledgeable speaker, then perhaps it'll be easier for them to deal with it...

Hope that helps a bit. :p
 
:sl:
I hope things turn out right for you sister, inshaAllah.

Do you have a general idea of how your parents are going to react? If so, try your best smooth things out and explain to them in a way they can understand you.

:w:
 
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wow it would be nice match if its so.lol

Tyrion said:
Typically, parents won't listen to their kids when it comes to things like this,
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u blv one my uncle... marry all her daughter outside family as their daughters were willing. Alhumdulliah there are two of our sathis in local masjid who exactly follow islam and dont see the strong traditional setup of our country in marriges of their daughters. but i like to add, their daughters were more "tarbiyat-yafta" alongwith "taleem-yafta".
 
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:sl:

Insha'Allaah sister everything will be fine. Colour hardly matters,it's the personality,the deen. If the brother has all of that,than wj not express your desire to marry him to your parents?
 
:sl:

Let me guess, you are worry your parent can't approve this brother becomes your husband because he is a Black, or in exactly because he is non-Arab. Aren't you ?.

I understand. But have you ever tried to tell about him to your parents, then your parents refused to approved him ?, or this is just your assumption ?.

Sister, don't thinking bad about your parents. I know, some Arab parents can't accept non-Arab as their son/daughter in law. Same like some Javanese (my ethnic) parents who can't accept non-Javanese. But it doesn't means all Arabs or Javanese parents can't accept son/daughter in law from different race or ethnic.

Sister, sooner or later you must tell your parents about him.

My advice : Do not use some words that can makes your parents thinking if marriage between Arab and Black is wrong, such as "May I marry Black guy ?" or "A brother wants to marry me, but ...... he's Black !". It's better if you 'promote' him as a guy who potentially to be a good husband for you and to be a good son in law for your parents. In example "Abi, Umi, a brother wants to marry me. His name is ......., he is a Muslim from Black family, he works/studies at ...... He is a good person, religious, kind, honest, etc ...etc...etc".

Insha Allah, even if your parents are persons who can't accept non-Arab (but I hope it's not true), they will consider him as a right guy who can be your husband in the future, no matter what race he is.
 
:sl:

Do not approach you parents with the preconceived idea they will be opposed to him on the basis of color or culture. Go with the assumption your parents want what is best for you. Tell your parents the strengths and character of the the young man. Explain to them the reasons you find him to be your desired choice as a husband.

Then when the discussion comes to the point of their wanting a physical description. Describe him honestly and Inshallah your parents will be wise enough to understand that this is simply the visual identity and of no importance as to his appropriateness as a husband.
 
Tell the softer parent first. Get them onside, and then tell the other one. Divide and conquer.
 
Salaam,

I've heard some conservative Arab families will not allow their daughters to get married outside the family, especially to black people...no matter how religious they are. If things do not go according to plan, get a religious mediator for backup!
 
maybe the parents of this brother might reject you.. its funny how things turn out. you should not have high hopes about this honey

Your best bet now is to trust on Allah
 
The fact that this is an issue in 2010 makes me lose a lot of hope for the state of our Ummah, honestly.

Sister, if your parents reject him based on culture/race, get someone knowledgable to intervene - it's your right. Don't be weak, don't give up. :)
 
I'd like to thank you all for responding to me and have taken all your advice into consideration. I gathered courage sat down with my mother told her everything...she said she wont tell my father until my grandfather comes back from lebanon. this i must await until then i have to be patient. I ask for Du3as pls.
 
anonymous said:
I'd like to thank you all for responding to me and have taken all your advice into consideration. I gathered courage sat down with my mother told her everything...she said she wont tell my father until my grandfather comes back from lebanon. this i must await until then i have to be patient. I ask for Du3as pls.
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Asalaamu Alaikum, until then sister please do not keep in touch with him as you want the blessings of Allah in this situation. You can only do your best. Put your trust in Allah that whatever is best for you will happen inshallah.

