studying sisters?

[kingkong]

Says who? You? I disagree with you completely. You'll need to provide evidence for that (23/24 is better than 26/27). It is a sunnah to get married if and when you have the means to. There is no preferred age to get married. SubhaanAllaah... RasoolAllaah (sallalAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallaam) himself was 25 when he married for the first time (not that it's particular relevant), so are you saying he was too old or bordering the cut-off age?

Marriage is not a general thing where you can make rules and regulations. It is a sacred pact between a man and woman based on love and mercy; which should be undertaken when both partners feel they are ready for this huge responsibility in life.

I can't quote the exact hadith, but it went along the lines of "those who can afford and are mature should marry."

Here lies a major problem with modern society and many modern people and I feel Muslims in this day and age are becoming more and more vile and despicable because of not marrying when they can afford. People can afford to marry while studying, there are ways about it, however people think that having enough money to live a life of luxury should come first before marriage.

Shame on people who think money will be hard to come and shame on people who go against Islam by not having children because they think they will not have the financial means to maintain that child.

Allah SWT says do not fear having children for He will give us the means to maintain that child. I made the same mistake and had this same stupid view that I need to get my degree and get a top rate job with a very good salary before I went into marriage. It's just not right to think that you have to make sure you have so much money for marriage.

What did the Prophet say about weddings and about wives? He (PBUH) said the best ceremonies are the simplest ones, so even if you have very little money you should marry. He (PBUH) also stated in hadith (again I won't quote as I'll have to look it up), but it went along the lines of, men and women should be happy with their partners, if they find a fault they should look to find something good in that person. So if a man can only provide a 1 bedroomed small apartment which is not too fancy, the woman should be happy with even that. If they have to be stringent with the money they have so be it.

Like I said, what I feel is this way, my views do not contradict Islam or go against, but they did 2/3 years ago. Thankfully I have realised the way things should be, sadly I've lost most of my youth because of this stupid thinking "I must be able to provide a life of luxury for a woman."

You know sometimes I wish I was born into a poor family because I would be grateful for what Allah has given me and the woman I married would have been grateful for anything I had.

Here is one more true story. I know a female who continued on into further education, because she wanted to work and gain knowledge, by the time she obtained her PHD she was 28. She was incredibly intelligent and a decent woman as everyone knows, however no one proposed to her and many families rejected her there were a few reasons.

1. Most people felt she was old, which may be a ridiculous thought, but people are free to marry whom they want.

2. Many of the men were not as educated or intelligent and intimidated by her.

3. Many men feared that she studied so she could work after marriage, not just to gain knowledge but to get a high end job, so she may neglect the family and the house.


She was 31 before she married and the only man who accepted her was someone who took her as a second wife.

I'm not encouraging not studying, but I am all in favour of young marriage, we seem to have been influenced by the west too much.

 

[nature]

Here lies a major problem with modern society and many modern people and I feel Muslims in this day and age are becoming more and more vile and despicable because of not marrying when they can afford.

who are you to put down any muslims due to your own views ? Tbh i cant even believe you've actually put what you have.

 

[purple]

What I hate about discussions such as this, is that both sides of the argument treat women like a homogenous group. We all should act, believe and breathe the same.
:wa:

 

[Asiyah3]

What I hate about discussions such as this, is that both sides of the argument treat women like a homogenous group. We all should act, believe and breathe the same.
:wa:

Do you mean that they draw your life for you? ^_^

 

[kingkong]

who are you to put down any muslims due to your own views ? Tbh i cant even believe you've actually put what you have.

I said more and more Muslims are becoming vile and despicable. Has the Ummah ever seen such a high % of fornicators and adulterers? Were the early Muslim civilisations as outward and shameless as many (including myself) are today?

You think I'm putting down Muslims, I see it more like hoping the Muslim Ummah can go back to the way it once was.

 

[Muezzin]

I can't quote the exact hadith, but it went along the lines of "those who can afford and are mature should marry."

Here lies a major problem with modern society and many modern people and I feel Muslims in this day and age are becoming more and more vile and despicable because of not marrying when they can afford. People can afford to marry while studying, there are ways about it, however people think that having enough money to live a life of luxury should come first before marriage.

Working towards a good job and earning a good income to provide for a potential future family means living 'a life of luxury'?

Shame on people who think money will be hard to come and shame on people who go against Islam by not having children because they think they will not have the financial means to maintain that child.

The way you're putting your point across is actually going to discourage people from marrying. This is making it sound as if Muslims are positively forced to marry, irrelevant of other factors.

Allah SWT says do not fear having children for He will give us the means to maintain that child. I made the same mistake and had this same stupid view that I need to get my degree and get a top rate job with a very good salary before I went into marriage. It's just not right to think that you have to make sure you have so much money for marriage.

I don't see it that way. I see it as helping to provide as stable a situation as possible. You may not see it that way, which is fine.

What did the Prophet say about weddings and about wives? He (PBUH) said the best ceremonies are the simplest ones, so even if you have very little money you should marry. He (PBUH) also stated in hadith (again I won't quote as I'll have to look it up), but it went along the lines of, men and women should be happy with their partners, if they find a fault they should look to find something good in that person. So if a man can only provide a 1 bedroomed small apartment which is not too fancy, the woman should be happy with even that. If they have to be stringent with the money they have so be it.

True. I will only disagree if this hadith is being used to illustrate a line of reasoning that leads to 'Muslims must marry young, ready or not, like it or not!'

Like I said, what I feel is this way, my views do not contradict Islam or go against, but they did 2/3 years ago. Thankfully I have realised the way things should be, sadly I've lost most of my youth because of this stupid thinking "I must be able to provide a life of luxury for a woman."

You seem to be attributing your personal feelings to others. I for one do not at all think of a 'life of luxury' when talking about getting finances in order. I don't know about others. You personally may have felt that, but you are mistaken if you attribute that thinking to other individuals.

You know sometimes I wish I was born into a poor family because I would be grateful for what Allah has given me and the woman I married would have been grateful for anything I had.

Here is one more true story. I know a female who continued on into further education, because she wanted to work and gain knowledge, by the time she obtained her PHD she was 28. She was incredibly intelligent and a decent woman as everyone knows, however no one proposed to her and many families rejected her there were a few reasons.

1. Most people felt she was old, which may be a ridiculous thought, but people are free to marry whom they want.

2. Many of the men were not as educated or intelligent and intimidated by her.

3. Many men feared that she studied so she could work after marriage, not just to gain knowledge but to get a high end job, so she may neglect the family and the house.


She was 31 before she married and the only man who accepted her was someone who took her as a second wife.

If the sister was unhappy with the situation, this is sad to hear. It shows that each person has to take their circumstances into account when acting, just generally, in life as a whole.

Which brings us back to the topic of this thread.

I'm not encouraging not studying, but I am all in favour of young marriage, we seem to have been influenced by the west too much.

I think here we're starting to find some common ground. All I personally feel is that each person should marry when they genuinely feel ready, whatever age that happens to be - and if a person is simply postponing marriage because they want to (continue to) sin, that does not count as genuine unreadiness, whether the person is male or female, studying or not.

 

[Ansariyah]

No man is worth giving up education for.

 

[nature]

I said more and more Muslims are becoming vile and despicable. Has the Ummah ever seen such a high % of fornicators and adulterers? Were the early Muslim civilisations as outward and shameless as many (including myself) are today?

You think I'm putting down Muslims, I see it more like hoping the Muslim Ummah can go back to the way it once was.

I dont think in today's world, thats ever gona happen. is it ? things have moved way on. Everyone has a right to education, some people may not feel ready in themselves, hence they delay marriage for whatever reason. Personally, i think every woman should have an education, its independance, and ive seen too many women stuck in marriages they feel unable to leave for fear of being alone/or not having anyone to look after them or being illeterate/uneducated. A woman needs to know she can survive on her own, should the worst happen. thats just the way i look at it, and the auful situations ive seen around me.