If you do end up marrying him then it was the best for you and if you don't then Allah has something better for you.

And Allah knows best in all matters
 
Not much has changed in my life since I last posted. My father is staunchly refusing to even see or talk to him all due to his skin colour. I have been very patient the past couple of months hoping for a better day some miracle but things keep getting worse.......I want to do the right thing but as you can see its not easy.
 
AsSalaamu Aalaykum Wara7matulla Wabarakatuh,

Keep patience sister, and try and convince your father, providing him the hadeeth that the skin colour of a person makes no one more superior than another..keep your trust in Allah...make istikhara whether this potential brother is good for you...and always remember..everything is Qadr of Allah...if something is going to come your way nothing will stop it from happening and if something is not in your will nothing can make it come your way...QaddarAllah wa ma shaa2a fa3l.May Allah help you and ease your affairs..Allahoma ameen.
 
Assalaamu Alaaykum

I am deeply sorry to hear about your situation..

I will keep you in my Du'aas, please be patient,and ask Allaah SWT , yes it may be easy to say this but remember the actions done will make you recieve more reward..

Have you performed salaatul Ishtikarah? If so, if the signs seem positive then you can explain to your parents how the signs are positve and that it is good for you to marry the brother insha'Allaah. They must understand that the prayer is done to recieve guidance from Allaah SWT, they should be pleased then..

Also firstly you need to get close with your parents, learn with them about how nobody should be looked down upon because of their race, most importantly when they do not deny the oneness of Allaah SWT and believe in his final messenger SAW.
 
Salamu alaykum, May Allah make things easy for you. sister, this advice is given from your fellow african sister. when it comes to marriage the relationship shouldn't be excessive and your attachment should be excessive because that would be unhealthy by all means. Put things in a middle course. Believe me, a very important factor in a happy and successful marriage is that the parents have to honestly agree and accept the husband and anything of attempting to convince and enforcing them to accept your descion will not work. Its much better that you and the brother get married and become part of a family who fully appreciates and respects and honors you, rather than it end up in a marriage of continuos insults, disdain and that would bring humiliation to a person's dignity. Even the children of such marriage would grow up with feeling that they don't feel comfortable with the family branch( including their uncles) and they will feel like they cannot fit in or that they are somehow looked down upon (because if their father or mother is not accepted, this means the children as well are not accepted) and they will feel insulted even if the insults weren't percisely directed to them. Last advice is that please keep in mind that marriage is a long term commitment and a big responsibility.
i hope Allah guides you and makes your affairs turn to the best and blessed both of you and gives you stability and increase your Iman and happiness. FeRihab Allah
 
:sl:

So basically give up on the brother because her parent doesn’t agree with his skin colour. Since when is it allowed to reject someone based on their skin colour and culture?

No I don’t agree with your opinion. I say speak to a scholar and tell him to tell your parents that it is haram to reject someone based on their skin colour.
End of the day, your parents will not be living with the person you marry. YOU have to ‘obey’ him not your parents! Imagine you give on this brother and then you marry a brother you don’t even like. How successful is that marriage going to be? We (Muslims) should not accept racism. If your parents are practicing Muslims, they should look past the brother skin colour period.

No point just making the parents happy. It is also about you too. In fact, it is mostly about YOU!
I am sick of hearing people condoning racism! Your parents shouldn’t be the one to have preferences of appearance! You meant to be having that. The only preferences I expect parents to have over their children spouse is personality and deen not skin colour!
I am speaking as a mixed race sister not to give up! Otherwise, your parent and your family relative will think it is completely acceptable to reject people based on skin colour.
Btw, a Arab sister/ Arab brother marrying a black brother/ black sister is not unheard of!
Someone was the same position as you in this forum. And the parent finally gave in and allowed the sister who was Asian to marry the white convert. Racism under any circumstances including yours is completely unacceptable.

Best Regards
 
i hope it works out
 

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