As for the sister you mentioned, just cos some1 took her as a second wife doesnt make her any less of a person. I assume she was happy with the proposal otherwise wouldnt have accepted ? I believe there is someone for everyone, and maybe that man was meant for her ? It takes a lot of strength/courage for someone to be a second wife, and i admire any woman who does that.

:wa:

 

[kingkong]

I dont think in today's world, thats ever gona happen. is it ? things have moved way on. Everyone has a right to education, some people may not feel ready in themselves, hence they delay marriage for whatever reason. Personally, i think every woman should have an education, its independance, and ive seen too many women stuck in marriages they feel unable to leave for fear of being alone/or not having anyone to look after them or being illeterate/uneducated. A woman needs to know she can survive on her own, should the worst happen. thats just the way i look at it, and the auful situations ive seen around me.

As for the sister you mentioned, just cos some1 took her as a second wife doesnt make her any less of a person. I assume she was happy with the proposal otherwise wouldnt have accepted ? I believe there is someone for everyone, and maybe that man was meant for her ? It takes a lot of strength/courage for someone to be a second wife, and i admire any woman who does that.

:wa:

Salaaam.

Firstly I would like to say that You've quoted a comment I posted but you went off on a completely different tangent, one which I personally did not say anything about or have in any of my post. You argue about women's right to education, where did I say anything against that? Please read what I wrote carefully and you'll see every single point I've made has been in reference to education for both sexes.

The argument I have made is that both men and women should men and women should not delay marriage until they are physically past the peak. Men genetically peak at 23-25. Women peak slightly earlier. I have also stated that men should not delay marriage for fear of coming up short in terms of financially supporting their wives.

I am an educated man and I still found it extremely difficult to find a job, in fact for 2 years I was rejected because of lack of experience, people think education is of importance but I've seen numerous people with degrees turned down and beaten to posts by less educated men with actual work experience. There is no doubt that a degree/masters/phd stays for life and will always come of use though.

As for the second paragraph about the lady I mentioned, the point was that despite her being highly educated she was repeatedly turned down by men who felt intimidated by her. Heck I would be intimidated marrying a more educated woman as well, so I can see why she was turned down. She was ready to marry when she was 28, but had to wait 3 years, she was close to depression and suicide at one point, I know this because her mother is a good friend of my mum.

Anyway please read my comment before you suggest I am making a point which I haven't.

 

[nature]

The argument I have made is that both men and women should men and women should not delay marriage until they are physically past the peak. Men genetically peak at 23-25. Women peak slightly earlier. I have also stated that men should not delay marriage for fear of coming up short in terms of financially supporting their wives.

sorry, i missed a couple of sentences off my last reply. I never went into further education, but i would recomend it to any woman, its a safety net, in case things go wrong wen that woman is married. maybe its wrong of me to think like that, but like i sed b4, ve seen loads of women, who dont have anything to fall back on, and are stuck with horrible men. at least that woman knows she can support herself/kids, if things went pear shaped. as for the geneitcally peak thing,i dunno ? if a person is mature/responsible enough at that age, then great, but nowadays, most people want worldy comforts, big house, flash car, etc etc. Ive never had that view, that a man has to provide, even if its islamic, but if a guy, should at least be able to provide a home or be able to show he can work towards one. Most sisters would be happy for that.

As for the second paragraph about the lady I mentioned, the point was that despite her being highly educated she was repeatedly turned down by men who felt intimidated by her. Heck I would be intimidated marrying a more educated woman as well, so I can see why she was turned down. She was ready to marry when she was 28, but had to wait 3 years, she was close to depression and suicide at one point, I know this because her mother is a good friend of my mum.

Thats really sad what happened to that sister. but being intimidated ? theres no real reason if you think about it, shes still a normal clever person, wouldnt this come down to insecurities that person had within themselves ? I know loads of educated women maried to people with random everyday jobs, & not high on the professional ladder. its not a competition, whos the cleverest.

:wa:

 

[Banu_Hashim]

Working towards a good job and earning a good income to provide for a potential future family means living 'a life of luxury'?


The way you're putting your point across is actually going to discourage people from marrying. This is making it sound as if Muslims are positively forced to marry, irrelevant of other factors.


I don't see it that way. I see it as helping to provide as stable a situation as possible. You may not see it that way, which is fine.


True. I will only disagree if this hadith is being used to illustrate a line of reasoning that leads to 'Muslims must marry young, ready or not, like it or not!'


You seem to be attributing your personal feelings to others. I for one do not at all think of a 'life of luxury' when talking about getting finances in order. I don't know about others. You personally may have felt that, but you are mistaken if you attribute that thinking to other individuals.


If the sister was unhappy with the situation, this is sad to hear. It shows that each person has to take their circumstances into account when acting, just generally, in life as a whole.

Which brings us back to the topic of this thread.


I think here we're starting to find some common ground. All I personally feel is that each person should marry when they genuinely feel ready, whatever age that happens to be - and if a person is simply postponing marriage because they want to (continue to) sin, that does not count as genuine unreadiness, whether the person is male or female, studying or not.

JazaakAllaah Khayr! I was just about tot say those exact things!

In the great scheme of life, what does it matter if you are in your early 20's, late 20's or indeed early 30's. My friend's father married in his early thirties and he has 3 children (two professionals, one married), 1 grandchild so far and is very well respected in the community. Also brother kingkong I think you are being extreme in your use of the term "life of luxury". In reality no one does this (at least not the sensible people). Sensible Muslims will be (just about) financially able (wajib at least for the husband's part), emotionally and ofcourse physically ready before they commit themselves to a marriage and I mean a real marriage that will last. Student marriage may work, I know a brother in my university married but do not blame the majority if a very young/student marriage is not for them!

It might be a good idea for the females to start their families at an early age, but that is only because the younger they are, the better chance they have of conceiving children- but again I'm only speaking very generally.

You will not be judged on how young you were when you married but rather how you spent your marriage life for however long it was.

 

[kingkong]

sorry, i missed a couple of sentences off my last reply. I never went into further education, but i would recomend it to any woman, its a safety net, in case things go wrong wen that woman is married. maybe its wrong of me to think like that, but like i sed b4, ve seen loads of women, who dont have anything to fall back on, and are stuck with horrible men. at least that woman knows she can support herself/kids, if things went pear shaped. as for the geneitcally peak thing,i dunno ? if a person is mature/responsible enough at that age, then great, but nowadays, most people want worldy comforts, big house, flash car, etc etc. Ive never had that view, that a man has to provide, even if its islamic, but if a guy, should at least be able to provide a home or be able to show he can work towards one. Most sisters would be happy for that.

Thats really sad what happened to that sister. but being intimidated ? theres no real reason if you think about it, shes still a normal clever person, wouldnt this come down to insecurities that person had within themselves ? I know loads of educated women maried to people with random everyday jobs, & not high on the professional ladder. its not a competition, whos the cleverest.

Wasalaam.

Firstly I still don't understand you quoting me and then making a comment about a female's right to education. I'll repeat once again for you, AT NO POINT HAVE I SAID ANYTHING WHICH IS AGAINST A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO EDUCATION. In fact I have repeatedly referred to education as education for both and women collectively and not seperately, so could you please not quote me and then make a comment about something completely different. It paints me in a completely different view, like I'm sexist.

Secondly, yes you're right it is a person's insecurities that make them feel intimated by a more educated woman, but then again wouldn't it be wise to marry someone who is closer to your level in most aspects. Surely an intelligent man would be far more likely to get along and communicate more easily with an intelligent woman and vice versa? I do wonder why it is that highly educated men often refuse highly educated women. I'm sure you do know many less educated men married to more educated women, but it's not in the majority I'm sure.

 

[kingkong]

In the great scheme of life, what does it matter if you are in your early 20's, late 20's or indeed early 30's. My friend's father married in his early thirties and he has 3 children (two professionals, one married), 1 grandchild so far and is very well respected in the community. Also brother kingkong I think you are being extreme in your use of the term "life of luxury". In reality no one does this (at least not the sensible people). Sensible Muslims will be (just about) financially able (wajib at least for the husband's part), emotionally and ofcourse physically ready before they commit themselves to a marriage and I mean a real marriage that will last. Student marriage may work, I know a brother in my university married but do not blame the majority if a very young/student marriage is not for them!

It might be a good idea for the females to start their families at an early age, but that is only because the younger they are, the better chance they have of conceiving children- but again I'm only speaking very generally.

Salaam brother.

First off I must say I understand where you're coming from about age not being a deciding factor on what the outcome of a marriage will be. But the reason why we should encourage our youngsters to marry young are simple, to stop them from committing the sins that so many are guilty of. I know what the Muslim community is like, I know how vile and despicable the nature of so many young Muslims is. I also know if these young muslims had access to something halal, it would 1. make them happier and 2. save them from sinning.

People can marry whenever they want and yes there are no restrictions on age, but I see too often people put back marriage because they want to be financially secure. Again that is fine and wise, but isn't the Holy Prophet PBUH the wisest of all men? He said he of you who has the means and can afford should marry. How many times I got to repeat this hadith, what does it mean, if you can afford, even if it's a low class life get married.

So many Muslims here are trying to argue for this and for that, but the Holy Prophet PBUH himself said if you can afford and have the means get married. But what is the excuse we hear time and time again, I will struggle to support my partner, or the man does not have enough money, he can only afford a 2 room apartment etc.

Everyone keeps coming up with the argument, financial stability is crucial, but I don't buy it for one sec. I have seen several members of my family marry young and in extreme poverty but survive and later flourish and their wives and children are so grateful and happy. I know my aunty and uncle married when they were 16/18 and he was so poor that he used to wear ripped clothes to work and she didn't have new dishes for guests etc. They used broken and worn out plates etc. They also had 7 kids, they were so poor and people said they shouldn't have married then. But the elders were wise, wiser than I can ever hope to be, they said the Holy Prophet recommended to marry when you can afford. Over time, Allah blessed them, they lived happily and are now living a comfortable life. It's common all over the world, everywhere and yet so many Muslims think they cannot cope with these little shortcomings and I know you won't like me saying this, but they hide because this excuse of needing to be stable.

Another point made is about being ready, now there is a huge difference between a 14 yr old and 20yr old in terms of mentality, but is there a huge differencve between a 20 yr old and a 25 yr old? Or a 20 yr old and a 30 yr old? In most cases people don't change much once they become an adult and most people again say they're not ready, but to be honest they won't be that different in their mentality and maturity.

As for the final point you made about females marrying young, they say a teenage girl (scientifically proven) has the highest chance of getting pregnant and giving birth successfully, a sure sign that Allah SWT created human beings to function this way?

Anyways I'm done in this thread, I know if and when I become a father, I'll make **** sure that I don't make the mistake for my kids that I did for myself, which was to delay marriage for the lame excuse of "finishing education and becoming financially secure".

Allah Hafiz

As Salaam U aLAIKUM.

 

[Banu_Hashim]

Salaam brother.

First off I must say I understand where you're coming from about age not being a deciding factor on what the outcome of a marriage will be. But the reason why we should encourage our youngsters to marry young are simple, to stop them from committing the sins that so many are guilty of. I know what the Muslim community is like, I know how vile and despicable the nature of so many young Muslims is. I also know if these young muslims had access to something halal, it would 1. make them happier and 2. save them from sinning.

People can marry whenever they want and yes there are no restrictions on age, but I see too often people put back marriage because they want to be financially secure. Again that is fine and wise, but isn't the Holy Prophet PBUH the wisest of all men? He said he of you who has the means and can afford should marry. How many times I got to repeat this hadith, what does it mean, if you can afford, even if it's a low class life get married.

So many Muslims here are trying to argue for this and for that, but the Holy Prophet PBUH himself said if you can afford and have the means get married. But what is the excuse we hear time and time again, I will struggle to support my partner, or the man does not have enough money, he can only afford a 2 room apartment etc.

Everyone keeps coming up with the argument, financial stability is crucial, but I don't buy it for one sec. I have seen several members of my family marry young and in extreme poverty but survive and later flourish and their wives and children are so grateful and happy. I know my aunty and uncle married when they were 16/18 and he was so poor that he used to wear ripped clothes to work and she didn't have new dishes for guests etc. They used broken and worn out plates etc. They also had 7 kids, they were so poor and people said they shouldn't have married then. But the elders were wise, wiser than I can ever hope to be, they said the Holy Prophet recommended to marry when you can afford. Over time, Allah blessed them, they lived happily and are now living a comfortable life. It's common all over the world, everywhere and yet so many Muslims think they cannot cope with these little shortcomings and I know you won't like me saying this, but they hide because this excuse of needing to be stable.

Another point made is about being ready, now there is a huge difference between a 14 yr old and 20yr old in terms of mentality, but is there a huge differencve between a 20 yr old and a 25 yr old? Or a 20 yr old and a 30 yr old? In most cases people don't change much once they become an adult and most people again say they're not ready, but to be honest they won't be that different in their mentality and maturity.

As for the final point you made about females marrying young, they say a teenage girl (scientifically proven) has the highest chance of getting pregnant and giving birth successfully, a sure sign that Allah SWT created human beings to function this way?

Anyways I'm done in this thread, I know if and when I become a father, I'll make **** sure that I don't make the mistake for my kids that I did for myself, which was to delay marriage for the lame excuse of "finishing education and becoming financially secure".

Allah Hafiz

As Salaam U aLAIKUM.

Wa alaikum asalaam akhee,

You have to take today's society into account. Nowadays it is impractical to get married before you can maintain a roof over your head, as well as a family, bills etc. I appreciate your family members did it at 16/18, but that's an exception. Especially in western society for young Muslims. It's not your typical couple. You might not buy the financial thing, but it's a reality young people need to realise sooner or later. Education might not be for everyone... all the same, a job is required... and you need to get up on your own two feet - however hard it may be. That requires money. At the time of the prophet (sallalAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) a man could marry a women with memorised Qur'aan as mahr and live with her in his mud-clay house straight away, alhamdulillah. But we have to adapt to the 21st century that we live in and take responsibility and at the end of the day, it's not our fault (that we live in this era)... there's nothing we can do about it,... except deal with it, it's qadr.

Allahu 'Alam. I do not know whether a 20 year old is psychologically on the same level as a 30 year old. Age is not a crucial factor as far as I am concerned. If you are 21/22 and are earning a salary, then I say:alhamdulillah, marry! Why are you waiting?! If however, you are 24/5 still doing a masters/PhD and only have enough money to support your studies for the moment, then you might have to wait a little while.

Yes, I agree Allaah 'azza wa jall made humans healthier at young age for a reason, especially so for women which is why many husbands are older than their wives because it is their responsibility to get a job and earn (and studying may be a means to get a job).

Parents can support their children and their spouses too, that is an option - it depends on an individual's circumstanes. I know when I have children and they grow up I would love to assist them financially any way I can.

Wasalaam, Fee Amaanillah.

 

[Musalman]

I would trust her.

 

[nature]

whats with the anger ? Its good to debate, stop taking everything personal and chill out. I was making a point that i think further education is important for women thats it, cos of the situations ive seen around me. you can disagree thats fine.

But the reason why we should encourage our youngsters to marry young are simple, to stop them from committing the sins that so many are guilty of. I know what the Muslim community is like, I know how vile and despicable the nature of so many young Muslims is. I also know if these young muslims had access to something halal, it would 1. make them happier and 2. save them from sinning.

your making out getting youngsters getting married early will prevent them from sleeping around ? so it comes down to sex ? I know people that have married young, " just for show to make things halal" yet there not ready, or mature enough to understand the whole sacred bond of marriage.

Everyone keeps coming up with the argument, financial stability is crucial, but I don't buy it for one sec.

Course its an important factor. if you cant support yourself, how can you support a wife ?

Another point made is about being ready, now there is a huge difference between a 14 yr old and 20yr old in terms of mentality, but is there a huge differencve between a 20 yr old and a 25 yr old? Or a 20 yr old and a 30 yr old? In most cases people don't change much once they become an adult and most people again say they're not ready, but to be honest they won't be that different in their mentality and maturity.

I disagree. maybe years back, people could get married young in their teens, at least they knew the concept of marriage, the importance of it. Nowdays they treat it like a joke. half my friends are divorced, married in their teens and got messed around. none of their ex husbands, had the maturity to understand what there were getting into.

As for the final point you made about females marrying young, they say a teenage girl (scientifically proven) has the highest chance of getting pregnant and giving birth successfully, a sure sign that Allah SWT created human beings to function this way?

Women are able to have babies in later life also, with allah's will anything can happen.

Anyways I'm done in this thread, I know if and when I become a father, I'll make **** sure that I don't make the mistake for my kids that I did for myself, which was to delay marriage for the lame excuse of "finishing education and becoming financially secure".

I dont get why your being so hard on yourself ? everything happens for a reason. its qadr.
:wa:

 

[purple]

Do you mean that they draw your life for you? ^_^

Did I say that? No they don’t.
I personally don’t see why it is brothers’ business whether I still am in education or not unless he is paying for it.
This whole thread is so retarded. It doesn’t recognise that women are individuals so one rule fits all does not work.
Whether the individual is at work or education or home is entirely up to her and then she should find husband who agrees with the decisions she made. I think sisters should have the options and it should not be taken away. I think this decision should be made before marriage without any brothers’ involvement.
Then if they were to meet someone who doesn’t agree, I don’t think she should comprise. She should move on, and put her faith in Allah(swt) to find someone who is more compatible.
It is the same for the brothers, whatever career or path they take should not be determined by any sisters' opinion. So I don’t agree with pressure being placed on brothers to take the higher education route either.
:wa:

 

[Asiyah3]

Did I say that? No they don’t.

:wa:
I never assummed so. Just wanted further detail.

I personally don’t see why it is brothers’ business whether I still am in education or not unless he is paying for it.
This whole thread is so retarded. It doesn’t recognise that women are individuals so one rule fits all does not work.
Whether the individual is at work or education or home is entirely up to her and then she should find husband who agrees with the decisions she made. I think sisters should have the options and it should not be taken away. I think this decision should be made before marriage without any brothers’ involvement.
Then if they were to meet someone who doesn’t agree, I don’t think she should comprise. She should move on, and put her faith in Allah(swt) to find someone who is more compatible.
It is the same for the brothers, whatever career or path they take should not be determined by any sisters' opinion. So I don’t agree with pressure being placed on brothers to take the higher education route either.
:wa:

Anyhow, I agree with what you're saying (except for the part about this thread being retarted (the topic maybe). I admit it's something I've at least thought about at some point back).

 

[flowergarden]

Salaam sister,
I have a friend married, her husband told her to finish school even though they were married. So some men want houuse wife. while some love the fact their wife is gaining her education!

 

[Perseveranze]

salaam

wasnt The prophet pbuh around about 25 when he marriad Khadija (ra) who was 40? This clearly shows that marriage has no fixed perfect age.

edit - I basically repeated what Banu Hashim said. Oh well.

peace

It's unfortunate to say this, but even in the Prophet(pbuh)'s time, this marraige was extremely "odd"/rare. And in today's society, it's no different. I wish people could follow the example of the Prophet(pbuh), but sadly we know this doesn't happen and age discrimination is frequent in today's world.